Another month passed and Lucas and Peyton were still living in separate houses and dating like any normal couple. It was finally time for her last appointment with her counselor, and she still hadn't heard from her brother. She was trying not to worry about those things, though, because she knew it did no good. She knew she had a good thing going with Lucas and none of the rest of it mattered, especially since she had spent two of the past three weekends with Jenny.
Still, she wasn't sure she was ready to stop seeing the counselor. She was on her way to see the woman as soon as she finished up what she was doing. She had started working at Tric again, like she had in high school, because Karen had said she had done well enough at the Cafe, and she needed the help at Tric more than she needed the help at the Cafe. Peyton was pretty sure Karen had done it because of Lucas's suggestion, but she didn't mind, because she knew that Karen did have faith in her.
Just as Peyton gathered the papers she needed, and she stood to leave, Karen entered the backroom, which had turned into Peyton's makeshift office. "Everything ready for tonight, then?" Karen asked, because she noticed that Peyton was getting ready to go. Peyton nodded. "Good, I'm glad," she paused, and Peyton met her gaze. "Good luck with your appointment today, Peyton. You really have turned things around, lately, and it's good to see you back to some semblance of normal," she said.
It really touched Peyton that Karen cared enough to notice, and she smiled, feeling the tears well in her eyes. Karen noticed too, and she took a step closer, looking concerned. She placed her hand on Peyton's arm. "No, no, these are good tears. I'm really glad to hear you say that. It means a lot to me, Karen, especially coming from you. I've always considered you somewhat of a third mom, and I'm glad that you care enough to help me out," she said, placing her hand over Karen's.
Smiling back at the blonde, Karen pulled her into a hug, holding her tightly, and Peyton knew this was what a hug from a mom felt like. She closed her eyes for a minute, enjoying the feeling. "Of course I care enough, Peyton. You've always meant a lot to me, even when Lucas was with Brooke, I've always sort of been pulling for the two of you. You've been like a daughter to me, and I'm sure soon enough you really will be my daughter. In-law, that is," she said with a knowing smile.
Wincing a little, Peyton kind of pulled back at that idea. It wasn't that she didn't want to marry Lucas one day, maybe, but she didn't want to rush it. "I don't know Karen. I mean, I know I love your son, and I have for a long time, but we don't want to jinx anything. It'll happen when it happens. That is something I've learned from my counselor. If it's meant to be, it will be, and there's no reason to rush it," she replied, trying to look like she wasn't scared by the thought of another marriage.
Sensing Peyton's discomfort, Karen decided not to pursue the subject. She just stepped back and let her go. "Well, good luck again with your last appointment, and try not to stress too much about tonight. You've done all you can, and I'm sure it will go great," she said confidently. Peyton wished she could have as much confidence in herself as everyone else seemed to have in her. "I will see you later, and please, try to just relax and have fun later," she said before leaving the makeshift office.
Nodding her head slightly as Karen left, she followed soon after, hoping that she could take the woman's advice. She ran into Lucas in the bar area, and noticed the flowers in his hands. "Hey, you, I thought you deserved flowers to making it to today. I was really worried about you for a while, Peyton, and now look at you. You're healthy again, and you're happy, I hope, and I just want to say I'm glad to be a part of it," he handed her the flowers when she reached him.
Biting on her lip, she tried not to let the tears that were so close to the surface fall. She had been looking forward to the last appointment ever since she had started going to the counselor, practically. The doctor said that she still had things to work on, but she had also said that she didn't need the weekly sessions anymore. She would still be able to call up the counselor whenever, but the counselor was sure that she would be able to handle things okay on her own.
Taking a deep breath, and letting it out slowly, Peyton looked up at Lucas. "Really, Lucas, I couldn't have done it without you," she said, and he tried to protest, but she cut him off. "No, I mean it. I would probably have died that day if you hadn't come to check on me, and it would have been just because I had made a stupid mistake, and there have been a lot of times since then when you've been the only thing that kept me going. I'm just glad to have you," she said, taking the flowers and giving him a quick kiss.
