Uncomfortable Situations

Cloud, 22

Cloud woke up with his heart racing. He put his hands to his chest, half expecting to feel blood.

His troops were staring at him. Cloud gave them his best reassuring smile.

"Just a vivid dream," he explained. "I have them, sometimes." They avoided making eye contact with him as they nodded.

"You right there?" Yuffie asked. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

'I've seen at least one tonight,' Cloud almost said, before he realised how weird that would sound. The last thing he wanted to do was tell everyone that he experiencing otherworldly visitations in his sleep. He'd probably be sent to a psychiatrist.

"I'm fine," Cloud said. "What about you? You look like you haven't slept since we got on board." Yuffie scowled.

"No kidding. I hate planes."

"How close are we?" asked Cloud.

"About an hour, give or take," Yuffie said. "As soon as we get down there, you'll be escorted to see my father. There'll be diplomatic things to settle today, so we won't be able to get started until tomorrow."

She sounded crestfallen.

"Surely you weren't planning on starting today?" Cloud asked incredulously.

"I was hoping we could get some hours in before dad discovered us."

"Why would you want that?"

"A ninja never reveals all her secrets," Yuffie said loftily.

Ninja. The term reminded him of the figure standing over him, sword at the ready. Cloud sighed. Of all the things to remember now, Zack had to pick that memory.

'Maybe he hadn't?' Cloud mused. It was hard to tell. Sometimes it sounded like Zack was in charge of the whole things, but sometimes it sounded like he was along for the ride. It was hard to tell. If they had more time together…

He couldn't afford to think about that now. There was clearly a situation developing in Wurtai. He needed to be on his guard. He also needed to act responsibly, in a way that would benefit everyone. Old wars could not be allowed to impact on international relations.

"Are you planning on coming to these diplomatic 'things'?" Cloud asked. Yuffie shook her head.
"It would just make things worse, I think," she said.

"Then you should take my men with you. At the very least, you can get them set up and ready for tomorrow."

This seemed to cheer Yuffie up. Cloud hoped she wasn't planning on stealing their materia or convincing them to go monster hunting. He was trusting her to be mature. He may have been making a mistake, considering what had happened last time they had travelled here together.

"Your phone rang three times, by the way," Yuffie added. "I'm surprised you haven't been ambushed, seeing as you can apparently sleep through anything." Cloud shrugged. Normally he was a light sleeper, but he supposed these dreams might be affecting that.

'That might be problematic…Hopefully it won't become an issue." Cloud pulled out his phone and rang his voice message account. There was only one message and it was from Tifa.

'Hi, Cloud,' she said nervously. "I guess you're asleep or busy somehow. I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry I put so much pressure on you today. I'm glad you were honest with me, but it doesn't change anything. As long as you have me, I'll stay by your side."

So she would stay, then…He didn't really know how to feel about that. He still felt a bit disconnected from the world around him.

Yuffie had leaned in, apparently spying on him.

" Honest about what?" Yuffie asked.

"None of your business, Yuffie."

"Vincent hasn't been talking to you, has he?" Yuffie sounded oddly guilty. Cloud kept quiet.

"I knew it! I told him it was none of his business!"

"Yuffie," Cloud said warningly. The other pasangers were leaning in, looking eager and flustered at the same time.

"Oh, sorry," she whispered. The troops went back to talking amongst themselves nervously.

"Never mind," said Cloud. "It's not important."

The pilot warned them to put their seatbelts on as he began the descent. As he had expected him, official guards had met him as soon as they landed. They had wanted to escort everyone to the palace but Yuffie had firmly rebuffed them in her native language.

Cloud wondered what she'd said, but had no time to ask. He was marched through Wurtai like a criminal, his escorts giving him distrustful looks.

Looking around, Cloud didn't believe the state the city was in. It hadn't been great when he'd first arrived but at least it had seemed in good repair. Now buildings lay derelict, people huddled on the streets in front of them.

'So this is why Yuffie was so desperate to get back,' Cloud thought to himself. He was about to say something to the guards but changed his mind. It would be indiscrete and rude to comment on the obvious poverty surrounding them.

The room where Cloud was taken was still in good repair, he noted. Godo Kisigari sat waiting for him, impeccably attired as always. Cloud remained untouched by the beauty of the room. It was all a farce. Wurtai's glory days were long gone.

"At your service," Cloud said, falling to his knees. Lord Godo smiled and for the first time, Cloud saw the resemblance between him and his daughter.

