Standing and slowly approaching her husband, Peyton was honestly surprised to see him. She really hadn't expected to see Jake until she worked up the courage to go back to Savannah. Glancing over her shoulder at the other people in the room, who were evidently waiting for her reaction, she gestured that they should go out to the front porch, where they wouldn't be overheard. Jake waited for a split second, wondering, perhaps, if she was going to give him a kiss, or a hug, or anything to give them some hope that they still had a chance. She didn't, so he turned and walked back out the front door.
Closing the door behind herself as she followed him, Peyton sat next to her husband on the porch swing. They were both on opposite ends, as far away from each other as they could possibly be, and Jake felt his last shreds of hope slipping away from him. Peyton didn't say anything, so he knew it was his job to talk first. "Listen, I didn't know that Jenny was here. I thought she was with Nikki, which is the only reason I was doing this now-because I thought we'd both be alone. I can't wait any longer, though, Peyton. I think it's quite clear where we stand, and I can't keep waiting for you to one day decide to trust in me," he said, causing her gaze to snap to his for the first time since his arrival.
Of course, she immediately knew what he was getting at, but she chose not to believe it. She shook her head with increasing dread, but she couldn't bring herself to say anything, because, really, part of her did know he was doing the right thing. "I'm sorry, Peyton, really I am. I love you, so much. More than you'll ever know, really. I just can't help but think that you don't love me the same way. I don't think you ever have really, and it was probably my fault, for thinking I could change what you felt in your heart. I think I thought that one day, you'd love me the way I love you. Only, that never happened," he paused for a moment, looking out over the lawn, at nothing.
This time, Peyton did find her voice. "I do love you, Jake. I really do," she said, as tears began to fall down her cheeks. Despite the fact that she was trying to live in denial, though, the truth was flashing right in front of her face. Even she could run from it no longer. "I'm really sorry, Jake. I wanted to love you the way you deserve. I really did. I think, if the accident hadn't happened, I really could have. I mean, we had the perfect life. I love you, and Jenny, and our daughter so much. I hope you find someone worthy of you Jake. I think she's out there, and she'll love you the way you deserve. I know it," she said as the tears slipped down her cheeks.
It was a little too late for her honesty to do any good, and it didn't help them anyway. However, he, much like Lucas, had never been able to just sit by while Peyton Sawyer cried. So he opened his arms and let him cry on his chest. "I'm going to call my lawyers, today, and see if we can start getting the divorce papers ready. I didn't want it to end this way, but I think this is how it has to be. You can still see Jenny, you know, whenever you want. Just call me up. She absolutely adores you, Peyton, and that's not going to change, even if we're not together anymore," he said as he rubbed her back soothingly.
The tears that were rolling down her cheeks weren't necessarily due to her broken heart. No, her heart had been broken a long time ago, when-and she could admit this now-Lucas had chosen Brooke over her. No, now she was crying because of someone else's broken heart: Jake's. She hated herself for leading him on so long, and she really wished that she could love him the way she had loved Lucas-because she wouldn't admit that she still loved him. No, that would just make things worse. "Please stay today, Jake, or at least let Jenny stay a while. I really want one last day with her before we tell her," she pleaded.
It was her only request, and of course he would grant it. It wasn't too much to ask. Besides, he could spend the day at his parents house. "Of course, Peyton," he murmured, still rubbing her back. She pulled away from him and tried to pull herself together. Even though her marriage was crumbling, she knew in her heart that it was the right thing, and she couldn't blame Jake for not wanting to be with her anymore, especially when she was pulling away from him. The fact that she was hurting him hurt her more than anything. She had never wanted to hurt him, but she couldn't change how she felt.
A few minutes later, Jake's car was pulling away, and Peyton was hobbling back into the house. Jenny was the first one to greet her, and Peyton picked up the little girl, giving her a kiss on the nose before setting her back down so she could make her way into the living room. As soon as Peyton got situated in a chair, she pulled the little girl into her lap, and just held her silently for a long moment, savoring the feel of the girl in her arms. Things would never be the same after this, despite what Jake said. Even if she did get to see Jenny after the divorce, she wouldn't be the girls mother anymore. Nikki held that title, and Peyton wouldn't even be Jake's wife, so Peyton would have no claim over the little girl that held such a big part of her heart.
