'For what it's worth, I don't want to see you hurt

Anymore than you have to'

Love: In Theory and Practice - Chapter Six

Love, The Hardest Way

Sasuke looked at his watch again. He had been waiting outside of his publisher's office for over an hour, and was not at all pleased with it. Every second that ticked by was one he should have been spending with Naruto. The blonde was currently away on a trip with that group of friends of his. They were celebrating the beginning of summer.

Sasuke had spent the last two days fuming over the blonde's absence. Naruto had invited him to go with, of course, but Sasuke had had to decline because of this appointment. He was worried about careless overly-trusting Naruto getting into trouble in whatever warm-climated city the group had chosen for their escapade.

Naruto had assured him that no such thing would happen, as Gaara was going with them and surely would keep a close eye on him.

Oddly enough, this didn't do much relieve Sasuke of his concern.

Sasuke mentally chided himself. He felt like an over-bearing mother hen. It wasn't like Naruto needed Sasuke there to protect him. The blonde had gotten along perfectly fine before he and Sasuke had met, and could surely do the same now.

Sasuke's line of thought was interrupted by someone plopping down in the seat next to him. He fought off the urge to groan.

"Suigetsu." He greeted coolly.

"Sas-u-ke" Suigetsu returned, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. "It must be fate, us meeting here like this. Or maybe you're just stalking me."

Sasuke snorted as Suigetsu grinned, exposing his pointed teeth in a leer. Sasuke ignored it and silence fell between them for a blissful moments. Then, of course, Suigetsu opened his mouth again.

"So, how's the boyfriend?"

Sasuke – who had been in the midst of taking a rather large gulp of water – choked and turned to stare at Suigetsu indignantly, water bottle slightly askew in his hand.

"What?" He demanded, his chagrin being replaced by a comfortable rage. Suigetsu grinned at him again.

"I was only joking, Sasuke." Suigetsu stretched in the plushy chair. "But judging from your reaction, I take it you are seeing someone?"

Sasuke didn't dignify this with a verbal response. Instead, he fixed Suigetsu with his most threatening glare, which didn't seem to faze the white-haired smut author one bit.

"It only makes sense," Suigetsu continued cheerily. "I knew all those times of you rejecting me couldn't be because you weren't interested. I mean, who couldn't be interested in me? I'm stunning. But I never thought the you'd be playing my side of the field. Does this mean I have a shot?"

Sasuke opened his mouth to say something scathing when the office door opened and a very pretty secretary stuck her head out. "Mr. Uchiha, he will see you now."

About time.

Sasuke got up and walked through the office door without even looking at Suigetsu. He heard Suigetsu snorting in laughter as he shut the door behind him.

"Sasuke!" A man in his late fifties with a mane of wild white hair wrung his hand enthusiastically. "I swear, every time I see you I am just astounded that you are male. God must have been confused on the day he created you, because you are prettier than any girl I've ever seen."

"Jiraiya." Sasuke wanted to groan. He had forgotten in his attempt to escape one pervert that he was walking into the office of another. "I trust you've been well?" He added tonelessly, not wanting to appear ruder than he usually was.

"Fantastic." Jiraiya said as he led Sasuke into his inner-office and shut the door behind them. "And yourself? How is Naruto?"

For the second time in less than ten minutes, Sasuke was caught off guard. Now that was just annoying. "Excuse me?"

"Naruto!" Jiraiya said as he fell into his desk chair. Sasuke sat in one of the two chairs opposite him and blinked at him, his expression blank. "I haven't checked on the little squirt in ages, but Tsunade tells me he's been spending a lot of time with you nowadays."

Just how many people in Konoha did Naruto know, anyways? Sasuke vaguely recalled the painting he had seen on the day he had met Naruto. Now that he thought about it, both Jiraiya and Tsunade had been featured. He pushed the realization from his mind quickly, preferring to be annoyed.

"He's fine." Sasuke informed him curtly.

"I figured." Jiraiya said, smiling as he tapped at a few keys on his computer. "The squirt always was good at keeping himself busy."

"Hn." Sasuke responded. All of this talk of Naruto was doing nothing to help his mood. He wondered idly what Naruto was doing. Was he at the beach? At a club? Participating in one of those ridiculous contests that involved licking whipped cream off a scantily clad female?

