When Peyton pulled to a stop in front of her house, she paused for a minute before getting out of the car. She didn't want to have to go in there and tell Lucas what she had just found out, but more than that, she didn't want to see his reaction. If he got jealous, then he was still in love with Brooke, and she wouldn't go down that road again. Not ever.
If he wasn't jealous, though, that meant that maybe he had gotten over her, and maybe Peyton and Lucas could have their shot. She was just scared that they might finally have their shot. If they tried, and it didn't work out, then she would lose the only thing that was really helping her through mess that the was her life right now.
On the other hand, if he wasn't jealous, and she ran like she did in high school, then she would always wonder 'what if'. She had had enough years wasted on what if. She didn't want to have to wonder anymore, but that didn't really help ease the fear. Still, she was tired of not knowing, and in that, she guessed she had her answer.
Getting out of the car, she headed inside. She could smell dinner as soon as she stepped inside, and she heard Lucas and Lily in the kitchen. The little girl ran up to her as soon as she entered the room. "Peyton! Lukey made dinner, and guess what, we made some cookies for dessert. Chocolate chip. You like chocolate chip, right?" she asked, with a worried look on her face.
With a laugh, Peyton couldn't help but kiss the little girl on her tiny nose. "Yes, Lils, I love chocolate chip," she reassured the little girl as she set her back down. Lily immediately went back to her chair, where she was standing and watching Lucas work over the stove. "Hey, Luke, can we talk later, do you think?" she asked, knowing they wouldn't really get time until later, and knowing her stomach would be in knots until then.
Nodding, Lucas looked over at her curiously, wondering what was up. "Sure, of course, Peyton," he said, turning his attention back to the stove for a minute. "Dinner will be ready in about five minutes. Can you wash up, and then go set the table?" he asked the blonde, wondering what was making her so nervous. What could have happened in Savannah? He knew he shouldn't have let her go alone.
Twisting her fingers, Peyton realized she had something to do first. "In a minute," she said, earning a look from him. She never refused when he asked her to do a chore like that. "I have to make a phone call first," she said, sending him what was supposed to be a reassuring smile. He realized immediately what she meant, and smiled back, nodding that she should go.
Heading up to her room, Peyton grabbed the note that her mom had written her, and grabbed the phone. She hesitated for a moment before dialing all seven numbers, and hitting send. She bit her lip as the phone rang, and then someone picked up. She heard the masculine hello from the other end, but it took her a moment to find her voice. "Hey, this is Peyton Sawyer. I got a note from Ellie, my mom," she said, before she was cut off.
The voice that cut her off was harsh in a way that it had not been only moments before. "Don't call here again," she heard before there was a click and the line went dead. She sat there for a minute in shock before she was able to close her phone. She swallowed and got up, going back downstairs almost in a trance. So he knew who she was and didn't want to talk to her. Okay then, fine.
For another few minutes, she just sat in her room, before she went back downstairs, setting the dinner table, just as Lucas brought the food to the table. She sent him a hesitant smile, but shook her head slightly as she sent a glance toward Lily, who had bounded into the room after her brother. She didn't want to explain the whole thing in front of little ears, and she really just wanted a nice evening.
A nice evening is what the three of them had, before Karen showed up to pick up her daughter. Peyton kept Karen there for as long as she could, but eventually, Karen had to go put Lily to bed, and Peyton could put of the conversation no longer. "Okay, Lucas, I have to admit, I've put this off for as long as I could, but I have some bad news for you," she said as they both sat on the sofa.
Cocking an eyebrow, Lucas waited silently for Peyton to get whatever she had to get off her chest. She smiled hesitantly at him, sure that the news was going to break his heart. "Well, while I was over in Savannah, I kind of saw Brooke at Jake's house. I think they're together. I'm so sorry, Luke," she said, reaching over to grab his hand, as if to comfort him.
Instead of getting crestfallen, like Peyton had thought he would, Lucas took it in stride. He didn't seem to mind at all, and that baffled Peyton. He spoke before she could express her shock. "Well, that's good for them, then. I hope she found someone who will make her happy," he paused, as if considering something. "Unless you're upset because Jake's moved on. Oh, Peyton, I'm sorry," he said, comforting her.
Staring at him in shock, Peyton finally found her voice. "No, I'm not upset," she realized the words were true. She truly didn't mind that he had moved on, if he was happy. "I just sort of thought you would be, you know. I mean, she only broke up with you not too long ago. We never really talked about that. I just figured you would be upset," she said with a shrug, biting her lip.
