I don't own Twilight

Chapter 18 Thoughts

EPOV

I leaned closer to her and too her hands in mine. "What is it?" she asked and I looked down at the table, it was actually embarrassing to tell her this. "We think you might be pregnant."

She looked away from me, and pulled her hands from my grasp and wrapped them around herself. Was she shocked? Scared? She hardly breathed and she covered her face with her hands. "Bella?" I asked her and stood up, kneeling down next to her.

"I'm fine, Edward." she said and took my hands in hers. I looked at her face, trying my best to read it, but it didn't work. All I could see was the tears and... a smile?

"Bella, realize we don't how this will go? We don't know how this will end." Carlisle said from behind her, I looked at him for a second, then back at her.

Do I want this baby? Well, I wish Bella and I could have a child, but then I wish she could have it with one of her own kind, human, not a vampire, a mortal human. Alice came running into the room. "What is all this about?" she asked, her voice was harsh, and worried.

"Bella's pregnant." Esme said, for the first time in my life as a vampire, she seemed so different. "You didn't see it?" I asked and stood up. Alice looked shocked and walked closer to me, "No." she answered like she had been kicked.

"When did this happen?" Alice asked, surprised. "Alice, where have you been these past two weeks?" Emmett asked and wrapped an arm around his little sister.

Alice didn't answer, just looked at us, worried. "Are you okay?" she asked Bella and took a step closer. "Yeah, I'm fine." Bella said and smiled. "Can I talk to you?" I asked her, looking into her eyes and not looking away. "Yes." she said, and looked at the others. "Alone." I added, coldly.

"Come on, let's leave them to themselves for a moment." Carlisle said and walked out of the living room.

She looked at me again, looking into my eyes. "What did you want to talk about?" she asked and leaned closer to me. "Bella, do you want this baby?" I asked her straight out. "Yes, Edward. Yes, I want this baby." she said, kissed my forehead.

I pulled away the second her lips touched my skin. "Bella, we don't know how this will go. The baby might be dangerous, don't you understand it can kill you?" I said loudly, standing up.

I heard her sob and I wanted to rip of my own skin. Slowly I turned to face her, "Bella..." I started, and got on my knees in front of her again.

"I want a family with you, of course, but sweetie we don't know what this baby can do to you, what if it kills you? How can I go on? Please, understand that I don't want to lose you!" I said, holding her hands in mine.

"So you don't want it?" she said, and a new tear fell from the corner of her eye. "I wish the baby wasn't mine, because we don't know what it can do to you." I sounded sad, I was sad. I had given her the other thing I didn't want to give her besides becoming a vampire. A baby.

I wiped away the tears staining her face and kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry, I don't want you to be sad, I just don't want to live a second without you." I said and looked into her eyes. "I understand Edward, I understand that you don't want to lose me, but I want this baby, as much as I want you." as she spoke I stood up.

"Edward... where are you doing?" Alice asked, coming running into the room. "I just need to be alone for a moment. I need to figure this out." I said and jump out of the window.

I could hear Bella sob harder and it was breaking my heart.

As I came out in the woods I ran faster and faster. And suddenly I thought of nothing, just the running. Giving me a pause of what was going on around me. Of people ruining my life, of people trying to take what I love the most in the world away from me.

And as I ran, I figured out who was the blame in all this. Myself, I had taken Bella into my life, into my family. I thought she was protected, but she's not. She's in danger all the time, in danger of my life, my family, and my enemies.

And now more than ever, this time it was unknown what was going to happen. She didn't want to be saved. She wanted this, and she wanted me with her, but I can't watch her die. Not like this, I can't protect her from herself. Not when it's growing inside her, growing as I'm here making a fool out of myself.

What if she died and I wasn't there to save her, not there to hold her hand and tell her everything was going to be ok. That she was safe.

What if she died and the it made it, would I love it?

Would I be able to love something that killed what I've been searching for a century?

Would I ever find that kind of love again?

No, not in a million years, there is no one like Bella.

I heard a sound behind me and I turned around, searching. Then I spotted it, about 20 feet away from me, a deer. The sweet sense filled my lungs. It took of and I took of after it, it took me under a second and I had it trapped in my arms, I broke it's neck and it died instantly. I drank it's blood with care, I used as much time as I possibly could on one deer.

I got up, for once using the time to bury it. When I was done I turned to the direction of the house. Started walking in human speed, it would take me about three hours to get back to Bella, but I needed the time to think.

I guessed everybody was mad at me at home, mad because I got mad and left. But it would be the same for Emmett and Rosalie, if Rosalie could get killed because she was pregnant. He would have tried to stop her. "I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul."

The poem said from [Navnet på forfatteren] and it this chance it was "She is the master of our fate: I am captain of her soul." She was going to choose for both of us, and I would stand by her side and support her whenever she fell. And this was the last time she fell, but I could catch her, unless I ripped the child out of her, and she would hate me for the rest of her life. Or for the rest of eternity.

I got to the house and Carlisle was waiting for me outside. "Hello, dad." I sounded sad again. I rarely called Carlisle dad, but he was like a dad to me. I could tell him everything.

"Hello, Edward." he answered, walking towards me. I sat down on the wet grass, I hadn't realized it had started too rain and I was soaked.

"How is she feeling?" I asked and Carlisle sat down next to me. "She fine, for now. But how are you feeling?" "I don't know what I feel, I feel nothing. Empty. I'm hallow." she was dying to me now. Fading away from me, more every minute.

"She's going to be alright." Carlisle said and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "I'm not gonna lie to you, son, I don't know what's gonna happen. But we can hope, hope its going to end well." as he spoke I wished I was human again, I wanted to cry.

Instead I screamed, screamed so loud that everything within 10 miles reach was running away from me. "Why her?" I asked myself, "Why did I fall in love with a human, and then make the mistake to sleep with her?" I asked again. Carlisle just said; "Sometimes things happen, things we wish wouldn't happen, but things happen for a reason. Just hope this has a darn good one." and then we walked inside the house again.

Want me to bring Bella out? He asked in his mind, and I just nodded.

I heard her step outside, walking slowly towards me, afraid for once. Ironic, when it's about protecting something, then she's afraid, but when it's about protecting herself, she not afraid of anything.

"Don't be afraid Bella." I said and looked down between my legs, looking at the orange grass under me, the summer had come to an end, and winter was coming.

She sat down next to me, putting a hand on my shoulder, "I'm not afraid of you, I'm afraid of what you're going to say." she whispered, and I looked at her face. Her eyes were red, red after crying. I ran inside for a blanket and got back even before she had realized that I'd been gone. I wrapped it around her, I didn't want her to get a cold on top of being pregnant.

"Thanks." she said and leaned her head on my shoulder. "You're welcome Mrs. Cullen." I said, and smiled. "Are you sorry for not leaving me now?" she asked and buried her face deeper into my shoulder. "Do you think I am?" I asked, leaning away, trying to make her look at me.

"I dunno, that's why I'm asking you." she replied, she had both hands on my shoulder, playing with a lock of my hair. I turned to her to answer.

I know I know its mean, but its to keep you I suspense. Please Review. I want to try to get to 50.