Chapter 6

I know, I know, it's been too long. But I've either been busy with school (hours of homework) taking a break from that (meaning talking with my best friend) or just too tired to write. Like right now, as I'm writing this. I think I'm having more trouble with mono again and I seriously don't want to relapse but I've been so tired from like, 7 pm on. Almost every single night. So I seriously either didn't have time, had writers block, or slept.

I decided! I'm going to finish this story before continuing Because she was differentand Wanting you. Why? Because 3 (running) stories is too much. I never meant to get this far behind with updates. I planned to write this all first before uploading but I was too excited with this story.

Also for BSWD I never meant to update before I at least got the next chapter ready but I've been so busy with school that I didn't have time. Plus, I think fellow writers may know how frustrating a writer's block is. Either you know where your character is headed but can't write a single line, or you don't know where your character is headed and you write crap… sucks

See? I'm tired and I should stop talking.

As I'm writing my story, Update: I didn't mean to make it this heavy and emotional, but I'm warning you now. It's pretty damn heavy and bcs it's so personal, I decided not to stop writing and just go with it. I'm on the verge of crying but I'll just go on writing.

After Kate fell asleep, Ryan went home to get some sleep for himself. He hoped his mind would be settled by talking to her so he wouldn't have those bad nightmares. But in the end, all he could do was hope for the best. He settled into bed next to his wife. Jenny shifted when feeling her husband close to her. "She's going to be okay," Ryan sighed more to himself than to his wife.

"Kev, she's going to be just fine. Don't worry. Kate is an amazingly strong woman. She'll get through this Kev. She will." Jenny might have been half asleep while saying that, but she was very aware of what she was saying. Her words held nothing but the truth, he hoped.

Right before he fell asleep, he realized he hadn't told Kate the reason why Castle wasn't there when she woke up… He know Espo would have probably called to inform Castle that she was awake, but he also knew Castle wouldn't go to her. Not yet.

When Rick got the call he'd been waiting for ever since he walked out of that hospital, he was relieved. Happy even, but conflicted. He had no idea what he should do. He had no idea if she wanted to see him or not. But he wanted to see her so badly.

Did she blame herself for what happened? He knows he does. He broke his promise of 'Always' and he wasn't there when she needed him most. But then again, he would have done what Ryan did. He wouldn't have let her go to that hotel with just Espo as backup. If he had been there, she wouldn't have dangled from a building and crushed her every bone. She would be walking around right now, maybe even with him… Hand in hand because she loves him too.

The thought of it being said in the heat of the moment did pop up into his mind but he knew she has meant it. He knew because he said it while she had a bullet lodged in her hear, and he meant every single word.

He shook his head. What had happened now was bad enough. He didn't want to think back of other horrible things that have happened because of this one god damn case.

He took a deep breath in. He needed to figure out what he was going to do. And somehow, thoughts like these always came to him as he laid awake in his bed, waiting for sleep to hit him. It hadn't yet and he hated it. Maybe tomorrow he would figure it out? Maybe…

Lanie and Javier has gone back to work, to keep their mind off of things and it had worked. For a while. Then all there was to do was paperwork and they hated it both. Although it was less for Lanie.

They met up in the precinct lobby and went to her place together. After the first night they spend holding and comforting each other in bed, in a long time, they got back together. They realized that what they were doing was just as ridiculous as Kate and Rick were. They obviously loved each other, but neither of them wanted to admit, until now. Javier drove them to her place and they grabbed takeout pizza on the way there. They both weren't really in the mood for talking but as the movie they were watching came to an end, Lanie spoke up.

"I'm so glad she's awake… I knew she was alive but seeing her awake makes it easier to believe. You know?"

Javi just hummed in response, holding her close and kissing the top of her head. He knew what she felt like.

Lanie spoke again. "We've both been spending so much time at work, and the last time we really talked, it was about Castle. And I missed my best friend so much. I can't imagine what I would have done if I had lost her… I just love her too much for that to happen."

Javier didn't really know how to respond to that. He got what it was like, losing a best friend was damn hard. Hell, losing anyone is hard! And sometimes it's nature, but when it's like Kate could have died… way too soon, in a way too cruel way.

He didn't know what to say and just waited for her to continue.

"We were close before, but we only grew closer once Castle came along and loosened her up a bit. It was nice, but I can't imagine not having her around anymore. Missing her when knowing you'll see her again is one thing, but having to lose her forever? I don't think I'll manage if that happens. Not now anyway. When we're old and grey maybe. But not now. We might not be kids, but hell, we're too young to die. And having death lurking just makes me realize even more that we need to be grateful for what we have every waking moment. But sometimes we're not and fights can come from that, which means wasted time with a loved one." She sighed, "It's weird that it took us this, all of this, to realize that life is short. Like her getting shot wasn't enough." The tears that had welled up in her eyes started to flow. Her voice cracked. "I love her so much and I can't lose her. Neither will I ever manage if I lose you. I love you Javi."

Javier couldn't say he wasn't surprised, but all of this got to him so bad, and got him, him, emotional. A tear slipped but he didn't care for his own as his thumbs came up to wipe hers away.

"I love you more Lanie." He gave her a small smile and a kiss on the forehead.

"That's impossible." Lanie smiled back and lifted her head for a kiss on his lips. She needed it, and he did too. Not that he'd admit it. But he gave in as the minutes passed and held her like their very first night together.

