Blinking her eyes open slowly, Peyton closed them again before she raised her hand to rub her eyes, but was hindered. There was a beeping in the room that really annoyed her. At first, she assumend that it was just her alarm clock. She reached out to shut it off, but felt that pain in her arm again when she tried to move it. She could also hear her name being called, by a voice that sounded eerily like Nathan's. Why would she be dreaming that Nathan was calling her name? Unless it was real. But then, why would Nathan be here? And what was that incessant beeping?
To get to the bottom of everything, she opened her eyes and was met with the sight of Nathan's. She saw his face, hovering above her, and then a stark white ceiling above that. Wait a second, the ceiling of her bedroom was a deep blue. Actually, none of the ceilings in any of the rooms of her house were just plain white. So where the heck was she? And why didn't she remember going there with Nathan. Nathan's voice still sounded muffled, but that beeping wouldn't go away. She looked around, ready to take the alarm clock and throw it across the room, when she noticed all the monitors and realized the beeping was following her heartbeat. It all came back to her. She also realized she should be hearing another beeping.
Trying to sit up, but being unable to, she began to panic. She focused on Nathan as he placed her hands on her shoulders, trying to get her to calm down. "Where's my baby, Nathan? What happened to my baby?" she asked. Noticing the way he stiffened and stammered, trying to find the right answer to her question, Peyton knew what happened. "She's gone," she whispered, becuase she couldn't bring herself to say the words any louder, and she began to sob. She saw the way his face softened sympathetically, but she didn't want his pity. "Where's Jake?" she asked, trying and failing to stop her tears.
Thankfully, Nathan was able to understand her through her sobs, which was causing her breathing to get a little off-kilter. She felt like she couldn't catch her breath, but having Nathan there helped, somewhat. She wanted her husband, though. This was a question Nathan was better suited to answer. "Easy there, Sawyer, calm down. Your husband is awake, and in a room down the hall. The doctors wouldn't let him get out of bed to come see you, but he's going to be pleased your awake. Everyone will," he said, placing a hand on her shoulder, becuase she was still trying to sit up.
Before he could leave the room to get the doctor, Peyton reached out and grabbed his hand. "Wait," she said, but her voice was scratchy and her throat was dry. She hadn't noticed it moments ago, because so many things mattered more than that, but she noticed now, and she wanted to do anything to stall, just for a moment. Nathan couldn't stand the sight of Peyton lying in the hospital bed, looking so helpless, but someone had to sit with her, and his wife had fallen asleep in the hospital chair in the living room. He hadn't allowed Brooke or Lucas in there, because they didn't deserve to talk to Peyton. If Peyton wanted to talk to them, that was fine, but he wasn't going to allow it unless Peyton agreed.
Looking around, he noticed a pitcher of water and some cups on the nightstand next to her bed. He picked it up, grabbed a cup and poured some water into it. Then he helped her sit up a little bit, and let her drink some water out of it. When she was laying back on the pillows, she spoke again. Taking as deep a breath as her sore body would allow her, she met his eyes, needing a truthful answer to her question. "Who is everyone?" she asked, both of them knowing the real question. What she really wanted to know is, 'Are Lucas and Brooke a part of that everyone?'
Nathan blew out a sigh and ran his hand through his hair. He didn't want to put any stress on her, which he knew the answer to her question would do. He couldn't lie to her though, and he couldn't really tell her no. "Everyone is Haley, Jamie, Karen Andy, Lily, Nikki, Jenny," he paused, and she waited patiently, already knowing the rest, "Brooke and Lucas," he finished, and her heart fluttered a little at the name, even though she knew it shouldn't. He watched as she closed her eyes, and he wished he could know what she was thinking, but that had always been the other Scott brother. Nathan himself had never been as good at reading her.
When she opened her eyes, she nodded slowly, as if accepting the information. He turned to go get the doctor. "Nathan," she called, and he turned back at the door. "Don't let them in," she said, because she knew that even though he couldn't read her, he would know exactly what she was talking about. He nodded and left the room without another word. She settled into the pillows just a little bit easier, knowing Lucas and Brooke wouldn't be coming into her room. She wasn't ready to face them yet, not after four years of nothing. She was glad to know that everyone else had come, though.
