(Disclaimer- im no irritable grizzly.)

you know whats weird? every time that i go to type "insane asylum" I always wind up trying to type
"asane insylum" instead. its really annoying. haha. but anyway, I know this story is a little weird, but it
will get better. theres just so much...stuff she has to get through first. meanwhile she is literally driving herself
insane. but the better, more exciting stuff should be here in two chapters. just this one and the next one
and they'll be a little more interesting, not as crazy. but please bear with me.
thanks for the reviews. and please keep them coming. im not getting a lot of them, i noticed, and
i'm not sure if its just because people no longer care for the story and dont want to review or if
people just haven't been reading it lately or whatever.. i don't know. but yeah. oh and the chapters
will be coming a little slower i think, for this upcoming week, because i'll be in a different state visiting family..
but i'll try to sneak on the computer as much as i can.
and, if we could, i'd really like to try for double the amount of reviews for this story as my last one.
that'd be really cool. so. please, review. or don't..i guess. haha.
agh. im a loser. whatever. haha. don't mind my rambling. just read.

Animal

I'd been sitting in here for three whole days. In the little hole that was now the sun to my dull universe — my cage, my padded cell. Anger was no longer an emotion, but an entity, taking up space in my head, filling every cavity of my heart, every nook of my body, every stretch of my veins. It flowed soundlessly inside of me, subtle, restrained. Clever. It sat waiting for the pounce, the pounce I'd been planning. I rarely thought anymore—not in these past few days. Most of my actions were instinctual, and I wondered wordlessly to myself—in the brief moments I could control my brain—what had happened to make me this way. It was as if, over the expanse of time I'd spent in this place, I'd been secretly injected with venom. A sweet, sweet venom that I'd once craved for with every ounce of my heart and soul. A venom I'd once pleaded for, begged a beautiful immortal for, pleaded for him to engrave my veins with his teeth, bind me to him. It was like someone had rushed me into this transformation of human to monster without ever letting me know. There was no pain. Just a new, voracious, bloodthirsty creature lingering in my muscles, forcing me to crouch in the small room. I felt like a vampire. A horrible, evil vampire.

My eyes tightened as I knew they would, my face twisting, head tipping to the side. I imagined the expression on my face to be purely wicked, predatory. I'd seen the look in my eyes so many times when I'd gone home for that empty week. I'd seen the rapacious craving that they held, the string of insanity that kept them darting from left to right. I was surely, rapidly, falling into the madness I'd been accused of. An animal. A monster. I listened intently, rocking forward on the balls of my feet, listening as the monster in my head whispered softly, poisonously, for me to ready myself for what I knew was coming. For what I was going to have to do.

It wouldn't be long before the carnivorous animal swallowed me completely, took over, demolished the human being that floated torpidly in the shadows of my dizzy head. It wouldn't be long at all. I could feel it coming. Feel it in the tendons, the muscles, feel it in the curling of my fingers, the stretch of my calves as I leaned intently forward, pressing my ear hard against the white wall where it opened into a door.

I had a plan. A plan that would shove the monster into control. A plan that wasn't even really mine at all. No, this plan was a creation of animal instinct. Or maybe it was the lunacy finally taking over. I couldn't decide. All that seemed clear to me was the actions pulsing through my arms and legs, the straining of my ears for the sound that would alert the beginning of my criminal task. I sneered menacingly at the almost inaudible sound of metal turning, the doorknob, rotating unwillingly beneath the hand of my victim on the other side of the white wall. Though I knew it wouldn't open yet without the key, adrenaline rolled through my veins, pleasure lifting my mouth into a tempted smile. This would be dangerous. All of it. But it would be fun, amusing, in a way.

The grin faltered as the human in me cringed, realizing how insane I was becoming. It was disgusting — how eager I was for this. I felt myself panic, felt the blood drain from my face, my eyes filling with dread. I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to be capable of doing this. But I needed to. I stood slowly, waiting, my eyes closed, my other senses heightening peculiarly. I slipped into the back of my mind, letting the madman creep forward, letting it control me. I was glad for the moment to have this horrid part of me take over. I wouldn't have been able to do this alone. My teeth sunk into the insides of my cheeks as I silently stole a deep breath. My eyelids separated without hurry, ears intent on the sound of clattering keys, the sound of the correct key finally digging into the lock. My chest puffed out, my teeth fastening around the steadying breath I'd filched.