The other women evacuated the room as Peyton had sat down with Jenny, evidently taking notice of her need to be left alone. Peyton wasn't sure if they had been able to hear the conversation between her and Jake, or if they had just guessed what had happened from the look on her face, but they all mumbled excuses under their breath and walked out of the living room. Even her father had left the room, and Peyton knew how much it pained him to see his little girl in pain. Heck, she knew how much it pained her to see Jenny in pain.
After a few minutes, Peyton was surprised that Jenny didn't say anything. Usually the little girl would be squirming to get out of Peyton's grasp by now, so she could play some game, or draw something, but the young girl stayed still and silent, obviously sensing Peyton's distress as well as everyone else had. "Mommy," Jenny finally spoke, without lifting her head from Peyton's chest. Peyton hummed a short response, letting the curious child know it was okay to voice her question. "Are you and Daddy getting a divorce?" she asked, in her ever-innocent childish voice.
Surprised, Peyton hadn't even known that the six-year-old had known that word. She assumed that the little girl learned it at school, though, and then proceeded to contemplate how to answer such an astute question. She was suddenly glad she was sitting in her mother's old rocking chair as she began to rock back and forth, slowly stroking the little girls back. The silence stretched again, but she didn't want to lie to the little girl and deny it, yet she didn't want to confirm it either, not without Jake there with her.
Finally, Peyton moved her hand to Jenny's chin, and forced those brown eyes-replicas of her father's-to look into hers. She wanted Jenny to know she was completely serious when she said this, and she wanted to know that Jenny understood. "Jen, I will always love you. I promise you that. Even if I'm not with your daddy. You'll always have a special place in my heart. You always have, since you were a tiny baby and I first looked into those big eyes of yours. You stole my heart the first time I met you, and even if I'm not technically your mommy anymore, I always want to be in your life," she said sadly, brushing a strand of hair out of Jenny's face.
After taking a moment to think it over, Peyton saw a flash of understanding in the brown eyes. She nodded and then laid her head back on Peyton's chest. "Can I still call you Mommy-Peyton, even if you marry someone else, or Daddy marries someone else?" she asked, and Peyton knew that she truly understood the whole situation. Peyton felt a flash of pride for the smart little girl. She may not biologically belong to her, but Anna hadn't been Peyton's real mother either, and Peyton still had a bond with her. Peyton hoped to always have a bond with the little girl that was on her lap.
Realizing that she still hadn't answered the question Jenny had last asked, Peyton nodded, then added her affirmation verbally. The silence fell over the pair again, and Peyton was glad the others had stayed away for a while, but the sadness was beginning to melt away. She was still deeply depressed about the accident and losing her baby, but Peyton realized she would always have a baby in Jenny, no matter what was going on between her and Jake. She was slowly becoming aware of what she did have, and she didn't want to lose the only things she had left.
Humming a lullaby that she remembered Anna singing to her in her own childhood, Peyton continued to rock the six-year-old, for as long as Jenny would let her, or until someone else came into the room to disturb the peace that had settled. The latter happened long before Jenny even thought of asking to be let down. Nikki entered the room first, fully dressed. "Hey, I have to go run a few errands. Do you mind watching her for the day while I do some things?" she gestured to the little ball in Peyton's lap, who didn't even perk up at the sound of her mother's voice.
A part of her knew that Nikki was just making up errands to run so she could spend more time with the girl, but Peyton was glad for that, and would take all the time she could get. She smiled and waved the question away, as if it was of no consequesnce. "Of course I will. Then I get to show this little one all of the really fun places to go in this town. Places way funner than the mall," she made a small gasp of horror, tickling the little girl. "Funner than the mall, I know, I better not let the Brookie Monster hear me say that, or she'll force me into more of yesterday's torture," she lowered her voice as Jenny giggled at her silliness.
The blonde was so captivated by teasing and tickling Jenny, she didn't notice Nikki's smile, or the fact that she slipped out of the living room and out the front door. A few minutes later Brooke and Haley came back into the living room, also ready to go, and they both made excuses, and promised to see Peyton later, before they also made hasty exits. Even Larry came into the living room and said he had to go out to sea for a day, and he'd be back tomorrow before he also left the house. Peyton wondered if they had all planned that, and wouldn't be surprised if they had.
