Nonessential Author's Note Slash Apology: Sorry for the wait guys…I know I had you used to the every other day updates. But I had a busy week, with two major filming/editing projects (super time consuming) and a test this week. Plus I had still more temporary computer trouble and lost part of the chapter when I started it. Oh, and there was the episode on Thursday that rendered me unable to write without doing something ridiculous like making Brennan steal HANNAH'S sunglasses. Before shooting her. Yeah, I was pretty mad.

But this chapter is really long, and I like it a lot, so hopefully it was worth the wait? Be sure to let me know what you think. Song is "Apologies" by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals.

Essential Author's Note: I'm not sure how clear I was on the timeline of this whole thing, but just to clarify so there's no confusion…Brennan was abducted in the wee hours of the morning, while Hannah had been taken the night before. Booth found her in the afternoon, and it was evening when she got out of surgery (hence Sweets comment about changing plans with Daisy to stay). That is all.

Chapter Seven

Apologies

Yesterday he said my eyes
Were fading fast away
I said well what do you expect
You asked me not to stay and if it had all been for the best
I wouldn't feel this way
And he said

Oh he said it's crazy
How love stays with me
You know it hurts me
Cause I don't wanna fight this war
It's amazing to see me reading through this scene
Of love and fear and apologies

Glancing over, her eyes suddenly hard and intense, Brennan said quietly, "Then you haven't been paying very close attention."

Hannah wasn't sure how to respond to that. She just shrugged noncommittally and pretended to be very interested in the heart monitor.

For the next half hour or so, the hospital room was filled with a tense silence, broken only by the five minutes a surgeon came in to check on Brennan.

Hannah was trying to think of something to say, when the door to Brennan's room flung open and she was saved the trouble.

"Sweetie!" Angela flew at her best friend, while Hodgins trudged in after her, holding an overnight bag, the look on his face suggesting he'd lost several arguments recently.

Given that it had been just over four hours since they left, it wasn't hard to imagine what those arguments were about.

Angela was tearfully hugging Brennan, a feat that could not have been more difficult between Angela's very pregnant stomach and Brennan's position on the bed. "I'm so glad you're alright! Are you alright? You better never scare me like that again, Bren…How do you feel? Are they giving you enough pain meds?"

"I'm fine, Ange," Brennan answered, gently extracting herself from her best friends' hold. "You couldn't have gotten much sleep…it's very important for you and the fetus that you get enough sleep."

"Don't call it a fetus, Sweetie," Angela replied automatically, a smile tugging at her lips at the familiarity of the moment. "And I'm staying." She through a look over her shoulder at her husband. "Hodgins?"

"Oh, right, I'm going." He smiled at Brennan. "Glad you're okay, Dr. B." Setting the bag down by the door, he headed out. "Be right back."

"Where's he going?"

"Don't worry about him," Angela said dismissively. She pulled a chair close to Brennan's bed, across from Hannah's. She scrutinized Brennan's face, reaching out and tenderly brushing back a lock of hair so she could see the stitches. "Oh, Sweetie, what did he do to you?"

As Brennan muttered something about it not being too bad, Hannah grabbed her bag and stood up, awkwardly moving toward the door. "I'm going to take off….get some sleep. But I'll see you later?"

"Sure," Brennan smiled slightly. "Thanks, Hannah."

"No, don't, um…" She flushed a little. "Thank you."

Then she was gone.

Angela met Brennan's eyes and smiled sadly. "Booth never came back, Sweetie?"

"No, he didn't." Brennan lowered her eyes before saying in a thoroughly unconvincing tone. "It doesn't matter."

Angela sighed, frustrated. "Yeah, it does, Bren. He should be here. Especially since it's his fault this happened-"

"What?" Brennan's gaze snapped back to Angela, horrified. "It wasn't his fault that man had a warped sense of revenge-"

"I'm not talking about that, Bren, I'm talking about why you were alone in your apartment instead of with us at the lab. What he said-"

"Stop." Brennan's voice was fierce, but there was an undercurrent of panic that made Angela stop talking immediately. "I, I don't want to talk about that, Angela. It was not Booth's fault, did…" She suddenly met Angela's eyes again, almost accusing. "Did you say that to him? Is that why he isn't…" Brennan stopped talking abruptly at the sympathetic look on Angela's face.

"Sweetie, believe me, I didn't have to. He blamed himself more than anyone." She paused, watching Brennan carefully for a reaction. "He was so scared, Bren-"

"Angela, just…. Can we not talk about it right now? Please?"

There was something slightly desperate in Brennan's tone, and Angela's chest constricted at the pained expression on her best friend's face. "Sure," she answered quietly. "I'm sorry."

