Turning away from her husband, she noticed Jenny, watching them anxiously. Without hesitation, she pulled the little girl up into her embrace, letting her hide her face in the crook of her shoulder. She hated that they were doing this to her. "Listen, Jake, if you have to go, go, but I'm not ready to go back to Savannah yet, and I'm not sure when I will be," she said, in a loud whisper. They had been having the same argument for two weeks, ever since the funeral and Jake was finally insisting that he had to go back, or he would have no job. She, however, was not moving in her position. She was just not ready to go back yet.
With a frustrated sigh, he ran a hand through his short brown hair. "Fine," he said, not lowering his voice. "Give me my daughter and I'll go," he held out his arms for Jenny. Peyton did not miss the way he said 'my daughter,' but Jake missed the pain on her face because of it. She quickly hid the hurt look, and gave Jenny a kiss on the forehead before handing the small girl over. Since Jake's arm was broken, he only gave his daughter a quick hug before setting her on her feet. They both knew the fighting was hurting Jenny, but honestly, they were all hurting.
Instead of saying anything else, he took his daughter's little hand in his, picked up his bag with his broken hand and threw it over his shoulder before picking up Jenny's small, pink bag, and heading toward the front door without so much as a glace back at his wife. She had spent the past two weeks holed up in her room, playing music, much like she did in high school, except in high school, she was forced to leave her room some of the time. Since she had only just graduated art school, and had yet to find a steady job, all she had was her part time job back in Savannah, and that obviously wasn't enough motivation for her.
Actually, what really hurt him was that he obviously wasn't enough motivation for her to get out of bed. Well, not just him, but their life. She obviously didn't want to go back, and he wished she would just talk to him about it, instead of fighting with him. That's all they did anymore. They fought, and she pulled away from him, and then they fought some more. He was trying to hold on to her, and what they had, but it was like she was just letting go, of everything. He couldn't stand living that way anymore, so he was going to give her the space she wanted, and he'd hope she'd come back to him. That was the only thing he could think of to do anymore.
The blonde watched at the door as Jake threw their stuff into the new car he had recently bought, since her Comet was pronounced totaled, and he buckled Jenny into her car seat. The little girl noticed the absence of the woman immediately. "Why isn't Mommy coming?" she asked. Jake didn't answer her, but she just looked to Peyton, reaching out towards her. "I want Mommy," the little girl yelled. It killed Peyton to see the hurt in those eyes, but she had to grit her teeth, force a smile, and wave. She called that she would be home soon, though she wasn't sure she would be, and that seemed to placate the girl a little bit.
As they drove off, Peyton saw Lucas, running, at the other end of the block. Truthfully, she had seen him run past her house every morning, from her bedroom window, but she hadn't stopped him to talk, even though she kind of wanted to. She knew that Jake and Brooke had hung out quite a few times over the past couple of weeks, so he knew she was there, all he had to do was come over. He also knew she never locked her door. So, it was quite obvious to her that he didn't want to talk. She tried to tell herself that she didn't want to talk anyway, but she knew that wasn't true. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to Jake, per se. It was more that she wanted to talk to Lucas.
Before he could see her, she retreated inside the house and closed the door. She wondered if he saw the car drive away, and if he thought she was in it. Sighing, she headed back up the stairs, trying to tell herself it didn't matter. He was just passing the house when she got to her window, and she was free to stare at him for a moment without anyone seeing. At the sight of him, she felt a familiar flutter of her heart. She wished it would just go away, because all it did was remind her that she didn't get that feeling with Jake. She had never gotten that feeling with anyone except Lucas, to be honest. She had felt something similar every time she saw Jake before the accident, but it wasn't near as strong as what she felt for Lucas, and it had kind of disappeared after the accident.
All she wanted to do was climb into bed at that depressing thought, but she put on a record first. Then she climbed into bed and stayed there for the next couple of days. She got out of bed maybe once or twice a day to eat, and she got out of her bed to use the bathroom, but that was about it. The only reason she took a shower and left the house was because the house was out of food without Jake there to buy groceries. So she decided to go get some groceries, and come home. She only hoped that no one saw her while she was out of the house. She got into her dad's car, which he left at the house when he was out on jobs, and drove to the store.
Unfortunately, her plan didn't go so well. She was just about to take her basketful of groceries to the check-out counter when her cart hit another. She looked up and was about to apologize when she saw who was pushing the other cart. At the sight of those blue eyes, the butterflies in her stomach, which only came to life because of the man in front of her, instantly began working overtime. "I should have known," she muttered to herself, choosing to ignore the blonde as she abandoned her cart and fled the store. She just needed to get out, now, groceries be damned, She could call for takeout if she had to. Maybe she could even get Karen to send her something.
Now that Lucas was sure she was still in Tree Hill, it didn't matter if everyone else knew. She didn't think about the fact that Brooke was probably still talking to Jake, and so she would already know that Peyton was still in Tree Hill, and therefore Lucas would know too. Even that theory, though, had some holes, though none that Peyton knew about. Getting into her car, she glanced back to notice that Lucas hadn't followed her out of the store. She wondered if that was because she had surprised him as much as he surprised her, or if it was just because he didn't care. She hoped it wasn't the latter, but due to her sometimes pessimistic nature, she figured it was.
