I don't own

In most if not all of the chapters of this ff the characters WILL be massively/outrageously out of character I will post this warning every few chapters but remember: CHARACTERS MOSTLY ACTING OUT OF CHARACTER!! Also; a new character will be introduced this chapter , he/she will talk and act like an American teenager; at least the way I act

And in this chapter I mean no offense to fat people reading this, its just offending to the fat character in this ff.

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Harry was walking down the halls of the manor thinking of what Fred and George could have come up with when he walked right into someone leaving the library. "oh , I'm so sorry." the character bent down to pick up the book he had dropped and Harry saw his face.

"Neville, is that you?" Neville stood up and looked at Harry. "Harry, damn, I haven't seen you in a while." Harry smiled and said "Yeah, its been too long, how you doing?" After Harry spoke he noticed that there was a trunk floating behind him.

"Are you going somewhere?"

"Yeah, actually Voldemort wants me to go to a American wizard school to be an assistant herbology professor, and gain followers while I'm there, of course." Neville said excitedly.

"I cant wait to get there, but here I will miss hanging out with Bella, it wont be as fun without her." Neville said sadly, during his stay at Riddle Manor, Neville had gotten over Bellatrix's torturing of his parents and they were now basically best friends. In the manor you couldn't see one without the other, and if you do, you might want to record the moment.

"Don't worry about it Neville, at least you can still send letters, and hey, maybe you can visit every once in a while." Harry said "Anyway, see you later, mate." Harry grasped Neville's shoulder as he said this. "Yeah, see you around, Harry" Neville grasped Harry's shoulder before turning and walking down the hall, probably to the floo room.

Deciding that he should go get Fred and George so they can show their new invention to Voldemort. Bracing himself for whatever Fred and George thought up, Harry sparked directly into their flat. what he saw surprised, but didn't totally shock him. The room was in total disarray, books were on the ground, chairs and couches overturned, food everywhere, and...WHAT THE HELL! Harry thought to himself, on the wall, there appeared to be a graffiti image of Dumbledore and Voldemort, it was moving. The Voldemort image was repeatedly kicking the Dumbledore image in the balls, and Dumbledore image was sticking a wand up his own nose.

Harry looked at the image for a full 10 seconds before bursting out laughing. Wiping the tears from his eyes he started searching the wreckage for Fred and George. "Fred! George! Are you guys here?" Harry called. After that Harry heard some rustling coming out of a room and Fred and George came out carrying what appeared to be a green glowing sphere about the size of an owl cage.

"What's that?" Harry asked backing away slowly, hey past experience gives a guy some instinct. Fred and George beamed and said proudly. "In this ball of energy, is our invention, we thought long and hard about what we can make that can actually be used as a weapon, but we finally came up with something, now what it is, you'll have to wait and see, after all we want Lord V to see it first." They both spoke at the same time, but anyone who looked at them could see they were practically glowing with glee and pride. Harry nodded, wanting to see what it was and said. "All right guys, grab hold of me."

A minute later they were in the throne room of Riddle manor and Voldemort had just walked in the room. "Harry, am I correct in assuming that they are here to show me their invention?" Voldemort asked Harry looking pleased. "Yes you are dad, guys show what you got." Harry ushered them to the middle of the room. At this point Fred and George looked nervous.

"Ok, well, we couldn't think of any object that we could make useful to you guys, so we kinda created a spirit, or spectre, or ghost, whatever they're called." Fred said hesitantly. Voldemort sat up straighter. "Are you trying to say that you created a spirit?" Voldemort looked absolutely shocked. This time it was George who spoke. "Technically speaking, yes. Now without further ado, allow me to introduce you to; Argetblod (explanation at end of chapter)." At this Fred flicked his wand at the glowing sphere and a silvery figure floated out of it. As soon as it got out of the sphere, it looked at Voldemort, smirked, and said in a voice that one who would hear coming from a very sarcastic teenager.

