AN: Okay, so I know this is posting kinda fast, but I was really excited to get this one out.

Please REVIEW. They mean a lot to me, I started working on this chapter as soon as I posted four, and as soon as I post this I'll get to work on 6.

Oh and I changed my mind, things might get a little heated, but nothing major. Just a bit of fun sexual tension. That's not illegal! So technically I didn't lie.

Thank you to those of you who have left me reviews, they mean so much to me, and I fangirl every time I see a new one.

Oh and sorry if the math in this chapter confused anybody, I had to actually budget Amanda's apartment and actually do research on Ikea. So that was fun.

So Thank you, Thank you, I love you all!

Disclaimer: I do not own IKEA or any Law & Order characters. All rights go to their respective owners. I only own my story and ideas.

Warning: Some sexual content and VIOLENCE! You've been warned.

Chapter 5: Numb.

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you.

And I know
I may end up failing too.
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you.

-Linkin Park

Amanda POV:

Amanda Rollins let out a frustrated sigh as sank back into her pillows. It was almost 6 o'clock in the morning, but she wasn't tired. She was all ready for bed: teeth brushed, pajamas on, freshly showered body. But she couldn't force herself to go to sleep, and she didn't think she'd be able to anytime soon with all that had happened today.

Friday, Amanda had made a split second decision. She'd been in the apartment and she hadn't planned on signing the lease, but she knew she needed to get away and here was the perfect opportunity. The place was only 500 a month to rent. The landlord had been surprisingly helpful. He'd told her she could move in whenever she was ready and handed over the keys after she'd paid first months rent upfront in cash and completed the paperwork.

After she'd walked out of her new building, she'd went home and pretended like nothing was wrong. She didn't want to tell her mother until she got everything in order with the place. When she'd walked in the door Kim had simply smirked at her and her mother ignored her completely- she'd been forced to sleep on the floor that night, her mother claimed to need the couch for her back.

The next day was Saturday, so Amanda got paid for her two weeks at the cafe, 900 bucks. After she cashed her check, then she'd went to the Library and began looking up furniture. She didn't have that much to spend on furnishings for the apartment, so she had to find cheap stuff and budget her spending. Her budget consisted of the $1,800 dollars she had left. She quickly stumbled upon Ikea's website, apparently they had really cheap furniture. Amanda ordered her mattress for 300, bed frame for 200, A black 3 cushion sofa for 400, and her T.V unit and supplies for 290. Which left her with 610. Ikea had estimated her stuff would be delivered the next day, because she was right around the corner from a store.

After she finished she'd enlisted Fin to come by on Sunday to help her put the stuff together, he'd been confused, but he agreed.

Amanda must've answered the door about eight times before the movers got everything up to the apartment, she'd tipped them, and sat among the boxes as she waited for Fin to show up.

It had all happened so fast. Fin had arrived and apparently was relived she called him, he was a pro with Ikea furniture. Fin told her their pieces were sometimes really hard to put together, and wow was he right. They had spent the whole day putting together the different pieces of furniture. Each piece took a couple hours or more. Fin was patient tho, and he walked her through almost every step. They'd gotten everything put together in one day, Amanda didn't even want to think about how long that would've taken if Fin hadn't showed. Thankfully he didn't ask questions about her parents and he'd kept them both laughing while they worked. Amanda could really get used to having Fin around. Fin left around 2 o'clock in the morning, and Amanda had marveled at her new apartment.

It was hers and it was beautiful. No more sleeping on the couch, no more dealing with her drunken mother, no more coming home to Kim's insults. It was just her here, and Amanda loved it. Having had nothing else to do, she'd put on a coat, and walked the block to the 24/7 grocery. She'd spent 50 bucks on grocery's there, and when she got home, she made sure her fridge was fully stocked.

Amanda had also been trying to keep busy so she didn't think about Olivia. The woman captivated her and confused her. Amanda felt like an idiot for what she'd done on Friday, the way she'd reacted to the older woman's touch. When Olivia touched her it felt like something Amanda had never felt before, something she couldn't describe. It was a warm feeling, a good feeling, but it was still confusing. She felt bad for pushing Olivia away, it wasn't her fault that Amanda found her enchanting. Olivia had obviously been trying to help, but she couldn't stand the thought of the older woman seeing her as weak, so she'd made up some lame door story and Olivia had left it at that.

But Olivia had to feel something for her too, she'd touched Amanda- not in the way Amanda would have preferred- but she rubbed Amanda's arm. That wasn't professional or platonic. Yes, Amanda had gazed into chocolate brown orbs for way longer than was appropriate, but her English teacher hadn't exactly rushed to break the contact. They'd been silently communicating to each other. Amanda didn't know what exactly they communicated, but there was something there.

