On Sunday evening, Peyton got up and took a shower, hoping to wash away the evidence that she had been crying all weekend. She hoped her kids didn't realize that was what she did when she was alone, but she couldn't fool herself into thinking they were that naive. She knew that they knew. She was thankful that they never brought it up. She did her make-up naturally and she left her hair down, because she knew Lucas had always loved it that way. She put on a pair of shorts that showed off her legs, which were still quite nice for a woman so close to her forties, and tight white tank top. She slipped her feet into a pair of white flip flops-definately no heels this time-and grabbed her purse, sunglasses and keys before leaving the house.
As she drove in his car, she tried not to look around at all the evidence that he'd been in it. He hadn't cleaned it out, which either meant he felt he was comfortable enough with her to leave it dirty, or he just didn't notice. Or maybe he just didn't care. Given what he'd done, she was going to go with the latter. She was the first one to there, and she couldn't resist looking through the papers that were scattered around. She bent over, opening the glove compartment and digging around. There was the standard, registration, papers for the car, some odds and ends, but nothing good.
Just as she was sitting up, the van pulled up. She adjusted her sunglasses, grabbed her purse, and the keys out of the ignition before getting out of the car. She saw that Madison was sitting in the front seat as she walked towards the van, just as Lucas was getting out. She handed him the keys, making sure to touch his hand. It was a bit of an experiment. She wanted to see if she still felt the spark. She wanted to prove to herself she hated him, like she wanted to, so badly. It failed, miserably. She felt the spark, her temperature rose, and the butterflies activated in her stomach. Her heart sped up and slowed down at the same time, and she really, really wanted to kiss him.
Thankfully, she was wearing her sunglasses, so he couldn't see any of that in her eyes. She didn't know if he could still read her like he used to, but she wouldn't put it past him to be able to. Then again, if he could still read her like he used to, how the hell could he do this to her? Instead of dwelling on it, she quickly pulled her hand away and got in the car, she greeted her children and asked about their weekend as she put the van in reverse, only glancing over at Lucas once, and noticing that he was still standing a few feet away from the car, where she had left him.
Somehow, she felt great because she knew that she still had some effect on him, too. She had wanted to show him what he was missing, and she was fairly sure she had done that. "Mom, Dad was totally checking out your legs as you walked to the van," Marissa announced, not even looking up from her cell phone as she typed out a text. This led to a flurry of comments, from every one of her kids. Some were for it, some were against it, some were against him, but Peyton could barely make out each seperate one. That was pretty normal, though, with six teenagers the exact same age, and two more barely two years older.
Raising her hand, she shouted for quiet. "I don't care if he was checking me out or not. It doesn't matter. He can't destroy this family, and think something as simple as checking me out will get us back together," she said firmly when all conversation had stopped. There were a few, 'Go Mom!'s from a couple of her children, and then there was silence, except for the classic rock station Peyton had put on. "I can't say that I didn't know he was a sucker for my legs though. So, I may have happened to wear shorts just to showcase them. He deserves a good look at what he can't have," she added, earning a few impressed looks from her kids.
Then Peyton turned the conversation to school, and that was where it stayed for the rest of the ride. Peyton didn't want her kids to hate their father. They could hate what he did, sure, but he was their father, and she just didn't want them to hate him. She didn't hate him, no matter how much she tried, and he didn't really deserve to lose her, and their kids. It was his decision to make, and he obviously made it. Sure she wished it hadn't turned out the way it had, but that didn't mean that she wanted her kids to be forever resentful to their father. She knew Lucas loved them, even if he didn't love her anymore.
As she pulled into her driveway, she shook her head to shake away the thoughts, and followed her kids into the house after they piled out of the van. They each went to their rooms to drop off their stuff. Ainsley was the first out of her room, seeking out her mom, who was already on the couch, and joining her, Kerri following soon after, and Seth also joined them, sitting next to their mother. She wrapped her arm around her son. Seth was the youngest, and had always been a bit of a Mommy's boy. Ainsley was laying with her knees pulled into her chest on the couch, and her head on her mom's lap. Kerri was slouching in the arm chair next to the couch.