"Sup, how may I serve you, master of fear, and killing, and castaration." the last bit the figure whispered so only Harry and the twins could hear it, all of whom tried and failed, to hide their smirks, if Voldemort noticed, he didn't say anything. "As my 'parents' said my name is Argetblod, and no I wont tell you what it means, figure it out." Voldemort sat up and asked in a mildly interested voice. "Argetblod, what exactly can you do?" Argetblod smirked and said in a 'well that's obvious' tone

" I can kill, or make peoples lives a living hell." At this Voldemort smiled and said "If you don't mind would you go on a 'test run' for us? I would like you to go to the Dursley home and have a little fun before killing them." Argetblod smirked evilly and said. "With pleasure, literally." and disappeared in a ball of smoke.

Number 4, Privet Drive:

Damn! This place is a dump, Argetblod thought to himself as he appeared in a average muggle home, ooh, it looks like they have guests for dinner! More fun Argetblod grinned to himself and floated over to the table, invisible of course, where the three Dursleys and another family of three were eating dinner. Hmm, what to do first, aah, so many possibilities, deciding that he would embarrass the hell out the big fat man first he conjured a banana, and teleported it into Vernon's pants. The fat man sat up straight, and slowly lowered one hand under the table.

Idiot! Argetblod thought to himself as he floated under the table and threw a curse at the skinny man sitting next to the fat man; incidentally, the curse he shot made the person believe they were being 'pumped' if you get my meaning. The skinny man sat up straight and threw a punch at Vernon's jaw. "What the hell are you doing!" At the same time this was happening Argetblod shot a curse similar to the first one except it was for females, at the young girl who was sitting next to a young, but fat, whale of a boy.

So the girl stood up and kicked the whale of a boy in the balls and slapped him across the face. "Get your bloody hands off me!" She shrieked before running out the front door, her parents followed her cursing under their breath. The Dursley's were left in their kitchen alone, and wondering just what the hell did they do to get treated like that. Deciding to have some more fun before putting them out of their misery, Argetblod snapped his fingers and the Dursleys were tied up and floating against the wall.

The fat man immediately started screaming. "WHO THE RUDDY HELL IS DOING THIS!! LET GO OF US THIS INSTANT OR I SHALL CALL THE POLICE!" Irritated, Argetblod showed himself to the muggles and hissed at them. "In case you didn't notice dumb ass, you're tied up, and cant call the police, I swear the fatter you are the dumber you are." Argetblod said the last bit more to himself than the Dursleys.

"Ah, what to do, what to do." Argetblod looked thoughtful for a moment before conjuring a leprechaun, and directing him towards Petunia whispering in his ear "Do whatever you want." the leprechaun grinned and dragged her into another room. Now that she was taken care off, Argetblod conjured a dagger, and threw it at Vernon's, ahem, lower area.

Plugging his ears Argetblod watched as Vernon appeared to shriek in pain like a whore getting laid. He silenced him with a flick of his finger and then conjured a pole, and shoved it up Vernon's fat ass; literally. Argetblod then turned to the whale of a boy and got a wicked idea in his mind. So he knocked out the kid, took the pole out of the mans ass, and pulled the lady back in the room; after getting rid of the leprechaun of course. Then he killed the adults, and conjured a letter next to the boys body that would change his life forever. Laughing to himself Argetblod then called the police, and disappeared from the 'scene of the crime'.

Four hours later:

John Smith had never been more confused in his life. He was a police officer, he got a call in the middle of the night from a house and went to investigate, when he got there, it appeared that two adults were raped and killed, and their son was next to them unconscious, with a note that read as follows:

Hello,

My name is Dudley Dursley, and if you are reading this you are most likely a cop, so I admit that tonight I had a little too much to drink, and I banged my mom, and my dad, it was fucking awesome man!

And anyway, I don't think I can ever get a girl, so when you read this, do me a favor, castrate me, no seriously, I'm asking you to. Please do it, before I rape anyone else, the next one might be your mom!

Dudley Dursley

Shrugging his shoulders John showed the medics that were on the scene the letter, and told them to go ahead. Sighing, John didn't think there could ever be a stranger murder, if only he was right.

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For those who have read Eragon, or Eldest by Christopher Paolini, the name Argetblod is a odd mixture of the ancient language that if I translated correctly, should mean; silver blood, cause he's silver and doesn't really have blood, but if he had any it would be silver, so, yeah.

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