And I'm back! Thank you for the reviews/follows/favorites once again you show me how amazing you are. Now I know it's been a bit angsty because they aren't together but it's all part of the plan I promise you. I've also been a bit down so my writing tends to follow my mood. I shall reply to your reviews later on in the week if I haven't aready, I should be reading instead of doing this but oh well. Two books by Thursday on top of other homework, a paper, and other readings? Piece of cake right…right?! On with it! Enjoy!
Also multiple POV's this chapter folks! And I'm sorry for the typos, its 2:30 here and I have to be up in 6 hours so I just wrote this up and posted it. If anything is unclear I can answer it later
I don't own skins/ buffy but if I did I certainly wouldn't kill off our favorite characters (what?! I'm not still bitter…)
Chapter 25
Emily POV pt.2
I follow Cook and Naomi to the club that they are now at, wiping the rest of the tears off on the way. I decide during the walk over that I'm going to make Naomi look at me, really look at me, not with her guarded eyes but with the eyes that I know that are full of love and passion, not these cold piercing blue ones in their place. I walk past the line of people waiting for entrance and wave at Thomas.
"Emily, hello. How are you this evening?" Thomas asks politely and I smile a bit at him, at the love in his voice.
"I've been better Thomo." He nods.
"Yes, Naomi. She and Cook just went inside. They are probably at the bare by now."
"Thanks, Thomas." I pass by him but don't get far, stopping because he calls my name.
"Emily! When someone you love lets you down, really fucks you over, sometimes I think you must try to stop loving them." I look him back at Thomas.
"Is that possible?" I ask him, pleading with my eyes. He smiles and looks at the ground briefly and slightly shaking his head before looking back at me.
"No, I don't think so." I nod at him and walk into the club, immediately brought out of my thoughts by the loud and insistent music. I walk over to the bar and order a drink, thinking that I might be here a while until I find Naomi again. By the time I see her I've had quite a few drinks and had was without a doubt a bit drunk. It took longer than I thought to spot her but when I did, I was speechless, mouth almost hitting the floor. I could see her on the dance floor, with her arm wrapped around some short brown haired girl, both of them much to close for my liking. I watch them for a while, seeing Naomi eventually push the girl away and start dancing alone. Another comes up to her and they quickly get closer, but she once again pushes the girl away eventually. I see this happen a few more times, all the while debating going out there myself, drinking even more as the night progresses. Finally deciding to just go and there and take her in my arms, the alcohol giving me enough courage to finally move from my spot. I make my way to the dance floor, slipping past people and pushing others out of the way until Naomi is in arms reach. I had timed it just right because now she wasn't dancing with anyone, simply swaying in the sexiest way possible. I can't keep my hands to myself anymore and I reach out and wrap my arms around her waist, basking in the warmth of her skin. Naomi leans into my front and grabs my hands, pulling me in closer.
We dance like this for a while, enjoying the feeling of the other. Just being able to touch her after all of this time apart is setting me on fire, the need building in the pit of my stomach. My hands start to roam all over her and I lean in to kiss her neck, which she lets happen. I feel her take a deep breath in rather than actually hear it over the music. Without any warning, Naomi turns around in my arms and looks at me. For the first time in a while I can see something in her eyes besides cold indifference. It's not love but it's the closest I've gotten to seeing that again, what I see in her eyes is pure lust. I see her eyes widen when she realizes that it was me she was dancing with the entire time and I see her take a deep breath before she grabs my hand and pulls me through the crowd and out the door. She pulls me along until we reach the alleyway behind the club, a single lamp post sending dim light through the darkness.
"Naomi what-" I try to ask but am quickly interrupted by Naomi pushing me against the wall, her hands on both sides of my hips. She quickly presses her lips against mine and I feel dizzy being able to touch her again. The feeling of her lips against mine is enough to ignite the need that's always there when I'm around her. She moans into my mouth and I grab behind her head and pull her even closer. Our kissing becomes urgent, both of our breathing intensifying, the need growing. Naomi pushes closer to me and I moan feeling her against me again. I never thought I'd be able to do this again, so it's hard to believe that it's happening.
We break apart briefly and Naomi quickly attacks my neck, biting and sucking hard, there will definitely be marks there in the morning. She pulls on my hair, almost hurting me, turning my head to the side even more. Biting everything that she can touch. She's angry and I can tell.