Still, it didn't deter her. She was going to spend the day with Jenny. She stopped tickling the girl, and they both went upstairs to get showering and getting dressed, and then helping Jenny pick out some clothes from the selection Nikki had brought, Peyton decided she should make breakfast for the two of them. She went down to the kitchen to see what there was, and she realized that there wasn't much. She hadn't been eating as much as she should and, aside from the junk food from last night, the kitchen was not well stocked.
About twenty minutes later, because Peyton had the supplies and Jenny had insisted, the pair was covered in flour, as was the kitchen. Neither of them were very good at making pancakes, it seemed. They were both having fun, though, and that was what really mattered. Even if they were both covered in flour, they had a great time together, and they were laughing the whole time, which was exactly what Peyton needed. "Munchkin, if you flick that at me, I promise you, we will stop right now, and never get the pancakes," Peyton scolded, just as Jenny was about to toss a handful of flour at her turned back.
The reflection in the window was what had given Peyton the heads up, and she wiped her forehead as she turned away from the stove, looking at the little girl who had frozen with her hand outstretched. After a moment's hesitation, Jenny flicked the flour anyway, and started giggling as Peyton stepped forward, grasping her around the middle as she began to tickle her, being cautious so the girl didn't fall from the chair she was standing on. Peyton had her crutches perched against the counter, and was limping back and forth from the counter to the stove as she worked, but she had taken a pain pill, so she wasn't hurting too bad.
It took another thirty minutes before Peyton set the two plates of pancakes onto the table, and her and Jenny took their seats. They ate while making jokes and talking, and Peyton focused on the day she was living for the first time since the accident. After eating, Peyton cleaned up the kitchen, with Jenny's help, which was more like a hindrence, but she wasn't going to stop the girl, and then they cleaned themselves up before heading into the living room, trying to decide what to do with their day.
Eventually they just got in Peyton's car and drove, while Peyton pointed out all the cool places in town, recounting memories from nearly all of them. When they got to the Rivercourt, Peyton decided to stop there, so they could sit on the bleachers for a while and watch the river. Jenny got bored first and turned to Peyton as she began asking questions about her. Peyton answered them as honestly as she could, and the time passed quickly. Peyton was a bit disappointed when she heard Jenny's stomach began to growl, indicating that it was lunchtime, but she quickly thought of a solution.
Considering she shouldn't be driving too much in her condition, Peyton put in a call to a friend, and she knew their lunch would arrive soon. She and Jenny continued to talk until a familiar car pulled up and a figure stepped out of it, carrying a picnic basket and a blanket. "You didn't ask for a blanket, but I thought it would be a good idea," Lucas said as he walked onto the court, spreading the blanket out in the middle. He set the basket in the middle of it and then turned to face them. "I brought sandwiches, potato salad, chips, water and there might even be some chocolate chip cookies in there for a good little girl," he added to Jenny, who perked up at the sound of cookies.
Smiling at the sight of Peyton laughing at Jenny, Lucas turned and began to walk back to his car. He didn't want to interrupt the mother-daughter bonding. "Lucas?" he heard Peyton call when he was about halfway to the car. He turned and looked at her as he continued backing away. "Don't go, please. I'm sure you've packed enough food, and it would be nice if you stayed," she surprised him by saying that. Peyton had been seeking the company of no one over the age of ten, pretty much, since the accident. He was surprised she wanted him around.
The three of them managed to fall into easy conversation, and they had a surprisingly good time as they ate their lunch. Peyton saw how good Lucas was with kids, and knew that was because of his contact with not only his little sister, but his nephew as well. She hadn't laughed or smiled so much in way too long of a time. She kept catching Lucas looking over at her with a smile, as if he was glad to see her laughing as well. For some reason, that made her even happier, but she pushed the feeling aside as she watched Lucas make faces at Jenny, causing her to giggle hysterically.
For a minute, Peyton imagined what life would be like if she had really gotten a chance with Lucas. Maybe they wouldn't have worked out, but maybe, just maybe, they would still be together. Perhaps they would be married, and instead of the two of them sitting at the Rivercourt with a child that didn't biologically belong to either of them, they would have a child of their own, with blonde hair, and striking blue eyes. Peyton couldn't help but smile at the image that was in her mind, until she realized what she was thinking. She couldn't like Lucas. He had been engaged to her best friend. They didn't get a chance.