A horn honked outside, and Madison came rushing down the stairs, followed soon by Marissa. Madison announced that her boyfriend was there to pick her up, and that she was giving Marissa a ride to the Cafe, where Marissa was meeting some friends. Martin and Ryan went into the back yard to play some basketball, and Peyton could hear the music coming from Jessalyn's room. With a sigh, she turned on the TV, but gave soon gave the remote over to Kerri, because she knew that Kerri wouldn't put on something too girly for Seth, or too boyish for Ainsley.
It was nice, knowing that the house wasn't empty anymore. It was still hard to go through a divorce, especially knowing they were signing the papers next week. It would probably take about six months for the papers to go through, and to receive the finalized sets of papers that indicated her marriage was over, but who was she kidding? It already was. She wished there had been some way to stop the destruction of her marriage, but if there had been any signs, she had not seen them. She had no idea. Did that make her naive, or just plain stupid? Was it so wrong to think her wedding vows meant something, and that her marriage would last forever? She didn't think so.
Instead of letting herself get lost in painful thoughts, she decided to just focus on watching the TV with three of her children. She was lucky to get three of them in the same room as her at the same time. It certainly hadn't been that way before everything had gone down. Before she was lucky to have two or three in the house at the same time. Now that they were all teenagers, and involved in something-whether it was drawing or literature, cheerleading or basketball, or persons of the opposite sex-it was harder to get them all gathered for a meal at the same time, let alone just spending time together.
Just as Peyton was about to get up and whip something up for dinner, the front door opened, and her best friend came around the corner and into the living room. "Hey, P. Scott, how's it going? I thought me and my brood would come over here and have dinner with you, and whatever broody blondes happen to be around at the time," Brooke bounded over to her best friend, pulling her into a hug. It was amazing how Brooke, a mother of a fifteen-year-old, and two other young children, not to mention the CEO of a multimillion dollar company, could still be so chipper, all the time.
Unlike Brooke, Owen knocked lightly before he, Sophia, Mariah and Justin entered the house. Since Owen was carrying a bag of groceries, Peyton couldn't exactly say no. So she led Brooke and Owen to the kitchen. Sophia took the seat Peyton had just vacated on the couch, as Ainsley sat up. Sophia immediately took out her cell phone and began texting, before she turned her attention to her best friend. "You'll never guess who texted me this morning, asking if I would go out with him this weekend," she said excitedly, pulling her leg up underneath her as she faced Ainsley on the couch. Mariah and Justin went to the backyard to play outside.
Cocking her eyebrow, Ainsley listened to the story, looking at Sophia's phone as she showed her the texts. Seth met his older sister's eyes and rolled his, while Kerri just let out a laugh. The two young girls were exactly like their respective mothers had been, which is why they were the best of friends, despite the age difference. Ainsley only did cheerleading because of Sophia, and the two of them were on the Varsity squad, despite the fact that they were both underclassmen. Kerri changed the channel to watch a basketball game, because the two girls were otherwise occupied, and Seth moved to the other couch in the room, to get away from the girls' conversation.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Owen and Brooke started gtaking the groceries out of the bag, and they started cooking dinner. Peyton stayed out of their way, because they had done this many a time before, and she knew how they worked. Brooke and Owen had a system, even in her kitchen, and Peyton would only screw it up by trying to help. They were a finely tuned machine, and it reminded her of all the times she and Lucas would cook together, though she tried to keep him out of her thoughts. She took a seat on the stool at her counter, kind of wishing she could just erase Lucas from her memory. Even the good ones hurt to remember these days, because it reminded her of what he did.
