Author's Note: Hey, all! Welcome back, to those I didn't lose. So sorry for the delay…I completely overestimated my ability to be efficient during finals. I am now on day two of winter break, and I'm planning to wrap this fic up (only a few more chapters!) fairly quickly, since I have lots of time to write now. Relief, right? As always, reviews are the best motivation, and you guys are fantastic. Thanks for sticking it out!

Also, just a couple of things. You should check out "Show Me What I'm Looking For", a fantastic fic by my amazing beta, biba79. It's great post-Hannah season six stuff. A good mix of angst (which you obviously love if you're reading here) and fluff (for those of you becoming emotionally exhausted by the heartcrushing angst that is this season). So lots of great stuff there, it's seriously addicting, nad the kind of plot we'd love to see on the show (BELIEVE me). Also, for a more shameless plug, I've posted my Christmas fic. More info at the close of this chapter, but just know it's post-609, Bones meets It's A Wonderful Life, and is short and mostly completed (so no worries about me neglecting this fic). LINKS FOR BOTH AT THE BOTTOM

I'm done rambling. Song if "For Blue Skies" by Strays Don't Sleep. Fantastic. Enjoy!

Chapter Twelve

It's been a long year since we last spoke
How's your halo
Just between you and I
You and me and the satelites
I never believed you
I only wanted to
Before all this what did I miss?
Do you ever get homesick?

I can't get used to it
I can't get used to it
I'll never get used to it
I'll never get used to it

"Bones?"

Saying her name was a reflex, and Booth's voice was rough and uneven.

"Booth…" His name was a sigh of relief on her lips, and she took a few tentative steps toward him then stopped uncertainly.

They were a good fifteen feet apart; Brennan hovered on the front walk, while Booth was stock still in the yard.

Booth was shaking. As the shock of seeing her began to wear off, panic tightened in his chest.

She wasn't supposed to show up here.

The silence stretched between them an uncomfortably long time. Brennan nearly spoke a few times, but the look on Booth's face made her wait; he looked ready to bolt at any moment, and she didn't think she could take another desertion.

"Tempe?"

Booth turned, startled, and Brennan's gaze slid away from him for the first time to notice that Jared had walked up behind them.

Unlike his older brother, Jared smiled at her in delight, pushing past Booth and coming to hug her. "I didn't know you were coming!"

"Neither did I," Brennan replied, smiling quickly at Jared before returning her searching glance to Booth.

"You staying the night?"

"Oh, um…it's not a long drive, and I don't want to impose-"

"It's no big deal, it's late already…I can make up the couch bed-"

"It's really not necessary…."

Jared glanced back at Booth, who was staring dazedly as their conversation buzzed around him. "Why don't you let me know, okay?"

Brennan nodded, casting a nervous glance at Booth, who was looking even paler at the mention of her staying.

"I'll give you two some time to catch up," Jared smirked a little, raising a pointed eyebrow in his brother's direction and muttering, "Pick your jaw up off the ground, Seeley," before disappearing into the house and leaving them alone.

For another moment, silence reigned. Then, Brennan ventured, "Hi."

Booth put all his effort into managing a clumsy, halfhearted smile. "Hey."

Another pause. Then, Brennan assured him quickly, "I don't really have to stay the night-"

He just nodded vaguely, eyes on the ground, not ready yet to insist it didn't matter.

Her throat constricting painfully, Brennan kept her eyes on Booth's bowed head, as though she could will him to look at her with only the sheer force of her gaze.

After yet another moment of the silence thickening between them, Brennan murmured quietly, "You want to run in the house and get away from me, don't you?"

"No," Booth answered, too fast. He lifted his eyes briefly. "Well, a little. It's not because of you though." Brennan pressed her lips together, looking away, and Booth felt shame tighten his gut.

He forced his feet forward a few more steps closer to her so he could soften his voice. "Bones, hey." He waited until she met his eyes, hurt swirling in her own. "I just…I don't know what to say, I…wasn't expecting to see you."

"I've been calling," Brennan stated in reply.

There was no animosity or accusation in her tone, just heavy exhaustion, and it made Booth wince. "I, um…I didn't know what to say then either," he managed lamely. "How'd you find me?"