Silence hung for a moment, then Angela reached out and wordlessly took Brennan's hand in hers.

After a moment of this, Hodgins reappeared in the doorway, pushing a wheelchair. He arched an eyebrow. "Am I interrupting?"

"It's fine," Angela answered smoothly, not letting go of Brennan. "Are we good?"

He shot his wife a thumbs up. "Good to go, yeah. A nurse is on her way to help move."

"Great, thanks!" Angela beamed at him.

"What's going on?" Brennan finally asked, confused.

"We're moving to a double patient room," Angela told Brennan. "So I can stay the night."

"Aren't those usually for two patients?"

"Yeah," Hodgins put in. "But my last name's on their cardiology wing, so…" He smiled a little sheepishly. "Not that I'm proud of this."

"Well, I am," Angela countered, already standing up. "Though I would've slept on a chair if I had to."

Brennan gave Angela a small smile, suddenly very, very grateful for her best friend. "Thank you."

~(B*B)~

Hannah walked cautiously into her apartment, but it was immediately obvious Seeley wasn't there.

Not that she was surprised; he'd made it abundantly clear earlier she was the last person he wanted to see.

Well, fine. She didn't want to see him, either. Everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours seemed to hit her all at once, and all Hannah wanted was to be in her own bed, safe and asleep.

And, for now, it was all the better that Seeley Booth wasn't with her.

His expression from earlier, the one of undisguised disgust when he'd basically accused her of not being injured enough was still all too fresh in her mind. No matter how devastated he'd looked at the end of their fight, she couldn't bring herself to worry about him.

God knows he hadn't seemed to worry about her.

~(B*B)~

"Another."

Adam, one of their regular bar tenders at Founding Fathers, gave Booth a hesitant look.

Before he could refuse, Booth fumbled around in his pocket and tossed his keys on the table. His slightly unfocused gaze found Adam's. "Another."

The bartender nodded and complied, his eyes darting once again to Booth's bloody hand.

Booth downed the double shooter, his throat burning. He'd driven around aimlessly for over an hour before realizing he had nowhere to go.

Not his apartment; he didn't want to see Hannah. Not the hospital; he couldn't see Bones.

But driving was no good for him, either. He couldn't stop picturing Brennan in that basement, hurt and scared and alone.

And, of course, that led to thoughts of how she got there, everything he'd done to her and everything she'd done for him in spite of it.

So he'd found himself pulling into the bar.

Booth was a proponent of the 'drink away the pain' method of dealing. He'd seen its failures firsthand, far too often.

But right now he would accept even a temporary fix.

So he drank. He drank to chase away the image of Brennan's face after he said he didn't need her. He drank to chase away the knowledge that she'd thought he'd leave her to die. He drank to chase away the guilt over not being with her now.

He couldn't let himself stop.

~(B*B)~

"Bren? Are you still awake?"

"Yes," Brennan answered immediately.

She heard Angela shift slightly. "You should sleep, Sweetie."

"I will." Brennan didn't elaborate on the reason she couldn't yet, in spite of utter exhaustion. Every time Brennan closed her eyes, as irrational as it was, she could see Greg Thomas' face, looming over her. She could almost feel his hands, touching her, his body pressing her against a wall…

Angela didn't need to know all that.

After a moment, Angela's voice cut through the darkness again, quiet and tentative. "Is it true, what Hannah said? Did you really…you told him to take her back and keep you?"

"Yeah," Brennan answered, her tone suggesting this was a perfectly obvious decision. "He was going to make Booth choose."

"I swear to God, Bren, you have to stop doing that…nearly getting yourself killed all the time."

"It was hardly a dramatic gesture. That I was going to be the one left with him was an inevitability…all I did was hasten the time frame."

Angela's throat tightened and tears welled in her eyes. It was the matter of fact tone of Brennan's voice that broke Angela's heart. When she could speak, Angela asked thickly, "Why do you think that, Sweetie?"

There was a pause, and then Brennan said in a small voice, "He loves her, Angela." After a moment, she added, "And you heard what he said."

It took Angela a moment to realize that Brennan was talking about Booth's comment just before Brennan disappeared. "He was upset, Bren, he didn't mean that-"

"Yes, he did," she said firmly.

"Sweetie, you didn't see him when he realized you were gone... Or his face when Hannah told us what you did-"

"Booth takes responsibility for everything, you know that," Brennan countered flatly. "He thinks it's his job to save everyone, so of course he was worried."

"This was you in danger, Sweetie, you know it was more than that-"

"Stop." The fierceness in Brennan's voice left Angela no room to question the demand. "Just…please stop talking about Booth, alright?" There was a pause, and then Brennan nearly whispered, "He isn't here, Angela. Now that I'm fine, he…he's not here." After a moment, she added, "And that's fine."

