A/N: So here is the much anticipated, climax of New Moon from Carlisle's perspective. This is a very tense chapter and full of emotions, rather than action. In fact, there is very little action. Still, I hope you enjoy, and if you have any friends who have stopped reading this story because they don't like New Moon, please tell them there are probably only two or three more chapters left before we get into the events of New Moon. Enjoy!

-Wish

Chapter 51: Rash Decisions

It was cold for once. As a vampire, there weren't many places that felt cold to me anymore. But here did. As Esme and I sat on the snow-covered coast, looking out over the Bering Strait to Russia, I couldn't help but feel cold. It was odd. Usually I felt warm after a recent feeding. Esme and I had been feasting on caribou and other local wildlife in the Bering Land Bridge National Preserve for the last few days. It was a good place to hunt, as there weren't any towns close by. In fact, it was the most remote national preserve in the United States.

"It's so beautiful," Esme commented from my arms. She was curled up against my chest as we perched on a rock, looking out over the water. The sun was setting in the distance, its last rays dancing off our skin. I looked down at the angel in my arms and watched how the pink, orange, and yellow light shimmered on her perfect face. It was moments like this that took my breath away, even though it was no longer necessary.

"Yes," I agreed. "But it does not hold one iota of my attention when you are here."

Esme smiled up at me, gracing me with a soft kiss, which I savored as much as I could. "Even after almost 100 years of marriage, you still know how to charm me."

"Mhmm," I mumbled, leaning in for another kiss. "It's taken me so long to finally get it right. I can't imagine how human men do it."

Esme laughed and my heart soared. Even now, it still draws the same reaction from me as it did the very first time I heard the heavenly sound.

We watched the sun set further, reveling in each other's presence. We didn't think about the family. Our thoughts didn't stray to Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rose, left back in Denali. Our minds didn't drift to Edward, on a trail somewhere none of us knew. We lived in the moment, and it was glorious.

But as the Sun sunk further, almost completely below the horizon, I felt Esme stiffen in my arms.

"What is it, my angel?" I asked, concerned. Did I do something?

Esme frowned. "I just had the most horrible feeling. I can't explain it. I just feel like something bad is happening, right now. I feel like the others need me." She looked up at me again and I could see the worry in her eyes.

"Do you want to go back?" I asked her. "We can be back by tomorrow morning, if you feel we need to be."

Esme looked back out over the sunset. She seemed torn, reluctant to go, but still feeling like her children needed her. I didn't want her to make herself stay for my benefit. I was fine as long as she was with me.

"Let's go then," I told her, standing up from my spot on the rock and pulling her to her feet after me.

"But, the trip?"

"I think it's about time we returned anyway. It was a good hunting trip." It had been good. We'd both been satisfied a few times over again now. The caribou were hearty, and were a bit like my own favorite, elk.

"Alright," Esme replied. I took her hand, squeezing it gently in a reassuring gesture, before we took off, heading east again, back to Denali.

~*~

I could almost feel the anticipation as Esme and I entered the Denali's house again. Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper stood, tensed, in the living room, all centered around my cell phone, which rested on the coffee table. I didn't need Edward's mind-reading or Jasper's empathy to know that something was wrong. Where was Alice?

All three of them looked up immediately as Esme and I walked through the back door to the residence. I could see fear and uncertainty in all of my present children's eyes.

"What happened?" I asked immediately. "Where's Alice."

They all looked at each other; as if they were all hoping one of the others would answer my questions. In the end, it was Jasper who spoke up.

"Alice had a vision yesterday." He seemed to be having difficulty keeping his voice even and strong. I could see the conflict in his eyes. There was more to it than just "Alice had a vision."

"Of what?" I prompted, trying to keep the concern to a minimum. I imagine Jasper was already having a hard time with his own emotions and Emmett's and Rosalie's.

"Of Bella," he answered. "Alice saw Bella jump off a cliff."

