It was no surprise to Peyton that she ended up at her daughters grave. She put one hand on her stomach, the other hand on the dirt, with her fingers digging beneath the surface, and she cried until she could cry no more. She didn't want to be pregnant, but here she was, pregnant, and now she was fairly certain that Lucas hated her. She didn't know what she was going to do. She wasn't sure she could have this baby.
Tracing the letters of her daughter's name, she wondered what she was doing. "Annabeth. My little Angel. What am I doing? Why do I have to live this way? I'd give anything to know what it would have been like to have you in my life. I'd even give up Lucas, knowing the two of us would never be truly happy, if it meant I got to actually hold you in my arms, have you smile up at me, know what you would have looked like," she sobbed.
A baby crying caused Peyton to jerk awake with a start. She looked around, and she was no longer at the cemetery, but she was at her old house, the one in Savannah. She sat up, trying to get untangled from the blankets, and noticed someone stirring beside her. "It's your turn," a voice mumbled, and she moved the covers aside to see Jake next to her. She gave a startled yelp, and jumped back, only to end up on the floor.
The yelp was what got Jake to sit up, and he saw Peyton sitting on the floor. "Well, if that's the way you feel about it, fine, but might I remind you, it was your idea to get pregnant," he chuckled, getting up and stretching as he walked out of the room. She wasn't far behind him, curious about the baby cries. She couldn't understand what was going on, and she couldn't figure out how to word her questions.
Entering the room that they had planned out to be the nursery, Peyton saw Jake, picking up a baby girl out of the crib that had been meant for their daughter. He began rocking her as he walked her over so he could sit in the rocking chair. "Hey baby girl. How is my little Brianna doing?" he spoke to her in a baby voice, looking down at the girl in his arms. "If you're going to get up as well, can you make the bottle?" he asked, looking up at the blonde.
In awe, Peyton just walked over. Brianna Evelyn had been the name they had originally picked out for their daughter, because they wanted her to be her own person. They didn't want her to be named after anyone they knew. She looked down at the little girl, with brown hair, which was already coming in curly, and her daddy's nose. She swallowed and held out her hands. "How 'bout I trade you," she managed to say.
Shrugging, Jake handed their daughter over, giving Peyton a quick kiss on the cheek as he slipped by, headed for the kitchen to make the bottle. Peyton took his vacated seat in the rocking chair, unable to take her eyes off her little girl. She had stopped crying, and she now opened her eyes, looking up at her mom with identical green orbs. Peyton couldn't help the tear that slipped out of her eye, but this was different. It was definitely a happy tear.
Giving her daughter a kiss on the forehead, she took the bottle when Jake came back and handed it to her, only sparing him a glance before she focused on the baby in her arms. She didn't even notice that Jake stayed in the room, until she had long finished feeding Brianna and Jake finally spoke up. "Peyton, we better get back to bed, or we might as well just wait until she needs to eat again," he said.
Looking up, she finally realized he was still there. She smiled at him, but waved him on. She had months to make up for. "No, go ahead. I'm just going to stay up and hold her for a while," she said. He smiled back, then sauntered over and placed a kiss on her forehead before heading back to their bedroom. Peyton just sat and stared at her daughter, until she could stay up no longer. She then put her daughter back in the crib and went back to bed with Jake, wondering where she would be the next time she woke up.
Opening her eyes, Peyton found herself still in Savannah, once again listening to the cry of her daughter. She thought there wasn't a sweeter sound in the world. She got up and as she walked to the nursery, she could smell that Jake was cooking breakfast. She needed to talk to him, find out if this was just a dream, or if the past few months had been a dream, but she didn't want to yet, because if it was a dream, she wasn't ready to wake up.
When she finally made it to the kitchen, holding her baby girl, Jake was putting breakfast on the table, and Jenny was already sitting down, and she bent to kiss her head as she walked over to take her seat. She grinned at Jake as she did, and she began to eat while still holding her daughter to her chest. "She's not going to disappear if you let her go, Peyton. Why are you holding onto her so much?" Jake asked as he sat down.