Brennan's tone didn't convince Angela for a second, but it was obviously not the time to push her. So she simply said, "I'm so sorry, Bren."

"I'm fine," Brennan replied, the slightest catch in her voice.

"Okay," Angela answered her voice gentle. Brennan was the strongest person she knew, and Angela loved her for that…after all, it was what had saved her life today.

But Angela wished she didn't feel the need to be so strong all the time.

~(B*B)~

Even in his current state, Booth could see the surprise on the cab driver's face when he asked to be dropped off at the Hoover.

"I work here," he informed him as he opened the door. "I have an office."

"Good for you," the driver muttered.

Soon Booth was slowly and unsteadily making his way through the dark building to his office. He wished he had a couch in there. Bones' office had a couch.

He wished he was in Bones' office.

But he was tired, and his arms made a good enough pillow.

So, his mind finally, blissfully blank, Booth sat at his desk, lay his head down and fell asleep.

~(B*B)~

Cam, Sweets and Hodgins all came back to see her the next day.

Booth did not.

Brennan didn't miss the questioning look Cam gave Angela when she came in the room, mouthing his name and earning a shake of Angela's head. But thankfully, none of them mentioned him to her.

Because Brennan was trying not to think about him. She was trying so, so hard to forget about the look in his eyes yesterday, something so familiar even though she hadn't seen it in so long. Or the way he said her name when he found her, the way it was like falling right back into something they'd left behind.

No. She had to remember things had changed.

Booth had called her out on being miserable and alone, and he'd said he didn't need her. All of that was before he was racked with guilt over her nearly dying.

Brennan didn't have to be adept at psychology to know that she had to trust the last five months of cool distance over the panicked few minutes she'd seen yesterday.

So she forced a smile while her friends made conversation. She talked with her surgeon about physical therapy. She accepted Angela's offer for her to stay with her and Hodgins for the first few weeks after her discharge (something the doctor's insisted on).

And she reminded herself over and over that nothing had changed.

~(B*B)~

Booth had been awake for less than half an hour when Hacker came into his office without knocking.

"Booth? Surprised you came in today…why are you sitting in the dark?" Hacker flicked on the light switch, and Booth instantly winced, screwing his eyes shut. Taking in his bloodshot eyes and rumpled clothes, Hacker's eyebrows lifted. "You look like hell."

"Thanks a bunch," Booth mumbled, grabbing a water bottle that was probably several days old and warm so he could down an aspirin.

"Look, Randall's waiting to get your statement about what happened. You were acting independent of the FBI in this matter, understand? So your capacity was as a victim of a crime, not an agent."

Booth heard the barest hint of warning in Hacker's voice, and nodded gratefully. He hadn't followed FBI protocol, complying with Thomas' wish that he not contact other agents. "Understand."

"Randall's across the hall waiting to interview you. After that, take the day off. Go be with your girl."

Booth nodded a little. "Sure, thanks."

Hacker turned to go, but a thought occurred to Booth and he called after him, "Uh, sir? Do you know, have they interviewed Dr. Brennan yet?"

"No, Wilson's heading over the hospital now to get her statement. He already talked to Hannah this morning."

Frowning, Booth stood, finally starting to feel awake. "You think he could hold off on that? She just came out of surgery last night, and there's no rush. The guy's dead."

"Even so, we want to get this squared away." He gave him a look. "We did come in late in the game, Booth."

Gritting his teeth, Booth replied tersely, "I think you should give her a little more time."

"He's already on his way, Booth, nothing I can do. If Temperance isn't up to it, I'm sure she'll let them know."

Booth glared at the other man. "I'm going to need to see that file when they're done."

Hacker instantly shook his head. "Not your case, Booth. Remember?"

~(B*B)~

Hodgins was in the middle of a long and complicated story about his entomology professor in college when an agent Brennan vaguely recognized knocked awkwardly on her open hospital door.

"Hi. Dr. Brennan? I'm Special Agent Paul Wilson…I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions?"

Angela, who was sitting on the edge of Brennan's bed, bristled instantly. "Now's not a good time."

"I'm sorry to rush you, but we'd like to get this done as soon as possible-"

"Why?" Cam, who was perched on the other bed, put in challengingly. "The guy's dead, why the rush?"

"It's okay," Brennan interrupted before the agent could form an explanation. "I don't mind."

Slowly, the others nodded, and Cam, Hodgins and Sweets stood up and began shuffling toward the door.

Angela set her jaw stubbornly. "Fine, I'll stay."

"Ange, you don't have to," Brennan told her. "Really."

"I'm fine right here."

