AN: Hello! I'm so glad you guys are enjoying, I'm having a ton of fun writing this. In advance I apologize for any spelling or grammar errors, I have no beta, but I try to proof read and catch most of them. Thank you for your reviews! They encourage me to write.

The more reviews the more I want to write.

Thank you.

Chapter 4: I Surrender.

Secret, hidden underneath it,
Trying hard to keep it
Safely out of reach.
Creeping, I can feel it breathing,
Calling to the surface,
Finally in my dreams.

Taken down I give into what I can't disguise.
I surrender.
Broken down, I give into what I can not have..
I surrender.

-Digital Daggers

Amanda's POV:

Amanda blew out a deep breath as she walked down the hall to her apartment. This place really was shady. The complex offered sex offender's living next door to you, roaches, and mold in your shower- what a deal. Not that Amanda planned on staying in this place for much longer, she planned on talking to her mom about moving out as soon as she got a chance. Amanda was 17, turning 18 in December. It shouldn't be that big of a deal to live alone, the school didn't have to know.

There was a plethora of reasons Amanda needed to get out. The apartment was too small, her mother had obviously gone for the cheapest place she could get. It was a two bedroom- barley. Kim's room was the size of a walk-in closet. Amanda had been sleeping on the couch, but she couldn't do that for the whole year. Her mother and Kim also played a large part in her needing to move, she couldn't take Kim's mood swings anymore- one moment Kim would be completely innocent, complimenting Amanda and making jokes- the next moment she'd turn in to the devil, yelling about how Amanda stole everything from her, how she'd been in New York first and Amanda just had to come and ruin her life. Like Amanda actually wanted to be here.

She'd been thinking about leaving for the past few weeks. She'd secured an after school job at the coffee joint around the corner from school, and she'd finally gotten her father to send her the rest of the money she'd left behind in Atlanta. She had around 1,000 dollars saved up from her time in Atlanta, that was enough for her to put down first months rent on an apartment.

Amanda fumbled for her key's, unlocking the door to the apartment. Pushing the door open, she stepped in and threw her bag into the corner. Scanning the apartment, she spotted her mother on the couch, drinking a box of wine.

"Hey Mom," Amanda muttered, walking up to the couch.

Her mother set the box down on the floor, and looked up at her. "Amanda, thought you had school or somethin' else to be doin," her mother grumbled.

"Oh, uh, yeah," Amanda stuttered a bit. Her mother was already impatient and she hadn't even begun speaking. "I have something I need to talk to you about."

Her mom leaned down and grabbed the box, taking a quick swig. "Make it quick. Show's gonna be on soon."

Amanda shook her head. "Well," Amanda said. "I've been thinking, a lot actually." She looked at her drunken mother. "Mom, I want to move."

Her mother just gave her a weird look and laughed.

"You got money to move us, Manda?" Her mother asked, taking a swig from the box.

Amanda shoved her hands in her pockets and chuckled uncomfortably. Her mother was making this really difficult.

"No, mom," Amanda said lightly. "I want to move out, by myself."

Her mother just took another sip of wine and laughed. "Amanda, you're too young."

"Mom, I'm 17. I'll be 18 in a few months, I'll be leaving either way. I'm asking you to leave early."

"Mandy, you just got that job," Her mother sat the box down, and looked up. "You could really help with bills round here."

Amanda rolled her eyes at that one. "Why would I pay for this?" Amanda asked. "I don't have a bed here, I'm only here at night on the couch, I pay for all my food- I've only eaten takeout since I got here, and I want to move out. I don't want to support you, it was supposed to be the other way around, Mom! You were supposed to look out for me! Not the other way around."

"What about your schooling? I payed for that."

Amanda snorted, "No, you said you did. You paid for Kim's. The school's public now, so there is no tuition fee."

Her mom was up and in her face, spitting as she spoke. "Little bitch, listen here. I care for you, I provided. You slept under my roof! You owe me."

"I don't owe you shit," Amanda stepped away, putting distance between them.

"Bitch!" Her mother cried, Amanda saw it coming, but had no time to react as her mother lunged forward. Grabbing Amanda by the hair, and throwing her to the ground.

Amanda could feel her mother's punches, they were slightly sloppy since her mother had been drinking but they still did some damage. Amanda covered her face, and tried to push her mother's heavy body off of her middle. The punches stopped, and then there was a bruising grip to her arm.

"I say you pay rent, you pay fucking rent," her mother spat. "I say you live with me, you live with me." She took another punch and then her mother grabbed her hair, trying to drag Amanda into the kitchen. Her mother released her hair and rummaged through the kitchen drawers, every time Amanda moved she got a swift kick to her abdomen. Finally, her mother grabbed her hair and forced her head up. She was holding a knife. She held the sharp tool to the side of Amanda's face as she spoke. "Do you understand, Amanda?"