Trying to accept that was suddenly harder than it had ever been. It seemed all she could do was look at him, thinking about how gorgeous he was, and imagining the feel of his hands on her body, as they had once been back in that hotel room when she had thought her father was dead. Her eyes drifted closed for a moment as she let the memory wash over her. She desperately wanted to lean across the blanket and crash her lips to his, just to see if he still tasted the same. She could only vaguely remember they way he had felt kissing her, and she wanted a reenactment.
The sound of a giggle brought her out of her fantasy, which was going way too fast. She was just transfering her feelings from Jake to Lucas, looking for some release to get her past this hard time. She didn't even like Lucas like that. He was just a really good, old friend. He had been there for her lately, and yeah, she had spilled her guts to him a few times, that didn't mean they were going to get married, or even start dating. She was sure he was just helping her because she was an old friend. He probably didn't even think of her like that. She had to get over the little crush that seemed to have developed.
Reaching over to tickle the little girl, Lucas noticed that Peyton had been silent for a few moments. Looking over at her, he noticed her eyes drift slowly closed, and wondered what she was thinking about. He automatically assumed it was Jake. She was probably wishing it was him here with her, instead of Lucas. But then, she had accepted Lucas's help, while he knew she was shutting Jake out. Her eyes snapped open again, and he flashed her a smile, suddenly wishing that he had chosen her all those years ago, and that they were here with a child of their own.
Shocked, Lucas wondered where the thought had come from. Sure, he had thought about what would have happened if he had gotten together with Peyton over the years, but he had loved Brooke, right? She had obviously loved Jake. No, his mind insisted, she still did love Jake. The couple was just going through a rough patch. Still, he had thought of what life would have been like with Peyton more times than he should have, but that didn't mean he loved her, did it? It didn't mean he couldn't love her either, something inside of him pointed out.
No, she was nothing more than a friend now. He had developed this crush because she was allowing him to see a side of her she had closed off to everyone else after the accident. It was nothing more than a crush, and they would only ever be friends now. That was how it had to be. He had almost married her best friend. They could never have a relationship now, could they. Not without ruining Brooke and Peyton's friendship, and he refused to do that. So he just had to ignore his attraction to her, as he had years ago. Hah, yeah right. He knew from experience that was easier said than done.
It wasn't like he could say anything to her, so he focused on talking to Jenny, as Peyton seemed to be doing. Jenny really was a cute little girl, and very easy to get along with, and make laugh. He was glad that he was getting to know her. He tried not to look at Peyton, but his gaze seemed to keep getting drawn to her. Once he looked up and their gazes met for a brief moment before Peyton looked away, biting her lip, like she always did when she was nervous. He found it somewhat comforting that she still had the same habits.
The afternoon disappeared as quickly as the morning had, and soon enough, the sun was beginning to set. The three of them took the time to watch the sun set, before packing up the picnic stuff and slowly making their way towards the two cars. Lucas was just about to ask Peyton if she wanted to do something together for dinner when Peyton spoke up. "I'd love to spend more time with you, Lucas, but I think I'm going to call the girls up so we can have dinner together and, although we're not doing anything at all wrong, I don't think we should parade around Brooke the fact that we're spending so much time together," she said, all in one breath.
Disappointed, Lucas forced himself to nod. "Yeah, of course, you're right," he said, because he knew it was better this way. He shouldn't get so attached to her, when he knew they would never actually work out. He wished it could be, more than he cared to admit, but it just couldn't. There was too much history involved, even if they had never actually gotten together themselves. And there was Brooke. Brooke would likely never speak to Peyton again if Peyton began dating Lucas, and he wouldnt ruin their relationship, not when the two best friends were just reuniting.
Sensing his disappointment, Peyton was a little surprised. Then again, she was probably wrong. Yeah, he wasn't disappointed in not being able to spend more time with Peyton, he probably just wanted to spend more time with Jenny. Everyone who met the little girl instantly loved her, and Lucas probably just wanted to spend more time with her while he could. He didn't know Peyton and Jake were divorcing, though, which did make her wonder, but she shoved the thought aside. Lucas did not want to be with her, and that was that. She sent him another wave and smile before they drove off, going their separate ways.
Peyton didn't call Brooke, Haley and Nicci when she got to the house. In fact, she didn't call them at all. She loved the three of them to death, but she had never really had any intentions of calling them. She really wanted to spend time with Jenny today, and as much as she wanted to spend more time with Lucas, and as fun as it had been, that was really why she couldn't continue to hang out with him today. She was already craving his presence, and that scared her, so she had made up an excuse to spend time with someone else.