She'd started to text the woman twice today, but then quickly snapped her phone shut. What would she say if Olivia answered? She couldn't make a homework excuse, but she wanted to talk to the woman badly but Amanda didn't want to embarrass herself, so she kept her phone way out of reaching distance.

Amanda was enamored with her teacher—that much was clear. Amanda loved talking with Olivia, loved looking at Olivia, just loved being with Olivia. She admired Olivia's class and her skill, admired how gentle Olivia could be. Of course she knew Olivia couldn't harbor those types of feelings for her, but she could pretend.

Closing her eyes again, Amanda tried to count sheep. It worked for a minute, until she started thinking about Olivia. Somehow Olivia breached her thoughts, and now Amanda couldn't keep the older woman out of her head. Olivia was beautiful. She had tanned skin, brown hair that held natural highlights that really popped when she stood in the sun. God she was screwed, she'd noticed her highlights. And those eyes, those eyes held so much emotion, she could get lost in those eyes. Then she began thinking about the woman's body. Those ample breasts, breasts Amanda imagined palming, breasts she imagined sucking on. Those hands, hands she wanted scratching her back as she pleasured Olivia. Her hips, oh lord, her hips were amazing. Amanda wanted to kiss and bite those hips as Olivia writhed underneath her. Oh, and the things Amanda would do to that backside, those tight slacks Olivia always wore made it extremely difficult for Amanda not to reach out and cup a cheek.

Without her brain's consent, Amanda's hand began snaking her hand under her shorts. She didn't even realize what she was doing, until her fingers were rubbing her folds. With a little imagination she could pretend Olivia was above her, it was Olivia's hand in her shorts, Olivia's fingers softly stroking her. Jerking her hand away, Amanda sat up. No! She knew that fantasizing about Olivia while she touched herself would only intensify her longing for the brunette, and she didn't want that. She couldn't have that- not tonight.

Amanda took a deep breath and then turned on her side, hugging her pillow to her as she went back to counting sheep and trying not to think about Olivia's fingers anywhere near her.

~X0~X0~X0~X0~

Amanda's alarm clock woke her from her slumber. Thankfully it'd just been a black screen all night, no dreams that she could remember. Sighing, she tossed the covers off her body, and padded her way to the bathroom.

Amanda was so grateful to have a place of her own, it was her first day truly living here, but she was ecstatic. The only thing that could go wrong today, was telling her mother about her new apartment. She didn't know exactly how that would play out but she was dreading the confrontation and she had good reason, the last time she'd crossed her mother, she'd nearly got her ribs broken.

Once she was showered and dressed, Amanda slipped her sunglasses on and made her way to the cafe where she worked. She ordered her usual iced coffee and decided to get Olivia a cappuccino, as an apology for her behavior. Taking both cups, Amanda almost skipped to school. Her day was going great, she had an excuse to see Olivia and her apartment had been put together way faster than she'd anticipated.

When she arrived at school, she'd slipped through the crowds easily enough, finally making it upstairs where she began to feel her nerves. Her hands were shaking by the time she reached 308. Amanda just barely managed to knock.

The door opened and a sleepy looking Olivia Benson appeared. Olivia looked surprised, but she welcomed Amanda in and closed the door behind her.

Amanda gave her a shaky smile, "Sorry to disturb but I brought you coffee."

"Oh, yes." Olivia groaned and accepted the beverage with a smile of her own, "Thank you. You're a life saver. I was so desperate for coffee I was about to go to the staff room for some," Olivia grimaced. "Who knows how long that coffee has been there."

"You're welcome, I was getting mine and I thought of you." Amanda was horrified with herself. She was such an idiot, could she sound anymore desperate.

Olivia nodded and took a sip from her cup, she swished the liquid around in her mouth, and then she moaned. The woman actually moaned, and Amanda was so close to loosing her shit. That moan went straight to Amanda's core.

"Where did you get this?" Olivia wandered, "It's amazing."

Amanda blushed, "I work at this cafe about a block away, I used my discount this morning."

Olivia eyes brightened, "I've seen that one, I'll have to stop in one day."

Amanda groaned, she could hardly contain herself while they were in the school building, if Olivia showed up to the cafe- she wouldn't be held accountable for her actions. "Sure, I work right after school. I usually memorize all the regular orders, anything you like in particular?"

Olivia set her cup down on her desk, and leaned up against it. "I have a thing for hazelnut or just black with creamer," Olivia smiled, "How bout you?"

