(i own twilight. thats right! okay..so i don't really. dang it.)

i know, I'm a dork. don't mind my disclaimers. they're dumb.
but anyway, so uh, this chapter I named after the old title of my first story, because i felt that it was
necessary to do so. it fit very well. Jacob has a new beginning, which is sad for bella, but still. anywhooo.
this is bella's pov again. i was going to wait to put this chapter up, but I'm SUCH an impatient person.
its a really horrible personality flaw. ahah. but so, yeah. i know you were all confused when you read the
last chapter. its wonderful that you were. you were supposed to be. and when i said that jake was the only
one that bella/anna could tell about her dreams..well. its true. edward knows that anna HAD those dreams..
and that because of those dreams she is able to know her true identity, but he doesn't know what HAPPENED in
her dreams. he just knows she has them. thats all. i hope that answered the question. :D
but yeah so anyway... please don't read this unless you've reviewed the chapter before it, because i really
want to know what everyone thinks about the double jacob blacks! :D PLEASE don't read it until you review the last one.
pleeeeease. and thanks for reading. :)
DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU'VE REVIEWED CHAPTER 25!
:D thank you.

New Beginnings

"When did this happen?"

I could hear the high voice somewhere far in the distance, speaking through whispers down a long tunnel of time. Each syllable reached me slower than the first, a button pushed on a remote to slow it down. The tone was one that was unrecognizable to me, but through the black shadows in my mind, I registered that it was the voice of a woman. I drifted into the darkness for a moment before being plucked back into murky gray by yet another set of words. I'd have snarled in frustration had I been able to find my voice.

"'Bout two hours ago, when we were talking."

This tone clicked into place in my head, sending incomprehensible sensations to roll through my stomach, slithering like snakes. The wheels turned slowly in my head, churning for reason, my thoughts slipping around these perplexing emotions and trying to find a way inside. The feelings were so intense—sorrow, pain, defeat, bliss, achievement—but my brain could not perceive their meaning. My brow puckered, feeling as though not even mine, but someone else's, whom I was connected to by a single thread. I needed to understand these words. I needed to know what Jacob was saying.

"What were you talking about that made her pass out like this?"

I concentrated harder on the female's terminology, hoping that it would help me to comprehend what Jake had said, but it was difficult. Every time that my brain wrapped itself around one of her words, I would forget how to understand the others, and before I could remember how to listen correctly, they'd disappear into oblivion. I grimaced vicariously, using the body that I was no longer quite connected to. A warm finger traced down over my cheek, but I could barely feel it. I wanted to feel it.

Like an unwelcome spirit, I attempted to repossess my body, but I couldn't seem to find my way back in. Reality avoided me, shutting me out and hanging me to dry inside of the damp wonderings of my mind. It felt like I was bobbing for apples. I kept ducking, trying to wrap my teeth around it, but it just kept slipping away from me—understanding, consciousness, knowledge.

"I just…I told her about our son."

And then there it was: awareness. The two words climbed down from his mouth, sunk into my head, and reeled me back in. Abruptly, the sorrow and the pain, the defeat and the loss—it all fell into place. I understood, just because of those two simple words:

Our son.

Jacob spoke to the woman softly, his voice so sweet and caring, and yet there was an undertone of guilt. I didn't want him to feel guilty for hurting me, for continuing his life without me. I had died, and he had moved on. He'd married this woman—or skipped marriage entirely—and was now helping her to raise their son. I didn't blame him for not waiting for me. I had been nothing but cruel to him in my prior life—always reeling him in, getting him to fall for me so hard that he'd become no more than a slave to my every command. He'd given me power over him, the key to his warm heart, and I'd used it like the air that I breathe—for my own gratification. I'd breathed it in and spit it back out, swinging him around like a yoyo. I didn't deserve him. It was good that he'd realized that.

It was good that he'd moved on.

But, at the same time, it was horrible—the single most horrible thing in the world.

I wondered sadly if he'd imprinted on her, listening to the conversation continue. I supposed that he probably had, and it killed me. I'd ruined Edward to get to Jacob, and Jacob would have to deny me anyway. He seemed to be happy in this new life with his new love and son. And his son was so big—Jacob must have been with this woman for a long time.

My face crumpled with despair.

"You're not the brightest bulb on the tree, Jake."The woman teased, sighing. Her voice held all the care in the world, but there was a subtle antagonism that I'd recognized in the actions of her son. I wondered how long they'd been together, this family, as I listened to the sound of shifting weight, scuttling feet. Then there was another noise—one that I recognized with a shattering heart.

I heard her kiss him.

I almost screamed.