Shaking his head, Lucas reached up and brushed a curl out of her face. "You would have made it anyway, Peyton. You're strong like that. You may not realize that, but everyone else around you does. You are way stronger than you give yourself credit for. Look at what you've done since the accident. You got through all that's happened, and you've still managed to live, and do this club night thing for my mom. You are amazing, whether you'll believe that or not," he told her, taking her hand as he walked her to her car.
Blushing, Peyton looked down, allowing her hair to cover her face and her blush. She didn't go around looking for compliments, but for some reason, she couldn't help believe them, when Lucas said them. He really did have no idea how much he did for her, though, how much he did for her every day. She couldn't believe she had gone so many years without talking to him, because now she couldn't imagine going one day without seeing his smile, or hearing his voice, or looking into those blue eyes.
Honestly, he made her feel wanted, and she loved that most of all. Yeah, while they were married, and things were good-or at least they had thought they were married-Jake had always made her feel wanted too, but not in the way Lucas did, now, when the things were bad. When things had gone bad, her relationship with Jake had just sort of fallen apart, and she wouldn't blame that all on him, but a lot of it had been he hadn't looked at her the same anymore.
With Lucas, just a look made her feel like he could barely keep his hands off her sometimes, even when she wasn't wearing anything sexy, and she didn't have her hair done, or her make-up done. It wasn't just that, either, though, even if those looks were pretty great. It was more the feeling she got when he looked deep in her soul, making her feel like he wanted her despite all the crap and stuff, that he looked inside her and wanted her for that, and not just the looks. She liked that feeling the best.
Looking back up at him, she smiled. "You know, you're pretty amazing, too, Lucas Scott," she said, reaching up to give him another quick kiss. "I've got to go, though, because now I've got to go home and put these in water before I go to my appointment, and if I don't leave now, I'll be late. I've been on time for every other one, so I don't want to start being late now," she grinned. "I will see you later, when you pick me up for tonight," she sent him one last wave before getting into her car.
Well, she still didn't really think of the car as her car. Her Comet had been declared totaled after the accident, and so she had gotten a used car. It was still a convertible Mustang, but it wasn't the same as her car, and it would never be her car. Even though the Comet was just a car, it had always felt like a part of her, and it was still hard for her to accept that she would never drive it again. She didn't really believe it, or she just didn't want to.
OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH
In her counselor's office, Peyton sat with her hands crossed in her lap. "I think you've come a great distance in such a short time, Peyton, but you always make that face there," she gestured to Peyton's expression, which had twisted into some type of grimace, as if she didn't believe the words, "when I say that, so tell me, what do you think about your progress?" she questioned as she studied the blonde across from her.
As soon as her counselor had mentioned Peyton's facial expression, she tried to rearrange her features, but she figured now was as good a time as any to express her fears. If she hadn't done it thus far, she may as well do it in her last session, right? "It's just, you say that, and everyone else says that I've come so far, but I just honestly don't see it," she paused, but she noticed the look on the other woman's face, which she recognized as meaning, "Continue."
Taking a deep breath, Peyton tried to delve deeper into her emotions. She figured since she had started this subject, she might as well get it all off her chest. "I mean, yes, I'm working a job again, but it's a job I did in high school, and probably better than I do it now. I went to school, got a degree, and I guess I always thought that I'd have done more by now, you know. I didn't see myself here when I graduated high school," she trailed off, surprising herself with how much she said.
The counselor straightened for a moment and jotted a quick note down on her clipboard. She looked back up at Peyton and met her gaze. "Well, you can't look at it that way, Peyton. Something big and horrible happened to you, and that changed your plans a bit, and that's okay. Your whole life changed. You can't be expected to just immediately bounce back from that. Quite frankly, you've done a lot better than some of my other patients who have been through the same thing," she concluded.