It was the last thing I was expecting to hear. I had thought that maybe I'd hear about someone slipping up. It would've been harder this time around, since this is the Denali's residence, not ours. It wouldn't be fair for them to have to pack up and move like we had a few times. This was the last thing I'd expected to hear. I fought to keep outward calm as the shock and horror flooded emotions. Bella. It couldn't be. After all this time, she couldn't have tried to kill herself. I saw Esme beginning to collapse herself, and caught her before her legs could completely fail her. The look on her face was of pure agony. It was like she'd lost a daughter. And in a sense, she had. Esme, and myself for that matter, thought of Bella as a third daughter, even after the family had moved from Forks. Leaving her behind had been as hard as leaving Alice or Rosalie would've been. And now, losing her, knowing that she'd committed suicide, it took all my willpower not to collapse into sobs like Esme was.

But Jasper continued, obviously fighting to keep his voice steady as our pain assaulted him. I momentarily felt sorry for my empathic son, having to deal with everyone else's emotions, as well as his own. "Alice went back to Forks, to see if her vision had come true already, or to try and stop it from happening. I told her it wasn't a good idea, Carlisle. I told her it was a rash decision and that we shouldn't meddle in Bella's life anymore, but she wouldn't listen to me. She took your car south."

That was where Alice was. In Forks. Had she found Bella? Was she attending the funeral right now? But then, why were they all standing around my phone? Were they expecting her to call to tell them the details? This would tear Edward to shreds.

"Edward," I rasped. "Does he know yet?" The news would devastate him. I wasn't sure if I could stand to be there when he found out that, despite everything, despite all the pain he'd put himself through to save her from James's venom, despite the move, despite his difficult hunt for Victoria, Bella had died.

My question was met with a resounding silence. Jasper and Emmett's eyes turned towards Rosalie, of all people. I didn't quite understand why. Had he called while Esme and I were away? Had she spoken to him? I looked to my eldest daughter and was surprised to see guilt and regret marring her beautiful features. But I was confused now. Why would Rosalie regret anything?

"Rose?" I asked.

She seemed to be thinking over her words carefully. "Yes," she said softly, barely above a whisper. "He called your cell phone not long after Alice left. Jasper and Emmett were out with Eleazar, hunting nearby. I answered it. He said he was in South America, and he asked for you. I told him you were out hunting with Esme. Then he asked for Alice and I told him—"Rosalie's words choked off as she hung her head in shame.

But I needed her to finish. I needed to know exactly what she told Edward. I could see it was extremely important now. "Rosalie," I said, firmly, in a voice I rarely used with my children. Only when I was completely serious, did I speak to any of them this way. "What did you tell Edward?"

Rosalie knew she had to answer. "I told him Alice saw Bella jump off a cliff and kill herself and that she was heading back down to Forks."

"And what did he say?"

"Nothing," Rosalie replied, honestly. "He just hung up." I could hear the worry and fear in her voice, as well as the remorse for what she'd told Edward.

"Then Alice called, not long after Emmett and I got back," Jasper took over again. "Bella is alive. She jumped off the cliff for fun, with some of the Quileute boys from the reservation."

Relief flooded me and I heard Esme sigh in relief, whispering, "Thank Goodness." But I had the feeling that there was still more to the story yet. So I waited patiently for Jasper to continue.

"Alice said that she was staying the night with Bella. Then, about six hours ago, she called again. "Edward had called Bella's house while Alice was out, pretending to be you, Carlisle. A friend of Bella's, Jacob Black, had answered and when Edward asked for Charlie, he told him that he was at the funeral. Edward thought it was Bella's, though it was really a friend of Charlie's. Alice said that Edward threw his phone away in Rio de Janeiro and that he's going to Italy, to talk to the Volturi. Alice said that Edward is going to try to get them to kill him. She and Bella went after him, to try to stop him, but they aren't sure if they'll make it."

The information hit me like a blow to the gut, almost making me double over. I only managed to remain upright by gripping the back of the couch in front of me, tearing holes in the black leather. Esme collapsed into the chair in front of me, burying her face in her hands. "No, no, no, no, no," she whispered, again and again, barely loud enough for me to hear.

Conflict raged inside me. I felt the urge to run after him myself. He was my first son, even though he was the youngest in age. I was closer only to Esme. He couldn't be going to the Volturi. He couldn't be asking them to kill him. He didn't deserve an end like that.

"Emmett and Rosalie tried to go after Edward too, but Alice was adamant that Bella was the only one who could bring him back."

"Where are they now?" I asked.