The thought made Sasuke feel nauseous.

"Now, down to business." Sasuke almost breathed a sigh of relief. Jiraiya had always been an old pervert, but he took his job very seriously. He had become a publisher some twenty years ago, before that he had been an author himself. Sasuke had bought one of his books once, being mildly curious about his employer. It had almost made him blush. "The rewrite looks good. There just need to be a few minor cuts from chapter two and chapter sixteen..."

Sasuke settled into his chair, getting comfortable. This was going to take a while.

Three hours later, Sasuke unlocked the door to his apartment a little desperately. Jiraiya had gone into great detail about Sasuke's novel, sharing his own personal thoughts about how the heroine should be more robust. Which just meant Jiraiya thought Sasuke should up her cup size. When he had exited Jiraiya's office, Suigetsu was still there, waiting, and had pinched Sasuke's but as he walked by. Then Sasuke had found himself shanghaied in the lobby by Karin, who was on her way to talk to her agent or something.

Sasuke sighed as he flicked on the living room light. Today, he felt like his job was more trouble than it was worth. He hadn't expected to see Suigetsu or Karin until he was forced to go on another one of those ridiculous book tours. He never felt quite at ease around either of them. Suigetsu was a snake in the grass, that much Sasuke knew, but Karin was more subtle than that, like a hawk stalking it prey. He was seriously considering switching publishing houses.

Sasuke poured a coffee into his bright orange mug (Naruto had picked it out) and headed to his bedroom to begin yet another rewrite. He had taken to writing in there when Naruto was gone. Usually he wrote in the living room, Naruto keeping him company, but it felt empty to him now, without Naruto.

Sasuke opened his bedroom door and turned on the light. He blinked for a few seconds, his eyes adjusting, then for the third time that day, he felt like an anvil had been dropped on his head.

There, cuddled deeply into his comforter, was Naruto. He was on his side, facing Sasuke, fast asleep. His mouth was slightly open and his hair was all over the place as he drew deep, steady breaths. Sasuke stared at him for a few seconds, unable to believe his eyes.

"He said he wanted to come home." Sasuke tensed immediately and looked around. He had been so taken in at the sight of Naruto, that he hadn't realized someone was occupying his computer chair. "Wouldn't take no for an answer."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at Gaara. "How did you get in here?"

Gaara motioned to Naruto. "He gave me the key."

Sasuke lifted an eyebrow. "You drove all the way here?"

Gaara nodded slightly. "It took ten hours. We had just gotten there and went out to the nearest bar. Naruto threw back a few too many, got really upset and said he wanted to come back. He wouldn't listen to reason, said he had to see you. I had to wrestle him for the keys to the rental car."

For a few brief moments, Sasuke allowed his heart to soften. Naruto had come all the way back, ditching his friends, to be with Sasuke? As much as Sasuke wanted to let himself melt into the thought, he couldn't under Gaara's irritated gaze.

"Take care of him." Gaara instructed, getting up and walking toward the door. Sasuke put his arm out, blocking the doorway.

"What exactly is your relationship with Naruto?" He wasn't so much asking, as demanding. It irked him that Gaara was the one who drove Naruto back, and had been sitting in his apartment, unsupervised, with the blonde.

Gaara stared at Sasuke's arms for a few seconds, before turning his cold gaze to look Sasuke in the eye. "I don't really see how that is any of your business."

Sasuke's hand tightened on the door frame and he gritted his teeth. He hated the fact that he had stooped so low as asking, revealing his emotions and intentions to the red-head, but that response was enough to make him want to throw Gaara across the room. He worked to contain his rage.

"Answer the question." His tone sounded calm, at least, even if he wasn't.

Gaara stared at him for a few more seconds before answering. "We're friends. That's it." His flat voice was an echo of Sasuke's usual tonelessness. "Now move your arm."

Sasuke, not entirely reassured, lowered his arm. Gaara took a step forward, but stopped. "Remember what I said, Uchiha. If you hurt him, in any way, I will kill you." With that, Gaara walked out the door. Sasuke heard the front door of his apartment open and shut as he stood there seething.