So, she didn't expect, later on that evening, after she'd called Karen to see if the woman could bring her something to ear, which Karen happily obliged, that Lucas would be the one to bring said food. She expected Karen and Lily, or maybe Haley and Jamie, or possibly even Brooke, but she did not expect Lucas to be on the other side of the door when she opened it. As a result to her shock, she just stood there, leaning against the door, as he watched her with an amused smile on his face. Eventually, though, he got tired of standing there, and asked if she was going to invite him in, or if he would have to eat the food his mother had made by himself.
Despite the fact that she didn't think she was hungry, her stomach growled, giving her away, and she stepped back, allowing him into her house. She did wonder why he had knocked instead of just walking in, like he used to, and before she could shove the question out of her mind, it forced its way out of her lips. A little shocked, Lucas turned to stare at her. "I guess because I didn't know if you'd want me here," he said finally, his blue eyes boring into her greens as if he were trying to find answers.
Not really sure of the questions and pretty sure he'd find what he was looking for, because he'd always been able to, Peyton turned away, headed for the couch. She sat down and gestured for him to do the same. He sat on the opposite end of the couch, and began to take the takeout containers out of the bags he had. "For you, your favorite sandwich, assuming it is still your favorite," he said, handing her a box. He took one out for himself as she opened hers. It was, in fact, a BLT, without the tomatoes and with relish. She took a bite to see if Karen still remembered her preference, and there was, in fact, Miracle Whip instead of mayonnaise.
With a slight moan, she closed her eyes as she swallowed. "To this day, Karen still makes the best sandwich I've ever had," she said, with a hint of embarrassment when she opened her eyes and noticed Lucas staring at her in amusement. With a smile, he just nodded, because he agreed. No matter where he'd been, or where he would go, his mother had always been the best cook he'd ever met. When Lucas didn't respond, Peyton felt the need to stop stuffing her face and talk to him. "So, why are you here exactly? Does your fiancée know you're here?" she couldn't help but mention Brooke, even though she didn't really want to talk about the brunette. She'd feel guilty about the whole thing if she didn't, though.
Just like that, as if Peyton had said some kind of magic words, and maybe she had, the whole mood changed. Lucas's demeanor changed from amused to withdrawn in a matter of two seconds flat. Then he started choking, as he had tried to hastily swallow a bite of his sandwich, and it had gone down the wrong pipe. Peyton smacked him on the back a few times, and made him take sips of water until he stopped choking. He was red in the face when he finally answered her question. "Well, um, I don't exactly have a fiancée anymore," he spat out before taking another long drink of water from the glass of water that she had ran to get from the kitchen.
Peyton had still been standing over him, but at his words, she sank back onto the couch, trying to process them. He was steadily avoiding her gaze, taking cautious bites in between sips of water. She didn't know what to think. Brooke and Lucas were broken up, and Brooke hadn't been over here to cry on Peyton's shoulder and/or yell at her? She and Brooke had been talking lately. They weren't best friends yet, but they were slowly beginning to get there. They were close enough that she would assume Brooke would come to her with something like this. Unless it just happened. "When?" she asked curiously, looking over at the blond.
Looking down and scratching the back of his neck, Lucas admitted that they'd been broken up for a week and a half. So, the deal wasn't that it had just happened. Brooke just hadn't told her. She had seen Brooke since then, too, and Brooke hadn't mentioned a thing. Granted, Peyton had been paying more attention to her music when Brooke had visited her in her room, but she would have paid attention to that. She would have remembered that. "Why? What happened?" she asked, still dumbfounded.
Taking a deep breath, Lucas looked over at her. "Well, she said that it had just taken to long to set a date, and she didn't think my heart was in our relationship anymore," he said, and she nodded. She knew a year engaged was a long time to go without setting a date. She could kind of see Brooke's point. Lucas wasn't finished yet, though. "She also seems to think that my heart belongs to you," he said quickly, once again returning his attention to his food while she processed what he said. Peyton didn't know what to think. He didn't say whether it was true or not, and she didn't know if she wanted it to be true or not.
Wait, what was she thinking? Of course she didn't want it to be true. She was married, to another man. The Leyton-as Brooke probably would have called it-ship had set sail long ago. There was nothing between them anymore. If all that was true, though, then why did her heart speed up at the thought? Why did part of her wish that it was true, and wish that she wasn't married to Jake. She didn't know the answers to those questions, and she didn't really feel like dwelling on them. She could also tell that Lucas didn't really want to talk about it, so she decided to just let it slide. "Oh," was all that she said, due to the lack of anything else to say.