Amanda nodded her head.

"Good, now get in the living room and sit your ass down. I don't wanna see you move until it's time for you to go to school."

Amanda nodded again, and got up.

Instead of going to the living room, Amanda headed to the bathroom. Stepping in the small space she closed the door and peered into the mirror. She hadn't received much damage to her face, no bruising, other than a slightly swollen lip her face was fine. She cringed as she removed her shirt, it hurt to raise her arms. Amanda poked lightly at the hand shaped bruises on her upper arms, then she scanned her lower body. Her abdomen had bruising from where she'd been kicked but nothing too bad.

Sighing, Amanda leaned over and started the shower. She pulled her jeans and underwear down her legs, and took one last glance in the dingy mirror before stepping into the molded shower stall.

She let her tears run down the drain with the shower water.

~x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x~

"Thanks," Amanda smiled at the guy who held the door for her, as she stepped into the lunch room. As she made her way through the crowded area, she clutched her bag to her side, and kept her head down. She'd applied lip gloss to try and make her lip look better, and she'd opted for long sleeves even though it was still in the 90's outside.

Amanda had made it through all of her other periods but she was really dreading lunch, it was the only time she really saw Kim in school, and she was sure that her mother had told Kim what happened. Kim had never taken a beating, even in Atlanta, her father had never touched Kim. Amanda had always been the one to receive beatings from both parents. She'd gotten used to it, but that didn't mean she didn't feel any less violated every time it happened.

As soon as she'd settled at her table, Kim rushed over.

"Hey Mandy," Kim said, as she slid her tray onto the table and took a seat across from Amanda.

"Hello Kim," Amanda replied, not looking up from the table.

Kim bit into her apple and spoke while she chewed, "Mom really did a number, huh?"

Amanda winced. "She told you?" Of course her mother would brag about beating her daughter to everyone who'd listen.

Kim smiled, and sat her apple back on her tray, "Course, she told me," Kim took a drink of soda and continued, "From what she said, you deserved it, Sis."

Amanda grimaced. "Are-Are you kidding me, Kim?" Amanda leaned forward and made eye contact with her sister, "You've got to be fuckin with me, you came over here to tell me I deserved to be beaten?"

Kim sighed, "Well you know Mom needs the money, Manda," Kim rolled her eyes. "Plus, you have it good there. It's a nice place. Mama's right, she does take care of you." Kim just shrugged and continued eating her lunch.

Amanda was disgusted with her family. First her father, now her mother, and now Kim telling her that she deserves what she gets.

Amanda stood from her seat, and began walking towards the exit, "Go fuck yourself, Kim." she said over her shoulder.

She couldn't stay in that room with her sister anymore, so she exited the cafeteria. She made her way upstairs, content to just roam the halls until lunch ended, so with that thought in mind, Amanda made her way to her locker to put her bag up. Just as she closed the locker shut, and turned around, she heard heels coming down the hall. Turning, she caught sight of the woman who had been in her dreams for the past week. Ms. Benson wore a purple sleeveless top today, paired with black slacks, and boots. God, did she make Amanda's mouth water.

The woman's walk made her breasts bounce slightly and Amanda couldn't look away, not even when the woman was right in front of her.

"Amanda," Ms. Benson smiled.

"Hey, Ms. Benson," Amanda said a little too enthusiastically, a little too happy. She tried to turn it down, "How's your day been?"

Ms. Benson just seemed to step closer to her, "Day's going good. Yours?"

Amanda ducked her head, and blushed at the older woman's proximity. "Mine's been okay."

"Why aren't you at lunch?" Ms. Benson asked, tilting her head slightly.

Amanda blanked. What could she say, my asshole sister thinks that I deserved a beating? So she opted for simply nodding her head stupidly, biting her lip.

Ms. Benson eventually got the point that she didn't want to discuss it, "Well, since you're up here, do you wanna chill in the room? You've still got a while till lunch ends. I'll share my sandwich with you, c'mon."

Without giving Amanda a chance to answer, Ms. Benson grabbed Amanda's arm softly to usher her into the room. Amanda let out a hiss, even with Ms. Benson's light touch, the bruises were still fresh and it hurt.

Ms. Benson frowned, and let go of her arm. "Amanda?" Ms. Benson sounded worried.

"I'm fine, just took me by surprise is all." Amanda smiled, trying to reassure the older woman.

Ms. Benson seemed reluctant to let it go, but she walked over to her desk, and pulled up a chair for Amanda, before taking out a sandwich.

"Want some?" Ms. Benson asked hopefully, looking up at Amanda with those big brown eyes and Amanda was powerless.

She nodded and accepted the half Ms. Benson offered her. "Thank you, Ms. Benson."