He hated the fact that the mere thought of a rival for Naruto's affections made him so irrational. He hated that he didn't know how he felt about Naruto, nor how Naruto felt about him. He hated that Naruto cared so much about Gaara, a vice versa. He hated that there was a side of Naruto that he would never know, that Gaara did. That he hadn't known Naruto all his life, that Naruto's past was a mystery to him. That Gaara was like the representation of some black hole, attempting to pull Naruto away from him.

He hated that he couldn't cope when Naruto wasn't around, couldn't focus. He hated his stupid anxiety problems, his paranoia. He hated his family for being the cause of that paranoia. He hated the fact that he felt he was holding Naruto back, pulling the blonde down to his level and trapping him there. He hated so much he could barely contain all the contempt as he stood there, shaking with his fists clenched.

"Sasuke?" Sasuke inhaled sharply at the sound of Naruto saying his name. The blonde's voice was thick with sleep, dreamy. Sasuke took a few breaths and composed himself, before turning around to face Naruto, who was blinking up at him with a confused look on his face. His big blue eyes were so full of emotion that Sasuke almost choked as he stared into them. Beyond the confusion and sleepiness, Naruto looked content, happy, at peace and completely trusting.

"Sasuke." Naruto said again, more conviction in his voice now. A slight smile pulled at the blonde's lips. Sasuke watched, lost for words, as Naruto held his arms out. It took a few seconds to register in Sasuke's brain that Naruto wanted him to go over there. Sasuke hesitated, for the briefest of moments. He wasn't sure how much more of himself he could put into Naruto without losing his mind completely.

But the moment passed, and Sasuke crossed the room gracefully, sinking down on the bed next to Naruto. The blonde wrapped his arms around Sasuke and huddled close to him, his eyes falling closed again. "Sasuke."

Naruto's voice was so content, so filled with warmth, that it pulled Sasuke in and devoured him completely. As Sasuke stared at the blonde with half-lidded eyes, it became so obvious.

He was in love with Naruto.

Though what being in love meant, he still had no idea.

Naruto was so focused that he didn't even notice his bedroom door open. Just a few more strokes, at exactly the right angle, and his painting would be complete. He hadn't painted much in the month since school had let out, so getting back to his hobby was comforting.

"Naruto?" Naruto jumped, even though the voice calling his name was gentle. He looked behind him and saw Hinata standing in his doorway, looking timid as ever. A grin spread across his face.

"Hey, Hinata! How are you?" He asked cheerfully, setting his brush down and walking over to hug her. She returned the hug rather weakly.

"Fine." She said, her voice squeaky.

"Did Sasuke let you in? I didn't hear you knock." Her eyes widened as she nodded. He smiled again. At first, he was had been put out by how timid she was, now he just found it endearing. He ruffled her hair slightly and stepped back from her.

"Oy, Sasuke!" He yelled, maneuvering himself around Hinata and out into the living room. Sasuke looked up from the book he was reading and quirked an eyebrow. "Let's order Chinese food! It's not often we have a lady in the house, we have to leave a good impression, otherwise Neji might show up to kick my ass."

"Then why don't you cook something?" Sasuke asked, sounding annoyed.

"Cause you never go grocery shopping, that's why." Naruto punctuated this statement by sticking out his tongue. Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Besides, Hinata loves Chinese food, it's her favorite. Right, Hinata?"

Hinata, who was still lingering in the open door frame of his bedroom, eventually nodded. Naruto turned around, fully intending to pester Sasuke into paying for the food, when someone knocked on the door.

Sasuke got up and went to answer it. Naruto plopped down on the couch and motioned for Hinata to do the same. It took a few seconds, but eventually she walked over and sat down next to him.

"It's for you." Sasuke informed him, as he resumed his position on the love seat. "Ino."

"The ladies just love me. Jealous, Sasuke?" Naruto teased as he walked to the door.

"You wish." Sasuke shot back, not looking up from his book.

Naruto grinned as he pushed the front door open the rest of the way, revealing a very annoyed Ino. "Are you going to invite me in, or just make me stand in the hallway?"

"Nice to see you too, Ino." Naruto said, stepping aside. She flicked her blonde ponytail over her shoulder as she walked passed him.