Just nodding, Peyton finished chewing what was in her mouth. She decided now was as good a time as any to start asking questions, and she knew they wouldn't be able to get into to deep of a conversation with Jenny there. "So, do you remember that accident we were in, just after we found out Brianna was a girl?" she asked calmly, looking down at the baby in question as she spoke, then glancing up at Jake to gauge his reaction.
Setting down his fork, he looked at her weirdly for a moment, before comprehension dawned on his features. "Oh, you mean when we were almost hit by that drunk driver, but you hesitated at the light just long enough to be able to stop," he nodded. "I wouldn't call that an accident, though. Why would you even be asking about it?" he inquired, watching her curiously.
Taking another bite of food, she focused on her daughter again, so he wouldn't be able to see her face. So that was what happened, then, in this strange alternate reality. "Oh, I just had a nightmare about it last night. I dreamed that we had lost her," her arm tightened almost imperceptibly around their daughter as she said that, "and life was a whole lot different. No need to worry about it," she looked back up at him and forced a smile.
Even though she knew they had never gone through the rough patch, she still couldn't look at him the same way she had before, well, not before the accident, because in this reality there never had been one, but she just couldn't look at him the same way. She finished eating, and Jake took the dishes, so when Jenny went to the living room, she followed and sat on the couch with her two daughters, one next to her, and the other on her lap.
After a while, Jake came out to sit with his family, and they watched TV together, but Peyton wasn't sure how much longer she could keep up pretenses. She was glad when Brianna needed to be fed again, because Jake kept touching her, and kissing her, and she just couldn't respond like she knew she should. She was moving around in the kitchen, fixing up a bottle, when she saw something that made her stop in her tracks.
Taking a few steps until she reached the counter, she opened the cabinet where their garbage can was and, underneath the empty formula can she had just thrown away, was an envelope. She pulled it out, looking at it in horror as she hoisted the baby up into a better position on her hip. She couldn't believe this. She really couldn't. She pulled out the invitation from inside the envelope, looking at the date, and then she looked at the date on the calendar hanging in the kitchen.
Glad that she had always marked off the days on the calendar, she saw that the invitation was for this weekend. She didn't know who exactly had thrown it away, but she was pretty sure that she and Jake hadn't planned on going to Brooke and Lucas's wedding. She dropped it back in the trash like it was burning her, and she grabbed the bottle, heading for the nursery again. She needed a few minutes alone to sort out her feelings.
Before she could get far, the doorbell rang and since she was right next to it on her way to the nursery, she opened it, to find Nikki there, with a big grin on her face. "Well, hello there little Brianna," she immediately cooed to the baby, looking up at Peyton. "So, I have some news that I wanted to share with my best friend and the father of my daughter. Do you mind if I come in?" she asked, but she was already pushing past Peyton, headed for the living room.
Her interest piqued, Peyton followed, taking a seat and adjusting the baby in her arms so she could feed her while Nikki said whatever it was she needed to say. She looked up at Nikki sat on the couch next to Jake and Jenny, and she had to admit, the three did look like the perfect family. She wondered how Nikki felt about Brianna, considering she was still secretly in love with Jake. Did she even know she still loved Jake, or had she only realized it because Jake had been single again?
Probably due to her train of thought, she was really shocked by what Nikki actually had to say. "So, Rick asked me to marry him, and I said yes," she announced, her tone a lot calmer than her body language was. Peyton's jaw dropped for a minute, and she looked at Jake, wondering if he was subconsciously heart broken. She knew that she never would have thought of that before, but now she just wasn't sure.
Biting on her lip, she congratulated Nikki, and then took her now sleeping baby to the nursery so she could lay her down in the crib. She didn't even realize Nikki had left until she noticed Jake in the doorway. "So are you going into your studio today, or are you planning on canceling all your appointments and just staring at our daughter?" he asked her, an eyebrow cocked as he studied her.