Instead of trying to find something to cook for dinner, or going out, Peyton decided to order in. They could have gone to the Cafe or something, but Peyton was already wiped out from the day, and she needed to just rest at home. So she ordered some Chinese food, including hers and Jenny's favorites, and settled down on the couch, choosing an old movie to watch that was playing on TV. It was a kids movie, so she knew Jenny would like it, and she would be able to contemplate the mess that was her life for a while.
Silently stroking Jenny's hair, Peyton considered the facts. She had been in an accident, that had left her injured and killed her baby. She had pretty much moved out of her home, or at least she was going to, as soon as she was able to pack up her stuff. Her husband had left her. And now she was attracted to her best friend's ex-fiance. The last thing probably wasn't the worst, but it was what she concentrated on. What was she going to do about her developing feelings for Lucas? She was about to be in the middle of a divorce. She couldn't get involved with him, that was all there was too it.
Just as she made that decision, the doorbell rang, alerting her to the arrival of the delivery boy. She got up and paid for the food, and she and Jenny were just settling down on the couch when the doorbell rang again. Peyton was curious as to who would be there, but she went and answered the door anyway. She was extremely surprised to find Jake standing on the other side. He started talking before she could open her mouth. "I'm sorry I'm a little earlier than I expected to be, but I have some strange news. My lawyer can't find proof of our marriage. Not just here, but in Georgia as well. He's looking into it, though, and I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding," he blurted, clearly nervous.
The blonde was a little shocked that he was nervous in front of her. He had never been before, not really. Then she considered his words, but quickly dismissed them. They had gotten married, something was just going wrong at the records building. She didn't give it a second thought. She wondered why he had come by to tell him that, and she assumed that he wanted to spend some time with her and Jenny, maybe to see if things could ever be the same again, but he was probably too shy to ask. "Hey, you want to come in for dinner? Jenny and I are having Chinese, and I'm sure there's enough for you to have some too," she found herself saying.
For a moment Jake looked just as surprised that she had asked as she was. Then he composed herself and smiled at her. It was a smile that used to make her heart flutter. It didn't give her quite the same reaction anymore. "I'd love to," he said, and she showed him in. Jenny was happy to see Jake, and that made Peyton smile, but the smile didn't stay on her face long. She forced it a lot as the meal continued. It just wasn't the same as it used to be. There was a strain that had never been there before, and awkward silences kept falling over them, only to be broken by Jenny.
If they hadn't already known they had drifted apart, this dinner proved it. The two interacted civilly, but there was no spark there, not anymore. There wasn't as much laughter as there used to be either. In fact, Jenny had to keep up most of the conversation. It just wasn't the way one would picture a family dinner, and it had nothing to do with the meal. The conversation was off, and the tension was thick. Peyton felt her last hope for their marriage sinking as they began to clean up. She had hoped the dinner would lead to at least the beginning of reconciliation, but it didn't. It just proved that the divorce was the right thing to do.
Her afternoon with Lucas had been much more lively. She didn't want to compare the two, but she had to admit, things with Lucas were just easy. They always had been, really. There had always been something between them, a chemisty that was platonic as well as sexual, that allowed the conversation between them to never stop. The only time there had been silence between them was when he was reading and she was drawing. Otherwise, they had always found a way to fill the silence, and it had never been forced. The silences that had lingered between them had always been pleasant, never awkward.
Pushing the thought aside, Peyton sat on the couch in the living room, Jake on the opposite end, and Jenny between them, still babbling away, as if sensing what they had realized. Jake's phone rang and he answered it. His questions caused Peyton to look over in question. She cocked her eyebrow as he continued a conversation with whom she could tell was his lawyer. She didn't like the tone of his voice, and felt dread clench in her stomach. When he hung up, he looked over at her slowly, asking Jenny to leave the room. As soon as she did, Peyton asked what it was. "Apparantly," he said, meeting her gaze, "we were never legally married."
A/N: I'm back! Two months is a long time, I know, but I should be updating every week again. About this chapter, who saw that coming? I know I did, but did any of you? Are any of you still reading this? I'd really like to hear your opinions, or know if anyone is still interested at all. Let me know.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.