Kate hated being in this condition. But what she hated most was having to wake up every few hours. When she was in a coma it hadn't been necessary because it was controlled, but now? Every freaking 2 hours. She hated it and was grumpy. The only good thing was that the meds took her to sleep soon after the nurse or doc left the room.

The drugs didn't help with her nightmares though. They only made her stay in them, and not wake up. The past few nightmares had been about falling, and never stopping until she woke up, then it was like she smacked against that dumpster and then to the ground. It was just a split second but it was enough to make her relive the pain.

But this time… it was different. It was around 6 am so next time that she would be woken up, she would get breakfast. She had just fallen back asleep and soon, she had the nightmare again, but this time she fell and actually died. The dumpster wasn't there and the impact on her back and head had killed her instantly. The nightmare didn't stop there though. She dreamed that she opened her eyes and stood next to her body. The pain everywhere in her… body. It wasn't really a body because there wasn't any flesh. She was… a ghost. A spirit. She looked at her body. Her head was lulled back to the left, her arm next to it, like you would imagine in your head, or like you would see in the movies. Only, her other arm was bent underneath her body, obviously broken. Her legs? One was turned in a way that made her feel sick just watching, and the other one had an open bone fracture. Well, not like that mattered anymore now. She was dead anyways. The most terrifying thing was her body's face. Her eyes were open, mouth slightly open, hair colored red from blood running from her head. She looked away, and as she did, she heard voices. They were faint callings for her name. Castle? No, Ryan. Ryan came running towards her and her body and as he turned around the corner, he came to a stop. Her eyes stared back at him. Empty but somehow still frightened eyes. Ryan fell to his knees and put his elbows and hands on the ground. He led his head hang and screamed. Kate, spirit Kate, saw it all and it broke her… heart? For lack of better words, she'd call it heart.

Ryan turned around suddenly and threw up all his stomach contents. Javi and Gates soon came behind Ryan. Gates turned away in shock and told the men who were following her to step back. It was a crime scene now.

Javi couldn't deal with it and punched the wall. He didn't stop until Ryan put a hand on his shoulder as they both collapsed, crying. They lost their friend. More than that. Their sister.

Spirit Kate just stood there. Crying for herself. Her two partners were so broken. And oh god, Castle and Lanie didn't know yet. As she thought that, the scenario changed. She was in Rick's loft all of the sudden. He was about to turn his phone off when he was called by Gates.

He picked up the phone and although Kate couldn't hear what Gates was saying, she knew. And she could see. Rick stood there, listening with anger written over his face, then it changed to widened eyes, pale and a black stare which contained tears that didn't escape his eyes. Yet. Castle hung up the phone after a moment and just dropped in into the couch. He just stood there. Staring into nothing but right at her at the same time.

He swallowed, once, twice but it didn't work, and soon he was crying and screaming as he threw a pillow across the room.

Once he was done crying, he stood up with a blank stare and grabbed a bottle of scotch. When Kate saw this, already crying for her own because she couldn't do anything, she tried everything she could to stop him. She tried to pull him back, to smash the bottle, so talk to him but nothing worked as he drank. And then, as Kate stood there, head in her hands, the scenario changed again. Just as she thought it couldn't get any worse, she had to go through Lanie's reaction.

Esposito had come to her apartment and as he stepped inside, and told her Kate had died, she watched as Lanie went mad. She was yelling out questions as tears flew over her cheeks and when Javier didn't answer her, she started hitting his chest. He stopped her by taking her wrists and holding Lanie as her knees became too weak to stand on.

Seeing Kevin and Javier had been bad and awful but seeing Rick, the mad she loved break, and then, on top of that, her best friend? It was too much for her.

The scenario changed, and Lanie was sitting on the couch, wrapped in a blanket and crying as Javier was running a bath for Lanie to relax, Kate went to sit next to her friend. She wanted to hug her, hold her, tell her it was okay. She tried. It didn't work though. Lanie didn't feel a thing and just kept staring and crying. Kate tried to push a piece of hair back from Lanie, and as she did, Lanie shook her head, leaning away from Kate. Had she felt it? She had! Kate leaned in closer, tried to grab Lanie's hands and leaned closer to her ear.

"Hi Lane. I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm doing okay other than the fact that I'm seeing you guys suffer. I love you so much Lane. I'll be around. Always and beyond." And then she tried stroking Lanie's hair again. She pulled back and saw Lanie's expression. She had heard her. Lanie looked around, and eventually, looked right into Kate's ghost eyes without knowing.

"Javi?" Kate heard Lanie call as she felt herself being pulled away from her best friend. The scenario changed again. This time it was all white around her. And when she asked herself why white and not blue, it changed to blue.

Then, when she looked around, she saw someone standing far away. She narrowed her eyes to get a clearer view but before she knew it, she was looking straight into her mother's eyes.

"Hi Katie." She smiled weakly.

"Mom?"

"Be grateful you didn't die Katie. Your friends can't handle it. You mean too much to them. I wish I could see you soon again, but it's way too soon. I love you Katie. Don't forget that okay? I'll always be around. Now wake up from this horrible nightmare, and be your amazing self. I'm proud of you sweetheart." And before Kate could say anything, she woke up with a shock.

It's not as long as I would have liked to make it, but if that wasn't emotional, idk. For me it sure was. I have a headache from holding back the tears.

To.. you know if you read it, I love you and I'll talk to you very soon. Don't read too much into the references I put in this chapter. I'll explain everything soon.