"Parker," she said flatly, and suddenly her eyes flashed then narrowed. "If he hadn't gotten out of science club early and come to my office, like you told him to, I'd still be trying to find you. I've been worried, Booth, I, I didn't know where you were, or if you were coming back or if you were okay…" Her words tangled in her throat, and for a moment Brennan just glared at him, her breathing harsh. Inhaling shakily, she finally said, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he replied earnestly, his insides beginning to relax. "Yeah, Bones, I am. I…I think I am." He paused, hesitating, then added, "It's been over a week since I drank."

The second the words were out of his mouth, Booth felt the heat rising to his face, embarrassment swelling over the fact that this was a point of pride.

But Brennan was smiling, a small smile, but one that chased away some of the fear from her eyes. "That's really good."

"It's not much," he mumbled.

Brennan waited, but once again Booth seemed to shut down, shifting his weight, squinting up at the dark sky. She sighed, unsure of what to do now; she'd been so focused on finding him, she hadn't considered what to do once she was in front of him.

After what seemed like an eternity, his voice floated to her, so quiet it didn't even seem to come from Booth. "I missed you."

Their eyes met.

"Me, too," Brennan said softly. "For a long time."

Booth flinched, not missing the implication. "I know. I'm sorry I lied to you about…coming here. I just…I had to get away, you know? And I just thought…if I talked to you…"

He was having trouble articulating his thought process, but before Booth could finish, Brennan asked him tentatively, her eyes wide and hurt, "You're that mad at me?"

That was the last thing he expected to hear. "What? Bones, that's…how can you think that?" He walked closer to her, slowly closing the gap between them. "After everything that's happened, how can you possibly think…I still don't understand how you aren't furious with me?"

She didn't even hesitate. "Because I hurt you first."

Just like that, his heart turned over, all the fear and panic draining out of Booth. Booth forgot, sometimes, that for all Bones' genius, the logic that drove her could be heartbreakingly childlike at times.

She'd hurt him first. So, in Brennan's mind, she deserved whatever she got. The motivations, the varying degrees of hurt, time frame, circumstances…none of it came into play for her.

All that mattered to her was that she'd hurt Booth. So when he began hurting her back, again and again, without seeming to notice…she just took it.

"Bones…" His voice was heavy, words tangling in his throat. He looked at Brennan helplessly and then finally nodded toward the porch. "C'mere."

Slightly wary, Brennan followed Booth up the front walk, slowing slightly until he sat down on the steps of the front porch and looked up at him, his expression open and expectant.

Brennan sank down beside him, one step down. She cast a quick glance at Booth, whose expression suggested he was deep in thought, choosing his words carefully.

There was a long silence before Booth finally began speaking. "It…it did hurt. But…it's not any excuse for what I…what I did to you was worse." Brennan looked like she might protest but Booth cut her off gently, "Please just…just listen. It was. I was so selfish, Bones, I…I cut you off completely. A year ago, you know, we were best friends. More than that, we were family. I…I had no right to throw all that away just because you didn't give me the answer I wanted to hear. I made a conscious, selfish decision when we go back. That was all on me. You couldn't help that you didn't feel the same way, Bones, but what I did…it was my fault. And I'm so, so sorry for that."

As he talked, Brennan stared at him, her expression calculating, so that Booth could tell she was really considering what he was saying. By the end though, her expression was torn, and for the first time since sitting down she looked away.

For a moment, Booth watched her, nervous when she didn't say anything. When he was about to continue, try to explain himself better, Brennan barely whispered, "I never said that."

Instantly, Booth's throat narrowed, trapping any words he had. He cleared his throat several times, finally managing a strangled, "Never said…."

Brennan ducked her head; even in the darkness, he could see the flush of her cheeks. "I never said…I didn't feel…" Her voice faltered. "I messed up, Booth. I was scared, I…I thought I wouldn't be…enough for you or…"

He could hear in Bones' voice how hard this was for her to say, and he wordlessly reached out and grabbed her hand, hoping she wouldn't be able to feel his own shaking.