Noticing the pained look on her best friend's face that indicated she was thinking of her estranged husband, Brooke intervened in Peyton's thought process. "I invited Naley and children," Brooke spoke as she chopped some vegetables, then scraped them off of the cutting board to the pan that Owen held out for her. He poured some oil over them and set them on the burner he had just turned on. Peyton focused on Brooke and the fact that she had invited people over to her house. Brooke noticed Peyton's raised eyebrow. "I just thought that we all could use a evening of hanging out together, and, since you have the biggest house," she shrugged as if that explained everything, not even finishing her sentence.
Peyton just knew that there was more to the story, but she didn't bother questioning it. She actually liked the idea of spending the evening with everyone, instead of just sitting around doing nothing. To be honest she probably would have ordered in Chinese, or pizza, instead of cooking, and her kids deserved better than that. She was grateful to Brooke, because her best friend always seemed to know the right time to come over, and Brooke had been there for her, even more than she was before, through every single step of the divorce. Not that she expected otherwise. It was just nice.
A few minutes later, Nathan and Haley arrived, with their children. James was still at Duke. He hadn't come home for the weekend because he had to study for his midterms. He would be home the next weekend, for the sextuplets birthday, though. They were having a barbeque with their family, and then there was going to be a party at Tric after, for their friends. Peyton promised them that none of the adults would go, but she was definately locking up the alcohol, and her office. She was glad that they were okay with doing something together. She had expected at least one of them to complain over the years, but, if they had, she had never heard about it.
The twins, Robert and William, who were also sixteen, went into the backyard to play basketball with Ryan and Martin, and little Brianna followed them outside, because she was still in the stage where she adored her older brothers, and cousins, and they still tolerated her. She looked up to Mariah, too, because she was a few years older than her, and Justin was her age. Haley and Nathan went to the kitchen. Nathan sat down at the barstool next to Peyton at the counter, and Haley stood between his legs, with her back to his chest. "Hey, Tutor-Mom, how was your doctors appointment?" Brooke asked as she took more chicken breast off the Foreman Grill Peyton had.
As Brooke added the chicken she just took off the grill to the growing platter, and put some more on to cook, Haley shrugged, putting a hand on her still flat stomach. She had recently found out that she was pregnant, and today had been the first sonogram. "The first time I hear the heartbeat is still amazing, even after though this is the fourth time," she said with a grin. Nathan removed his hand from where he had placed it above hers and pulled his wallet out of his pocket. He pulled out the sonogram out of his pocket and handed it to Haley, who showed it to everyone. "I'm hoping for another girl. There are just too many boys in my house," she said, tossing a glance over her shoulder to Nathan.
Of course, Nathan knew she was just teasing, so he didn't rise to the bait. He wrapped his arms around her waist, linking his hands above her stomach. To be honest, he was kind of hoping for another girl, too. Brianna was great and everything, but she was a spitting image of her father. He wanted a little girl that looked exactly like his wife. It was what he'd always wanted. "Hey, you're saying that now. Trust me, a bunch of girls is not exactly great," Peyton joked. Sure it was hard sometimes, when they got into catfights, or screaming matches over something stupid, like teenaged girls tend to do, but she really wouldn't trade her kids for anything.
As Brooke moves turns off the grill and moves over to the stove to make some macaroni and cheese, so the meal will be balanced, Owen starts chopping some lettuce for a salad because, although there were already chopped vegetables to go with the chicken, he knew some of the kids wouldn't like them, and they had to have some kind of vegetable. They move fluidly through preparing the rest of the meal, sharing the occassional kiss. Nathan and Haley are looking in adoration at the sonogram picture, having their own conversation, smiling and also sharing kisses.
Watching them, Peyton is immersed in memories of a time when she was one half of a couple, and she has to stand, and get out of their presence. The respective couples share glances, before Haley and Brooke share a look as Peyton walks to the sliding glass door, opening it and stepping out onto the back porch before closing it again without a word. She leans against the pillar, at the top of the porch steps, and watches the children. The four sixteen-year-olds are playing basketball, Martin and Ryan against Robert and William. The three younger ones were sitting on the grass next to the slab of cement that served as their half-court, watching as the guys play the game.
