Groaning, Kerri leaned forward as Peyton fluffed the pillow behind her. She had been home only a few days, after being in the hospital for a week, but she was already tired of her mother hovering every second, and that she had to have practically everything done for her. She knew she would be stuck in this bed for a while yet, but she was already ready to be out of it, longing for the day when she'd be able to do something as simple as make a piece of toast for herself, or even take a walk from one side of the room to the other. She couldn't even get out of bed right now without some form of a crutch to lean on.
After Peyton fluffed the pillow, she moved around, making sure Kerri was covered completely by the blanket, and then she started fussing with Kerri's hair, which was starting to fall out of the sloppy pony tail she'd put it in. Kerri, who had lifted up the laptop on her lap when her mom had started messing with her blanket, now groaned. "Mom, you're in my way. I can't see the screen if you've got your hands in my face," she tried not to sound annoyed, but she couldn't help it, really. She was thinking that it was a side effect of all the medication her mom was giving her all the time.
Just as Peyton stepped back out of the way, though not far, of course, Kerri tried to focus on the screen again, but her cell phone rang, and she knew exactly who it was due to the ringtone now playing through the room. She wanted to sigh, and maybe throw the phone across the room, but she knew that if she didn't answer, Madison would just freak out and call the house, or anyone else's cell phone until she found out how Kerri was doing, or got to talk to her. She grabbed the phone from her nightstand, but didn't yet flip it open. "Dad," she called loudly, hoping he would hear her, whatever he was doing.
Flipping open her phone, she decided to get rid of her sister as her dad made his way to the room. She took a deep breath before she said hello, trying to sound pleasant. She let Madison respond in kind before she continued. "Maddi, really, I know you and Mom are just worried for me, and I love the two of you to death, but I'm trying to take my online course right now, and I can't do that if the two of you are checking on me every two seconds. Please, for the next couple of hours, let me take my class, and then I'll call you back, and we can talk all about how your classes today were," she pleaded.
Fortunately, her sister conceded and soon enough she was hanging up, making promises to call back. Just as she shut the phone, the door to her room opened, and her dad poked his head in. He looked at her, silently asking what she wanted. She pointedly looked at the laptop, and then at her mother before looking at Lucas. "Please, Dad, I really need to concentrate. This is my first online college class. It's a wonder I managed to switch my classes for this semester to online classes anyway. I need to pass, or the school will kick me out," she sent her mom a brief, apologetic look before turning her pleading look on Lucas again.
Smiling at her, Lucas came in and gave her a kiss on the forehead before turning and grabbing Peyton by the hand, pulling her out of the room. He knew that Kerri and Peyton had spent at least an hour on the phone with the admissions office explaining things and the lady had been understanding, and sympathetic, but it had taken them a while to iron things out. Kerri was going to have to move back in the dorm as soon as she could, still taking the online classes, and then start taking on-campus classes as soon as the next semester started. She still had to pass the online classes, though.
Once the door closed behind them, Peyton collapsed onto Lucas, weary and tired from the nights of little to no sleep. She still hadn't gotten over the fact that she had spent every night her daughter had been in the hospital in Tree Hill sleeping in a chair right next to her bed. She had spent the nights that Kerri had been home in her own bed, but she hadn't slept much, running from her room to Kerri's to check on her, and making sure Madison was ready to go back to school Madison had left the day before, so she could make it to her first classes today, and the other kids had started school today too.
So, to take everything in, it had been a hard time, and it hadn't even been two weeks since the accident yet. Peyton knew that she was probably being too over-protective, but she couldn't help it. Lucas knew it too, but of course, he didn't say anything, and she was glad for that. He guided her away when she was overstepping too much, but other than that, he basically hung around her, much the way she hovered around Kerri, trying to make sure she was okay, as she tried to take care of Kerri. She definitely appreciated the gesture, but something in her was still holding back, she knew.
Every night, she made him go home to his own apartment, and while she knew he wished she would at least let him stay in a guest bedroom, he never complained. He left every night, when she looked like she was about to fall over with exhaustion, but only after she promised to put on her pajamas and get into bed. She always did, but not until after he was gone. She also made sure was up and had showered and dressed before he arrived every morning, usually with breakfast and coffee for her and the kids. She knew he wouldn't ask to spend the night, and she was glad, because she wasn't sure what she would say if he did.