"I'm gonna go talk to little Jake, I guess. He's pretty grossed out—traumatized, I'd say." She paused, chuckling. Something brushed against my arm. "Besides," she added dully, "you're boring me." The sound of her shoes clicking against the floor fell away into the distance as she left the room.

I laid there, on the verge of breaking, completely confused by her words. My breath spilled out in little rasps, growing faster, wilder. A warm hand was placed down on my cheek, and Jacob's sweet breath blew into my face. His fingers held the touch of love and compassion that I'd always felt in every one of my dreams, but I knew that it was merely a figment of my imagination. He no longer loved me. His hands were here for comforting, only because of the guilt that he felt. He shouldn't have felt so guilty.

He deserved better than me, and he'd found better than me.

"Bells?" He whispered, shifting the hair off of my face. My lip trembled as I tried to keep my eyes closed, wishing that he would just leave me be. I didn't want him to know that I was awake, but I was sure that I didn't look convincing like I had back at the Cullen's house. This time I could not keep my face straight and calm, could not force the look of slumber to smooth my features. Tears left from under my closed lids, and his arms scooped beneath me, pulling my body into a sitting position.

"Bells, look at me, please?" He begged.

I slowly opened my eyes.

He was less than an inch from my face, his eyes burning with all the intensity of a wild fire. Heat coursed through my veins as I stared into his deep brown eyes, trying to coax the old burning passion out of them. I knew that he shouldn't love me anymore, that he was with someone new and better for him. Still, I couldn't help but catch my breath at the sight of his face. Unbelievably, he looked like he loved me.

I clenched my jaw, trying not to fall for the pathetic illusion my heart had conjured.

He wouldn't leave them for me. After all of the times that I'd hurt and rejected him, he'd never go back to me now that I was practically crawling on my knees for his love. I'd had my chance to be with him. He'd waited for me like he said he would, but I'd chosen Edward. He'd told me so many times that he would love me until…

Until my heart stopped beating.

Suddenly, his former words had a new meaning. He'd said that he would be there for me until the moment my heart stopped beating, and he had. He'd been there, waiting on the sidelines for me to choose him, but I hadn't. I'd chosen Edward, and then my heart had stopped beating—perhaps not in the way that was suggested at the time, but still. He'd kept his word. He'd stuck with his promise.

My lips curled down, opening slightly to let out a tortured cry. I tried to contain it, but I couldn't hold it in anymore. It was like I was back to being just a mind attached by a string to my body—like I was no longer in control. The emotion broke past my thick barrier and spilled out of me like an avalanche. Moisture cascaded down my face like the persistent tides of the ocean, pulling me deeper and deeper into a dark blue sorrow.

He wasn't mine. He really wasn't mine anymore.

Jacob's mouth came down on mine hard and rough, pushing me back against the wall. The sheets beneath me crumpled as I slid back further on the bed, the back of my head—protected by his hand—knocking into the hard surface dividing this room from the next. I gasped beneath his lips, my fingers desperate for him, tugging him closer. While my heart gave way, pushing down the remnants of its protective wall, my mind was somehow able to stay sensible.

This was wrong. As much as it was right—wonderfully right—it was wrong.

"No, Jake," I pushed at him, my words coming out slurred and jumbled beneath the force of his sudden passion. I couldn't let him go on like this. I couldn't let him ruin his new beginning because of the remorse that he felt for abandoning me. He'd had every right to do what he did. He was supposed to move on. Once upon a time I'd wished that he would move on, just so that I could be happy with Edward without feeling like I was at fault for making him unhappy. Now, he had done that—he'd moved on.

I didn't want him to feel ashamed of being happy.

"Jacob, stop it!" I shrieked, my sobs getting louder. He pulled away from me with an angry expression, looking beyond annoyed. His hands were hard on my shoulders—restraining me from getting up and leaving. I sniffled, trying to stop the embarrassing flood of tears. He shouldn't have to see me breaking down like this. It would only make him feel bad.

"Why did you come here, Bells?" He growled at me, his hands gently shaking me. I blinked, terrified by the fierce edge of his voice. His lips quivered, cast down in a scowl, and his nostrils flared. The black of his eyes was clouded by a shiny film of tears, and his breath was uneven, his chest rising and falling noticeably with fury. "Why?" He repeated as I stared at him in shock.

I trembled in his strong hands, terrified—but more so of myself than his furious behavior. The way that he'd kissed me, the way that he'd shoved me into the wall behind us…all of it was infuriated. He was livid with me, with the fact that he had to give up his own happiness so that I wouldn't feel bad. He hated me, and I understood. I hated me, too. I was horrified by how I'd walked in here, expecting him to just be sitting here waiting for me. I was so stupid, so self-absorbed and ignorant, that I'd truly thought that he'd have nothing better to do than sit in his room and cry for me. I was so horrible — vile and repulsive and egocentric and worthless.