At the touch, Brennan relaxed slightly, her fingers tightening over his."...I thought I wouldn't be what you wanted and…romantic relationships…in my experience, they're much more fragile and typically short lived…" With great effort, she dragged her gaze to meet his. "I thought I would lose you. It doesn't mean I didn't…feel the same way about you."

Booth's heart had stuttered to a stop, the admission ringing in his ears. He was bogged down in the syntax, the multiple negatives, the change in tense, second guessing whether it meant what he thought…

"I should have trusted you…," Brennan said in a low voice. "In the end I…I lost you anyway."

All the questions swirling in his mind took a backseat immediately, and Booth closed his eyes. "You shouldn't have. That was my fault, Bones. Just like what happened to you with Greg Thomas was my fault…"

Brennan sighed. "Booth, blaming yourself for that is ridiculous. It's not logical, and it doesn't do you any good."

"It's a fact, Bones," he countered quietly. "You know that. Look, the reason I didn't tell you I was leaving or, or answer your calls…it's not because I'm mad at you. You haven't done anything wrong, Bones, I promise. It's just…the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you anymore than I already had. I was a mess, Bones, and I didn't know how I was going to be okay, and I didn't want you to have to deal with that…"

Peering up at him, Brennan prompted hesitantly, "And now?"

"Now…" Booth trailed off, guilt coiling around his gut. He thought of his potential transfer. He thought of Jared's angry assertion that it was just another way of abandoning her. Finally, as honest as he could let himself be, Booth said simply, "Now I'm glad you're here." Half smiling, Booth opened his arm, and for some reason the simple gesture made Brennan's eyes well with tears, and she leaned gratefully against him, allowing Booth to securely wrap her in a sideways hug.

To Brennan's surprise, he brushed his lips briefly against her hairline, keeping his head ducked close as he whispered, "Thank you for finding me."

Closing her eyes, savoring the warmth and comfort of him, Brennan murmured, "I had to."

She meant it, too. There had never been a choice in the matter. Since he'd left, Brennan had been able to focus on little else, and once she found out Booth's location, there had never been a single moment of consideration.

It was just a given, that she would go to where he was.

"I know." They stayed like that for a long time, Booth's arm around Brennan, her head tucked against his shoulder. Booth inhaled slowly, the familiar scent of her air filling him, soothing.

In that moment, he wondered how he'd ever thought anything but Bones could heal him.

It was Booth, eventually, who pulled back, though he did so reluctantly. He smiled at her, almost shyly, before saying, "I'd really like it if you'd stay here tonight, Bones."

She didn't even hesitate. "Okay."

A smile split across Booth's features. "Really?"

Brennan returned it. "Yes, if you want."

"I do." Booth stood, offering her a hand as Brennan did the same. "You can have the guest room, though, I'm good on the couch." Brennan opened her mouth, clearly gearing up for an argument, but Booth grinned at her and held out his hand. "You won't change my mind, Bones. Dibs on the couch, okay?"

"I don't know what that means."

They entered the house, and though the house was quiet, Jared had made up the pullout bed on the couch, and Booth couldn't help but smile a little to himself.

His brother did have some faith in him, still…enough to think Booth wouldn't drive Brennan away.

~(B*B)~

Brennan lay in bed a few hours later, a feeling of calm settling over her that she hadn't felt in so long.

She was surprised by how comforting it was just to know Booth was downstairs, and that he was okay. His scent clung to the pillows of the guest bed, a very welcome reminder.

In the weeks since he'd been gone, Brennan had slept very little, kept awake by her own useless worrying and positing scenarios about where Booth was and how he was doing…and, if she was being honest with herself, why he was so intent on avoiding her.

She'd been afraid to ask when he was coming back; the fact that he'd been so open with her, even asked her to stay, had been more than she'd allowed herself to hope for.

Still, Brennan couldn't help the quietly growing hope that he would go back to DC with her tomorrow.

She wasn't sure how long, exactly, she'd been asleep when the soft creak of a door, and the sliver of light flooding into the room, woke Brennan up again.

Blearily, she sat up, momentarily disoriented by her strange surroundings. Then, squinting at the opening, she recognized the figure silhouetted there. "Booth?"

