(Disclaimer- i am not edward cullen.)

But I DO like writing in his point of view. :D this is his pov, in case you didn't catch that. ha.
alright so, seriously.. i don't know whats wrong with me. i'm a girl, so i SHOULD like writing the GIRL'S
point of view better. it should be easier for me to identify with the female character, but for some reason, I
have a much easier time writing the male character povs. jacob and edwards povs are just so much .. more fun..
i guess..to write! haha. but anyway. enough of my insanity.
this chapter isn't really funny like the last one. its actually kind of sad. but remember, don't be angry with me. just because
edward thinks a certain way doesn't mean that he's RIGHT. it doesn't mean that hes wrong though, either. :D
you'll have no idea what i'm talking about until you finish reading it. but don't be mad at me, please!
and, i'm sorry unspoken emotions. this one is shorter than the other. but don't worry--the next chapter WILL be long.
i just had to end this one where i did. :)
okay. im done talking. please read and review! thanks.

Cursed

I sighed, looking down at Bella lying in my arms. Her breath was even and deep, on the verge of slumber. Her heart sounded so nice, beating the way it was. I'd been waiting for the sound to fill my hopeful ears for such a long time now. It was a miracle to have her here, alive, with me. But I knew that I wouldn't have her for long.

As I was thinking this, I watched the vague flicker of color in Alice's mind, popping up only every so often like the fickle satellite reception on a television during a thunderstorm. I barely acknowledged it anymore; it'd been happening ever since she got here. One minute Bella's future would slither into Alice's brain, flashing a second's worth of image, and then the next it was gone, vanished—just like that.

Alice and I both knew why this was. Bella was thinking of Jacob, her mind just as inconsistent as Alice's visions of her future. Bella didn't know what she wanted. Sometimes, in my sister's mind, there would be a quick glimpse of Bella, with me. Then, as quickly as the picture had come, it dissolved into darkness. The second that Bella changed her mind and decided on Jacob, rather than me, she would disappear from Alice's psychic eye completely.

From what I could tell of Alice's sporadic visions, Bella was, more often than not, set on being with him.

She didn't want to be with me.

Speaking of Jacob, does Bella know about…?

The thought trickled into my head like an annoying dripping faucet, trailing off suggestively. Alice's internal voice was too familiar to keep out; the consequences of ignoring her were too dangerous. Alice knew how to get revenge, and she did so well by being extraordinarily annoying—more so than was normal for her. I didn't need to deal with that now.

Trying to be subtle, I fractionally shook my head, the movement so small that no ordinary human would have detected it. Alice pursed her lips, glancing at me quickly before staring off in the other direction again, pretending that she wasn't paying any attention to me, just in case Bella noticed something. I glanced down at the girl in my arms, worried for a minute that she'd caught sight of the miniscule shifting of my head, but her eyes were still closed.

Are you going to tell her about it?

I sighed silently, rolling my eyes. That was not a question that could be answered with a simple nod or shake of my head. I hadn't decided whether or not I was going to tell Bella about that. As a matter of fact, my answer to Alice's previous question wasn't even completely truthful. From what I'd observed, it seemed to me that Bella didn't know about it — but then again, we'd never discussed it. Perhaps she really did know about it, and she just didn't feel the need to bring it up with me. After all, she'd seemed to know so much already. Why wouldn't she have known that, too?

I pursed my lips, shrugging my shoulders lightly, trying to be as motionless as possible while I did so.

Suddenly, Bella's breathing slowed, no longer as even as before.

My eyes narrowed reflexively, darting to her face to make sure that she was alright. My glance met hers in surprise, completely stunned that she was wide-awake and staring at me. Her cheeks were light pink, slightly flushed, and her jaw was tight. Her eyes held up a look of suspicion, reading my features. I could feel the guilt on them.

Automatically, my face smoothed out into an expressionless mask.

Bella narrowed her eyes, looking from me to Alice, grinding her teeth. Her skin was pale white in the moonlight shining through the wall of glass, her chocolate eyes so deep that I felt as though I could see right through her—the portal to her soul. She had a beautiful spirit—innocent and caring, magnificent and kind.

I could not imagine this childlike little woman harming anyone. The idea of her assaulting someone was completely unfathomable to me. I'd tried several times while she'd whispered her story to see her in the scenarios she'd described: locked up in a padded cell, perched on her mother's bed like a madwoman, slicing a man's face with a key—that part of her story had me wanting to do some slicing of my own, with my teeth—attacking her caretaker and fleeing from the police. And to think that she'd hitchhiked to get here. My Bella, hitchhiking.

I shuddered despite myself, every single scene of possible danger playing through my head like a many-ended movie. I didn't want to believe that she could be so careless, but apparently she could. While I was terrified by this fact, it also angered me to no end.

I gritted my teeth.

"What are you two talking about?" Bella demanded, her voice clear. There was no sign of drowsiness in her tone, no slur to her words. Her brown eyes were bright and alert, her glare intense.

I was wrong—she'd never been sleeping at all.

"I thought you were sleeping…" I muttered incredulously, too astonished to keep the shock to myself. She'd never been able to fool me before, no matter how hard she'd tried. Despite the fact that I couldn't read her mind, I had been able to read her body, the beating of her heart, her breath. Using these things, I normally was able to get a pretty good glimpse of what was going on inside of her head—especially if she was unconscious. But this time she'd done it. She'd tricked me.