I couldn't stand to hear my own atrocious thoughts. I didn't want to share the same heart. I didn't want to be who I was. I would have spit on myself had I not been so afraid to turn my gaze from his angry face.

I bit my lip. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have come. I didn't mean to hurt you." The words were broken and dismantled as they left my lips, obscured by my pitiful sobs. I closed my eyes tightly, undeserving of even the wondrous sight of his perfect countenance.

"Look at me!" He barked, his words sharp-edged and cutting. I felt them slice through my ears and down through my chest like razor blades. I deserved it. I deserved the way that he despised me. My eyelids pulled apart quickly and I stared at him. He seemed to be struggling with the angry set of his mouth, his eyes weakening in their furious rage. Desperation and misery were slowly replacing his prior emotions, and it was my fault.

First, he'd been pissed with me for tearing his life apart—for showing up like I did. Now, he was mourning the happiness that I'd destroyed.

I'd done this to him.

I was an unstoppable, unstable, devious little leach. Jacob may have called Edward the leach, but I was the real parasite—sucking the joy out of every life that got in my way, leaving a path of destruction everywhere that I went.

"Edward told me that you came here for me. That you wanted to be with me. Why would he tell me that, Bella? Why would he tell me that?! Why are you doing this to me? Can't you make up your mind? You must have done something to make him think that you want me, but you don't, do you? I can tell that you don't want to be here! What was the point of showing up, of doing this to me, if you didn't intend to stay? I've waited so long for you Bella! I've been waiting for you to come back to me, and you did. But for what? You're not even going to stay, are you?! Are you?!" His shouting turned into sobbing quickly. Tears fell from his eyes in devastating little lines that dripped over his face, darkening the skin beneath it. His fingers loosened on my shoulders, gentler now, and he shook his head, denying the pain.

I started crying harder, too, my hands no longer dead at my sides. I lifted my arms to stroke his face, his hands, his shoulders. I couldn't think of anything intelligent to say that would calm him, that would take away the pain, but I had to say something.

"They said they weren't going to tell you." I whispered weakly.

"Yeah? Well they lied."

He turned his face away from me as I stretched my hand to his cheek. I dropped it to my side immediately, stung by his rejection, staring at my lap, ashamed. How could I have hurt him like this?

"Jacob, I'm so sorry. I promise, I'll leave. You don't have to be in such pain because of me. Don't feel sorry for me. You deserve to be happy, and I'm stupid. So please, just…forget about this. I didn't mean to ruin you like this—the life you've built with your family. You and your son and…and…and her. You can be happy. I'm so sorry." I hung my head in disgrace, closing my eyes. I hoped that he would just accept my words and continue on with his happy life. I didn't want him to forget me—I didn't want to leave, to be away from him…but he needed me gone. I would do anything to make him happy again. I'd done my share of hurting him. I was through with it—no matter what.

Jacob's hand pushed my chin up from my chest, forcing me to face him. My eyes opened slowly, and I saw the confusion in his. His brows were hooked, his mouth opened as though to ask a question, but he was utterly silent. He stared at me—not breathing—just looking, the tears rolling still. Then finally his question came in a whisper.

"What?"

Now I was the one looking confused.

"Bells, what are you talking about? Who is this 'her'? You think that I'm happy? How could you think that I'm happy?" All of his questions came out like one giant inquiry—slurred and fast and incredulous. I pursed my lips, wishing that he would stop playing dumb and just own up to the fact that he'd moved on. I'd heard the kiss—heard him telling her about their kid. He wasn't fooling anyone but himself if he thought that I was believing any of his crap.

"Of course you're happy, Jacob." I murmured. "You've moved on and…found someone new. It's perfectly normal, so please stop trying to soothe me with lies. Aren't you the one who's supposed to tell me the truth—even if it hurts?" I eyed him suspiciously as he convulsed on the bed, looking like he was having a heart attack. His hands were out in front of him, shaking, palms up, like he was conjuring the power to fuel another round of questions—either that, or he was trying to convince himself not to strangle me. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his seizure-like reaction, placing his hands on either side of my face instead.

"Bells. There is no one else. I am not happy. I've been waiting for you. If you honestly think that I've moved on…then well, you're stupid, Bells. Really." He shook his head at me, his eyes warm. The anger was gone, though he still looked a little irritated.

But more than irritation, he looked like he wanted to kiss me again.