After a moment of just staring at her, Lucas lifted his hand to gently ease her lip out from between her teeth. "Peyton, Brooke and I mutually decided to break up. We both knew that I've never loved her like she deserved, because I've always been in love with someone else. So, no, I'm not upset. As long as she's happy, good for her. She can be with whoever she wants," he said, staring into her green eyes.
The intensity of his blue eyes scared her, because Peyton was pretty sure she knew what he was getting at. She just wasn't sure she wanted to acknowledge it. She wasn't ready for this yet. She hadn't decided what she wanted to do. She just sat there for a minute, like a deer caught in the headlights, her green eyes wide as she sat there, speechless.
Finally, Lucas couldn't take it anymore. He had left the ball in her court, and she would have to figure out what to do with it, but it appeared she already had made that decision. "It's okay, Peyton, no big deal. I guess I always sort of knew that you didn't feel the same way. Really, it's no big deal," he said, dropping contact with her and standing, heading for the kitchen to wash the dishes.
With a jolt of reality, Peyton realized that if he walked away right now, they wouldn't get another chance. They had already had too many chances, and there would be no more. "Luke," her mouth moved before she could think about it, and she stood. "Wait," she said and he turned to face her slowly. "You're wrong," she said, her feet moving toward him without her thinking about it.
By his hopeful look, she realized she was finally doing the right thing. She kept moving closer to him. "I've always felt the same way, Lucas, I've just been running away from my feelings, and I can't do that anymore. I don't understand why you would want to be in a relationship with me. I've got so much emotional baggage, and we're going to have to take this slowly, but I don't want to miss this chance," she bit her lip as she paused.
Before he could say anything, she closed the distance, and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down to crash his lips to hers. She felt her knees go weak with the kiss, and she was glad his hands moved to her waist, or she would have certainly fallen. She knew as he kissed her back that she had made the right decision, because kissing Jake had never felt like this.
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A few days later, Peyton woke up to a knock on her door. She assumed it was Haley, because she knew that Lucas wasn't here. He had left her home alone for the first night since he had moved in, and she had known that he would send Haley over to hang out today, because he was supposedly going to be busy all day, getting ready for their date later.
In reality, he still would have been here last night, except Peyton had forced him away, saying that they couldn't sleep in the same bed the night before their first date, what kind of girl did he think she was? Really, though, she had decided that it was time he began to leave her alone more, or she'd never be able to function without him. Now that they were dating, they had to set some other boundaries.
Also, she had wanted to record a new podcast to post on the internet. She wanted to update whoever was listening on her life, and she had wanted to talk about Lucas, so he couldn't be around to hear it. What had surprised her was that the date with Lucas ended up being only a side note, and she had talked more about the fact that her brother had hung up on her.
When she had talked with Lucas about the phone call, after their kiss the other night, she had tried to play it off, pretend it didn't matter too much to her, but she realized last night that it did matter. She wouldn't call him again, because that would probably end up hurting her already wounded pride, but she hoped that he somehow heard her podcast and called her.
Another knock on the door reminded her that Haley was there, and she got up, walking toward the door without even thinking about what she was wearing. Haley had stopped by unannounced often enough to see her in her pajamas before, and Haley also knew that she loved to wear Lucas's shirts, not only because they smelled like him, but because they were comfortable. She had never really preferred sleeping in Jake's shirts.
Before she could sleepily stumble the rest of the way to the front door, whoever it was gave up on her answering and opened it, and Peyton stopped on the stairs, surprised to be greeted by Jenny's enthusiastic grin as opposed to Haley, or even Jamie. She quickly looked behind the little girl, and was glad to see that it was Nikki standing there, and not anyone else.
Still shocked, Peyton barely managed to catch the little girl who came running at her. She forced a smile for Jenny, though, and looked down at the girl, suddenly aware of what she was wearing. She chose to ignore it for now, though, and pretend there was nothing weird about it. "Hey, you, I didn't expect to see you so soon. What are you and your momma up to today?" she put cheer in her voice.
The little girl rambled on, and Peyton managed to catch that she had begged her momma to bring her to Tree Hill, and Nikki had eventually given in, so here they were. Peyton bit on her lip, and smiled at the girl. "Well, I was supposed to go shopping today, not with Brookie, so it won't be too bad, but still, if you don't want to go, we can always find something to do, and there will be other days, of course, kiddo," she said.
