A/N: Okay, sorry this has taken so long people, but it is a hard chapter, and they will only get harder as the Cullens progress through the events of New Moon. I'll try to get up another chapter soon, but I start school again the 21st so, don't expect a lot to happen after then. Gotta focus.

I have to make a credit here. Surfing Fanfiction, I came across a wonderful story titled "Ithaca is Gorges". Basically, it is another author's version of New Moon from the Cullens' perspective. Before you say anything, I am not plagiarizing. I am placing Carlisle at the same hospital that the author of "Ithaca is Gorges", Giselle-lx, did. It's called Cayuga Medical Center. The main reason I did this is because it is a plausible placement for Carlisle in Ithaca. I have already spoken to Giselle-lx and have gotten her permission to do this, as long as I include this citation. So here it is, in print. I highly recommend checking out the story. It is VERY good.

That's all for now. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Read, REVIEW, and Pass it on!

-Wish

Chapter 45: Falling Apart

The transition to the house in Ithaca was by far one of our rockiest. And not just because we were moving back to the east coast. Forks had been an important place for all of us. And Rosalie hadn't been the only one who was against the transition. Alice wasn't her normal self for about a month after moving. She was outwardly cheerful as ever, but she'd lost a certain spark in her eye that was all her own.

Not two weeks after the move, Emmett and Rosalie left again, this time for Europe. The trip wasn't a sudden decision; they'd been talking about a second honeymoon for a few years now. The trip was simply bumped up after Rosalie declared she didn't want to live with this "depressing, sorry excuse for a family" anymore. Emmett had finished the necessary arrangements and they were gone with promises to write.

In some ways, Rosalie had been right. After meeting us at the house, just two days after the rest of us had arrived, Edward had slumped into almost a vegetable-like state. He barely did anything beyond what was necessary. He hunted, but only once every few weeks. He didn't sleep of course, but he lay on the couch in his bedroom for hours on end, not speaking, not even shuffling an inch. He stopped listening to music, or playing it, even though Esme had bought him another piano. He didn't interact with other members of the family; he didn't even come downstairs unless it was to hunt. And when he hunted, he hunted alone, refusing to let anyone of us accompany him.

To say I was worried would have been a gross understatement. Edward's downright catatonic state occupied much of my time. I tried to think of ways I could make things better, not just for him, but for the entire family. I had moved them out here because it seemed like the only way to keep everyone together. But now it seemed as if we were falling even further apart. Because of Edward's mood, Jasper kept out of the house. He enrolled for the fall semester at Cornell, in Manhattan, taking courses in philosophy. Although he didn't stay in a dorm on campus, he spent most of his time there, either in the library, or simply wandering New York City. Alice often joined him, claiming she had research of her own to do. Because of my own busy work schedule at Cayuga Medical Center, I would sometimes not see them for a full week.

Esme threw herself whole-heartedly into the house in order to find some escape from the issues that were tearing our family apart. She began to restore the house, which was a historical site. The search for as much original furniture as possible occupied Esme almost as much as working at the hospital occupied me. She worked methodically, stripping one room of its peeling wallpaper or rotting floors, and completely overhauling it until the room was barely recognizable. At first, when they'd still been home, Rosalie and Emmett helped her. But after they left, the task of remodeling fell almost squarely on Esme's shoulders. I kick myself now for not seeing that really what she'd needed was a companion, someone to simply stand there and hold the ladder or to roll paint with her. If I had only helped, Esme might have suffered less during that time in Ithaca.

But I had been wholly focused on my work, and partially on Edward. Like everyone else, I spent as much time out of the house as possible. I couldn't bear to watch my son, who'd always been so strong, waste away. I couldn't handle the time I was spending at home already, so I found another way to bide my time.

I agreed to teach a course through Cornell's Medical program entitled "Advanced Immunology". Grading papers and going through the motions of preparing a lesson plan kept me occupied enough so that I didn't have to face what was right in front of me. I could hide behind a computer or a stack of essays and not have to witness the destruction I had wrought. I am ashamed to admit, I couldn't handle it.

We'd been in Ithaca nearly two months, when Edward finally spoke for the first time. It was only three words at first, and they were the last words I wanted to hear.

"Carlisle, I'm leaving."

I had been sitting with Esme in the newly refurbished living room, grading a recent exam I'd given on chronic lymphocytic thyroiditis and other autoimmune diseases. The particular student who I'd been grading wasn't off to a good start with only 4 of 10 questions correct.