Brennan's gaze flicked over to Hodgins, and he seemed to sense the panic there even if he didn't understand it. "Why don't you come with me, babe…we'll pick up some food for everyone and be back here by the time they're done."

Uncertainly, Angela's gaze moved from Brennan to her husband and back again. Meeting her eyes, Brennan nodded once. "Please, Ange?"

Hurt and then worry flickered across Angela's face, but she nodded and hugged Brennan quickly before standing. "It'll be okay," she told her, offering the reassurance even if Brennan didn't need it.

The others waved as they walked out of the room.

"We'll be in the waiting room," Cam told her.

"And we'll be back with food," Hodgins said again, smiling at her.

"Thanks," Brennan said, worrying the ends of the bed sheets between her fingers, not yet looking at the agent looming awkwardly in the corner.

When the door clicked shut behind Sweets, Agent Wilson pulled the chair Hodgins had occupied toward him and sat down. "I'll try not to take too long here, Dr. Brennan. You know the drill…just take me through everything that happened. "

"Alright," Brennan said, meeting his gaze for the first time. "But I have one question before we start."

"Sure."

"Is Agent Booth going to have access to this interview?"

The agent shook his head. "Booth isn't being treated as an agent on this case, so he won't be looking at the files."

"Okay." Brennan drew a breath, and began.

~(B*B)~

After his interview, Booth walked to the bar to get his car, and then drove to his apartment. He circled the parking lot twice to assure himself that Hannah's car wasn't there.

He'd figured she wouldn't skip work, and he was grateful for that. He just had to be gone by the time she'd be home.

It wasn't fair, his resentment towards Hannah. But he couldn't help it, and the realization that Bones had been so positive he would have chosen Hannah made Booth feel like even being around her was wrong.

He knew that was unfair, though. Just like he knew it was unfair to blame Hannah for everything that happened to Bones when it was so obviously his fault.

So it was only with the knowledge that Hannah wasn't there that Booth entered his own home. He showered. He ate food without really tasting it. He slept for a few hours.

Then, an hour before Hannah usually got home, Booth packed a bag and drove to a hotel.

~(B*B)~

After she gave her detailed statement to Agent Wilson, the others came back into Brennan's room as promised. Hodgins and Angela returned baring bags of takeout, and Brennan was glad for the distraction of their company.

Angela, though, was quiet through the meal. Brennan was debating asking her if she was alright when, in an unusual lull, Angela blurted out, "What did you not want me to hear?"

Brennan stared at her, a little startled at her perceptiveness. Cam and Sweets froze, while Hodgins murmured softly, "Angie…"

Angela ignored him, her eyes boring into Brennan's. "I mean…was it that horrible? Did he do something else to you?"

Brennan flushed slightly, then touched her fingers to her cheek. "There's nothing else, Ange. Promise. It's not as though I can really hide this."

Exhaling slowly, Angela nodded. "Okay. Good."

Sweets, though, was watching Brennan carefully, and she was all too aware of his gaze. Shifting uncomfortably, hurriedly tried to think of a subject change.

Cam, though, did it for her. Sort of. "I suppose they got statements from Hannah and Booth already, too."

Sweets nodded. "They probably weren't happy Booth didn't call the kidnapping in. It's not policy even if the kidnapper demands no further law enforcement."

Brennan looked up at that. "But…he won't get in trouble, will he?"

"I doubt it," Cam reassured her quickly. "They'll just emphasize the fact that he wasn't on the case in his capacity as an agent." Brennan's expression reflected instant relief, and after studying her for a moment, Cam exchanged a look with Angela and suggested tentatively, "You know, one of us could call him-"

"No," Brennan cut her off vehemently. Then, seeing their somewhat startled expressions, she continued in a casual voice, "I mean, he shouldn't come. He should be with Hannah she…she was pretty shaken up."

The others exchanged looks, and Angela shook her head slightly at Cam. Brennan had no idea what the silent communication was about, but she felt vaguely annoyed by it. "What?" She snapped irritably. "Is there something you'd like to say?"

More looks were exchanged, and simultaneously they all shook their heads or muttered no's. Cam, though, could feel her own irritation growing.

Directed at Seeley Booth.

~(B*B)~

Cam and Sweets both left around dinner time, and Hodgins went out once again to get food for himself, Angela and Brennan.

It took hours of convincing, though, to dissuade Angela from staying the night again.

Brennan could see Angela was tired, in spite of the full night's sleep. Those hospital beds were tiny and uncomfortable, and Brennan knew from countless rants over the past few months that Angela had a hard time sleeping comfortably at the moment in any bed.

So Brennan insisted. "Angela, I'm going to be here for at least three more nights. It's unreasonable to expect you to stay for all of them."