After taking some time to compose herself, Peyton made her presence known to the kids. "Hey, guys, it's time to come in and wash up for dinner," she called, watching as they teenaged boys wiped the sweat from their brows, and headed in the house. Martin and Ryan both tossed their shirts over their shoulders as they brushed by their mom, because they had taken off their shirts when it was still really hot outside, and Robert and William followed after them. Mariah, Justin and Brianna also pushed past the woman they all called Aunt, even though Mariah and Justin weren't blood related. Peyton stayed outside, taking a seat on the porch steps as the glass door slid shut.
As the guys walked through the living room to get to the bathroom, Sophia couldn't keep her eyes off of Ryan. She didn't even notice that she was staring, and Ryan definately didn't notice her, but she was brought out of her reverie when Ainsley looked over her shoulder to see what her best friend was staring at. "Oh, my gosh, Soph, that is my brother," she said, snapping her fingers in front of Sophia's face to get her attention. She knew the look in Sophia's eyes because she had seen it pointed at almost every guy that she had dated, and Ainsley did not like that look pointed at her brother at all.
With wide eyes, Sophia looked over at her best friend. "What? Your brothers have nice abs. You can't blame a girl for noticing," she quickly tried to cover up the fact that she'd been staring at one guy in particular. Ainsley gave her a silent, pointed look that said she didn't believe her for an instant. Sophia quickly glanced around to make sure that the adults were still in the kitchen, and Kerri and Seth were still focused on the basketball game. She leaned closer to Ainsley and decided to confide the secret she'd been harboring for a while. "I think I like your brother," she whispered.
It was Ainsley's turn to look at her best friend with wide eyes. She could not believe what she was hearing. She began to shake her head, but managed to resist the urge to cover her ears and make loud noises so she couldn't hear the words coming from Sophia's mouth. She settled for pretending to gag instead. Sophia leaned back, scrunching her nose. "I'm going out with Eddie, though, so don't even trip. It's a stupid crush, nothing more," she lied. The expression on the blonde's face had told her everything she needed to know, and she wished that those words were the truth, because she know knew she would never be able to explore the feelings she wanted to test.
As Brooke and Owen were putting the finishing touches on dinner, Haley set the table, and Nathan went outside to find Peyton, since she'd never returned from getting the kids. He saw her sitting on the porch steps, and he sat down next to her. "How are you doing, Sawyer?" he asked, worried about her. He had always called her Sawyer, even when she became a Scott. It was just a given. Now that she was going to become a Sawyer again, Peyton found it kind of fitting, in a bittersweet kind of way. She knew that he didn't know things would turn up that way back then, but the name seemed kind of like a sign.
Shaking away the ridiculous thoughts, Peyton just shrugged, trying to focus on the moment, instead of the big picture. The big picture was just too hard these days. "I'm in the process of divorcing the man who promised to love me forever. The man I will probably love for the rest of my life," she paused, sighing. "I'm doing fantastic," she added sarcastically, rolling her eyes. He knew she just used sarcasm as a shield, and she knew that he knew that. "Sorry," she apologized, trying to find the real answer to his question. "I don't know, Nathan. I guess I just kind of thought he meant it when he said forever," she allowed him to pull her into a hug.
For a minute, Nathan was silent, because he honestly didn't know what to say to that. Some days he really disliked his brother for destroying his family. Most days he just really couldn't understand how Lucas could do it. He'd had the perfect life, yet it wasn't enough for him. Lucas was still his brother, though, so he had to stay by him, but he felt loyalty mainly to the blonde he was currently sitting next to. Probably because she was his best friend first. "My brother may be book smart, but he's definately an idiot for letting you get away," he said, finally, trying to make her feel better.