Biting on her lip, Peyton didn't respond. She wrapped her arms around her torso as she tried to consider what the woman said. She supposed she made some sense, at least. Maybe she could think of it that way. For a while, during her dark days, she really hadn't thought that she would make it through. "Are you still taking your medication?" the woman asked, startling Peyton, who hadn't been expecting that question.
A bit hesitant in her answer, Peyton gave the answer without saying a word. At the other woman's disapproving look, she felt the need to explain. "You mean the happy pills? I don't want to be on them. I want to be happy because I'm happy, and if I'm not I want it to be because I'm just not. I don't want to rely on a stupid pill to make me happy every day. Life should make me happy on it's own," she said in a tone that, admittedly, was pretty defensive.
After silently studying Peyton long enough that the blonde wanted to shout at the woman and ask what she was thinking, the counselor finally spoke. "Well, are you?" she asked, and she could immediately tell Peyton wasn't expecting that, due to the confusion that clouded her gaze. "Are you happy? Since you've stopped taking the pills, has life made you happy?" she clarified, cocking an eyebrow in a way that had frustrated Peyton since the beginning.
Breathing out a sigh, Peyton considered the answer, then looked sheepishly down at her knees, giving a small shrug in answer to the question. "It's okay to need help to be happy, Peyton. You have a chemical imbalance in your brain. It's a medical disorder that you need medication for. Would you resent the medication if you had epilepsy and had to take pills daily to stop yourself from having seizures?" she asked.
Looking up at the woman, Peyton considered that, and then shook her head. "Right. If anyone doesn't understand why you have to take antidepressants, that's their problem, not yours. As long as they're working for you, Peyton, I encourage you to take them. Now, if one day, you can be happy without them, then it's perfectly okay to stop taking them, but I don't believe you're ready to be off them yet, and I don't believe you believe that either," she said.
Nodding slowly, Peyton agreed to start taking them again. She had only been off them for a week. She'd been flushing her pill every morning down the toilet, because Lucas liked to randomly check to make sure she was taking them everyday, and Haley did, too. She knew it wasn't because they didn't trust her-although, considering she wasn't taking them anyway, maybe they shouldn't trust her-but it was because they were looking out for her.
After considering Peyton for a moment, as if trying to decide whether or not Peyton was actually telling the truth, she looked down and jotted a quick note on her clipboard, before looking up again and leveling Peyton with a look that she knew from experience meant that whatever topic was about to be brought up was not one she would like. "Well, I think that since this is our last session, we should discuss your fear of intimacy," she prompted.
Just as Peyton knew the counselor expected, she immediately jumped on the defensive, protesting. "I do not have a fear of intimacy. I've been with Lucas for a month already, haven't I? I kiss him in public, sometimes, and I hold his hand. I have no problem with that," she said, and the counselor just continued to look at her. She knew what that meant too. Peyton was supposed to figure it out on her own, or, more likely, just admit to herself that the counselor was right.
Her posture was still on the defensive, with her arms crossed across her chest, and her legs crossed as well, and her eyes were narrowed, but she was biting her lip, which meant she was considering, at least. After another moment, she uncrossed her arms and legs. "Okay, maybe you're a little right. Is it so wrong that I don't want to just jump in bed with him, even though I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him? I just want to be careful," she shot back.
With a small smile, the woman regarded Peyton. "You know, of course it is okay to be careful," she paused and Peyton knew more was coming. "As long as you're being careful for the right reasons. If you're holding back because you're not sure you love him, then that's fine, but I've seen the way you talk about him, and I know you're in love with him. Sometimes you have to take risks, Peyton. You can't just hold back because you're scared," she said.
OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH OTH
That evening, Peyton was just slipping her silver chandelier earrings into her ears when the doorbell rang. She was still barefoot, so she called out for Lucas to come in. She sat on the bed and pulled on her boots, pulling her jeans down over them. She was wearing a hunter green halter top, and her hair was down. Her make-up was pretty natural, except for her bright red lipstick. She took one last look in the mirror, grabbed her purse and her leather jacket, and rushed downstairs.