"I like my coffee cold. I've always been scared I'd burn myself," Amanda chuckled. "When you're cursed with clumsiness like me, you always run the risk of spilling. Makes it easier if it's cold."

Olivia's eyes darkened. "Clumsiness, right. Seems like you've been having a lot of accidents lately?" Olivia stepped away from her desk, and shifted closer to Amanda, her eyes flickering down to Amanda's arm.

Amanda backed up a bit and shot Olivia a nervous smile, "I'm accident prone, I guess."

Olivia looked like she was about to argue, but then she closed her mouth and simply looked away.

Amanda scooted towards the door, "Well, I have class." she said awkwardly. "I'll see you later, Ms. Benson?"

Olivia frowned, and softly touched her arm. "We're not in class," the woman said softly. "It's Olivia."

Amanda shifted and rubbed the back of her neck, "I'll see you later then, Olivia?"

Olivia just smiled and winked, turning back to her coffee.

~X0~X0~X0~X0~

The rest of Amanda's day had gone pretty slowly. She'd been forced to watch an extremely long and awkward video about STD's in Health, she'd sat through one insanely boring lecture on the art of dissection during Biology, She'd always sucked at math- so when it came time for that class she'd done the wise thing and put her head down, in fourth a few kids got in a fight- Amanda of course pulled her phone- capturing the whole thing on video. For the rest of the period she'd been asked to show multiple strangers the video, her new popularity even carried to lunch. Kim had tried to speak with her about something, but was pushed out of the circle by anxious teenagers waiting to see a fight.

Amanda just wished people would leave her alone, she'd only pulled her phone because it was a natural reaction and she'd gotten caught up in the moment. After lunch most people had lost interest, but there were a few who followed her to 308. That's how she ended up with her phone out, standing right inside the classrooms doorway, letting people watch her phone's screen.

After a few minutes into the video, the group suddenly scattered and when she felt a tap on her shoulder she figured out why.

"Ms. Rollins, you're not supposed to have electronic devices out during school hours," Ms. Benson smirked.

Amanda nodded and made to put her phone away when Ms. Benson stopped her. "I might of overheard a few conversations in earlier periods, I understand you're the girl to talk to if somebody wanted to catch the fight that went down in Chemistry?"

Amanda blushed and nodded again, "Yeah, it's stupid. I got uh- caught up in the moment."

"May I see?" Olivia asked.

Amanda pulled her phone out again, and selected the video icon, scrolling for the video she wanted before handing her phone over to Olivia. Amanda tried to read Olivia's expressions as she watched the video, it was a mix between amusement and disappointment. After the video Olivia handed her phone back. "Thank you, Amanda."

Amanda tucked her phone in her pocket and made to make her way to the back when Olivia's voice stopped her, "Next time, do try not to stand so close. It's dangerous to be that close to angry teenagers."

Amanda chuckled and smiled to herself as she took her seat.

In class a few people tried to whisper or throw things to get Amanda's attention, but glares from Olivia quickly silenced them. Today she'd assigned them to read a few chapters of Jayne Eyre in class, and write their thoughts down after a certain amount of pages. Amanda tried to work- she really did, but it was hard to concentrate on taking notes when all she could think about were the pair of eyes that were on her. She'd looked up a few times, and every time she did Olivia would quickly look away. This game went on till the end of the period, I'd look up, and she'd pretend to be busy.

~X0~X0~X0~X0~

When the bell rang Amanda was a bit surprised that Olivia hadn't requested that she stay after, but she didn't say anything. Once she made her way into the hallway, Amanda was suddenly shoved into the wall. Her breath left her lungs in a hard cough, and when she managed to open her eys, she was greeted with Kim standing above her.

"Where the hell have you been? Mom's been worried," Kim whispered.

Amanda groaned and hoisted herself up, "Right, she's worried about me, try she's worried about me not being there to put down rent."

Kim went to shove Amanda again, but she ducked out of the way almost tripping in the process. Her arms were still slightly bruised and her abdomen still hurt, she didn't want to fight Kim. balancing herself out, Amanda prepared to swing on her sister, when a door opened. The closest door was 308. Fuck.

Kim hurriedly took off down the hall, yelling a quick "You'd better be there tonight." over her shoulder.

Amanda bent down and grabbed her bag, clutching her abdomen as a sharp spike of pain went threw her. Suddenly hands were on her, helping her up. "Amanda?"

Amanda nodded and gave Olivia a forced smile, "Tripped. See? Accident prone."

Olivia shook her head and gently took Amanda by the elbow, leading her back into the classroom. She sat Amanda on her desk, and for a moment Amanda was lost as to what was going on, then Olivia dropped to her knees. Amanda would've sworn her dirty dreams were about to come true if it weren't for the fact Olivia was trying to get a better look at her abdomen. "Let me see, Amanda," Liv murmured, while trying to pull her shirt up a bit.