It wasn't really that she didn't want him to stay. She loved the time she got to spend with him, and she especially loved the times he held her close in his arms, just comforting her, but she wasn't ready to ask him to stay yet. She didn't think she'd be able to say no if he asked but she didn't know if she was ready, and she wasn't sure if she could find the courage to ask him. She thought about it a lot, probably more than she should, and many times she had been tempted to say the words, instead of asking him to go, asking him to stay, but she couldn't, and she almost thought she knew why.
What she was afraid of was letting him see her as he used to see her, in anything less than impeccable. She was afraid to look a mess around him, because even though she knew he hadn't really cheated on her, obviously the desire had been there or he wouldn't have believed that he had. She didn't want to look sloppy, or less than as beautiful as she could be, because she didn't want him to remember why he had wanted to cheat in the first place. She thought that maybe if she could convince him that she was always beautiful, or looking her best, then he would still want to be with her.
Part of her knew that was crazy. She could remember times when Lucas had repeatedly told her that she looked her best when she wasn't trying to be beautiful. She remembered one day she had been cooking dinner for him, barefoot and with the radio on. She hadn't dressed up; she hadn't even been wearing make-up. She had been dancing to one of her favorite songs singing along as she moved around the room, not even realizing he was there until he snuck up behind her, wrapping his arms around her from behind, and whispering in her ear that she was gorgeous. The kids hadn't been home that night, and dinner had been delayed.
Right now, though, she couldn't allow herself to be around him without make-up, without doing her hair first. She spent more time away from Kerri fixing herself up in the morning than any other time during the day. She heard the words he often said to her, what he used to say played in her mind all the time, but she just couldn't trust that anymore. She trusted him, yeah, but she didn't trust herself to be enough for him anymore. She spent hours every night trying to figure out how to change that, but aside from talking to Lucas, which she didn't want to do, except maybe as a last resort, she wasn't sure she could change that.
Instead of just laying with her head on his chest, she leaned up and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, which quickly turned more heated, and she knew the kids were all at school, except for Kerri, who, besides being busy taking her class, couldn't exactly walk in on them anyway. She could have easily let the moment take them away, and she could tell Lucas wanted to and that made her feel somewhat better. She almost did let it go, just because he wanted to, but she wasn't sure if he just wanted to because he wanted to get laid, or if he actually wanted her. It killed her that she doubted that.
When she pulled back, trying to come up with some excuse, like she had managed to do every other time things had begun to get even remotely close to as heated as they were now, she was coming up blank. She couldn't think of one thing to stop what was going to happen, except to say that she didn't want to, but she did want to, she wanted it so bad that half the time she couldn't think straight anymore. He looked into her eyes, his blue eyes filled with a desire that dissolved any of her desire to stop what was happening. She hadn't seen that much desire in his eyes in a long time, and she knew it was for her, and that caused her resistance to just melt away.
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Sitting at the beach, Brooke just listened to the silence, hearing nothing but the waves crashing onto the beach as she looked out over the water. She was sitting next to Julian, but there was a lull in the conversation and she was glad for that. She liked the times when they could just sit next to each other, letting the silence surround them, without needing to say a word. She knew that this silence was different though. She had something she needed to say, something she needed to tell him, if she could figure out how, and she knew that he knew that. He was waiting for her to find the words.
Looking over at him, she smiled sadly as she took in his posture. She could tell that everything about him made up who he was, what he was going to have to do. She knew she didn't want him to go. She had fallen completely in love with him these past two weeks, and she almost wished she hadn't, because he was leaving, and she didn't know when she'd see him again. She knew he didn't want to leave, and he felt the same way about her now, but he couldn't stop the fact that their two weeks was up. She had known from the beginning that it would be, but she had never expected to feel this way.
Part of her wanted to make him take her in his arms and never let go. She wished she could wrap her own arms around his waist, or his neck, and force him to stay in Tree Hill, with her, but she knew it was more complicated than that. She knew he wouldn't even kiss her right now, because Owen had yet to even sign the divorce papers. Owen was definitely putting up a fight, but she had kept it quiet, and she had finally convinced him to sign the papers. She was going to be a free woman. She technically already was. She wasn't, though, at the same time. Her heart now belonged to Julian.
Meeting her gaze, he smiled back at her, and she finally was able to tell him what she had not yet. "Owen signed the papers. I finally convinced him this morning. I think he's finally realized that I don't love him anymore that I haven't for a long time and I will never be in love with him again," she said, leaving it unsaid why she wouldn't be in love with Owen ever again. She knew that part of it had nothing at all to do with Julian. She just had fallen out of love with Owen. She wasn't sure when, but he had changed into this person she didn't love, and maybe she had changed, too, but she thought she had changed for the better.