The door splintered open. In the darkness, I saw the silvery hair as Carol stepped in. I watched her move, seemingly in slow motion. I knew, with a surge of sick enjoyment, that she expected nothing from me. Nothing at all. Nothing like this. I felt the satisfied smile spill out over my lips once again. My heart was pumping in my chest, my arms aching in their attempts to remain unmoving. I wanted nothing other than to pounce. To pounce hard. Like I knew she would, Carol spun herself around to secure the door, her back to me, sheathed in purple lace. I had only seconds left.

In the confined corner of my head, I was still panicking, trying to think through the options once more. There had to be another way, right? This wasn't the only option! I could surely come up with a safer way…a better, less harmful way. The delicate shell of sanity shuddered in my brain, whimpering. But that part of me was just that — a shell. The monster was in control now, moving my arms and legs, slithering closer to the target, readying itself like a snake for a mouse. A lion for a lamb. My heartbeat quickened in pace.

I wondered what my hands were preparing for — the strangling of her small neck, or the quicker, easier blow to her head?

I didn't have to wait long to find out.

As she turned back to face me, my right arm slowly inched its way across my chest, my fist lingering over my left shoulder, preparing myself. She hadn't even seen me yet. What a surprise it would be when she did catch sight. The muscles in my arm burned with an icy fire as my fingers curled in on my palms, my body angling itself to the side a bit. My legs were bent slightly at the knees, adrenaline pushing me forward, hate fueling my actions. My right fist shook above my left shoulder as I dove toward her, swinging my arm out as though to backhand her, but instead, I drove my right elbow into the center of her face. A startled gasp escaped her lips, a cracking sound splitting into the air, just as the pain reverberated through my arm, quickly making its way throughout the rest of me, settling in my core, shaking me. Rapidly, it doubled back, hard and stinging. I repressed a groan, repeating the violent act. I had no choice now.

I had to get her unconscious.

Fury burst free at the sight of her swaying figure. Why wouldn't she fall? I swung my fist into the pulsing red of her features this time, pouring every bit of force my body could produce into the action, feeling the blood ooze down over my fingers. My stomach churned as she dropped to the floor. A reddened heap. Unconscious, pained, mauled. Her blood was on my hands. I was the monster to do this to her. I bent over, heaving. I could feel the vomit pitching up out of my stomach, flowing out onto my tongue. I swallowed most of it, but some escaped my lips, toppling out to color the floor. I felt so dizzy. I swayed in horror of myself, no longer left with any other options. There would be no sitting down to talk about this later. What was done was done. The past could not be altered. I had to carry on with my plan.

I averted my eyes from the gory mess, reaching blinding for the strap on her hip, the one that held every key to every room in this building. Conveniently, the one to my room was still sticking out slightly, closer than the rest, making it easy to identify. Perhaps this should have elated me, calmed me — the fact that I wouldn't have to waste time with faulty keys — but I still was too sickened by my own actions. My bloodied hands trembled as I ripped the key from the chain.

I had no idea how long it would be before she woke up. No idea at all. It could be minutes or hours or even seconds. But I couldn't leave like this, all covered in blood.

I spun the woman's scarf out from around her neck, flinching as her limp body rolled with the force of my pulling arms. I felt the tears in my eyes — the guilty, accountable tears — as I ripped my hands and arms through the dry back of the scarf, ridding them of the horrible scene, wishing that my mind, too, could be cleansed of what just happened. What I just did. But it didn't work. The image stayed plastered in front of my eyes, even when I looked away.

The monster in me scoffed at my weakness as I pulled up onto my knees.