Amanda kept pushing her shirt back down, and quickly stood from the desk. Bad idea. Olivia was still on her knees, so her face was almost direct level with Amanda's crotch. Amanda couldn't breathe. Olivia's whole person changed in that instant, her eyes darkened with some emotion that Amanda couldn't quite figure out. Olivia finally pushed herself up, and Amanda exhaled the breath she'd been holding.

Liv took her shoulders in her hands and rubbed her thumbs over Amanda's skin. "Please let me help. I can help, Amanda. Just let me help," Olivia begged.

Amanda couldn't let Olivia get involved. She had everything taken care of, there was no need to demonstrate to Olivia how weak she was. She could take this. She would do this by herself.

"I'm fine. But I do have to get home, maybe I'll bring you coffee tomorrow, eh?" Amanda chuckled and quickly made her exit, ignoring Olivia's pleas for her to stop.

~X0~X0~X0~X0~

The whole Subway ride to her mom's apartment was filled with nervousness. Amanda fiddled with anything within reach, she played with her fingers, she twirled her hair, she even plucked lint off her jeans.

When she finally arrived, she made her way upstairs. Now that she was almost free of this place it looked even worse to her, she noticed the number of roaches seemed to have multiplied, the walls appeared a deeper stain of yellow, the rug looked matted together with saliva, gum, and some sticky white substance that Amanda didn't even want to know about.

When she got to the door, she quickly knocked, and took a step back. A moment later the door was flung open and she was yanked inside. Yelping Amanda snatched her arm away from her mother.

"Where the fuck have you been? We've been worried bout ya," Amanda's mom ranted, pacing in front of her.

"I've been out," Amanda whispered.

Amanda's mom stopped and turned, advancing towards Amanda. "Out where, Manda? I've had to stay home the last few nights cause you weren't here to watch the house!" The woman suddenly stopped and placed her hands on her hips. "Oh, and I need your check for rent, now."

Amanda shrunk against the wall, "I found an apartment."

Amanda could almost see the steam coming from her mothers nose. "I thought we talked about this, Manda. You're not gettin no damn apartment."

Sighing, Amanda tried to inch her way along the wall, trying to get int a more open part of the apartment. "I've already leased it, Mom. The money, it's gone."

Her mother was fuming, almost foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog,"Stupid bitch, I needed that money!"

A second longer and then her mother was on her, punching Amanda in the face with all her strength. Amanda quickly rolled out from under the woman, and got to her feet."You wouldn't need the money if you stopped wasting it on gambles and vodka!"

She didn't want to have to come to blows with her own mother, but she couldn't just take it. This time when the woman leaped on her, Amanda was ready, she dodged out of the way and watched in horror as her mother landed on the coffee table.

Amanda made to leave the apartment when a bottle smashed into her arm, a piece of the glass cutting into her skin. "Fuck!" Amanda cursed, barley moving out of the way when her mother came back around with another bottle. Amanda tripped beside the door in her haste to get out, and by the time she got back up her mother was beside her, landing kicks to her abdomen over and over.

"This'll teach you. How dare you disrespect me?" Amanda's mother yelled as she kept kicking, her foot connecting swiftly to Amanda's ribs.

Amanda grunted in pain and did the only thing she could, she reached down and grabbed her mothers foot, tripping the woman, and then she socked her own mother right in the eye. Scrambling to her feet while the crazy bitch was down, Amanda yanked the door open, and got the fuck out of that building. She made it outside, and bent down to try and get some air into her lungs.

A bottle landed right beside her head. "Don't you fucking come back here, ya here me bitch?" Her mother was sticking the upper half of her body out the window, throwing bottles and cursing. "You're no daughter of mine, you fuckin disgrace." Amanda barley dodged the spit wad that came from her mothers mouth.

Amanda wrapped an arm around her stomach and limped down the street. Her arm was bleeding, it wasn't heavy but there was enough blood coming from the wound to know she had to get home and clean it out. Her torso was bruised, from her mothers kicks a few weeks prior and the blows she'd gotten tonight. She could taste blood in her mouth, so her lip had split, and she was pretty sure she'd have a nice bruise on her cheek in the morning.

Sighing Amanda took out her phone, tapping her phone book. Her finger hovered over Olivia's name before she shook her head, and stuck her phone back into her pocket. Wrapping her arms tighter around herself, Amanda limped into the night, heading for the subway.

AN: Sooo? What'd you think? Please let me know!