Not pretending to be surprised when he wasn't, Julian cocked an eyebrow, and she could see the pleasure and relief in his gaze, but she could also see something there that gave her pause. She looked down, where his hands were linked around his knees. She frowned as she looked closer, grabbing his right hand and pulling it closer for inspection before looking up at him again. She had noticed Owen's black eye and swollen cheek, but since he hadn't said a word to her, and he spent so much time at the bars lately, she had just figured he had gotten into a regular bar fight.
Grasping Julian's hand and tenderly running a thumb over his swollen knuckles, she knew what had happened. She should have suspected it, but she hadn't told Julian where Owen lived specifically for the reason that she knew what he would do. She didn't know now whether she should be angry or not. She looked closer at his face, to be sure that Owen hadn't returned any hits. He looked okay. She clicked her tongue, and shook her head, finally standing up. "You shouldn't have done that," her voice level as she walked toward where her car was, knowing he would follow.
Not one to disappoint her, Julian jumped up and caught up with her, grasping her arm lightly to stop her. "Wait, Brooke, please, don't leave. I know I shouldn't have, but please, don't go. We don't have that much time left, and I, I just," he trailed off, running his sore hand through his hair, wincing when that hurt, and looking at her with big, pleading brown eyes, looking utterly distraught at the thought of her leaving. "I'm not sorry I did it, because we both know he deserved it, but please, don't go," he repeated, his eyes begging her to stay, as his hand moved down her arm so he could link his fingers through hers.
Smiling at her ability to predict exactly what he would do, she reached up with her other hand and lightly caressed his face. It was as close to a kiss as they had gotten. "I'm not leaving. I was going to the car to get my first aid kit, so I could get some antiseptic on those knuckles. I'm not going to condone what you did, but I won't blame you for it either. I'm almost kind of glad you did it. I just don't want you hurting because I used to be married to an asshole," she admitted, glad that he didn't want to lose time with her as much as she didn't want him to leave. That was comforting to know.
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After hearing the knock on the door, Peyton called for him to come in, stopping in Kerri's room to make sure she was okay and to check again that she was okay with Peyton and Lucas going out tonight. Kerri told her that she looked gorgeous and that she was glad she was leaving, because the lets would give her more peace. Peyton kissed her daughter's forehead, ignoring the teasing, and left the room. She headed down the stairs, knowing that Lucas would be waiting in the foyer, and trying to forget the last time they had gone out on a date, they had later that night found out about Kerri's accident.
Putting that out of her mind, she smiled as she reached the foot of the stairs. She had, almost immediately after their session in bed earlier that day, kicked him out, so he wouldn't have to look at her while she wasn't looking her best, but he had only left once she had promised that she would go out to dinner with him that night. She had reluctantly agreed, knowing that the 'lets could take care of Kerri, and she really could use a night out, especially with Lucas. She also liked the idea of really dressing up and going out to dinner with him. She could look really good if she had a reason to, and she wanted to remind him of that.
As he caught sight of her, and she could visibly see his reaction, she smiled inwardly. She had chosen her red dress specifically, and she had done her make-up pretty perfectly, if she did say so herself. She was also pleased with her hair, which had curled wonderfully, and was twisted up into a French twist. She was pleased with her appearance, and she was definitely pleased with the way he reacted to her appearance. He pulled her into his arms as soon as she reached him, and began kissing her everywhere his lips could reach. She giggled and placed her hands on his chest.
Looking down at her in awe, he couldn't believe how lucky he was to have her back in his life. He knew he was lucky, and he knew he didn't deserve her but here she was, and he never intended to lose her again. He had felt like they had re-broken down some barriers today, and he was glad for that. He stared at her, and as she looked back up at him, she could tell she was wondering what he was thinking. He knew he was wondering what she was thinking. He remembered a time where they would have just canceled their reservations, and gone right back up to bed, instead of leaving the house.
Looking into her green eyes, which reflected back all the love that he hadn't seen there for too long, he wondered why they couldn't do just that. "Let's go back upstairs," he growled huskily into her ear. He watched as her expression turned puzzled, and he continued, talking low enough so that if any of the kids were around, they wouldn't overhear something they would probably rather not hear. "Come on, Peyt. You look amazing, you really do, and I love seeing you all dressed up but I would love even more seeing you not dressed at all," he waggled his eyebrows suggestively at her.