Naruto grabbed a Chinese menu from one of the kitchen drawers and picked up the phone. Ino had joined Hinata on the couch. Naruto dumped the phone and menu in Sasuke's lap, before he sat back down on the couch. Sasuke glared at him.

"So, to what do I owe the pleasure, ladies?" Naruto said, as Sasuke put his book aside and went into the other room. Naruto grinned as he heard distinct sound of a phone number being dialed.

"Well," Ino started, "I was going to tell you, but it looks like Hinata beat me to the punch." Hinata blushed as she stared down at her hands. "Chouji's band is playing next Tuesday. Everyone is going to be there. I was wondering if you wanted to come. Everyone will be heading back to my place afterward, to hang out. You've been kind of M.I.A. lately, so I promised the gang I'd make you come. You can bring Sasuke, if you want."

"Bring me where?" Sasuke asked, as he walked back into the room.

"Ino's having a party!" Naruto told him happily. "And we're going."

Sasuke paused in the midst of hanging up the phone. "We are, are we?"

"Yes." Naruto said, with all the finality he could muster. "It'll be fun. You'll get to see Chouji's band for the first time."

Sasuke glared at him for what seemed like forever, before he shrugged. "Fine." He conceded. Naruto beamed at him.

Two hours, and many helpings of Lo Mein later, the girls left. Naruto was lounging on the couch, too full to do anything else, and Sasuke had returned to his book.

Occasionally, Naruto would catch his attention drifting away from the television to Sasuke. The look on Sasuke's face was so intent, every line etched in concentrating on the novel, that Naruto couldn't help but admire it.

Then again, he spent most of his time admiring Sasuke.

Ever since he'd come home early from his trip – much to Kiba's dismay – things had been different between him and Sasuke. Not bad, just...different.

Sasuke's usual abrasive attitude had taken on a more teasing nature, his sarcastic comments were accompanied by a pleasant smirk, rather than an annoyed one, and his tolerance for outings had elevated slightly.

Naruto didn't know what to make of it.

The wall that Sasuke had always placed between himself and everyone else, including Naruto, seemed to be falling away. He even laughed more often.

Sasuke seemed happy, and that filled Naruto with so much glee that he rarely separated himself from Sasuke at all anymore. He'd moved the last of his stuff out of Shikamaru's after he'd gotten back from his trip. He'd expected Sasuke to object to taking him on full time, but the raven hadn't said a word about it.

Naruto felt better than he had in years, being this close to Sasuke. But some part of him was unsatisfied, unfulfilled. Even though he and Sasuke were together so much that they were practically the same person, even though he'd started sleeping next to Sasuke at night, leaving his own room neglected, even though had bought the toothpaste Naruto liked just because Naruto liked it...

He wanted to kiss Sasuke again.

It was getting to the point where he could barely contain himself. Every time his arm brushed Sasuke, he wanted to pin the raven to the nearest surface and ravage him. Kiss him, lick him, touch him. Be one with Sasuke in the truest sense of the word.

Naruto was getting more frustrated by the day. Not only because of what he was feeling, but of how new the feeling was.

Naruto had dated once or twice before. A few short-lived relationships decorated his youth, just like anyones, but he'd never once wanted to be with anyone the way he wanted to be with Sasuke.

It was taking every ounce of his self-control not to push the raven out of his comfort zone. Naruto almost snorted as he thought this, as he, himself was so far out of his comfort zone he didn't know what he was feeling anymore.

Naruto knew something inside of him had snapped when he had gone on that tripped. Something deep, and needy, and important. He had been having fun, messing around with Kiba, annoying Neji, forcing Shikamaru to go out with them...but the more fun he had had, the more he thought about Sasuke. Sasuke not being there, Sasuke being thousands of miles away from him, unattainable...

Sasuke snapped his book closed, causing Naruto to jump. Naruto watched him lay it aside and get up, heading toward the bedroom. Naruto looked at the clock. It was nearly one in the morning.

"Coming?" Sasuke was had his had on the bedroom door knob, and was looking at him expectantly. The velvety octaves of Sasuke's voice washed over Naruto like an aphrodisiac, and the blonde found himself wishing Sasuke had meant that in an entirely different way.

He nodded and followed Sasuke into the bedroom, nonetheless.