"I….sorry," Booth sounded embarrassed. "I woke you up. God. Sorry. I just…wanted to make sure you're okay. But I'll go."

"Booth?" Her voice stopped him, but Brennan hesitated before continuing. She wanted to ask him if everything was alright, but something told her that Booth, in typical alpha male fashion, would assure her that he was and apologize a few more times before leaving. So instead she said, "Could you, um…come in for a few minutes?"

Booth was instantly on the alert, pushing his way into the room and approaching the bed. "What's wrong? Are you okay? Need something?"

She shook her head wordlessly, waiting until Booth gingerly took a seat at the edge of the bed. "I'm okay." Peering at him, she asked, "Couldn't sleep?"

Booth shook his head slightly, agitated. "I could sleep just…" He laughed once, hollowly. "It's staying asleep that's the problem."

Brennan was quiet. She wasn't good, at prying out information and interpreting silences. She thought, suddenly, of her recent conversation with Hannah, the blonde's revelation that Booth screamed for Brennan in the middle of the night, thrashing with nightmares. She opened her mouth, intending to ask him outright about it, but instead Brennan heard herself saying, "I know what you mean. I have nightmares, sometimes, and find myself with the same problem."

Booth gave her a long, searching look. "Nightmares about Greg Thomas?"

"Not specifically, but…they have increased in frequency since then," she admitted.

His face crumpled, shoulders sagging. "God, Bones, I…I'm so sorry. I am so damn sorry that happened to you."

Something flared in Brennan's chest, with a ferocity that took her by surprise. Suddenly, with great purpose, she crawled forward in the bed and touched her fingers to Booth's face, making him look at her. "Booth. I do not blame you. You have to know that." Her voice was fierce, her gaze intense, but Booth felt Brennan's fingers trembling slightly as she added, "Please understand."

"Okay," he said quietly, not because he was absolving himself from blame, but because he didn't want her worrying about him. "I know."

Relaxing slightly, Brennan pulled back a little. "I only said that so you would know it's nothing to be ashamed of. And it's not uncommon. Merely the release of neurotransmitters-"

"Yeah, okay," Booth broke in, gently cutting off the science speak. "I've been having nightmares. Ever since it happened, but especially since I read that file-"

Wincing slightly, Brennan's eyes flitted away from his. "I wish you hadn't done that."

"I know. Sorry, again." An awkward silence hung between them for a moment, then Booth stood up. "Well…goodnight."

"Night," Brennan replied automatically, watching him manage a clumsy smile and turn to walk away. He had a hand on the doorknob when she stopped him, "Booth?" He turned, and Brennan found herself biting back the childish urge to ask him to stay. What she said instead was, "I really am okay."

Booth felt himself nodding. "Good."

He shut the door softly behind him, wondering if he could honestly say the same for himself yet.

~(B*B)~

"So this is what you've been doing all this time?"

Booth nodded eagerly, carefully watching Brennan's expression as she circled the car. "For the past week or so, yeah. It was pretty awesome of Jared, really. Pops showed us how to do a lot of it when we were younger. He always had a project going, and helping out got to be a pretty major stress reliever for me."

Brennan stopped pacing momentarily, raising an eyebrow at him. "I know. I remember."

"Right." Booth felt himself flushing slightly. He'd told her that before, of course. All his stories, his good and bad history…all of that belonged to Bones, too.

He'd never had that with Hannah.

Circling the car, Booth came up beside her and playfully bumped his shoulder against hers. "I could show you how, if you want. Some of it."

Again, she arched an eyebrow at him, eyes flashing challengingly. "Some?"

A laugh rose out of him, a strange but welcome sound. "Okay, fine. All of it." Excitement began to bubble in Booth's gut, as he genuinely warmed to the idea. "No, seriously. You've got a few more weeks before you're cleared for work, right? We could stay here, you could help me finish it up…"

When she looked up at him, Brennan had a strange, frozen sort of smile on her face. "Um, I'm not cleared for field work. I've still got obligations at the lab. Plus I don't know if Jared's up for an extra long term houseguest."