The doctor came in the room a few moments later, and explained that, because she was driving, the impact of her stomach hitting the steering wheel, and not to mention crashing into the telephone pole, killed the baby on impact. There was nothing the doctors could to do save it. They were barely able to save her. She had mutliple scratches and bruises, a rather large gash on her forehead, a broken leg and some broken ribs. Jake had made it through with a mild concussion, and a broken arm, not to mention some serious scratches and bruises as well. He wasn't allowed out of bed yet because of the concussion. He had only woken up a little while before Peyton.
The first thing Peyton wanted to know was when she could get out of the hospital. She hated them, and had ever since her mom had died. The doctor told her that she had to stay a couple of nights for observation, then they would give her something so she would pass the dead baby out of her system, and then they would hold her for a few more days, just to be sure she was okay. That would probably mean about a week in the hospital. Jake would only need to stay overnight, which bothered Peyton to no end, but at least she would be able to see him. She requested that they be put in the same room, since they were going to move her, and the doctor agreed to do at least that much.
The doctors had to examine her first, so by the time she was placed in the room, Jake was already there. Neither of them could get out of their beds, but the look they shared said everything. He knew, and she knew, and they were both nursing broken hearts. Jake requested to see Jenny, because she was the brightest light in his life right now. To be honest, she was Peyton's brightest light, too. She knew Jake was hurting, just like she was, but she knew her pain was worse. It's been said that a woman becomes a mother when she finds out she's pregnant, and a man becomes a father when he first holds his child. Well, Jake hadn't gotten to hold their daughter yet. He never would.
At that thought, she just wanted to break down, and sob the way her body longed to, but Jenny entered the room then, and she couldn't. Somehow, she wasn't quite sure how, she made it though Nikki and Jenny's visit, and then Nathan, Haley and Jamie, and then Karen and Lily popped in. She still refused to see Lucas, and she heard the fuss he made in the hall, but she wasn't ready to see him, or Brooke, yet, so she couldn't. Her dad was out to sea, but would be in as soon as he could, and her brother was overseas, too. She wished she still had a sister in Brooke, but it had been too long, and she wasn't ready to have any heartfelt conversations, or shouting matches, just yet.
~*~*~
The day after they had taken the baby out of Peyton, she was in the hospital room, Jake at her side, like he'd been since he was released from the hospital, when she suddenly turned her head away from the window to look at him. "I want to have her funeral in Tree Hill," she said, not as if she had just thought of this, but as if she'd been mulling it over since she'd learned of her daughters death, and she was determined to have it that way. "It's my home, and it was yours, too, and it's where she should be laid to rest," she said decisively, and he knew there was no changing her mind.
That was the only thing that Peyton said to him all day. It was the most she'd said to him in days, probably since the accident. She was pulling away from him. He could tell, but he didn't know how to stop it. He wished things could go back to the way they used to be, but he knew they couldn't. He wanted his little baby girl back. He wanted his wife back, and he wanted her to be not so distant. He couldn't voice any of these wants, though, because he knew they were selfish. So he just nodded his head, agreeing with her. "What do you think her name should be?" he asked.
There was a long moment of silence. They had debated names, long before they had found out the sex, and they had come up with a perfect name for both sexes. The name they'd chosen for a girl now just didn't seem right, however. They'd chosen a first and middle name that had nothing to do with anyone they knew. At the time, they'd wanted the child to have his or her own identity, but now she had seen the tiny body of her child and the name just didn't sound right. She needed a strong name, a name of someone she knew and a name that could define the little girl she'd never get to be. "Annabeth Angel Jagielski," she said. Annabeth, after her two mothers, Anna and Elizabeth, and Angel because that was what their daughter was now.
If that was her decision, he would let her make it, just like she'd made the decision about where to bury her. He'd plan the rest of it, but if she wanted to talk to him, and put in her input, he definately wouldn't stop her. He hated that she was pulling away from him, but he knew that this was what she did in tragedy. She'd come to him in her own time. The conversation ended when they heard a sharp yell from the hall. "I am Brooke Davis, damnit, do you understand that? My best friend is in there and you're trying to keep me out. I don't think so." The exclamation was followed by the click of heels in the hall outside, and then the door opening, and Brooke, followed by a slightly shocked Lucas, entering the room.