Forcing a smile, she decided maybe she should check out the studio that was apparently hers in this reality, but first she wanted to have a bit of conversation with Jake. He stepped forward as she tried to figure out where to start, and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close. She had to fight the urge not to pull back. He was great, but he just wasn't Lucas. "I want to go to the wedding," she said, figuring he would know which one she was talking about.
Pulling back to look at her, she could tell that he did know, but Jake pretended he didn't for a moment. "Of course we're going to Nikki's wedding. She'll probably ask you to be a bridesmaid," he said, but she just stayed silent and he heaved a sigh as he pulled away. "I thought you said when we got the invitation that you didn't want to go. What made you change your mind?" he leaned against the changing table, which was on the adjacent wall of the crib.
Blowing her hair out of her eyes and turning to look at her daughter, Peyton just shrugged. "I guess I don't want to regret not going later. I mean, she was my best friend, and hopefully she'll only get married once. I want to make sure she's really happy, and I don't want her to have any regrets either," she wasn't sure where the words came from, but she hoped it sounded believable.
A few seconds later, she felt Jake begin rubbing her shoulders and she wanted to relax and lean into him, like she knew she would have before, but all she could think was that he didn't smell the same as Lucas, when she closed her eyes, she didn't forget the rest of the world except for the man behind her, and she just couldn't let that go. She turned, gave him a quick kiss, and then headed for the shower, claiming she had to get to work.
Taking the baby with her, Peyton got into her Comet and drove to the address she had found on her desk. She wasn't entirely sure what she did at her place of business, but she knew it at least had something to do with art, considering the rest of her life had seemed to go exactly as it had been heading before the accident. She pulled up in front of the building, and noticed the name, feeling a rush of pride. Portraits by Peyton. She couldn't believe that she had actually managed to go through with what had been her dream all along.
Spending the day with her first and second love-Brianna and art-Peyton was finally forced to realize that she had to go home when she received a call from her husband. She knew that he had noticed her weird actions and that she would have to act a bit more normal, a bit more in love with him. She decided that showing Jake affection couldn't be too difficult, especially since she got her daughter. She had been in love with him once, so she could be again, or she could at least try.
With that in mind, she packed up her daughter and headed for home, so she could make her husband and daughters dinner. Jake was still at work, but Nikki arrived while she was still cooking to drop Jenny off, since she had taken her for the day. Jenny went up to her room to wash up and put her stuff away, and Nikki went into the kitchen, to find Peyton. "So, what do you really think?" she asked the blonde, with no preamble.
Pretending she didn't know what Nikki was talking about, she tilted her head as she stirred a pot on the stove. Nikki didn't accept that, though, and stayed silent until Peyton answered. Peyton heaved a sigh, as she was pretty sure Nikki wouldn't like this. She wasn't entirely sure she should say anything. She couldn't keep quiet, though. "Are you truly happy, Nikki? I mean, are you sure? How long have you been dating this guy?" she asked.
Pulling up a barstool at the island in the kitchen, Nikki blew out a breath. "I've been dating him for almost a year, Peyton, it's not like I don't know the guy. I mean, I really honestly think I could be happy with him for the rest of my life, and I would like the support of my best friend. He's no," she cut herself off running a hand through her hair, and continued. "He's not perfect, but still, he's kinda perfect for me," she finished, seeming almost defensive, and slightly hostile.
Feeling that Nikki had been about to say 'He's no Jake,' Peyton couldn't help but wonder if the love between Nikki and Jake had always been this obvious, or if something had changed to make it this obvious to her now. She wasn't sure either way, so she pretended that she hadn't noticed Nikki's slip, if it was, in fact, a slip. "Okay, then, if you think he's right for you, I guess I can't object. As long as he's good with Jenny, there's no reason I should have the right to, anyway," she shrugged.
Softening, Nikki immediately regretted her tone. "Of course you have a right to object. You're my best friend. I asked your opinion anyway, didn't I?" she stood off the stool, walked around the island, and gave Peyton a hug. She didn't have the chance to say anything else, though, because the subject was closed by Jake getting home and Peyton finishing dinner.