For a moment, as she reached the end of the stairs, she just looked at him. Lucas's back was too her, giving her a chance to just stare at him, and allowing her to examine the feelings she had for him, and the one's he incited in her. She didn't really want to try to classify them just yet, but she already knew what they were. She just wanted to enjoy them right now, though. He was looking good in a light blue long-sleeved button down and jeans.
When he turned, she noticed the button down was left unbuttoned, and he wore a dark blue tee-shirt under it. Her eyes trailed up his chest, until green eyes met blue, and she lost herself in his gaze. Lucas broke into a grin and felt his breath leave him as he stared at her. She was always breathtaking, and tonight was no exception. "You look absolutely gorgeous," he said to her in a husky voice that he always used when complimenting her.
Taking the time to approach him and give him a quick kiss, Peyton took his hand as she lowered herself off of her tiptoes. She loved the finger of his fingers laced through hers, even though his big hands engulfed hers, she still felt like they fit perfectly together. She stepped back slightly, but that didn't stop the familiar shiver that went down her spine at his touch. She blushed at his compliment as always, and bit her lip as she looked down.
Reaching out with his free hand, he raised her head and looked into her eyes, his blue eyes gazing into her green earnestly. He placed another kiss on her lips, his blue eyes saying all the words he didn't need to speak. She knew exactly what he was getting at. "Thank you. I know that you honestly believe that, and that is really all that matters to me," she tugged him towards the front door by his hand, so they could leave.
When they made it to his car, he opened the passenger door for her and she slid in, sending him a smile, which he returned before closing the door. He walked around the car and got in the driver's side and once he was on the road, she took his free hand. "So, how was your session today?" he asked, looking over at her and bringing her hand up to his lips so he could place a kiss on it when they were stopped at a red light.
Taking a few blocks to mull over the answer once he started driving again, she tried to decide the overall effect of the session. "It went okay," she finally said. He looked over at her with a raised eyebrow, and she just shrugged. She knew how the whole conversation would play out, because they'd had it so many times, and she decided to avoid the whole thing. "It went fine, really," she added and then he pulled into the parking lot of Tric, effectively ending the conversation.
Since he liked to open the door for her, she waited until he made it to her side of the car and opened it before she slid out of the car, taking the hand he offered her. He pulled her to a stop before she could start leading them to the club. She turned to face him and he pulled her close, placing his hands on her hips and forcing her to stay there. "You are going to have a stress-free night, okay?" he asked and she nodded after a slight hesitation. "No, you have to believe it, too, stress-free, you hear me?" he started tickling her.
Unable to hold in her laughter as his fingers nimbly moved over her abdomen, she laughed loudly. "Okay, alright. I believe you," she surrendered, placing her hands on his to stop their movement. His fingers stopped moving, but he didn't move his hands. "Stress-free," she confirmed, and he allowed her to step back. She took his hand again and he let her lead them into the club. She headed for the bar, to talk to the bartended and make sure things were running smoothly.
With Lucas trailing behind her, she pushed her way through the crowd, which was already quite large, blocking her view of the bar almost completely. She only caught quick glimpses of it, when the crowd moved just right. She kept seeing glimpses of a woman flirting with the bartended, which didn't surprised her. Women always flirted with him. She was a few feet away from the bar when the crowd parted, allowing her to see the woman. She stopped in her tracks as she recognized her. Brooke.
A/N: Yeah, I know this has taken a while, but life has been busy, and I just haven't seemed to find my muse for this fic, which is what held up all my updates. I think the next update should be sooner, but since I still don't have internet of my own, I'm not making any promises. I hoped you like this chapter, though, and tell me what you think. What do y'all think of the return of Brooke, and why is she flirting with the bartender?
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to One Tree Hill.