They continued to eat in silence, and not a word was exchanged between the two until they had finished eating. Peyton couldn't stand the silence anymore. She turned to him, but all her emotions overpowered her at once, and suddenly all she could think about was her daughter, whom she never even got to meet. She started crying, and Lucas held her in his arms. "It's okay, Peyton. Go ahead and cry. It's okay, and it's going to be okay. I promise," he continued to speak words of encouragement to her, stroking her curls and rubbing her back at the same time. He didn't know why she was crying, exactly, but he was sure it had something to do with her daughter.
Crying into his shoulder, Peyton couldn't help but notice that he still smelled the same. Even after five years, his scent was the same, and it still comforted her just as much as it used to. She knew that probably wasn't right, and she shouldn't like that, but she did. She was glad there were some things that never changed. It was reassuring. She was also glad that he was there. It was refreshing. She still couldn't stop thinking about her daughter. "Why do the people I love always leave me, or die, Lucas? I mean, my daughter didn't even meet me yet, and she was taken from me. Why me? Why are the ones I love always killed, or just don't love me back?" the last part just slipped out, but she wasn't paying attention exactly to what she was saying.
For once, Lucas stayed silent for a moment. He was trying to decide what she had meant by that last part. She couldn't really mean that she wanted him to love her, did she? She was married to Jake. He was probably reading too much into it. Still, his heart started beating faster in the way only she inspired. "Peyton, I admit that a lot of bad things happen to you, but it's not your fault, okay? I promise you, there is nothing wrong with you," he stopped himself before he said too much. "I'm still here, and Brooke is here, and Nathan, Haley, Jamie, my mom, and Lilly, we all love you, Peyton Sawyer. People don't always leave, Peyt," he paused, as he considered the way he had abandoned contact with her after she had left. She had abandoned him, though. Either way, they were both back in each others lives. "And sometimes if people leave, they come back," he added.
A long stretch of time passed with no sound except for Peyton's sobs. She was ruining his shirt, but neither really cared about that. He continued to stroke her hair, and eventually her shoulders began to shake less and less. "Lucas, I miss her. I never even met her, and I miss her. I just wish that I had gotten to meet her, to see what she would have looked like. Would she have looked more like me, or Jake? Whose personality would she have? Things like that. Now I'll never know, and I can't stop blaming myself. I know, now, that it was just an accident, but it was an accident that took my baby, and now I might never be able to have another. Things like this really mess a woman up," she admitted to him, keeping her face turned down.
During her confession, Lucas's hands did not still their movement. He waited for her to finish as he considered her words. "I'm so sorry, for that, Peyton. It's always going to be hard, you know. I mean, Keith will never know my children, and that's all because of Dan. The guy who gave me life took away the life of the person who I will always look up to as a father. I still wonder if Keith would still be here if I hadn't gone back for you, but I honestly can't fathom a world without you in it, somewhere. We may have been out of touch, and I'm sorry, because it's my fault, but at least I knew you were alive and safe, mostly," he paused, lost in thought for a moment.
Silently, Peyton waited, trying to figure out where he was going with this. She wasn't entirely sure, so she just waited, knowing he would go on eventually. She was right. "Anyway, when I found out that you had been in an accident, the only thing I could think of was getting to you, because I've always had a soft spot for you, and I can't help but want to save you. Even if it wasn't my duty, or responsibility, I wanted to. Even if I couldn't. And I'm really straying from my original point," he chuckled. "I miss Keith every day, and sometimes I still feel responsible for his death. I can't live life by the 'what ifs', though, and you can't either. The other possibilities will always be there, but they didn't happen for a reason, Peyton," he finished.
As she listened to his heartbeat, she considered his words. Maybe he was right. He always knew the right things to say, and she loved him for that. Wait, did she just think that? She didn't know what to think anymore. Was she still in love with Lucas, or did she love him like a friend? What about her husband? She just didn't know anymore. She needed to sort out her emotions, but she was still reeling over her latest confession with Lucas. It was time to replace the walls, and stop talking. She wasn't ready to let go yet, though. "Will you just lay on the couch with me, and just hold me, please?" she asked, looking up.
As she looked into his blue eyes, he couldn't refuse her. He had never really had the ability to say no to Peyton Sawyer, even if she'd been able to say no to him. The tears still streaming down her cheeks also made it impossible to do anything other than what the blonde wanted. So he lay back, pulling her down on top of him and wrapping his arms tight around her. She put her face in the crook of his neck and breathed in slowly, trying to gain control of her breathing. He lightly kissed her forehead, and continued rubbing her back and stroking her hair until she fell asleep on his chest.
A/N: Time for another update. I had lots of time to write this week, so I'm ahead now, and I will definitely have an update next week. This chapter had some Leyton interaction, and the rift between Jeyton is growing. What do y'all think? How did y'all like the chapter? I was glad to get to this part. I'm thinking there won't be that many chapters to this fic, probably not more than 15, only because I don't have a lot of ideas for it. It might be longer, but it'll probably be my shortest ever. That's okay, though, as long as y'all like it. So, tell me whatcha think, please! Thanks for all the reviews for the last chapter. I appreciate the support!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my characters and ideas.