A few days later, Peyton was getting her daughter into the dress she had just bought. Jake was in the bathroom of their hotel room, and Jenny was waiting for Peyton to do her hair. Peyton sat the baby up, grabbing the bow that was next to her on the bed, and fixed it in the short brown curls. She smiled down at her daughter, and then put her in the car seat, so she could do Jenny's hair, and then finish getting herself ready.
Not an hour later, the family was sitting in a church, and Peyton was getting ready to watch the love of her life marry someone else. She told herself that she was just here to make sure he was happy in this universe, just as she was. She didn't want to break anything up. She had her happy ending this time, with her daughter, and everything else in her life was perfect. She only hoped life was as good to Lucas.
Part of her couldn't believe any of this, though. She was longing to see him, because she just needed to see him. She knew that all of it, her business, her daughter, her seemingly perfect family, which had all been her dreams at one point, didn't really matter to her as much as they once had. She missed Lucas, missed lying in bed next to him, missed his blue eyes, which always seemed to read her so well, missed just being with him.
For the sake of everyone else, though, she wouldn't utter a word about it. She tried not to even acknowledge the feelings simmering inside of her. She had her daughter now. That was worth giving up Lucas, right? She nodded to herself, then focused her attention at the front of the church, just as the preacher and the male half of the wedding party took their places.
Not one of them mattered to her, though, as much as the groom himself. She knew the rest of the people could have melted away, and she wouldn't have noticed, as she locked her green eyes with his blue. She forced herself to snap her mouth closed, and swallowed. She was going to get through this without ruining things for Brooke, or Lucas or anyone else. She was just going to sit quietly in her seat, her hand clutched in Jake's, and not say a word. She could do that, right?
The wedding march began playing, and Peyton saw the bridesmaids and matron of honor-Haley, of course-pass by out of the corner of her eye, but she couldn't break the eye contact with Lucas. She saw a flash of white go by, and she couldn't help but look this time. Brooke was stunning, in a dress of her own creation that was perfect for her, of course. She looked at Lucas, and saw his eyes kept drifting back to her, even though he tried to remain focused on Brooke.
As the ceremony progressed, Peyton's eyes never left Lucas's face. She knew that he was just as in love with her as she was with him, and she found herself standing when the preacher asked if anyone objected. "I do," she drew everyone's attention. "Lucas, I didn't come here to ruin this for you, but I can't let you do this. I can't do this to myself. I love you, Lucas. I've always been in love with you. Don't marry Brooke," she heard the words coming from her mouth, but it didn't feel like she was saying them.
Hearing the sounds of gasps from all around her, she knew that she had shocked everyone, including herself. She then heard people begin saying her name. Jake, Haley, Nathan, Brooke, Lucas. She heard her name, repeatedly, from all around her. She wanted to cover her ears as the church faded away, but then she noticed she was now on the ground, and only one voice was saying her name, from above her, as there was a prodding to her shoulder.
Slowly sitting up, she opened her eyes to find herself once more at the gravestone of her daughter. She flinched at the name on this cold grey stone, which would never be her Brianna, but she woke up thinking a lot clearly than she had in a while. She knew what she was going to do now. She had to deal with the person who had woke her first, though, and she looked at the other person.
A/N: So, who do you think woke her up, and what do you think she is going to do? I have to admit, this chapter also took a far different turn than I ever thought it would, but then I thought, maybe Peyton should get a look at the what could have been? It might do her some good. Plus, I kind of wanted to see where life would have taken her. We'll be back to normal next chapter, though, and I tell you, it'll be a good one. I hope you guys don't hate me for it…. Leave a review, tell me who you want to have found Peyton. Tell me what you think should happen, or just tell me if you love it or hate it. Thanks to those who reviewed the last chapter. I cherish every review, and they always make me feel all warm and fuzzy.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.