The other bed in Peyton's room was still unoccupied, and Brooke walked right past it, up to the foot of Peyton's bed. The blonde could only stare at her, and Lucas, in disbelief. She tried not to look directly at Lucas, though, because she was still attached to machines, which would notice her spike in heart rate. So she ignored him the best she could. How could the nurses let them by? How could Nathan let them in? She had specifically asked for them not to be allowed in the room. She wasn't strong enough to start a fight, though, so she didn't say a word, even when Brooke walked forward and hugged her.
It did feel good to get a hug from her old best friend, but how could Brooke even yell at the nurse that they were still best friends? They hadn't talked in nearly four years, and they hadn't really talked much the year before that either. She knew that Brooke was successful, and, now, planning a wedding, if that wedding was ever going to happen, but she knew that only because of Nathan and Haley. If Brooke even knew that Peyton had been pregnant, she had only learned it from the same source. Peyton just didn't get how that translated to still being best friends, though. She didn't have the strength to say any of that. Since the accident, she'd been pretty silent, except when talking to Jenny, or Jamie, or Lily.
When Brooke finally let Peyton go, and straightened, she looked Peyton directly in the eye. "I'm so sorry, P," she said. Then, as if that erased four years of hurt, she pulled up a chair, sat down, and began telling stories about her life. Peyton didn't say a word, and neither did Lucas. He just stayed still, standing behind Brooke's chair, while Peyton looked anywhere but him. The conversation was pretty much between Jake and Brooke, and they both tried to make up for the silence of their significant others. They did try to involve the blondes in their conversation, but anytime they did, they would get some kind of noise of affirmation, if they got any sound at all.
A little while later, Nathan walked in on the following scene: Jake and Brooke were sitting on opposite sides of Peyton's bed, laughing over some joke, or humorous thing that one of them had said. Lucas was standning behind Brooke, not even the hint of a smile on his face as he stared at Peyton, while Peyton stared firmly out the window, though her eyes were glazed over, and it was clear that she was miles away, mentally, and even emotionally. Jake had let go of Peyton's hand sometime, and both of her arms hung limply at her sides. She glanced over at the sound of the door opening, but her facial expression didn't change at all.
As he surveyed the scene, it seemed off. Well, of course it was. He knew the first reunion of the blonde and her best friend shouldn't have been in the hospital room, after she'd just been in a car accident, and lost her baby. There shouldn't need to be a reunion at all. The two best friends shouldn't have stopped talking in the first place. To this day, he wasn't sure why they did. He didn't even know if they knew why they did. When his appearance finally got the attention of the two laughing brunettes, Nathan spoke. "Um, Haley and Jamie wanted to come in, too, but the doctor says only four people at a time," he said.
With a nod, Brooke stood, leaning over to place a kiss on Peyton's pale forehead. "I'll be back, P. Sawyer. Love you, baby girl, and you better get better, you hear me," she said, straightening without getting a response. "I'm going to go get some lunch, come on, Luke," she said as she began to stride out of the room. Lucas asked for a minute, at the same time that Jake stood, saying he'd join them. Jake and Brooke left the room, and Nathan gave his brother a long, hard stare. He told Lucas that he was going to get Haley, and he'd give him no more time than that.
Ignoring his little brother, Lucas stepped closer to Peyton. She finally met his gaze, now that they were alone. Her look said, 'What do you want from me?' and, to be honest, he didn't know the answer to that. "I was so scared when I heard you got in an accident, Peyton. I know we haven't talked in years, and I'm sorry for that, but you should know, the possibility that you might die put a lot of things into perspective for me," he paused, and she said nothing. Instead of this being by choice, like it had been for the past few days, she honestly didn't know what to say. "You can't retreat inside your shell, though. Yes, it was horrible what happened, but you can't stop living your life," he continued.
This time she didn't need to think before speaking. The words came out of her mouth before she could stop them. "Damn you, Lucas, what kind of say do you have? You stopped contact with me, and now you want to come here and give me pity, or sympathy, because you think I want it. Well, I don't want it, and I don't want you here. So just get out. You have no right to be here, and I don't want you here," she yelled pointing to the door, but then pulling her arm back because of the pain it sent through her ribs. It was the most emotion she'd shown since she'd woken up, and even though it was anger, he was glad she was feeling something.