"Why not?" Angela replied stubbornly. "I don't mind."

"I'm alone in my apartment every other night," Brennan pointed out. "I'm perfectly capable of sleeping then."

"Yes, but you're not in a hospital."

"I don't see the significance."

Hodgins bit back a smile at the argument in front of him. "Maybe she's right, Angie. Come home for the night…you didn't bring enough clothes for tomorrow anyway."

"Angela, it's really okay."

Reluctantly, Angela stood. "Fine. If you're sure. But only so I can get the guest room ready for you to come stay. Which you aren't backing out of, I don't care if you think you're fine on your own."

"The doctors have made it abundantly clear that I don't have a choice, Ange."

"Good." She hugged Brennan, hard. "I'll be back in the morning, alright?"

"You don't have to-"

"I know that. I'll see you tomorrow. Night, Sweetie."

~(B*B)~

"You okay, babe?" Hodgins asked ten minutes into their silent car ride.

Angela sighed. "I just hate leaving her. Maybe I should go back…"

"You know how Brennan is, Ange. She doesn't want to feel like she's putting anyone out, needing to be taken care of."

"Yeah, well, that's stupid." Angela raked a hand through her hair, upset. "I just can't believe Booth never showed up. As scared as he was, and as bad as he felt…now he doesn't even show up?"

"I know."

"If he's somewhere just…taking care of Hannah, I'll kill him. She wasn't even hurt."

"I know. But I don't think that's it," Hodgins told her. "He left without her, too, remember?"

"Right. But still…he should be here."

"I agree," Hodgins said seriously. "I get he feels bad but…staying away is just going to give him more to feel guilty over."

~(B*B)~

Booth woke up with a start, trembling and drenched in a cold sweat.

Nausea swelled in his stomach, and Booth had a feeling it had nothing to do with the drinks he'd had in his hotel room before going to bed.

He'd had a nightmare. He'd been moving through the basement of the art studio, screaming Bones' name. The corridors had been endless; the rooms empty except for puddles of blood.

Finally, though, he'd heard her voice. Screaming for him.

But when Booth had opened his mouth to answer, he'd heard himself say, seemingly uncontrolled, "I don't need you!"

Again and again he tried to answer, but he couldn't say anything but that phrase, over and over. Eventually, she'd stopped calling for him.

And the blood splatters kept growing under his feet.

Booth stumbled blindly into the tiny bathroom, splashing cold water on his face and sucking in great gulps of air.

When he felt slightly steadier, Booth walked out of the bathroom and glanced at the digital clock by the bed.

It was 3: 02 a.m.

And he had to see Bones.

~(B*B)~

Brennan could only sleep, it seemed, in half hour bursts. Every time, she woke up in a state of unwarranted panic she couldn't fully understand.

This time, she'd been awake for only a few minutes when her door opened slightly, dim light flooding the room.

The door closed almost immediately, but footsteps entered the room and Brennan tensed instantly, until she heard a familiar voice whisper, "Bones..."

A new knot of panic tightened in Brennan's chest, for entirely different reasons. She closed her eyes again, a reflex. Brennan wasn't sure she was ready to deal with Booth now.

He stayed away for more than a full day, and even now he clearly wasn't expecting her to be awake.

Brennan didn't know how she was supposed to feel about that.

She heard him pull a chair close to her bed, but Booth was clearly trying to stay quiet. He didn't say another word once he sat down, and Brennan didn't open her eyes to look at him.

They stayed like that for a good twenty minutes, Booth silent, Brennan feigning sleep.

Brennan hated admitting it, but his presence alone made her feel better, less uneasy. The memories of Greg Thomas and the dark basement were less palpable, somehow, with Booth there.

But she didn't want that. She couldn't need him like this. Not anymore.

Suddenly, Brennan heard a shuffling of movement, followed by his footsteps, heading toward the door. Her chest tightened, and before she could stop herself, she was saying, "Booth?"

He froze, inches from the doorway, keeping his back to her. It was a measure of his own cowardice that Booth briefly, instinctually considered bolting, pretending not to hear.

The instant the thought had formed, though, Booth rejected it, disgusted with himself. Slowly, he turned and made himself face her. Hoarsely, he managed, "Hi."

"Hey." Brennan reached out and turned on the light that ran right above her bed, getting her first good look at Booth.

He was wearing rumpled sweatpants and a hoodie. His hair was slightly bedridden, and his eyes were bloodshot.

And he smelled like booze.

"Are you alright?" She asked him softly.

He laughed once, a frightening, hollow sound. "You shouldn't be asking me that."

Dimly, Brennan noticed that he wasn't moving to take his seat back.

"How are you?" Booth asked finally.