Taking on a faked shocked look, she pretended to be scandalized by his suggestion, even though it secretly pleased her that he would suggest that. His words gave her hope that maybe one day he would actually mean that, and mean everything else he used to say to her, about preferring her when she wore no make-up, and everything else. He hadn't said anything like that to her in the past two weeks, if he had even noticed that she had dressed up and done her make-up every day, in a way she hadn't before. "Come on, Lucas, I really tried to look good tonight," she tried to sound teasing.
Sudden understanding lit up his expression, and she cursed him for knowing her so well. She looked down to avoid his gaze, and so she could hide her disappointment when he agreed with her. He surprised her by lifting her chin, looking into her eyes to make sure she heard him. "Peyton, you don't have to try to look beautiful. You just are. You are absolutely the most gorgeous woman I've ever known, with or without make-up, with or without your hair done, whether you're dressed in a dress like this, or jeans and an old tee-shirt. In fact, I prefer when you wear nothing but jeans and an old tee-shirt, and when you have no make-up on," he paused, shaking his head, in admonition of himself, not of her, she knew.
Looking at her again, he went on. "I probably should have mentioned this before, when I noticed you were trying so hard, but I didn't want to put any more stress on you, I thought it was something you needed to do. I didn't think it was something you thought you needed to do for me. Peyt, I love every side of you, but the side I love the most is the side other people don't get to see. I love it when you're at your most comfortable, because I feel that's a special side of you that I'm the most familiar with. I know lately I haven't deserved to see that side, and that was why I didn't question you," he emphasized.
Still in shock at his words, Peyton was unable to find any of her own, so Lucas continued. "One of my favorite memories of us was when I came home from work, and the kids were all gone, busy or somewhere else, and you were cooking dinner for me. I called your name, but I could hear music on in the kitchen, so I followed it in there. You hadn't heard me yet, and you were dancing around the kitchen as you cooked, in your bare feet, singing to yourself," he chuckled. She was surprised he remembered that with such fondness. "I love memories like that, or times when we sit on the couch together and you fall asleep with your head on my chest. I love every part of you, Peyton Scott, and I don't care if you're dressed in your best dress, or if you're sick in bed, wearing pajamas with your hair in a mess. You're always the most beautiful woman in the world to me," he finished.
Before she could answer, he reached up, carefully taking her hair out of the French twist, letting it cascade her back in curls. He kissed her neck, pulling her close and leading her to the bedroom. The kids, for the most part, chose to ignore the fact that their parents weren't leaving the house like they had planned, and when Lucas got her behind the closed bedroom door, he slipped her dress off, but before they went to bed, he took her to the adjoining bathroom and washed the make-up off her face. "I love you, Lucas Scott," she said in complete awe before they went to bed.
A few hours later, there was a knock on the door. Peyton, since all the kids were in bed, due to the curfew of a school night, hurriedly pulled on one of his old tee-shirts, and the first pair of pants that she found on the floor as she hurried toward the front door. She pulled it open, yawning and pulling the hair out of her face, to find her best friend standing on the porch, crying. "He's gone, P Sawyer. He really left. I knew he was going to, but now that it happened, I'm kind of freaking out," the usually bubbly brunette confessed. She was blubbering now.
Not really understanding, Peyton asked if she was talking about Owen, and Brooke immediately shook her head. "No, not Owen. Owen and I are getting divorced. I'm talking about Julian. He left, really left. I fell in love with him in the two weeks he was here, and now he left. He's going back to Afghanistan and he could die, and either way I won't see him for at least two years and there was so much I should have said, so much I should have done and now I may never see him again," she sobbed, and Peyton, who was utterly confused, invited her in, hoping that after Brooke cried for a while, she would shed some light on the subject.
A/N: I thought this chapter was good. I'm trying to iron out Lucas and Peyton's problems one step at a time. We're not quite done yet. Next chapter will have more info on Brooke and Julian, and some more drama with Luke and Peyt. I think I'll involve more of the teenagers in it too. We shall see, I guess. I can tell you this, and y'all can try to guess what it will mean. The title of the next chapter will be The Man I Want To Be. Review, tell me what you think that means, what you think will happen. Maybe you'll be right, maybe not. We shall have to see.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.