"Naomi…" She puts a hand up to my mouth and stops me from talking. Her hand reaches underneath my shirt and she quickly makes her way to my breast. I moan when her fingers grab my nipple between her fingers.
"Fuck… I need you." Naomi pulls away from my neck and attacks my lips once more, never losing hold on my breast. Her other hand makes its way to the front of my jeans, teasing me by running it above the button. She doesn't wait long though and pushes her hand down, touching my wet folds. We both moan into each other's mouths, unable to keep it in.
Naomi wastes no time and slips two fingers inside of me. I jerk up in response, not expecting it so soon. She quickly starts a rhythm, fast and hard. My back rubbing, against the brick wall, no doubt getting scratched in the process. I reach around Naomi and dig into her back, probably drawing blood. I moan again louder and Naomi pulls away from my lips, needing air. Naomi doesn't stop her actions, pushing inside of me fast, frantic, and hard. I feel myself getting closer as Naomi uses her thumb to rub my clit.
"Fuck! I'm gonna…"
Naomi curls her fingers inside of me and bites my neck hard one more time and it pushes me over the edge.
"Naomi!" I scream, coming with her fingers inside of me and her name on my tongue. Naomi pulls away and wipes her hand on her jeans, she moves as far away from me as possible in the alleyway, looking down at the floor. I know as soon it sinks in that this was different than any other time previous. All of the times we've slept together we've made love… this time we fucked. I never knew the difference when people would talk about it, but I certainly do now. Even knowing this, I wouldn't take it back for the world, but I could take that Naomi would.
"Naomi…" She puts her hand up to stop me, finally making eye contact with me, her cold gaze back in place.
"I'm sorry; this won't happen again, I can promise you that."
"What if I want it to?" I ask her softly.
"A quick shag against the wall in an alleyway? We both know that isn't you anymore."
"It's not you anymore either." She tenses at this and I think for a moment that she's going to open up to me again. I can see the struggle on her face, the desire and pain evident on her features, right before she shuts down again.
"Shit happens, people change."
"Not that much, not this quickly."
"Emily…" She says exacerbated and for the first time I can see how tired she is and how much this is really hurting her. "Why don't you just give up?"
"Because you're worth fighting for and I know that I fucked up. I'll do anything." I plead with her. She nods.
"You're wrong though, I'm not worth it. You should just move on Emily. Save yourself the trouble and the heartache."
"No, I won't do that because I know this isn't over. We're not over and I won't give up until I've done everything in my power to make you see how sorry I am."
"You'll be doing this for a while then." She turns and walks away down the alley and I feel terrible now that she's gone but I also can't help but feel hopeful because she actually talked to me, we had a conversation without yelling. I could work with that.
A week later and I feel like I'm back to square one. Naomi still isn't answering any of my texts or calls. Every time she sees me she quickly goes in the opposite direction, averting her eyes. I've tried to show up at her regular patrolling spots but she's not there either. I spend the rest of the week, writing and getting my feelings out that way. I spent most night's wide awake, thinking of ways to get Naomi to talk to me again, most of the time with nothing even remotely as an idea. That is until one night I have my Spotify playing in the background and an idea strikes me. I immediately text Effy, knowing that she could help me with this. We agree to meet the following day at a little restaurant for lunch.
One sleepless night later and I find myself inside of a small diner with a few tables, waiting on Effy to arrive. She finally glides into the seat across from me and looks at me quizzically.
"Why should I help you?" She asks, not even saying hello. At least some people never change.
"Because I love her." She looks at me for a while, trying to make sure that I'm telling the truth. She nods and leans onto the table.
"Show me what you've got." I take this as acceptance that she'll help me and I let out the breath that I was holding before handing over two pieces of paper to Effy.
"You wrote both of these?" I nod in response.
"This could work."
"What if she doesn't show up?" I ask.
"There's going to be alcohol, she'll be there. She hasn't done anything but look at the bottom of a bottle this entire week. She'll be there." I nod at Effy but can't help but feel terribly sad at the picture of Naomi painted into my mind.
"I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think you weren't right for each other, so fix it." I nod at Effy and we both look down at the papers, having a lot of work to do.