"Fine," Brennan told him. "They're keeping me for three more days, though, which I think is unnecessary."

"That's good, though, they're, um…being sure."

"Yeah."

Booth's chest hurt; he hated this. It used to be so easy with Bones, the most natural thing in the world. But now, he could barely talk to her without a reminder of his own failure screaming in his ear.

How did she not hate him? Why was she not yelling? What the hell was he supposed to say to make this right?

"I…I have to go," he blurted suddenly, backing away toward the door.

"Oh," There was surprise there, and also a hurt that Booth tried not to hear. "Alright."

He paused halfway out the door, shame burning in his gut. "I'm sorry."

Booth meant he was sorry for everything. For what a terrible friend he'd been for five months, for what he'd said to her, for what had happened to her, for what he'd made her think…

But Brennan only thought he was apologizing for leaving, and before he could elaborate, Brennan replied, "Don't be. You probably have to get back to Hannah."

The words, flat and resigned in their delivery, hit Booth like a punch to the gut. There was no bitterness there, no accusation.

That's really what she thought of him. That the only thing he could manage was a twenty minute hospital visit in the middle of the night.

He used to be one of the few people Brennan counted on and trusted. And now she barely expected anything from him.

He'd done that.

Tears clogged his throat and rose to his eyes, pricking angrily. Booth was suddenly certain if he stayed another moment, he'd break down and cry like a baby in front of Bones.

He mumbled something incoherent and turned away, but her voice stopped him again. "Booth?"

She'd turned the light off again, and that was the only thing that made him turn around again, though he didn't trust himself to speak.

"You don't have to come back."

That he hadn't been expecting.

"What?" He managed to force out the word.

"I just…Angela she, she keeps saying you should be here."

Booth squeezed his eyes shut, battling back the tears.

"But…you don't have to come back. I know you…you're busy, and…Hannah's going through a lot too, I imagine. But thank you. For saving me."

He lost the battle. Tears dripped down Booth's face, and he had to clench his jaw to bite back sobs.

It took a valiant effort to force out a parting sentence, "Please don't thank me. For anything."

Before she could stop him again, Booth whirled around and went out the door.

~(B*B)~

Brennan didn't tell Angela that Booth had come by.

Thankfully, Brennan had protested enough that Angela and everyone else had stopped brining him up, so there was never a moment where she felt the need to share.

But all day, as her other friends moved in and out, she kept glancing at the door, part of her unable to stop hoping that, in spite of her reassurance that he wasn't expected, Booth would come back anyway.

He never did.

~(B*B)~

When she hadn't seen him for more than a day, Hannah finally broke down and called Seeley.

She tried him three times, with no answer. In spite of herself, she was starting to get worried about him.

So Hannah drove by the Hoover on her lunch break and drove slowly through the parking lot, squinting at license plates of the multiple SUVs until she saw his car.

She restrained herself from going inside. He obviously didn't want to talk to her.

Hannah did call Cam to ask how Brennan was doing. It took a few questions, but she was able to figure out that Booth still hadn't returned to the hospital.

Selfishly, Hannah couldn't help but be a little relieved. At least she wasn't the only one being ignored.

~(B*B)~

Booth returned to Founding Fathers that night. Without preamble, he tossed his keys on the bar. "Just keep 'em coming," he told Adam dully.

There was some distant part of Booth's brain that was aware of how stupid he was being. If he was so upset about how he'd treated Bones, the logical thing to do was go to her and make it right. To show her she could still expect more, to prove he would still be there.

But Booth was still reeling from the realization that he'd let it go this far. She'd had to nearly die, because of him, for him to actually see what he'd done.

He couldn't handle that. And he couldn't fathom what she'd done for him anyway. How this woman, who a year ago had insisted she didn't have his kind of open heart, would do anything to protect him from hurt when all he'd done lately was hurt her.

So he drank.

He'd been there half an hour when Booth felt a hand on his shoulder. He spun unevenly around, bracing himself to see Hannah.

Instead, Cam was standing there regarding him with a somber expression.

"Seeley."

"Camille," he returned formally. "What're you doing here?"

She eyed the bar in front of him and arched an eyebrow. "Are you drunk?"

"Getting there," he said honestly.

Cam took the seat next to him. "What are you doing, Seeley?"

"I'm drinking. You can join me, but I don't want to talk."

Her eyes flashed. "Well that's too bad, as that happens to be what I'm here for." She leaned forward, holding his gaze. "Where have you been staying?"

"Hotel."

"Why is that?"

"Don't want to see Hannah," The alcohol made him honest. "Can't."

"What about Brennan?" She asked quietly. "You don't want to see her, either?"