I stared at her in wonder.

"Yeah, I've been working on it." Bella explained, a little smug. I blinked at her, amazed. I would never again be able to accuse her of being a horrible actress, and she knew that. She smiled in spite of her self, not quite able to keep her satisfaction contained. She was ecstatic to have been able to prove me wrong.

"Now, tell me." She ordered, cutting into my analyzing.

I frowned, looking over at Alice. She, too, was looking at me.

I'm not saying a word. It's all up to you, Edward, She whispered into my head, a faint ring of antagonism sharpening her thoughts. She smiled broadly, flashing me her teeth in a way that was so annoying only she could pull it off. I grinned tightly back.

"Thanks so much." I muttered sarcastically, rolling my eyes. I chuckled lightly, feigning amusement to conceal my nerves. I turned my eyes back to the beautiful creature between my hands, smoothing her hair. She blinked up at me, waiting. I sighed.

"Is there something in particular you intended to do while you were here, Bella—someone you intended to see?" I murmured this softly, trying to keep my voice as gentle as possible. The very last thing that I wanted to get out of saying this was Bella feeling guilty. It didn't take much to make her turn on herself.

Her eyebrows hooked together, a spasm of sheer panic blanketing her lovely face for a second. She took a minute before answering, working to rid her features of the sudden anxiety, leaving only shock. "What do you mean." She replied, the question coming across as more of a statement due to the lack of inflection in her tone. I knew exactly what the cause of her robotic voice was due to: she was nervous. She knew exactly what I was talking about.

"Your future keeps disappearing." I whispered indifferently, afraid to let even one speck of emotion flood into my words. There was no doubt in my mind that Bella would twist even the slightest bit of my emotion into a sharp-edged knife, one that she would automatically point at herself. She was terrified of hurting me, and bringing this up would only make her feel worse. I wouldn't have said anything if I didn't think that, ultimately, it would help her in the end. She must have been trying to find a way to bring it up—or to sneak past me and run to La Push—without inflicting on me any amount of pain. It would probably be easier for her to not have to be the one to broach the subject.

Agony ripped across her face like an earthquake, her lip quivering like she was going to cry. She shook her head against my chest, sniffling. I pressed my hand lightly against her hair, holding her face to me, shooting a quick, panicked glance at Alice. She bit her lip, focused on my Bella with a look of sympathy and concern. I swallowed, pulling Bella higher up on my lap and rocking her. I knew that she would beat herself up over this, and it terrified me. There had to be some way to let her have her happiness without the subsequent guilt. I had to show her that she could be happy with Jacob, without feeling sorry for me. She shouldn't have to feel undeserving like she did. She did deserve this happiness. And I would go to any length to show her that.

"I'm so sorry, Edward." She whispered, her voice broken and chipped like somebody had smacked her. And it was probably true, the comparison. Her own self-loathing was so much worse than a backhand to the face. I flinched at the sound of her misery while she continued to express her regret. "I don't want to hurt you."

I clutched her tighter, my face crumpling with despair for the masochistic girl. I didn't want her to suffer this way. I'd never intended to hurt her, but this was hurting her. I had to keep reminding myself, though, just how much greater her pain would have been if she'd been the one to bring it up. She would have hated herself so much more had that been the case. This was the right thing to do. I had to disengage her from this guilt.

I had to let her go. But I didn't want to.

I had no other choice, however. Bella would be happier with him—of that, there was proof. She belonged to Jacob Black, as much as it killed me. My chest ached with a familiar pang of loss, but I tried to keep it from my face. I didn't want her to know, even though the effort was pointless. She knew how I felt.

I wished—like I'd wished on so many other occasions—that I'd never existed. If I'd only died when I was supposed to, none of this would have happened. Her heart would be whole, one piece that was entirely free. Her love for Jacob would be guiltless, and she would be happy. It didn't matter how entirely horrible my life would have been without her, how meaningless the world would seem. I couldn't care less about the ache that the mere thought of never having had the chance to know her caused me. I could bear it, if she was free to be happy. She deserved that love—the beautiful, liberated love that Jacob provided her with. She deserved a happy life with her family—and with me, there was only a curse. I was a burden, though I knew that she'd never admit it. Why had life brewed in its creation these mythical things, these dangerous, horrible monsters?

I shouldn't be here.

"It's okay, Bella, love." I whispered, trying desperately to soothe her.

I should not have been sad. Love had not failed me—it had given me meaning, shown me just how beautiful the world could be. Instead of being guilty, I hoped that Bella would someday be able to see just how much she had provided me with. She hadn't hurt me—I had. All that she had ever done was to open my unseeing eyes, blind me with her spirit—her glistening, knowledgeable heart. In a world where I had existed for hundreds of lifetimes, she had shown me the true meaning of living. That was so much more than I could ever have asked for.

Now, all that I could ask of her was that she be happy.

And I knew now, like I'd known then, the one thing that could give her that joy, without the bitter aftertaste of fear and disappointment.

She needed love that shone like the sun, that was pure and free, not careful and dangerous. She needed love that could grow and blossom, love that would forever stay the same, while she grew to be different. She needed love that provided her only with happiness, instead of with toxic remorse. She needed love that would last a lifetime, not love that would take away her life.

Bella, my Bella, needed Jacob.