I spun around, anxious, my eyes darting to and from, searching for danger as I tiptoed into the hallway. With one last look at the woman I'd just massacred, I swiftly shut the door, locking it. Locking her inside. I couldn't be sure if this was the only key to the room or not. I didn't know. I supposed there would be extras, and half of me hoped that was true. That someone would find her here and help her, get her to a hospital.

The less human half of me growled vehemently, angered again by the sympathy I felt, wanting nothing more than to have her sit there on that floor as I'd done for so many months. For her to sit there and suffer, leak out every pinch of the foul being she was, taint the perfectly white room with the putrid crimson swimming from her mouth.

I shuddered cripplingly for one single moment before the fear took hold of me, weaving in around my muscles. Then suddenly, no longer in control of myself, again, my legs flipped forward, carrying me desperately down the hall. I pressed my back against the walls, watching for guards. There weren't any here in this hall. Not that I could see. I hurried forward, inching cautiously around the bend when I hit the corner. I needed to go. I needed to run. I had to flee.

I was a felon now. I'd probably end up on America's Most Wanted or something. But I did what I had to. Because I needed to find Jacob and Edward. I needed to prove to myself and to all of those horrible people that I wasn't crazy.

But even if I did find them…would that prove me sane? Or would what I'd just done cancel out the reality of my so-called dreams? Maybe I really was just completely insane, unstable. I had no idea whether I was or not. I didn't recognize myself.

My foot slid past the sharp edge of the corner, my face tight, eyes wary. My heart slowed, started quickly, and slowed again. I could feel the pulse of my blood thudding throughout every inch of me, the vibration of my veins so strong that I was sure, if I were to be seen at all, I'd appear to be throbbing. My eyes narrowed as I snuck a peek into the next hallway, crossing my fingers. Please don't let anyone be down here, please don't let anyone be down here!

The path was vacant.

I let out a silent sigh of relief, feeling my body relax the slightest bit, no longer as stiff as before, but still afraid. I dashed down the hall, trying to keep quiet. It was a difficult thing to do. The quiet echo of my feet lapping at the linoleum hummed in circles around me, terrifying me, causing me to quake with panic. Like I was afraid would happen, my right foot accidentally hooked around my left heel clumsily and I fell, skidding into the wheeled tub of laundry sitting on the side. The noise that resulted was muffled, but not enough. My chest nearly broke apart over the abrupt explosion of my heart as it took off in a sprint, my body freezing in the moonlight, eyes ripping away from the outside world as I could visibly see it through the glass wall to my left. I waited, listening for some sign that I'd been detected. I didn't even breathe. Cold sweat beaded along my forehead.

There was nothing.

I crawled forward on my hands on knees, terrified and frantic for the exit. I knew exactly where I was going, exactly where I wouldn't be discovered. I was going to the restricted section of the hospital, the part where only released patients, families, and workers were allowed access to. I knew that it wouldn't be hard to leave through that door, that there would be no alarm there. It was the one door without an alarm, but also the one with the most protection, the most bodyguards. I stiffened as I crawled to the edge of yet another corner.

The hall I needed was to my right.

My plan had been to wait until someone found Carol. I had no doubt in my mind that she would make a commotion, call attention to herself the second she woke up and realized what'd happened. That would at least divert some of the attention from me to her. Though not all of it. And not enough of it, either. But really, I didn't know where to go from there. I was trapped in the middle of the hospital, sitting out in the open, waiting for something unknown.

I felt my face crumpling as it fell into my hands in defeat. I'd never make it out of here. Never. I'd be caught. It was stupid to have tried this, to have thought that I could pull something like this off. What did I think I was, some kind of mastermind? Houdini? I definitely wasn't. I was just a stupid girl trying to catch up to a stupid dream just so that she could find out that none of it existed. So she could crumble into a pile of devastation at the feet of her own failure. I was so dumb to have done this.

Suddenly, a loud noise sounded around me, and the agony gripping my heart squeezed tighter, entwining with fear. I shook in my little place on the ground, clutching the wall for support. The sound was horrible, deafening. My eyes filled with tears as the sound of many footsteps collided with my reluctant ears. I started to cry.

I was found.