"I do. I want. But I can't." He stared into the empty Scotch glass in front of him. "I left her alone, Camille. She thinks I don't care."

"You not seeing her at the hospital probably isn't doing much to assure her otherwise."

Booth's head snapped up. "I saw her," he said earnestly. "Last night, in the middle of the night. But I didn't stay long."

"Ah." That was news to Cam. "Why didn't you stay?"

"I can't fix it," he said morosely. "I can't. She coulda died, and I said I don't need her. I said that to Bones. To Bones." He paused, then reiterated. "I said I didn't need Bones. That's…that's crazy. But I can't take it back."

He waved a hand at Adam for another refill. For a moment, Cam watched him drink. Then, choosing her words carefully, she told him, "Seeley, Greg Thomas went to a lot of trouble to screw up your life. But he failed…they're both alive."

"He shot Bones. He…he really hurt her."

"But she's going to be fine. She's getting discharged tomorrow. And what happened to her isn't Hannah's fault…or yours." She stood up. "Greg Thomas wanted to screw up your life, Seeley. Don't help him out by doing it yourself."

~(B*B)~

But the next night, Booth was right back at the bar. He'd ignored three calls from Hannah that day, and one from Cam.

He hadn't slept last night without nightmares.

He'd been in his usual place for only twenty minutes when he saw them, gathered around a table in the corner.

Cam, Hodgins, Angela, Sweets, and Daisy.

And Bones.

He stood up jerkily, trying to get a better look.

She had crutches leaning on her chair, and her leg was propped up on a chair to the side, a position that looked very uncomfortable. He could still see the stitches on her cheek, and on her forehead.

But she was there. And she was smiling at something Cam had said.

Something swelled up inside of Booth, and he felt himself moving toward her. He ignored the others looks, not stopping until he was right in front of her.

"How could you do this to me?"

Brennan stared up at him, more startled than anything. "Booth, what-?"

"How could you? You, you, you told him he should just kill you? What about me, did you ever think about how I'd feel?"

Brennan looked genuinely bewildered for a moment, but then her eyes hardened. "I was doing that for you. So you wouldn't have to choose."

"Oh, so you just decided you knew what I'd want? That you knew what was best?" Booth's eyes were wild, and his voice cracked with his next statement. "You could've died, Bones. Then what, huh? What about me? What was I supposed to do if I had lost you?"

Angela froze halfway out of her seat. She'd been about two seconds from letting Booth have it, but the last comment stopped her. Maybe this is what Brennan needed…to know that Booth had cared.

But Brennan was regarding him with an expression of quiet anger, and it took her a moment to say in tight voice, "I guess you would have found another partner."

Booth took an actual step back, as though the words carried a physical force that crashed into him. Around them, everyone had gone dead silent.

Brennan held Booth's gaze, though, neither of them aware of their audience. He could only stare at her, and for the first time Brennan's eyes betrayed all the hurt she felt.

No more pretenses. No more fake smiles.

"Is that really what you think?" Booth finally asked, his voice quiet. "That's really all you think you are to me?"

"Yes," Brennan said, her voice catching. "And anyone reviewing the recent evidence would draw the same conclusion."

"So that's it? The recent evidence…you can just forget about the past five years?"

"Why not, it seems you can," Brennan shot back. Booth could see tears sparkling in her eyes now, but she wasn't letting them fall.

Booth felt like he was drowning again, and the alcohol was only a small part of it. "Bones…" He reached out, instinctually, to touch her arm.

She flinched away from his touch, drawing back. Booth's eyes widened, surprised, and then, slowly, his face crumpled into a stricken expression and it was all Brennan could do not to drag her gaze away.

After what seemed like an eternity of silence, he said, "I was…there…if you needed me. I would've…I would've been there."

Brennan laughed once, but it came out more like a sob. "Then where have you been, Booth? Three days in the hospital and I talked to you for two minutes, in the middle of the night."

His eyes flashed. "You told me not to come back!"

"Minor correction, I said you didn't have to."

Booth's brain was operating slightly below his usual standard, and it took him a moment to draw the distinction. "I don't…huh?"

"I don't want to be you obligation, Booth," Brennan forced out through clenched teeth. "Or your guilt trip. So, yes, I'm your partner. And I won't be able to be in the field for several months, so you'll get a break from even that."

For a long moment they stared at each other, and Booth could feel everything they'd lost hanging there between them, unbearably close but just out of reach.

"If I'm so horrible," he said finally. "Then why did you do that for me?"

Brennan's shoulders sagged, and Booth could almost see the fight draining out of her. She gave him a helpless look, shaking her head. "You know why."

