(disclaimer- i don't own anything. i wish i did.)

i'll be honest and say what i'm thinking. i am entirely bored with this story, beginning to consider the leap from
the cliffside and just call it quits here. my chapters no longer inspire in me any kind of pride, and every time that
i reread them i'm more and more disgusted. so i'm just warning you all that this may be the end of it.
it hasn't been decided yet, but its just somewhat of a forewarning, so you won't be upset or too shocked if i just
randomly say goodbye to this fanfiction and trash it. but whatever. here's another chapter. review it, if you like.

Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust

Everything had an echo. The trees, the wind, my heart, his voice.

Echo, echo, echo…

So much pain in my chest, so much moisture in my eyes.

Echo.

The silver wind danced up and into his hair, blowing strands of copper into beautiful liquid eyes. I felt so light. I was floating in the air with the most beautiful creature, suspended above all logic, all reasoning, tucked away in a beautiful dream.

His lips were cool and hard, wondrous and pure. I was melting, I was swaying.

The words bubbled up and into my mouth, but did not sound. They stuck there, swimming around inside of me, delicious and sweet like the scent of him.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

I wanted to shout it, to scream it. I wanted it to rip from my lungs like a furious demon on a flight to hell. I wanted to stomp my feet and pull my hair, throw myself at his feet and yell it.

I love you, I need you.

He fell away from me then, eyes blank and somehow agonized. I heard the sounds escape my mouth: the shouting, the sobbing, the pleading…

Echo, echo.

They came from nowhere, ripping at him, pulling away chunk after chunk of lovely marble skin. The tearing screech of metal claws sunk into my ears with a ringing finality. My heart imploded in my chest.

His blood, his impossible, venomous blood, splattered my clothes, covered my face.

He was gone.

Edward, Edward I love you.

I woke up screaming.

"Bella!" Jacob shook my shoulder gently. His voice was terrified, eyes dark and large. They were not the eyes I wanted to see, not lovely caramel but deep chocolate brown. I was sobbing, screeching. I couldn't stop it. Edward's blood was on my skin, his body in shreds at my feet.

"The blood," I wept, pulling Jacob's fingers away so I could wipe it roughly from my face. "The blood!"

"Bells!"

I ignored his shouting, pulling fingers hard down over my skin. My screaming was hurting my ears, splitting open my head. I couldn't drown it. I couldn't escape the madness.

"Bella! Stop it, now! There is no blood." His dark fingers grabbed at my hand, his other palm holding my chin tightly so I would look at him. His eyes were intense, emphasizing his words with contracting lids. "There is no blood, Bella. There's nothing here. You're okay; I'm here. It's just me. I'll protect you. Kyle can't get you, the Volturi can't get you. No one can—never again."

I blinked in confusion at the names, and then reality slapped me across the face. Of course he would suspect that my nightmare had been about Kyle or the Volturi. It made perfect sense. And even though that hadn't been it at all, what could I do? Could I honestly bring myself to utter the truth, to tell him what had caused my bloodcurdling cries?

With wide, horrorstruck eyes, I leaned into his chest, letting his fingers slide down over my head, words of compassion trickling from his mouth like softly spoken lullabies. I couldn't move; ice-cold water had taken place in my head, sloshing chaotically. His words were not making sense.

Jacob quickly realized, perhaps because of my unresponsive behavior, that his words were not helping much, and the room fell into silence. For a moment, I was frozen in a strange state of shock, locked into place by an odd and inexorable flood of emotion. I was all mixed up, swamped down with confusion, agony, guilt, regret…

"…Dad?" Junior's voice came hesitantly from the hallway, so shy and afraid. I realized randomly that I'd never be able to protect him, that he'd never really need me. I'd missed that short chapter of his life. It would always be him saving me, protecting me…just like always. I was weak, just as he'd said.

I forced my face in his direction, trying to see him through unfocused eyes.

He was wearing pajamas with little diamonds all over them. The colors were red white and blue, and in each of the diamond shapes was an S. Superman pajamas, I realized. I almost laughed at the sight of him, how the pants barely reached his ankles, the t-shirt just a bit too snug. He truly was in need of some new sleepwear.

Junior tried on a smile when he saw my bleak amusement, but it didn't fit onto his mouth in any normal way. My eyebrows met.

"Yeah?" Jacob said, studying our child with analytical eyes. I knew that he had seen the strange tilt of Junior's lips, and I sensed that he was just as worried as I was about it.

"She okay?" My son wondered.

"Sure, sure. Just a nightmare, I think. I didn't realize she was this scared."

There was a long pause. I watched my son's face; he obviously had something more to say, but he was holding back.

Junior's reluctant eyes flickered to my face, testing the expression there, and then shot back to Jake. Infinitesimally, he gestured toward the hall with his head. I knew that I wasn't supposed to see the movement, that it was for Jake's eyes only. He wanted Jacob to come with him so that they could talk.