When Haley and Nathan followed Jamie into the room before Lucas could respond, he just left, deciding to respect her wishes. Nathan took one look at Peyton as his brother brushed by him, and he knew that Lucas had upset her. Without a word, he followed his brother out of the room, and Lucas was halfway down the hallway when Nathan caught up to him, grabbing his arm and spinning Lucas to face him. "Hey, man, what the hell is your problem? She just lost her baby, Lucas, and she doesn't need you, who knows nothing of her life right now, through your choice, to come in here and screw around with her emotions," he yelled, because he had heard the shouting from Peyton's room.
Shaking Nathan's hand off of his arm, Lucas looked incredulously at his brother. "I don't have a problem, Nathan. You seem to be the one with the problem. I just want that woman in there to be the fighter she is. She shouldn't lose herself like she lost her baby. Her mothers wouldn't want that, and you shouldn't want that either. Haley told me that Peyton looks depressed every time she sees her, and she only talks to the kids. I know that Peyton is a fighter, and she can get past this, if someone is there pushing her. I know I haven't been there for her, but I want to change that," he retorted before turning and walking away.
When Nathan reentered the room, Haley shared a look with him, while Jamie babbled on to Peyton. He had instantly taken to her, and Peyton couldn't say she didn't adore the little blonde boy. He looked so much like his uncle, it was funny, but his personality was definately a mix of his parents. He had Haley's smarts, and Nathan's love of basketball, and he really was the perfect mix of the two. Peyton was listening to Jamie, but she noticed the look between his parents. She knew they were having some kind of silent conversation, and it was all about her, and the blonde man that had just left.
Deciding to just ignore it, Peyton focused more intently on the little boy perched on the edge of her bed, talking about how he beat his daddy at basketball earlier, at a park they had found that was close to their hotel. She waited until there was a lull in his conversation to begin speaking. "Guess what, Jamie? Once I get out of the hospital, I'm going to go to Tree Hill for a while. So you can show me your house, and your pool, and your room, and Chester," she said, smiling at the little boy as his eyes grew wide with excitement. He began to tell her all the things he wanted to show her.
The couple shared another look, but they both took a seat and listened to their son go on and on. Peyton just listened intently, nodding her head, and commenting approprietly, though the look in her eyes was miles away. A little while later, Jenny appeared in the doorway, followed by Nikki. Nathan and Haley took that as their cue to leave, and they stood, allowing Jamie to give his aunt Peyton a gentle hug. They both said their goodbyes as Jenny came into the room, instantly taking Jamie's place. She gave her mom a hug as Nikki entered the room, taking one of the chairs. "Where's Daddy?" the little girl asked innocently.
To be honest, Peyton had no idea. He hadn't come back after leaving with Brooke, and, after the shoting match between Nathan and Lucas, Peyton was pretty sure the broody blonde hadn't joined them. She wondered if Brooke and Jake were still hanging out, and then she wondered if she cared. To be honest, she just wasn't sure anymore, as horrible as that might make her sound. She was tired of pain, tired of feeling. She just wanted to be numb. Of course, she couldn't say any of that to the little girl. So she forced a smile. "I think Daddy went to eat something," she told her.
Of course, Peyton noticed the look Nikki was giving her. She looked up for a minute, meeting the brunettes dark eyes, but she couldn't stand the contact. She wondered if Nikki knew what she was thinking, and she found herself hoping that she didn't, but at the same time, hoping that she did. She needed someone to know what was going through her mind, to push her into sharing her feelings, so she could get some comfort. She knew that wouldn't be Jake. He had never been one for forcing her into anything. If not him, though, then who? She just wasn't sure.
A/N: First, let me say, thank you for all the reviews. I loved every one of them, and I'm glad you guys like them. Some of you might know that I accidently said there would be a Breyton confrontation after the funeral in the last A/N. Well, that should happen next chapter. Everyone will be back in Tree Hill for the next chapter and, since this fic is focused on Peyton mainly, that's where it'll stay for the time being. Yes, Peyton is pulling away from Jake, big time, but Lucas was right about her needing a push in the right direction. Who will actually be the one to give it to her? You'll find out, in due time. Oh, and I might not have an update next Sunday, because I'm really busy this week. I'm going camping, then I'm going up to my grandmothers house, so there might not be an update for this fic, sorry. We'll have to see if I can find time to write. Anyway, keep up the reviewing, it really does inspire me. Thanks for reading!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.