Not to be deterred, Jenny instantly agreed to go shopping with them, and she found a way to insist Nikki was going to. Peyton smiled when it was all agreed to, and then excused herself to take a quick shower and change. She needed a moment to herself. She hadn't really talked to Nikki as a friend in a while, but she had a feeling all Nikki would want to talk about would be Brooke and Jake, and she didn't want to talk about that.
While Peyton was getting ready, Haley arrived, and Peyton made sure to keep away from any alone time with Nikki as they loaded into the car and headed to the mall. Peyton was shopping for something to wear for her date with Lucas, and she wasn't exactly sure what she was looking for, because Lucas hadn't told her what they were doing.
The day was nice, and Peyton managed to avoid any alone time with Nikki. She finally settled on getting a deep green tiered skirt, which ended mid-thigh, and showed off her legs, and a silvery off the shoulder top. She had a pair of silver heels at home that would match the top, and she bought a new green purse that matched the skirt. Her wardrobe, at least, was ready for the date.
Not that Peyton wasn't ready for this to happen. She was sure she wanted to go out with Lucas, because she knew she owed it to both of them to give them a chance, but she was worried that they both had such high expectations, and they would only be disappointed. She wasn't sure how the date could be as great as she knew they both expected it to be.
Sensing her discomfort, Haley managed to wrangle a moment alone with Peyton while Nikki was helping Jenny in the bathroom. "So, Peyton, what's the issue. Don't tell me you're going to break my best friend's heart before you even go out. I know how much you were looking forward to this, so what's your problem?" she asked, nudging Peyton with her shoulder.
Taking a deep breath, Peyton bit on her lip, wondering just how much she should tell Haley. She finally decided that it would stay between her and Haley and she looked at the floor as she spoke. "Well, I mean, both of us have been holding onto this idea that we're going to be perfect together, right. Well, what if we're not? What if we go out and it's not like we both think it's going to be?" she asked.
Sighing, Haley really wanted to shake some sense into the blonde, but she restrained herself. "Peyton, you're just being ridiculous," she said simply, and since Peyton didn't like her tone of voice, Haley knew she had the blonde's attention. "Yeah, both of you have been waiting for this a long time, but that won't affect things. You guys are going to be perfect together, whether you have a perfect first date or not," she insisted.
Taking a moment to consider this, Peyton averted her gaze again, and started chewing on her lip. She nodded slowly, like she agreed with Haley, but she didn't take her eyes off the ground, or stop biting her lip, so Haley knew that wasn't the only thing that was bothering her. "What's up, Peyton. I know that's not the only problem, so tell me what's really on your mind," she said.
Previously, the blonde hadn't wanted to admit this to herself, much less anyone else, but she was feeling the need to get these things off of her chest, so she followed it. "I'm on my antidepressants, right, and since I've started taking them, they've done a really good job of keeping me happy, and keeping me from being depressed," she trailed off, and Haley was left wondering where she was going with this.
Just as Haley was about to ask what the problem was with that, she realized what Peyton must be thinking. "You're worried that if you go out, and you're happy, that it might just be because of the pills," she said, and Peyton neither confirmed, nor denied, but she finally met Haley's gaze. "Peyton, it's okay to take antidepressants. It doesn't mean your happiness isn't real, you just need a little help to feel it," she said.
Shaking her head, this time Peyton didn't agree. "No, Hales, Lucas doesn't deserve someone who needs to take pills to be happy with him. One day he's going to realize that, and that'll be it for me. I don't know why he even agreed to go out with me in the first place. I can't hold a real job, and I can't get through the day without a happy pill. Even my brother doesn't want to deal with me. Why should Lucas?" she said, desolate now.
Reaching out, Haley pulled Peyton into a hug. "Peyton, Lucas loves you for you, no matter what pills you have to take. He's loved you since you were sixteen, sweetie, and I don't see that changing any time soon. He knows the real you, and he's willing to stick by you, no matter what. I would think that he had proved that to you by now," she paused, but she didn't give Peyton a chance to break in.
Even as Peyton opened her mouth to protest, Haley continued. "Besides, as for your brother, he wasn't around when you were going through your good times, he doesn't deserve to be around now. If he doesn't see what a great person you are, Peyton, then forget him. You don't need someone like that in your life. You have enough friends without him," she said, rubbing Peyton's back in a way she often rubbed Jamie's.