"They are probably still in the air, heading towards Florence. Alice says that Aro refused to kill Edward directly, because of his tie to you. Alice and Bella will borrow a car from Florence and drive to Volterra, in hopes of stopping Edward before he does something that will force the Volturi's hand."

"So we can only wait," I concluded. I sat down heavily next to Esme on the couch. She curled up to me and I wrapped my arms around her, automatically trying to comfort her. The others followed my lead, taking seats around the living room, but nothing too far from the cell phone that remained on the coffee table, the center of attention. We watched it in anticipation, as if it were a bomb that could go off any second.

As I held the sobbing Esme, my own emotions were overwhelming me, breaking through the careful calm that I had worked on for centuries. There have been only a few occasions where this has happened before, but they were never in front of the entire family like this. I felt pain and worry for Edward. I felt helpless to Alice and Bella, who were right now jetting to Italy to try and stop him, possibly risking their own lives in the process. Was I to really lose, not just one child, but three? I felt guilt over allowing the family to leave Forks in the first place, and also for allowing him to go after Victoria. If only I'd just said "no". If only I'd done what I thought was really best and stopped him from leaving.

But underneath all my guilt and pain at the loss of my first son, I felt the sting of betrayal as well. Not because of what Rosalie had done. I couldn't blame her for Edward's actions. She'd made an tactless mistake. She wasn't a very soft person. That just wasn't her personality. I knew that, and loved her anyways. I'd already forgiven Rosalie for her words to Edward. I could see in her face as she sat with Emmett across from Esme and I that she felt remorse and that she was blaming herself over Edward's impulsive decision.

No. I didn't feel betrayal from Rosalie. I felt it from Edward. How could he do this to me? How could he do this to Esme? How could he be so thoughtless, so selfish? Edward had always thought he was being selfish with Bella, and I'd always told him that he wasn't. Was I wrong?

No, my conscience replied, adamantly. Edward was one of the least selfish people I knew.

But then how could he do this to me? I asked again. Was it something I'd done?

I kept going over and over everything I'd said to Edward. Everything through the years. Every piece of advice, every word said in anger (which, I am happy to say were very few and far between), every expression of love, even something as simple as a "Goodbye" when I left for a hospital, or a "Good evening" when I returned. Over and over again.

My thoughts occupied me for hours, going in constant circles. I kept trying to find some time I'd gone wrong. Some time where I'd pushed him to do this. I think the fact that, despite it all, I couldn't, made me more upset. I held Esme close, feeling each of her sobs, as I stared at the cell phone on the table. I hardly dared to breathe. I wasn't sure I'd be able to, without breaking down into sobs myself. So I held my breath as I stared at the phone, and in between the pain and the guilt and the worry, I prayed.

Lord, if You still see fit to listen to my prayers, hear me now. Help them. Carry Alice and Bella swiftly and safely to Volterra. Help them to know the proper course to bring all of them home. But Lord, most of all, be with Edward. Help him to see that he is still loved. He is still needed. Please, if it is at all possible, bring him back to us. But if he is beyond this world, I beg You to welcome him into Your kingdom with open arms. You will not find a soul more pure and worthy.

I was silent as I thought and prayed for hours. The moon and then the sun moved across the sky and none of us moved an inch. The Denalis seemed to know that something was wrong, because they stayed clear of the living room, giving us our space. I was grateful for their understanding. I sat, still like only a vampire could be, when finally, as the sun was beginning to sink once more below the horizon, the small phone sprang to life on the table.

I snatched it up before the first ring even ended and had it at my ear. "Hello?" I said, urgently.

"Carlisle? It's Alice. Have you spoken to Jasper?"

"Yes, Alice," I replied.

A/N2: I know you probably hate me for leaving you with a cliffy, but C'mon! You have to know what's going to happen next!

Anyways, the reason why I wrote another Author's Note is because I really want your opinion on how I did. Particularly with describing the emotions. Was I completely off base? Was it not descriptive enough? Did you really get the idea of what Carlisle was feeling, or was not personal enough? There are guaranteed to be some other emotional moments in this story and I'd like to get them right. So please REVIEW and tell me if this was okay or if I still need to work on it. Thanks!

-Wish