"So what did you think?" Ino slurred loudly at Naruto. She was on her fifth drink, and seemed to be fairly tipsy.

"They were way better than last time I saw them play!" Naruto slurred back, he was on his eighth drink. Sasuke was only on his second, and probably wouldn't drink anymore than that. Drinking didn't ever help his anxiety.

He cast his eyes around Ino's rather spacious apartment. Rock music was thumping loudly from a pair of large speakers in the corner of the living room. The apartment was cluttered with red cups, empty liquor bottles, people's coats. There were at least fifty people there, maybe more, and Sasuke was feeling extremely out of place in the crowd.

The beginning of the evening had been fine. They'd gone to some run down bar and watched Naruto's friend Chouji drum for two hours. The band had actually been pretty good, even if the music was a bit too heavy for Sasuke's taste. The bar had been just as crowded, but something about being in an apartment filled with people, rather than a public place, made Sasuke feel like he was suffocating.

He wanted more than anything to go home, away from everyone. It was getting to the point where he was seriously considering leaving Naruto there and just disappearing. His medication was in his back pocket, like a safety net waiting to catch him, but he didn't want to be caught. He just wanted to be alone.

Their little sub-party was interrupted by Gaara, who'd drifted over and was now whispering in Naruto's ear. Something he said made Naruto laugh loudly. Sasuke clenched his jaw to keep himself from doing something he shouldn't.

Naruto's laughter cut through him like a knife. Sasuke didn't like the fact that he found Gaara so amusing, or the animated look that was in his blue eyes as he spoke to the red-head. He didn't like the fact that Naruto seemed oblivious to his presence. Naruto knew places like this had a bad effect on Sasuke, but there the blonde was, chatting away, completely unconcerned.

Sasuke bit the inside of his cheek. He needed to get away from this.

He wove his way through the crowd of people, some dancing, some yelling loudly to one another – one girl was throwing up in the corner – until he found the bathroom. Relieved there wasn't a line, he slipped inside and locked the door behind him.

Ino's bathroom was very blue, he noted. Powder blue wallpaper, blue and white tile, blue shower curtain. He wondered idly if it was her favorite color as he turned on the sink and splashed water on his face. He sneered slightly at his reflection, annoyed by it.

His dark hair was askew, as it usually was, and there were bags under his dark eyes. His reflection looked as tired and unhappy as felt.

Sasuke grimaced. His unhappiness annoyed him. Things had been going so well since Naruto had come home. They were closer than ever, even sleeping in the same bed. So why was he so unhappy?

His grimace turned into a scowl.

His realization of his feelings for Naruto had effected him strangely. It was so obvious to him now, that he had felt sure that it would be obvious to Naruto too, that the blonde would understand immediately. But Naruto seemed completely unaware of Sasuke's feelings. Even worse, it was almost like Naruto's own feeling as disappeared.

Naruto hadn't done or said anything even vaguely romantic for the last month. If it weren't for the fact that Naruto slept cuddled next to him every night, he'd think he had imagined that look in Naruto's eye the night he'd come back.

And what about their kiss?

Hadn't that meant something to Naruto? Sasuke could still remember the way Naruto's mouth moved with his, the way his body felt, heavy and warm and right...

Had it meant nothing to the blonde? Had he done it on a whim? Had him saying he didn't know if he was in love with Sasuke been an admission of lack of feeling? Rejection?

The thought made bile rise in Sasuke's throat. He fought it back.

Since when was he so weak? Uchiha's were never weak. Mentally unstable, borderline certifiable, sure, but never weak. Why was he behaving like a princess waiting for her prince to swoop in and declare his love?

Sasuke gritted his teeth. He wasn't a damsel in distress, he wasn't waiting around for Naruto to save him, to do something, anything. Not anymore.

It was all or nothing, because Sasuke couldn't stand one more second stuck in this torturous limbo of emotion.

The fear of rejection that had tucked itself away in the back of his mind tried to take over his thoughts, but his conviction didn't waver. This silence between him and Naruto was like rejection already.

Adrenaline filled Sasuke's veins as he pushed his way through the crowd. Naruto wasn't chatting with Gaara and Ino in the corner anymore. Sasuke shoved people aside as he looked for him. After what seemed like an eternity, he spotted him.