Cam was suddenly beside Booth, stepping between them. "Okay, Seeley, you've interrupted our celebration here-"

He ignored her, stepping to the side to hold Bones' gaze. "No, I don't…"

Brennan blinked, and a tear slipped away, betraying her. "Booth…I just wanted you to be okay. And there's not much I wouldn't do to make that happen."

The sadness in her voice, and the sincerity, broke his heart.

Cam was speaking again, but Booth was frozen, staring at Brennan. "It's time for you to go, Booth-"

But Brennan finally tore her gaze away from him and looked at Angela. "I think I want to go home."

Angela nodded, as Hodgins grabbed her crutches and passed them over. "Of course, Sweetie."

Brennan didn't look back at him as she slowly made her way out, between Hodgins and Angela. Cam and Sweets followed, not giving him another glance.

~(B*B)~

Hannah was lying on the couch, a blanket over her, bowl of popcorn in front of her when the door to the apartment opened and Booth walked in.

"Seeley?" She sat up, surprised, then glared at him. "Imagine seeing you here."

He was staring at Hannah, but he didn't even seem to hear her; here was something odd in his expression, something disconcerting.

He looked like he had in the hospital the other day, when Brennan was still in surgery. Like a lost, scared little boy.

"You want to tell me where you've been for three days, or am I supposed to guess?" Hannah finally said when Booth stayed silent.

Without answering, Booth crossed the room and, after a second of hesitation, he dropped hard to his knees in front of her, mouth open like he was about to say something, but he couldn't get the words out.

"Seeley, what?"

His face slowly crumpled. "I'm sorry. I…I'm sorry." He was shaking so hard Hannah could see it.

Slightly alarmed, she leaned down, reaching for him. "Seeley…"

And then he lifted his head and kissed her, hard.

He tasted like alcohol, and Hannah pulled back quickly. "We have to talk."

Booth shook his head. His eyes were red and weary, his entire demeanor suggesting defeat. "Please…"

He kissed her again, so hard it hurt.

Booth just wanted to feel something. Something besides self-loathing and the terror that he had, in fact, screwed up his life.

He wanted to forget that he and Bones would never be the same. And he wanted to know he hadn't lost her for nothing.

And though she'd tried not to, Hannah had missed him. So she kissed him back.

~(B*B)~

Minutes later they were in the bedroom.

Booth set a hard, furious pace; making love to her with an intensity he never had before.

But there was something different. It wasn't the strangeness between them, all the problems they weren't discussing. It wasn't the recent separation, or even the fact that he hadn't said a word since that second kiss.

Booth never looked at her. Not once.

~(B*B)~

Hannah woke up after only an hour of sleep to find the bed beside her empty.

Panic and anger hit her in equal measure. The first night he comes home in days, and Seeley was treating her like some sort of one night stand?

As her senses became more acute, however, Hannah heard him some slight movement in the rest of the apartment.

She found him sitting at the table in the dark, a glass and a bottle of Scotch in front of him, looking for all the world like he'd lost his best friend.

"Do you want to talk?" She asked quietly, taking a seat beside him.

Booth never looked up from his drink. "Do you remember that weekend we went skiing?"

"Um. Yeah…"

"Bones' birthday was that weekend. The Saturday. But I didn't remember until we got back from dinner that night. Barely sent her a text on time."

Hannah wasn't sure how to respond to that. "At least you remembered."

"I got her some crappy gift at the lodge," he continued as if she hadn't spoken.

"That's…horrible, Seeley, but I think we should talk about us. And why you haven't come home for the past three days."

"I just…I was her best friend. Her family. But then I…I did what her real family did, I abandoned her. I'm just like them. Worse."

Hannah shook her head. "You clearly don't need me for this conversation." She pushed her chair back almost violently and stood up. "Why don't you sleep on the couch?"

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I'm…I'm sorry. Been a bad few days."

Hannah laughed humorlessly. "Tell me about it." She started to continue on to the bedroom, but something compelled her to stop. "Seeley?"

"Yeah?"

"I know…I know this isn't a fair question. I know I have no right to ask, and it's all a moot point now, anyway, but …" She raised her eyes to meet his. "Who were you going to choose?"

A/N: Okay, DON'T FREAK OUT. Yes, they had sex. And that was tough to write. A bit disgusting. But Booth's in self destructive mode, throwing himself into temporary fixes (like the alcohol). And he's pretty sure he's ruined things with Brennan for good. Just keep in mind that I HATE Booth and Hannah. But they are still technically together. For now. It'llbe okay.

Anyway, hopefully that was long and angsty enough ot make up (a little) for the wait. I'll try to keep it more frequent from this point on. As always, you guys are fantastic, and I love your reviews Tell me everything you think, I love to hear as much as possible from you guys. Thanks for sticking with me, more to come in the next few days.