Edward's declaration immediately sent off warning bells in my head that caused me to jump up from my chair, scattering papers. Esme and I snatched them up before they could hit the ground. When the papers were back in a stack on the couch, I turned towards Edward.

"Edward," I sighed.

He held up a hand to stop me. "I'm leaving," he repeated. "I'm doing more harm to the family here."

"No, Edward—"Esme started.

"Jasper can't stay here because he can't stand to be around me. And Alice can't be without Jasper. Rosalie and Emmett left because she's still angry about the move. And you…" His voice trailed off. I knew he was sampling our thoughts. I focused on sending only good thoughts.

Stay, Edward, I thought. You belong here, with the family.

Edward shook his head. "No, Carlisle. I'm only hurting the family, just like I was only hurting Bella. I'm going to do something worthwhile now."

"What would you do?" Esme asked softly. "Why do you have to leave?"

"I'm going to protect Bella," he said firmly. "When we left, we removed one danger. Now, I'm going to protect her from others. Victoria is still out there."

Victoria? James's mate? Last spring, we'd protected Bella from a tracker who had been bent on finding Bella, torturing her, and then killing her. He'd tracked her to Phoenix and had almost killed her. Edward, Emmett, and I had been focused on finding the tracker before he found Bella. We'd lost him in Canada. As we raced to Phoenix, Esme and Rosalie had stayed in Forks and protected Bella's father from Victoria, James's mate. She'd avoided them and had disappeared soon after we'd taken care of James. She hadn't showed up at all since, in Forks or any of the surrounding cities. We'd forgotten about her.

Edward nodded in reply to my thoughts.

But she disappeared. She didn't come back afterwards. How do you know she's still a threat?

"Bella draws trouble, remember? As long as Victoria is alive, Bella will draw her back. She'll want revenge."

"But what would you do about her?" Esme asked, more insistent this time.

"Track her."

"The trail is cold. It's been months since she was in Forks."

"I'll figure something out. She'll want to be in a city, right? I'll find her, and take care of her. I have to…" Edward's voice was strained as it trailed off again and his expression became distant, almost like Alice when she was having a vision. It worried me, but this was the most we'd gotten out of him since leaving Forks.

"Please, Edward," Esme whispered. I knew by the yearning expression on her face, she was desperately trying to direct thoughts to Edward. Thoughts of him staying in Ithaca. Esme died a little every time the family fell apart a little more. When Emmett and Rosalie had left, she'd sobbed into my chest for hours, not leaving a single tear on my shirt. Jasper and Alice's absence was wearing on her. I could see it in the set of her mouth, the droop of her shoulders. My angel was suffering. And it was my fault. I'd caused them to leave Forks. I'd caused them to fall apart. And now, because I refused to make Edward do anything he didn't want to do, she would bear yet another loss.

Edward, I pleaded silently. Please, don't do this. She couldn't bear it. You know that better than I do.

"Bella needs me," he replied. By Esme's expression, he was answering her pleas as well as mine. He was denying us.

Edward picked up a bag he'd left by the entrance to the living room. I hadn't seen it earlier. Obviously Edward had been preparing for this. "I have my license, my passport, and plenty of cash. I promise I'll call if I need any help." He walked forward and hugged Esme, kissing her lightly on the top of her head. She gripped him tighter, as if she was going to physically prevent him from leaving.

But Edward gently, but firmly, extracted himself from her grasp with an apologetic look on his face. He turned to me, his expression set. Edward could be very stubborn when he wanted to. Like right then.

"Carlisle." He seemed undecided about whether he wanted to just nod or shake my hand. I made a decision of my own. I pulled him into a firm embrace, one of the few I've ever given him. Displays of affection were more Esme's forte. Each of my adopted children knew that I loved them unconditionally, but they also knew I didn't express it like Esme did. That wasn't my way. That wasn't how I was raised, back in the 1600s.

I suppose the fact that I did not normally display affection so made the hug I gave Edward even more potent. The expression on his face when I finally pulled away was unreadable. But I knew my son well enough. When Edward's expression was unreadable, he wasn't sure, or he was experiencing emotions he thought would hurt more than help. Typically I was able to determine which it was, but this time I couldn't. And I didn't have the time to prod. He was gone in seconds, out the door and driving away in his Volvo. Before he'd reached the end of the drive, Esme was in my arms. She sobbed dryly into my arms as I comforted her, and tried to make sense of what I was feeling myself. For the first time in almost seventy-five years, Edward was gone. With the exception of Esme, he'd been my most consistent companion, and my longest. And he was gone. I felt lost, confused, and alone, even with Esme in my arms.

Edward, I thought. And there was no reply.