"Right…" Booth said, his excitement deflating. It would have been too easy, away from work and decisions about work, away from danger...but it wasn't really possible. Hiding away with Bones wouldn't make what had happened between them back home less real.

"So, you, um...you're staying here until you finish the car?" Brennan asked finally. "I mean…when are you going back to work?"

"Oh, I don't know…" Booth attempted to construct a casual tone, as though he'd simply never considered the matter. "I didn't give them a specific time."

He'd woken up this morning with a voicemail from Alex he'd yet to listen to. Now that Bones was here, in front of him, Booth never wanted her to leave. Thinking like that, the idea of a transfer seemed impossible.

But the idea of returning to DC, resuming his life, all the wreckage he still hadn't dealt with…that was equally impossible.

Eyes darkening, Brennan nodded once, curtly, disappointment casting a shadow over her expression. "Of course."

Booth's face fell at the imperceptible change in Brennan's mood. Scrambling to recover, he blurted out, "You could stay for a few more days, at least?" He patted the car, smiling. "Get a few lessons?"

Looking at him, the desperate hope lighting his eyes, Brennan couldn't help but smile back, just a little. "That could maybe be arranged."

"Great!" Booth exclaimed with unnecessary enthusiasm. "I'm sure Jared won't mind, and I'm fine on the couch."

"I'll have to talk to Cam…"

"She won't care." Booth could say that much, at least, with confidence. "It'll be good." He nudged Brennan's shoulder with his own again before nodding in the direction of the house. "Let's go get some breakfast."

~(B*B)~

Jared and Padme, as a rule, liked to sleep in on Saturdays, and Booth and Brennan had gotten up early to see the car.

So when he came downstairs with his wife, Jared found his brother happily moving around the kitchen, carefully distributing pancakes onto four plates, while Brennan fiddled with a coffee maker.

"Morning," Jared said, his surprise evident in his tone. "This is…unexpected."

"Shut up and eat it," Booth said, though good naturedly, as he set plates on the table. "Don't question the good fortune."

"I was more surprised by the good moods," Jared retorted, his eyes moving to Brennan. "Padme, you remember Seeley's partner?"

While the women exchanged greetings, Jared raised his eyebrows at Booth, who just shrugged and smiled a little sheepishly.

The second the four of them were seated at the table, Jared, never one for subtlety, announced, "So it's safe to assume Seeley finally managed a syllable or two last night."

"Jared…" Booth gritted out.

Brennan, though, just smiled. "He did. Thanks for letting me stay the night."

Swallowing, Jared shook his head. "No problem. I'm just glad you got here when you did. I knew that transfer was bullshit."

Booth froze, giving Jared a wild, wide-eyed look of warning that was seconds too late. Brennan, too, had gone completely still, her eyes slowly moving to Booth's, panic evident. "Transfer?"

Jared screwed his eyes shut and muttered, "Shit." If it wasn't for the nausea gripping him, Booth might have found an odd comfort in the fact that, in spite of his new mature persona, Jared still had the ability to be a foot in the mouth screw up.

"What transfer?" Brennan gritted out, her gaze mercilessly trained on Booth.

Finally, in a low voice, Booth admitted, "I was asked….about transferring to Quantico. To train agents."

"You said no, right?"

Brennan's voice was tight, and it was clear from the way she asked the question that there was only one acceptable answer. Booth stared down at the table, too cowardly to look at her as he forced out, "I haven't said anything yet."

Padme and Jared exchanged a glance. They were frozen in their seats, physically shrinking away from the tension crackling between the partners.

Her shaking hands involuntarily balled into fists, and Brennan's voice was unsteady as she asked, slightly louder, "But you're going to turn them down, right?" There was a long, heavy silence. The pitch of her voice rising, Brennan prompted, "Booth?"

"I don't know yet."

The words were barely a breath, a tiny, quiet admittance directed mostly toward the table, but they carried a force.

Brennan reeled back, her face twisting, as though she'd been slapped. She stared at him for a long moment, as though waiting for some amendment, some explanation.

When none came, she stood up almost violently. "Right."