"Uh…Junior, I've got to talk to you about something." Jacob lied, going along with the secretiveness. They were trying too hard to be inconspicuous about excluding me. "Be right back, Bells," he said, patting my good hand and kissing my cheek. "Don't move. We'll be just in the next room. I'll hear if anything gets anywhere near you. There's no need to worry. 'Kay? Right back."

And then he trotted to Junior's side, putting a hand on his back to guide him down the short hall again.

"Hey, wait a minute," I called hoarsely, my voice thick with sleep and pain.

Jacob poked his head around the corner, looking at me questioningly.

"What's so top secret that you have to hide in the other room to talk? I know I'm a little different, being weak and pale and all, but I didn't think that disqualified me as part of the family."

No one bought my attempt at playfulness. Instead, both of them pursed their lips at exactly the same time, exchanging a look that blatantly questioned my ability to handle whatever news was to be told. I made a face, watching them move in sync toward the sofa where I sat.

"You're part of the family," Junior assured me at the same time that Jacob said, "Its guy stuff."

I lifted a brow.

Junior cleared his throat nervously. "Okay, okay. The…er, Cullens called."

My mouth fell slack, my heart stopped and I broke out in a cold sweat all in the same second. I was so astonished I barely even noticed the unintentionally sour tone he used to speak the word.

The Cullens had said they would call when they heard anything about Edward. They must have known something. They must have received some sort of news—a phone call, a visit? My mouth went dry at the possibility, every ounce of moisture in my body gathering in my tear ducts. I tried to slow my breath.

"They called?" Jacob nearly gasped, shocked. His eyes flickered only shortly to Junior's face before returning to mine, studying and wary.

"…Yes."

"What did they say?" I tried. It sounded like nothing but panting.

Junior displayed a confused expression for a moment, but he must have been able to guess what I'd asked. "Bel—mom, Edward…Edward went to Italy."

"What?"

"They kept calling him, and finally he answered and told them he was in Volterra. Then he just…well, he hung up, I guess."

"He hung up?" Jacob echoed, confused.

"Yeah." Junior paused, uncomfortable with all the attention he was getting, and nudged a loose piece of carpet with his big toe. Then, reluctantly, he started again. "…Alice—" It was a strain for him to speak the name. "—said that he sounded…weird, annoyed. But that he wouldn't tell her anything."

"Can't she see him?" I breathed. Perplexed terror had frozen me in place again.

"…Well, no, not really. She said he's changing his mind too much."

"She can't see anything? She must see glimpses! Something. She has to see something, she always does. Maybe just a little flash of something. Is he suicidal? Is he there…just…because?" I was rambling. The tears were starting to spill.

"Probably not." Jake said slowly, his voice deep and careful. He was staring at me cautiously as though he were afraid I'd topple over. I hadn't realized I was standing.

"Probably not what? Probably not suicidal or probably not there just because?" My voice was faint. I could hardly hear myself.

"There just because." His fingers found my good elbow. "Bells, maybe you should sit back down."

"No. No, I need to stand." I shook my head, pushing his fingers away. My body felt much too light, but I didn't care. I couldn't be here when the emotion took over. Jacob didn't need to see that—I didn't want him to. "I need some fresh air. I've got to get out."

I headed for the door.

"Mom, it's like one o'clock in the morning!" Junior protested. I ignored him, still shaking my head.

Keeping my head down so the tears would be obscured, I reached for the doorknob, but my fingers didn't meet the cold metal they were expecting. Shocked, I peered up, raising my eyebrows at the feverish skin beneath my hand.

"Jake, what are you doing?"

"You're not going outside, Bella." he said, blocking my path.

I screwed up my face, almost amused by the authoritative tone his voice held when he spoke to me. It was as though he thought he was my father. Chuckling a little frantically, I pushed at his side, desperate. "Funny, Jacob," I said.

"I'm not joking. It isn't safe." He scooped me off the floor, bringing me up into the air and against his chest. "Bells, look at what happened today. You're terrified as it is. You know this isn't a good idea. Stop being stupid."

"I'm not being stupid," I snapped. "Since when are you my boss?"

"Since apparently you're in need of one. You're being an idiot."

"An idiot? What is idiotic about this, Jacob Black? Tell me. Apparently I'm too stupid to understand how this could possibly be described as idiotic."

"It's one in the freaking morning. It's dark outside. You were attacked by some crazy lunatic today. You're crying and vulnerable, and, hell, I bet you can hardly even see. And yet you want to go outside where there are undoubtedly vampires roaming around lusting for your blood. Twice you've been attacked. And you want to go outside now? By yourself? You tell me what about that isn't idiotic."

I glared at him, oblivious to what was going on. And then it all happened so fast.

Seemingly out of nowhere, Junior broke out in a horrific growl, his body convulsing. Within three seconds, he burst out of his skin, flying straight past us and into the kitchen, a great big wolf of perfect ivory. Jacob spun me around and threw me on the couch in the same second.