Trying to breathe evenly, I spit out all of the evidence that I had, determined to catch him in his lies. Why was he doing this? I was giving him the chance to go back into his happy life without me, and he was just being…well, Jacob.

"Jake. I heard you talking about your son. She asked you what you said to me, and you said 'I told her about our son,' or something. OUR son, Jacob. Our. You had a kid with that woman — I heard you talking about it! And now you're sitting here blatantly lying to me?!"

His mouthed popped open in angry disbelief, leaning toward me, trying to interrupt.

"I heard her kiss you!" I screamed before he could get a word in.

He slanted backwards, away from me, his eyes wide. Then suddenly, he was glaring at me. He tipped closer again, his face an inch from mine. His jaw was tight.

"Bella," He said the word slowly, talking to me like I was mentally challenged. I narrowed my eyes, grinding my teeth. He was really starting to get on my nerves. "Bella, honey, that girl you heard me talking to—yeah. That was my sister. You know, Rachel?"

I gaped at him.

"B-but I…I heard her kiss you!" I shook my head, denying to believe what he was telling me. I knew what I'd heard—she most definitely had kissed him. He rolled his eyes, looking a bit exasperated with me. His strong hand cupped my chin, his eyes large, stressing the words that came from his mouth.

"She kissed her hand, Bells. Her hand. She was blowing me a kiss—being annoying because I was glaring at her. She did it to irritate me. She didn't really kiss me. That's just disgusting." He made a face, looking toward the door.

The door flipped open then, and a pretty girl walked in with her hand over her mouth. Her hair was long and glossy black, waving down to the middle of back, curling down over her russet arm. She was tall and thin, her face and form both resembling Leah's, but she was much prettier. Her eyes were a sparkling light brown, her hand dainty and feminine over her mouth—hiding a huge grin. She snickered, looking at us amusedly.

"I'm sorry." She giggled, her eyes wrinkling somehow prettily as her face scrunched up with humor. "I heard this entire conversation, and I've gotta say, Jake, you sure can pick 'em. No offense to you." She glanced at me, grimacing to express her apology. I stared at her, my jaw slack. "He's not lying. I'm his sister, Rachel. Nice to meet you." She chuckled again, slapping her hand back over her mouth.

Jacob glared at me, but I knew it was her that the glower was meant for. He growled halfheartedly as she continued to giggle, grinding his teeth. One long arm stretched out behind him, his pointer finger extended toward the door.

"Out." He ordered her.

"Just trying to help." Rachel snickered, pressing her lips together.

Jacob growled again.

Biting her full bottom lip to hide her humored smile, she left quietly, pulling the door shut behind her.

Jacob's eyes hadn't left my face once. I looked at him, inspecting the way that his lips were slightly parted, his eyes warm, intense, determined. The rest of his face was smooth, calm, and his head was tilted to the side a bit. His breath came even and deep, reaching my face, less than an inch away now. I swallowed hard.

I'd made a mistake.

His lips landed on mine once more, his arms wrapping around the top of my shoulders, dragging me to him. I didn't object this time. Instead, my fingers curled into his hair, my mouth moving against his the way that I'd always imagined it would. Even in this slightly new body — this new life — it wasn't even the teensiest bit uncomfortable being this close to him. He was and always had been the one that I loved, the one that I'd never want to be away from. Of course I loved Edward, too, and it killed me not to be near him, but I'd always been a determined person. Once my mind was made, I stuck to that decision. And I'd decided on Jacob this time. I wasn't going to give up on that.

But wait.

"Jacob," I breathed against him. He grunted in response, his lips still eagerly pressing against mine. It took me a minute to remember what I was going to say, but I eventually got a hold of myself. I pushed lightly against his chest, claiming that I needed to breathe. He backed away for a second, letting me gulp some oxygen, before plunging forward again, aiming. "No, wait!" I managed to gasp, placing both hands over his mouth. He froze, scowling.

"What?" He complained, irritated. My mouth twitched as I tried to hide a smirk. I pressed my lips together before speaking again, making sure that I could control myself. When I was sure that I had it together, I answered him. There was one thing on my mind that was making this still a little hard to believe — one piece of my earlier evidence that had gone unspoken for. I needed just one more answer.

"When you were talking to…your sister, you said 'our son.'"

Jacob's mouth stretched into a grin, grabbing both of my hands and sliding them out of the way—making stopping him impossible. I exhaled sharply as his smile widened even more, his fingers smoothing my hair.

"Yes, Bells." He agreed, his voice wonderfully husky. "Our son. Me. You. Our."

And then he kissed me again.