She was out of the kitchen, her footsteps pounding up the stairs, before Booth recovered somewhat from the shock reverberating through his body. Wide-eyed, he rounded slowly on Jared. "What did you do?"

Jared looked a little shell shocked himself. "I assumed…you seemed so much better, and she stayed, I…I thought you'd told her."

"You didn't think at all!" Booth shouted back. "Same old Jared, why am I surprised?"

Instantly, Jared's face hardened. "You could have fixed it easily, Seeley. You could have told her you weren't taking it."

"I won't lie to Bones, Jared," Booth practically spat.

"It shouldn't be a lie."

Booth started to retort, but then he heard footsteps again, coming down the stairs, and he ran out of the kitchen just in time to see the front door slam.

"Bones!" He was shouting her name before he was fully outside. He ran through the yard after her, catching up just as Brennan got to her car.

In a childish but instinctual move, Booth pulled the only bag Bones had out of her hand. Panting, his tone desperate, Booth rushed out, "Let me explain."

"You're moving, Booth? You're breaking our partnership and you're moving away, yet there wasn't any moment last night or this morning where you might have mentioned it?"

Booth blinked down at her. Put that way, there wasn't much defending his decision not to tell her. Instead, he protested feebly, "I don't know for sure if I'm taking it."

Bones was maybe angrier than he'd ever seen her, but when she looked up at him, there was an unmistakable sheen of tears in her eyes. "You said you aren't angry at me, yet everything you do seems to suggest the opposite!"

"It does not. Before I saw you, I was sure I was taking that new job. Now I don't know anymore."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't fix anything!" He was nearly shouting now. "I can only start over! That is how bad I screwed everything up, Bones! " Just abruptly as it had surged through him, Booth's fight drained away. "I can't fix what I did. I can't pretend it didn't happen. And I can't…I can't give you what it is you want." He paused, meeting her eyes. "What do you want, Bones?"

"You." The word wrenched itself from her chest before Brennan could stop it. She immediately amended, "I mean, you the way…the way it was before. With us."

Sorrow filled his dark eyes, and Booth nodded for a long time. "That's what I thought," he said softly. "We can't have that back, Bones. I want it, too, but…we can't change what happened. We could pretend, for a little while, but that won't last. Sooner or later, it'll all fall apart." Booth's voice cracked, and he looked down at Brennan almost pleadingly, begging her to understand. "Nothing scares me more than thinking it might never be the same."

"So you don't even want to try?"

"I don't know," he told her honestly. "That's why I haven't given them an answer yet."

Catching her lower lip between her teeth, Brennan looked away, eyes drifting shut.

"Stay for a few nights," Booth added suddenly, desperately. "We…we can work on the car. Talk some more…"

Brennan raised her eyes, the ache in them cutting him to the quick. Still, her tone was tinged with bitterness as she countered, "Won't that just be another way of pretending?" Before he could answer, Brennan expertly tugged the bag from his loose grip and ducked into her car. "Let me know when you figure it out."

~(B*B)~

Booth sat in the center of the yard for a good twenty minutes after Bones drove off, his fingers absently toying with blades of grass.

The choice seemed so simple. Jared had been right yesterday; if he transferred, it would hurt Bones. Plain and simple, there was no denying it. She would feel betrayed and abandoned, and Booth hated even the thought of that.

But at least then it would be over. He'd leave, and it may take Brennan some time to recover and stop missing him, but that would be the last thing she had to deal with.

Booth wanted to think he'd never hurt her like that again. But there was a time, only a year ago, when he'd have fought anyone who'd suggested he could ever treat Brennan the way he had for five months. That was the time when seeing her hurting was the hardest thing in the world for him, and now he was the one hurting her.

He didn't trust himself yet. After the past few months, how could he? Booth had only recently been able to grab hold of some tiny shred of self-control and awareness…how tenuous was that grasp? What would it take to make him let go again?

Then there were the Greg Thomases of his past. Who knew how many there were, lying dormant, waiting for the moment of revenge? No way could he let Brennan be caught in the crossfire again. She'd been through enough.

Suddenly, a shadow fell over Booth, and in the next moment Jared dropped down beside him in the grass."I'm sorry," Jared told him without preamble. "You're right, I wasn't thinking. But I didn't mean to cause problems. I swear."