"Olivia."

Amanda almost choked, "What?"

Ms. Benson just smiled, "You can call me Olivia when we're not in class, Ms. Benson's a little formal while we're sharing lunch."

"Okay, Olivia." Amanda tested, liking the way the older woman's name rolled off her tongue.

Without thinking Amanda rolled her sleeves up and prepared to bite into her sandwich, when she felt gentle fingers on her arm.

Shit. Amanda went to pull her sleeve down over her arm, but Olivia stopped her. "Who gave you these?"

"Nobody, I ran into the door. I'm clumsy." Amanda once again tried to pull her arm from Olivia, but the woman held tight. Olivia's fingers ghosted over her damaged skin, softly soothing with her fingertips. Amanda bit her lip and looked at the older woman, shivering at the feelings that rushed through her from the woman's touch.

Olivia's eyes met hers and they stared at each other from across Olivia's desk, Olivia's fingers kept tracing patterns on Amanda's arm, and Amanda couldn't think straight, much less speak.

Amanda was just about to reach out and place her hand over Olivia's, when the bell rung.

Olivia sighed and removed her hand, "I want to see you after, so don't even think about going anywhere."

Amanda could only nod. She made it to her seat in the back on autopilot. She didn't notice the other student's taking their seats, she didn't notice Fin trying to get her attention, and she didn't notice the worried gaze being directed at her from a pair of dark brown eyes from the front of the room.

God, she'd made a fool of herself. Olivia had been doing her job and she'd acted like she was going to jump over the table and pounce on her over a simple touch. She heard Olivia speaking at the front but she couldn't focus. Her mind kept replaying the way Olivia's fingers had felt on her skin, the way Olivia had allowed their eye contact. Amanda had never felt like this before, and she'd only met the woman a few weeks prior.

She sat zoned out for the whole period, only snapping out of her arousal filled haze when she felt Olivia's fingers on her shoulder. Amanda quickly stood up from her desk and gathered her things.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Benson." Amanda said hurriedly, trying to step around the other woman to get to the door. "I didn't hear the bell."

"Amanda," Olivia touched her arm softly, "Who did that to you?"

Amanda shook her head, "I bumped the door. Nobody did anything."

"Amanda, those are hand prints on your arms. A door didn't do this." Olivia said softly, "Just tell me, I can help you."

Amanda shook Olivia off, "No. I don't need help. I ran into the door, I have to go. I'll be late for work."

Olivia nodded, but put her fingers under Amanda's chin, softly forcing her to tilt her head up and look her in the eyes. "If you bump into another door, you have my number. Doesn't matter the time. You need me, I'll come."

Amanda nodded, and looked into the woman's eyes for another overly long inappropriate amount of time, before walking around her and exiting.

This woman was going to kill her.
~x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x~

As Amanda hurriedly left the block she heard a voice behind her.

"Amanda, wait up."

Turning she smiled when she saw Fin, the boy from class.

"Hey, Man," she greeted lightly.

"What's up? Where you going?" Fin asked curiously as he walked with her.

"Work. Wanna walk me?" Amanda joked.

"No problem, baby girl," Fin laughed. "Hey, what's the deal with you and Benson?"

Amanda coughed, "What?"

Fin just shook his head as they rounded a corner, "Come on Amanda, I'd have to be stupid to not notice the eyes you make at her. She was looking at you all period."

Amanda stopped suddenly when Fin interrupted. "Don't worry, Manda, I'm not gonna tell anyone."

"There's nothing to tell Fin, she's just helping me with some personal issues."

"I'm sure your issues are quite personal," Fin joked.

She elbowed him and waved as she crossed the street.

~x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x~

Amanda stood in the living room of a very nice apartment.

After work, despite her mothers warning, Amanda went to look at an apartment she'd seen in the newspaper. The apartment had caught her eye because it was in her price range, and the pictures looked really nice, plus it was closer to the school and the cafe. The manager had happily showed her around the place, he'd said that he'd showed a couple of other people the place, but if Amanda wanted it she wouldn't really have any competition.

The place was nice, it had big windows and was on the fourth floor. The floors were wooden and there was only carpet in the bedroom. It was a one bedroom spacious studio apartment. The place was bigger than she'd expected when she'd come up to view it. When you entered the front door you ended up in the kitchen area. The appliances were sort of updated, but they were nice appliances and there was a kitchen bar with stools already in place instead of a table. Next to the kitchen was the living room area, which had two big windows overlooking the neighborhood. The bedroom area was right across from the living room, the floor plan was open so you could see the bedroom space from the living room. The only doors in the place was the front door, and the bathroom door, everything else was open.

Amanda fell in love.

She turned to the apartment manager and smiled, "Anyway I could sign a lease today?"