Naomi's POV
I've spent the last week drowning my sorrows in the bottle of any alcohol that I could find, quickly running through me and my mums spare supply that we have hidden, causing me to go out to get what I need. Which is why I find myself at Keiths when Effy asked me to come out tonight for her gig. The alcohol helps to numb the pain from Emily's lies and more importantly helps me to try and forget the feeling of her against me. Ever since the alleyway I've almost called, texted, shown up to see her a million times but decided against it. It was just easier for the both of us if we forgot about it, which is why I found myself instead running away and avoiding her, even going to the edges of the city for patrol, when I'm not too drunk to actually patrol that is. For a brief moment that night at the club I almost gave in, almost said fuck it and ran back to her but then I remembered how I found out and how long she was hiding that from me and I got angry once again. It's just best if you forget her.
The rest of the gang quickly shows up, sitting around me, joking and laughing. I recognize that Effy has started to sing but I'm not really paying attention to any of it. It's like I'm not existing in the world, rather I'm the only thing sitting still and the rest of the world is whizzing by, like there wasn't an earth shattering earthquake just weeks before. I take another shot and lean back against the booth, letting the dull noise surround me. Cook says something to me but I'm not paying attention. My interest is peaked though when I hear Effy talking into the microphone, which is weird because Effy very rarely introduces a song, she usually just goes right into it. I decide to actually listen to her and I look up. I see that she is sitting on a stool with the microphone in front of her and next to her there is another stool and microphone set up. My interest is peaked, Effy never does duos.
"I'm going to have a friend of mine up here now. She's written two songs or you guys. Listen up blondie." My eyebrows raise, confused as hell at what's going on. "Everyone give a warm welcome to Emily." I feel my mouth drop to the ground, not expecting that at all. She sits down on the stool, clearly very afraid before looking over at me and staring and me long and hard, leaving no doubt in my mind that these songs were written for me. The song starts out slow with Effy strumming the guitar before Emily starts to sing.
Right from the start
You were a thief
You stole my heart
And I your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them
Now you've been talking in your sleep, oh, oh
Things you never say to me, oh, oh
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love
I look down at the table unable to keep looking at her while she sings, unable to get the sound of her beautiful voice out of my head. Unable to drown out the feelings that are bombarding me, the feelings that I've been trying to push away and numb for weeks.
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
You've been havin' real bad dreams, oh, oh
You still lie so close to me, oh, oh
There's nothing more than empty sheets
Between our love, our love
Oh, our love, our love
I have the strongest desire to run out of here, the strongest desire to flee but her voice mixed with Effy's is keeping me routed to my spot.
Oh, tear ducts and rust
I'll fix it for us
We're collecting dust
But our love's enough
You're holding it in
You're pouring a drink
No nothing is as bad as it seems
We'll come clean
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
The song ends with the chorus repeated a few times and I can't help but feel myself thawing a bit, my anger starting to lessen. Emily thanks the crowd and quickly settles herself down for the next song. I can feel my hands grabbing the table, squeezing as hard as I can, needing to hold onto something to keep me grounded to the real world. The next song also starts off quietly, with Effy stroking her guitar, making an altogether different kind of magic with her fingers.
Stay
You'll leave me in the morning anyway
My heart
You'll cut it out you never liked me anyway
Why do you take me down this road
If you don't wanna walk with me?
Why do you exit, go it alone
When you could just talk to me?
I hear Emily sing and I know that she's talking about that night last week. The night I left her in the alleyway. I can feel the tears trying to break the surface but I hold them down.
Now I'm all messed up
Sick inside, wondering where
Where you're leaving your makeup
Now I'm all messed up
Sick inside wondering who
Whose life you're making worthwhile
Go, go, go if you want
I can't stop you
Go if you want
I can't stop you
I can do nothing but listen to Emily and Effy sing, letting it run over me against my will, making these waves of emotion rush over me.
Stay
You come back to me always anyway
Leave a mark
Why do I take this lonely road
Nobody here to walk with me
Don't want start fresh all over again
Why won't you just comfort me?
Now I'm all messed up
Sick inside, wondering where
Where you're leaving your makeup
Now I'm all messed up
Sick inside wondering who
Whose life you're making worthwhile
Go, go, go if you want
I can't stop you
Go if you want
I can't stop you
Go (please stay)
Go (please stay)
Go if you want
I can't stop you
Just go if you want
I can't stop you
I hear the last bit, with Emily singing the background at the end, begging me to stay, begging me to forgive her and it's all too much. The anger rises again and I can't help but let if rush over me. But along with the anger is a tidal wave of love. Love for Emily that just won't go away even after everything that's happened, even after her lies, I still want nothing more than to run back into her arms, but I just can't trust her anymore. I quickly leave the table and make my way outside, trying to make a clean exist and to the nearest bar I can find.