"I know," Booth replied dully. "'S my own fault."

They were quiet for a minute, then Jared questioned, "What are you doing?"

"I'm sitting here thinking about how it was so much easier here. With Bones, mostly, but with everything. It's like..it's not the real world. For us, I mean. It's like a timeout. Limbo."

"So what's that mean?"

"It means…it was easy here. It was easy to pretend like Bones and I were like we used to be. It was easy to get through days. It was even easier to stop drinking, after awhile." Booth paused, squinting into the sun at nothing in particular. "But that doesn't mean it'll be easy when I get back."

"Yeah…" Jared nodded thoughtfully. "But, Seel, you can't stay in limbo forever. You know that."

"But maybe I can start over." Booth glanced at his brother. "You did."

Jared laughed a little. "You've got the wrong idea, Seel. I've changed, yeah. But there's no real fresh start. Doesn't exist. I've got a past, and so does Padme…you think it's like they never happened? It isn't. It's part of us.

"You take that job in Quantico, fine. That's still not limbo, Seeley. It doesn't erase what happened. And, you know, maybe you and Tempe can't go back to what you were. But that doesn't mean you can't go forward." He laughed slightly. "Anything's better than this, right?"

"What if I'm still a mess?" Booth murmured after awhile. "What if….what if all this improvement is just me being in limbo?"

Jared shrugged. "What if it is?"

Booth lifted his head, something changing in his expression. "I have to go home."

~(B*B)~

Brennan had no idea what she was thinking, why she ended up driving directly to Angela and Hodgins' place instead of her own apartment.

But whatever the motivation, she was standing at their door, knocking on the door despite having rung the doorbell several times.

There was an unwarranted urgency to her actions that Brennan didn't understand, but before she had to contemplate it too much, the door swung open to reveal Angela, looking concerned and vaguely alarmed. "Bren, Sweetie, what is it?"

"I….Booth…." Her voice splintered around his name, and suddenly there tears rolling down Brennan's cheeks, something she'd been fighting the whole drive here.

"Hey…it's okay, come on…" Angela gently took Brennan by the crook of the elbow and led her inside. "Tell me what happened."

~(B*B)~

Less than four hours after Bones had driven away from him, Booth reentered his own apartment.

He was glad he'd had the sense to finish cleaning the place before leaving for his brothers. The sight of his destruction would have been enough to send him careening back over the edge again.

As it was, he had to draw several deep breaths at the site of empty, broken bottles piled in his trash can. Before he could stare at them too much, Booth seized the bag and took it downstairs to the dumpster, before he even turned his attention to unpacking.

For the first time in several weeks, Booth dialed his voice mail. He'd kept his phone on solely to remain accessible to Rebecca, in the event of an emergency, but he'd done his best to ignore the array of missed calls.

Bones was the bulk of them, of course. Booth moved through them, the inevitable guilt choking him. As much as he wanted to call her and grovel more, beg her to listen to him and try to understand, Booth knew he had no right.

Besides, he was too much of a coward to face her until he had an answer to the only question Bones was interested in.

He'd called Alex's boss at Quantico that morning, requesting some time to make a decision. It had taken some talking, but he'd managed to convince them he needed two weeks to "see about arrangements for his son".

Speaking of…Booth dialed Rebecca, letting her know he was back in town and hesitantly asking if he could see Parker sometime soon. To his relief, she agreed surprisingly easily, and he planned to spend the following day with his son.

Booth returned his attention to his phone log….in addition to Bones, he'd missed multiple calls from Cam, Sweets, and Hodgins, all dating back to his hospital stay. Guilt calls, most likely…but after the past month, Booth knew a bit about that.

Guilt was different than pity. If you didn't care for the person, guilt wasn't nearly so powerful.

So he called them each back, let them overcompensate for weeks of silence or tension with multiple inquiries about his health (mental and physical) and invitations to hang out.

Lunch with Hodgins. Dinner with Cam. Another lunch with Sweets.

It was all part of escaping limbo.