And the scene in front of him made his blood boil.

Naruto was sitting in one of Ino's squashy tan armchairs, that had been shoved against the walls so they wouldn't be in the way. His drink was held loosely in his hand and his shirt was somehow off, revealing his well sculpted chest to the room.

And in his lap was a pale, black haired boy that Sasuke didn't recognize. The boy's arms were wound tightly around Naruto's neck as he whispered in the blonde's ear. White-hot anger seared through Sasuke's body, like a fire eating him from the inside out, and his vision pulsed red. He pushed a few more people out of his way with unnecessary roughness and approached them shaking.

Naruto's blue eyes widened at the sight of Sasuke and the grin slid off his face. The boy looked at Sasuke curiously and then a grin spread across his face.

"Sasuke!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Well, well," The boy's voice was thick and filled with false sweetness, like poisoned honey. "Who's this, Nar-u-to-kun?"

Naruto's mouth was open slightly and he seemed to be fumbling for words. "Sasuke...this isn't..."

Sasuke ignored him and addressed the black haired intruder. "Move. Now." His voice had gone passed demanding, to threatening. The intruder smiled at him sweetly.

"Now why would I do that when I'm comfortable right here?" He blinked his tilted eyes up at Sasuke sweetly. Before he realized it, Sasuke had lunged forward. He jerked the black haired boy up by the wrist, causing boy's eyes to widen in surprise as Sasuke pushed him to the floor.

"Touchy." The boy muttered, but Sasuke's eyes were on Naruto, who was still staring up at him with a lost look on his face.

"Sasuke..."

Sasuke grabbed Naruto's forearm and yanked him up. "Ouch, dammit Sasuke, that hurts!" Naruto complained as Sasuke drug him through the mass of bodies and out the door. Sasuke's vision was still pulsing, adrenaline and rage had consumed him so completely that he didn't even care his grip was far too tight and probably hurting Naruto as he steered them down two flights of stairs and out of the building.

The air outside was thick, humid. Storm clouds rumbled over head as Sasuke drug Naruto further away from Ino's apartment building, in the direction of their place.

"Dammit, Sasuke, let go of me!" Naruto jerked his arm out of Sasuke's grip. Sasuke rounded on him. "Who was that?" He snarled.

Naruto stopped rubbing his arm and held up his hands, as if to ward off a blow. "Chill out, Sasuke. It was just Sai."

"Sai?" Sasuke sneered. "Sai? Just Sai?" He took a few steps forward, causing Naruto to step backward, his retreat was halted by the fact that his back had met a brick wall. Sasuke planted his arms on either side of Naruto. "And what was 'just Sai' doing all over you?"

"Nothing! We were just talking!" Naruto met his eyes timidly. "We hadn't seen each other in a while, that's all."

"Then why is your shirt off?" Sasuke demanded, his eyes boring into Naruto's. "Why were his arms around you?"

Sasuke had never been this out of control before, this angry. Not even when Gaara had confronted him. This anger, this wild abandon, was so carnal, so intense that it had taken total control of him. There was just his rage and his need to express that rage in controlling Naruto as the rage was controlling him.

"I took my shirt off because it was hot in there." Naruto said, his voice becoming more even, more steady. "And Sai's always been clingy, he does that to everyone."

Sasuke leaned forward, bringing face only an inch away from Naruto's. Naruto's eyes widened and his breath hitched slightly. "You are mine." Sasuke breathed, hardly aware of what he was saying anymore. "Mine. No one else's. Not Gaara's, not this Sai's, mine!"

Naruto was staring at him in sheer amazement. His blue eyes had lost their tenseness, their confusion, and had grown warm, almost glowing in the contrast of the streetlights. Sasuke watched Naruto lift his arms slowly and felt them go around his neck.

"Fine." Naruto whispered, licking his lips. "I'm yours." Something inside of Sasuke became content at hearing this, calmer. His anger began to ebb away as he took one last step forward, closing the little distance between himself and Naruto, pressing their torsos together.

"Mine." Sasuke whispered, with a new heat in his voice.

"Yours." Naruto agreed.

Sasuke leaned forward and kissed him so fiercely it hurt his mouth.