"Naomi!" I hear my named called but I keep walking, not wanting to turn around for anyone. I can hear her footfalls, running to try and catch up with me.
"Naomi, stop! Just fucking stop already." I ignore her again. "Please!" The desperation and tears in her voice make me stop my walking, but I don't turn around, afraid of letting her see the tears that have been freely falling from my face since the song ended.
"Naomi, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I fucked it up, I ruined us. But please, please come back. I… Naomi I love-" I quickly turn around.
"No! No, don't you dare say that to me. Don't. If you finish that sentence you may as well put the stake to my heart yourself." I cry, not even caring that she can see the tears falling down my face now.
"I'm so sorry." She cries.
"Why? Why didn't you just tell me?" I say, quietly, too tired almost to say it.
"I don't know…" I look at her for a moment longer.
"Yes you do Emily. You always know what you're doing. Out of the both of us, you always know."
"You could have told me anything and I would have listened, I wouldn't have judged you, I would have been there. I could have helped you through this."
"I didn't know Naoms. I thought… I just didn't know. It was terrifying. And I wanted to tell you, I wanted to tell you so many times but… I was just so afraid."
"Of what?! We told each other everything, it thought we did. What could you have been afraid about?! Did you think that I'd get jealous because there was another slayer or something? That it would make me feel less? That I wouldn't do everything in my power to help you?! That I'm some kind of monster that just goes around killing anything with power?!" I see her flinch at my last words and I realize that I'm right.
"That's it isn't it? You were afraid of me. You thought I would kill you if I found out." I say more than ask and I feel like the entire world has been put onto my chest. This realization more than anything hurts me the most.
"Naomi, you have to understand I didn't know what I was! What if I was bad?! What if is was some kind of possessed demon whose job it was to hurt you? What if deep down I was evil? It's your job to kill things. It's who you are, you're the slayer. What if it was your job to slay me?" She asks, getting this all out in between sobs.
"You think that I could do anything to hurt you? That I'd ever let anything hurt you? I would have killed myself before I ever let myself you hurt you. I would die for you and it's killing me." I sob out the last bit. Unable to believe that Emily could believe that would hurt her and that this is what stopped her form telling me. I felt empty, like there was nothing left inside of me anymore. I turn to leave before I here Emily say my name one more time. I look back at her, tears streaming down my face.
"You know what's the most terrifying thing about love? You are just naked. You put yourself in harm's way and you lay down all of your defenses. No clothes, no weapons. Nowhere to hide. Completely vulnerable. The only thing that makes it tolerable is to believe that the other person loves you back and that you can trust them not to hurt you." I take a deep breath and continue. "I love you Emily… I hate that I still love you, that I put down all of my defenses, that I let you in." I laugh and scoff at the same time. "My biggest fear when I met you was that you would ruin me. That if I let you in it would be it for me, that if anything happened I would ruined for the rest of my life. You're my person, my lobster." I feel the tears running down my face. "I can't trust you anymore, we can't have anything if don't trust you, I'm sorry… goodbye Emily." With that I walk away from her, tears streaming down my face, turning to the next part of my life… a life without Emily.
*peaks out behind the bushes* Don't hate me! This isn't the end I swear and it will get better but I had to write this chapter, it's the first scene that came to my head when I thought of this story. Also the songs above are P!nks-" just give me a reason" (I know its crazy overplayed but it inspired me when I heard it, it's the reason the story came together at all) and the second one is Tegan and Sara (of course)- "Now I'm All Messed Up" from their new album which I HIGHLY suggest everyone give a listen to, it's perfect for break ups.
Also the quote in which Naomi says "You know what's the most terrifying thing about love? You are just naked. You put yourself in harm's way and you lay down all of your defenses. No clothes, no weapons. Nowhere to hide. Completely vulnerable. The only thing that makes it tolerable is to believe that the other person loves you back and that you can trust them not to hurt you." Is NOT mine! As much as I wish it was. It's from a book called The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell and I highly suggest it, it's very very good.
Reviews? Comments? Anyone read any good books lately?