The moment was getting deep. Peyton knew she was going to start crying soon, but she didn't want to do that. "If I remember correctly, you let me go, too," she teased, pulling away from Nathan's embrace and raising her eyebrows at him. She knew, of course, that it was just ridiculous to compare her relationship with Nathan to her relationship with Lucas. They weren't the same, and they never had been. Lucas and Peyton had connected on a emotional level, and a physical level. Nathan and Peyton had really just been about sex, as bad at that sounds, and Nathan was a jackass back then.
On one hand, he was glad she was joking, but on the other hand, he knew she was just hiding her feelings. Since they were going to have to go to dinner any second now, he decided to just let it slide for now. If she wasn't going to talk about it, he couldn't force her to. Well, he could, but he wouldn't. "Yeah, but I've always been an idiot, Sawyer, I thought you knew that," he joked. "I wasn't an idiot when it came to my forever, though, and Lucas was. He'll realize it eventually," he couldn't help but add seriously, standing, holding out a hand to help her up. "Come have dinner with your family," he said.
With a small smile, she grabbed his hand, allowing him to pull her to her feet. "Thanks, Nathan," she said as they entered the house. He met her gaze and smiled at her, but it went unsaid that he would always be there for her. Everone else was sitting at the table by the time they made it inside. Nathan sat down at the head of the table, and Haley was to his right. There was a empty seat next to her for Peyton, and then Brooke, Owen, Justin, Brianna, Mariah and Kerri completed that side of the table. To Nathan's left, was Robert, then William, Seth, Martin, Ryan, Sophia, Ainsley and Jessalyn.
Dinner went smoothly, with many conversations going on all over the table. Most of them were finished eating when Brooke finally got to the real reason why she had planned this whole thing. "P. Sawyer, you know I love you," she started, and Peyton didn't think she was going to like where this was going. "I think you should open a record label," she said, watching Peyton for a reaction. The blonde was stoic as all focus turned to her, because everyone had heard Brooke's proposal. "Which brings me to why Tutor-mom is here. I think she should be your first artist. You would both be doing something you love, and I know you'd both be great at it," she declared.
There was a moment of silence as all eyes were on Peyton, trying to see what she'd say. Many emotions passed over her face, before Haley spoke up. "You should do it, Peyton. I'd love to work on your label, and I honestly think you'd be good at it," she nodded for emphasis as she spoke. Then all of Peyton's kids began saying words of encouragement. Even her nieces and nephews got into it, trying to convince her to do it. "Come on, P. Sawyer, you love music, and you always have. Just because you didn't make it that first year in L.A., doesn't mean you won't make it here and now," Brooke added.
With a sharp intake of breath, she remembered that year working in L.A. It had really killed her spirit. She wanted to start a label, and find music that other people can listen to, and find themselves with, but she doesn't know if she'll be able to do it, and she'd rather keep things the way they are now than try and fail. Then again, life is about risk, right? Lucas took it, when he sent his book into all the publishing houses again, and now he would be a published author come summer time. Who said that Peyton couldn't make it as a label owner? "I'll think about it," she said, and was rewarded with cheers from around the table. "I'm not making any promises. There is a lot to consider," she quickly added.
No one paid attention to that, though. They knew that if she was considering, she would do it. Everyone knew she wanted to, but she was afraid of failure. If she was considering it, that meant her desire to do it, overpowered her fear, and she'd do anything to make it work. Brooke started talking about what they would need to do, and Haley started discussing songs to put on a record. Haley had been writing songs for a long time, but she hadn't recorded anything since high school. She thought it might be fun to get in a studio again, especially with one of her best friends.
A/N: I want to start by saying thanks for the reviews for the last chapter. This idea has kind of been in my mind for a while. You should find out exactly what Lucas did in the next chapter. Maybe. I might put it off for a bit. I like focusing on the Peyton side of the divorce for right now. Tell me what you think, and let me know if you have any questions by pressing that green button. You know you want to!
Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.