That had really been what Peyton needed to hear, and a few seconds later, when Nikki and Jenny came out of the bathroom, Peyton and Haley both had a silent agreement that they wouldn't mention Peyton's near breakdown. It was time for them to head back to Peyton's anyway, so she could get ready for her date, and Jenny and Nikki still had to head back to Savannah.
It happened just when Peyton thought she was in the clear. She was about to head into the house when she looked up and noticed she was alone on the porch with Nikki. She blew out a sigh and cut Nikki off before she could speak. "Listen, I'm fine with Jake moving on, because I am, too, and I really don't want to talk about it, so, please, can we just go back to being friends without the awkwardness?" she asked.
After regarding her for a moment, Nikki nodded, and the two shared a hug before talking, catching up on one another's lives. Neither Brooke nor Jake was mentioned, although they did have to cut their talk short, because Jenny came back outside to see what was up. Nikki announced that they had to go, and a few minutes later they were driving away. Peyton went back inside and Haley, who had to cook for her family, left.
Time passed quickly as Peyton got ready, and before she knew it, there was a knock on the door. She called for Lucas to come in, and when she heard his voice call back, she yelled that she needed another minute, and that he should wait in the living room. Lucas did as she asked, but it was another ten minutes before she came down the stairs.
Digging in her bag, Peyton wasn't looking up as she entered the living room. "Sorry I took so long. I was being a total girl. I'm ready to go now," she said, finally looking up, to find Lucas staring at her, his mouth hanging open. She smiled on the inside, because that really said it all. "Close your mouth, before you catch flies. One would think you'd never seen a pretty girl before," she snarked, hoping she wasn't blushing.
Snapping his jaw shut, and shaking his head slightly, Lucas stepped closer to Peyton. "You are way more beautiful than any woman I'd ever seen before. Pretty doesn't even begin to cover it," he said. Peyton couldn't help but blush this time, but when he stepped closer for a kiss she raised her eyebrows and stepped back, a smirk on her face.
Seeing his shocked look, Peyton laughed. "You can't expect a kiss before the first date. Honestly, what kind of girl do you think I am? You'll be lucky if you get a goodnight kiss," she headed for the door, but she couldn't help but add, "Actually, maybe I'd be the lucky one," under her breath, but just loud enough so that he would be sure to hear her.
It didn't take him long to follow her, and then he led her to his car, and opened the passenger door for her. She badgered him the whole ride to tell her where they were going, and when they finally got there, she was still surprised. "We're going to the Cafe. You realize I work her everyday, right? Not to mention, you come here all the time," she cocked her eyebrow at him.
With his smirk, which used to annoy her, but now she actually liked it, not that she would tell him that, he got out of the car and walked around to open the door for her. "Good thing the surprise isn't the Cafe, then. Come on, follow me," he took her hand and led her into the Cafe, and then up to the roof, where he had set up a nice dinner, complete with lights strung around, and candles lit, and rose petals.
After dinner, they sat and they talked, about everything, and Peyton had to admit, all her earlier worries were unfounded. They had an absolutely perfect time, and everything between them felt even better than she had imagined. She didn't even care about the antidepressants anymore, because she knew that Lucas liked her despite her faults, and that was all that mattered.
The night ended with Peyton and Lucas on her front porch, saying goodnight. He made to go inside with her, but she moved in front of the door. "Oh, no, sorry, bud, but you're moving back into your own house since we're dating now. We're going to do this right. You do get a goodnight kiss, though," she said, snaking her arms around his neck and giving him a quick kiss before disappearing inside, turning the porch light off.
Inside the house, Peyton leaned against the door, thinking about the night. She had really wanted to invite him in, but she knew where that would end, and she wanted that to be special. She wanted to take things slowly, and she knew that it would be worth it if they waited until the perfect moment. She just hoped her self-control would last.
Still out on the porch, Lucas was reminded of their junior year, the last time she had left him standing on the porch. She had been with Nathan then, and things were so different now. He knew that she needed to take things slow, and despite how much he wanted to follow her inside, he was going to let her take things as slow as she needed. He wanted things to be perfect, because she deserved perfect.
A/N: Okay, so who's happy that Leyton is together now? I know I am. I hope y'all are too. Don't worry, I still have plenty of drama planned for this story, so it's not over yet. I hope y'all like this chapter. Review and let me know what you thought.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.