"Shit!" He spit into the air. And then he was gone, a large russet brown wolf in his place.

Abruptly, with so much shock it felt as though I'd been hit by a freight train, I realized that there was a vampire in the room. Hunched over in the kitchen by the back door, it crept closer to my son, teeth bared, fingers curled over like talons. Her long black hair swayed on her perfect snowy face, beautifully contrasted with her burgundy eyes.

I sucked in a wild breath, a petrified squeak popping in my mouth.

With impossible speed, she reached out, smacking her stone white palm into Junior's enormous head, sending him three feet in the air. My wolf-son's body landed just short of where I was sitting. It didn't take him long to get back on his feet, and from his mouth came a furious roar so loud I had to cover my ears in pain.

Back in the kitchen, Jacob was ripping and tearing.

One, harsh metallic grinding noise shook the house, and the vampire shrieked in pain as an ashen limb disconnected from the rest. I kept my fingers over my ears, flinching and crying as I stared at the horrifying sight.

As both my men shredded limb from limb from the beautiful woman, another man swung through the front door, headed directly for me. As if nearly a reflex, I hopped almost gracefully onto the couch, cringing into myself in the farthest corner. Junior's large head whipped around, hearing my bloodcurdling scream.

I chucked a pillow at the white man, trying to slow him down. He smiled at me, his teeth unflawed and spotless—at least for the moment—and didn't slow at all. He was taking his time though, smart enough to realize that both of my protectors were too wrapped up to bother him.

It was the perfect ploy.

He stalked closer, feinting like a cat. His eyes were pitch black, his smile kind and only a little sadistic. He reminded me of Laurent…or James.

"Don't worry, this won't hurt too much," He hissed at me, grinning meaningfully.

I flung another pillow as he sprung into the air, smacking him dead in the face.

In response, the vampire plopped elegantly to the floor mid-leap and smirked, amusedly catching the cushion in his claw. Snorting, he raised a brow at me. "This is a little bit elementary, don't you agree?" And then he leapt again.

In the air, he was met by Junior, who plucked the monster's head off his neck so swiftly it was like picking a grape from its stem. Then, quickly, he tossed the body over to Jake. I blinked, stunned, and fell down against the cushions again, burrowing my face into Junior's beautiful white fur as he backed up against me, protective.

Jacob finished the disbanding in the corner shortly, and then he morphed back into his human self.

Still in front of me, my son twitched with embarrassment at his father's naked figure, a whine building deep in the back of his throat as though to say "yuck, dad," like some teenagers do. Pulling a spare purple towel from the back of the chair, Jacob gritted his teeth, wrapping it around his lower half.

He began collecting pieces.

"Stay with her," He commanded Junior, but Junior was already nodding before Jacob even got the words out.

All of the pieces were out of the room just ten minutes later, the smell of sugary smoke filling my nostrils. Jacob rushed back into the house, locking each lock on both of the doors, though the act was more or less pointless. As he flitted back into the living room, his side bumped a chair and the towel fell loose.

I lifted my brows, feeling a little awkward myself, while Junior whined again impatiently.

"Oh, knock it the hell off. It's not like she hasn't seen it all before." He growled just as impatiently back at our son. Hot blood ran up through my neck and painted my cheeks. I ducked my head back against Junior's shoulder, my fingers entwined in his fur.

After a moment of stunned silence, he looked back at me, his eyes warm and caring, but also a little expectant. With a little gasp, I realized he was waiting to turn back into a human, and here I was holding onto him. I let go of him quickly, smiling a rueful smile, and watched as he trotted down the hall and into his room.

He came back in a new set of sweats, a long pair of matching fabric draped over his arm. Junior chucked the extra pants at his father, making a face.

"Whatever happened to vamps not being able to come in unless invited?" He complained. Jake rolled his eyes, sighing as he pulled on the bottoms.

"I can't believe this. How dare those fucking leeches come onto my property?" Jacob snarled to himself, shaking his head. He was pacing.

"Jacob," I squeaked.

Two cool black eyes met mine, hard and full of fury. His jaw was tight under the russet skin, fingers pulled into his palms, and his nostrils flared. I swallowed hard, wondering if he was mad at me.

He looked for only a second, but then fear showed up in his stare, and he looked away, reluctant to have me see it. My breathing wasn't steady. Jacob was hardly ever afraid. If he was scared now…This was worse than any of us ever thought. Who were these vampires? Why were they after me?

"I should've kept one as a hostage," Jacob muttered, seeming to think along the same lines as me. He wanted information, just as I did, but it was impossible to ask questions while the only thing with answers was a pile of ash outside on the ground.

Junior sat next to me, placing his arm around my shoulders and pulling me into his chest. "'S okay, Mom. You'll be okay. We'll protect you. Shh," Warm fingers smoothed my hair for a moment, and then his cheek was heating the top of my head. "'S okay," he repeated.

But it wasn't okay. It wasn't okay at all.

Something was after me, and I had no idea what.