Angela, it seemed, was the only one who hadn't been overcome by a fit of remorse brought on by Booth's hospitalization.

He understood, of course, and was even grateful, in a strange way. Angela had made it clear throughout this entire ordeal that she firmly and unalterably on Brennan's side, and Booth was glad Bones had that.

Besides, Booth was the first person to admit he deserved the cold shoulder.

~(B*B)~

It was odd, trying to fall back into friendships. Certain bits of it - the usual conversational topics, the knowledge of each other – came back naturally, like muscle memory. But the rest of it, the former comfort and ease, could be entirely absent, and painfully out of reach.

Then, of course, there was the obvious tension brought on by what they weren't saying.

Hodgins never mentioned all the nights Booth had shown up drunk to his house. Sweets didn't bring up Booth's long absence from work. Booth never accused them of shutting him out.

And both of them seemed to be carefully not talking about Brennan.

With Cam it was a little easier, because she didn't mind asking him to discuss more personal things, though there was still an uncertain distance between them. He told her about going to Jared's, but not about Bones coming. He skated through his break up with Hannah without going into details.

And he told none of them about the transfer he was considering. It didn't seem as though Brennan had said anything, either, though Booth couldn't be sure.

There was a lot they weren't saying.

He spent a few days with Parker his first week back, though, and it was always a welcome relief. There was no tension there, no pretending.

Until, that is, Parker got it in his head that they needed to go visit Bones.

"I saw her one time after science club. We never see Bones anymore, Dad. She said we can come to the pool. Can we go?"

For a long moment, Booth couldn't respond, too torn between guilt at his own realization that it had, in fact, been months since Brennan and Parker had seen each other (before this apparent meeting at the Jeffersonian, of course), and the inability to find an excuse.

Though he'd finally told Parker that Bones was working, the boy didn't let it drop. He was in a phase where he wanted a plan, a firm date.

"So when can we go, Dad? When can we go swimming with Bones?"

"I don't know, bud, I'll have to ask her."

"When will you ask her?"

It was exhausting.

Still, the first week back was surprisingly…okay. He had a lot of meals with Cam, Sweets, Hodgins, or some combination of the three. One night he even ended up at Hodgins' place to watch the hockey game.

He'd been a ball of nervous energy and panic, expecting to see Bones, and had been in the house two minutes before he realized that of course she wasn't staying there anymore.

Angela seemed scarce, too, and Booth found himself hoping idly that she was with Brennan. He couldn't pretend not to enjoy the onslaught of affection from his friends, but he still didn't feel fully deserving.

~(B*B)~

Booth had been back in DC a week and a half, and was sitting in his apartment flipping through information about Quantico. He'd have to give an answer in a few days, and though it had been easier than expected being here, he didn't feel any more ready to see Bones, here, away from the happy bubble of Jared's.

And the thought of going back to work with her, risking her life, made him sick.

There was a sudden, persistent rapping on his door. Booth stood and went to answer it, expecting to see Cam or maybe one of the guys.

Instead, Angela was standing in front of him a small smile on her face that was somehow terrifying.

"Welcome home, G-man," she said sweetly, never taking a step in. "Come on, you're taking me to dinner. We have lots to talk about."

...

Authors Note: Phew. Okay. Home stretch guys. Sort of. I'm thinking two or three more chapters for this one. It's been an angsty ride that still hasn't quite let up, but I hope you're appreciating the tiny little light at the end of the tunnel.

Now, again for the recs. Ignore the annoying lack of spaces and check out Biba's profile. Story is "Show Me What I'm Looking For." She's been such an incredible help throughout this story, I'd love if you guys checked it out.

http:/ www. fanfiction. Net /u/ 74877/Biba79

Now, as for my Christmas story (Chapter one is going up right after this chapter), it's called "Every Time A Bell Rings", and as I said, it's "It's a Wonderful Life" meets a post-609 Brennan. Angsty (surprise!) but with hope, because it is Christmas. I'm really excited about this one. It's five chapters (short ones), and I'm planning on updating just about every day this week leading up to Christmas. So check that one out, too…after you review of course.

And thanks for putting up with the excessive wait…and the excessive rambling. You guys are awesome.