"It's just as well. You seem capable of performing the impossible. Right now, we could use a miracle."

This frank admission startled Cloud somewhat.

"What use is a warrior to a starving nation?" Cloud returned just as bluntly.

"A warrior could be of some use to us, but what we need most is a hero."

Cloud raised an eyebrow.

"Then you need to look somewhere else."

"You don't think you qualify? That the saviour of the planet isn't worthy of being called a 'hero'?"

"I don't think, I know."

"Then I want you to fake it. You're good at that, aren't you?" Cloud scowled.

"How do you know that?" That particular truth wasn't too well known. While he didn't want to claim false credit, he didn't know how to explain the truth to the masses without sounding insane.

"My daughter told me. She explained exactly why you'd be reluctant to participate in this scheme."

"Then why even ask, if you knew the answer?"

"Because I think you'll do it in the end. Because you know that if you walk away, you are condemning thousands of people to suffer. And you just can't bring yourself to do that, can you Cloud?"

'Damn Yuffie,' he thought bitterly.

"You're right, I'm not going to leave. I'm just telling you that I think this plan is going to fail."

"We shall see," said Godo smoothly. "Don't worry. Your first task is relatively simple. All you have to do is give a public address to my people, stating your intention to aid in the restoration of Wutai."

"I'm guessing what Wutai needs most is money," Cloud pointed out. "I can 'aid' you all you want, but I can't give you that."

"What Wurtai needs is hope. The people here could grow their own food and repair their own houses, if they had hope. They've lost their hope and their pride. So now we truly have nothing."

Cloud shrugged. If the emperor wanted to pin all his last hopes on Cloud, he was going to be disappointed in the end. He wasn't inspiring or a good leader. He couldn't even help his squad, let alone a whole nation.

"The public is ready and waiting. I suggest we get a move on." Cloud grimaced. He had never had to give a speech before, but he already knew that he wouldn't like it. The thought alone filled him with nerves.

Godo began to walk out of the room. Cloud followed along behind him, noting that his guards followed them too. They looked ready to attack at the slightest provocation. Either they were constantly vigilant, or they didn't trust him. Maybe a combination of both.

Seeing the crowd gathered around the podium did nothing to still Cloud's nerves. He scanned the sea of faces, noticing that Yuffie was nowhere to be seen.

Godo gave an introductory speech. Cloud envied his obvious confidence and polished manner. Why did he have to do this now? How was he supposed to keep his cool and come up with inspiring words on the spot like this?

A teasing fragment of memory surfaced in his mind. Zack was standing up in front of a crowd, saying…something. Cloud couldn't even remember the words, but he knew they were uplifting.

Those bits of pieces of memory were the worst. Past the point of the latest dream, he could only recall vague fragments of his time at Shinra. They flittered in and out of his conscious recall, frustrating him with their ambiguity.

"It seems that the WRO has finally answered our requests. Here to explain more about his mission in detail is the Planet's own Hero, Cloud Strife." There was scattered applause in the crowd. Most of them just fixed their eyes intently on him.

"I was sent here, on a mission from the World Restoration Organisation. For six months, resource shortages have inhibited the reach of this company. Now that fuel is readily available, the WRO is planning on fulfilling the commitments it made. It is not just going to rebuild Edge, or even just the Eastern Continent. It aims for a better future for the whole world." Cloud paused awkwardly as he hurriedly tried to think of what to say next.

"I'm here to help," Cloud said simply. "I think you can become even better then you were before, in time. If enough people care, if we do things right this time, we can make a better future for all of us."

By the end people had started applauding enthusiastically. Some of them believed, Cloud thought. Others he saw looked more sceptical, even bitter. They would be harder to win over. Maybe even impossible.

Cloud stepped down.

"Not a bad beginning," Godo whispered in his ear. Cloud sighed. He had a feeling things were only going to get more difficult from here on out. He should have just told the emperor where he could shove this whole 'hero' business.

The crowd gradually dispersed.

"It appears you are done for the day," Godo said. "I'll have one of my guards escort you to your room." Cloud nodded stiffly as one of Godo's guards came and stood besides him.

Cloud almost wished that the guards would talk to him. Normally he would have been contented to walk in silence, but he wanted to know what they thought of the speech and what they expected of him in the future.

When they arrived Cloud thanked the guards curtly and walked inside his room. He recognised the interior from the last time he was here. It had been over a year ago, when Yuffie had stolen their materia. That was when Cloud learnt just how far she would go to help her people.

'Which is something I should have remembered,' he thought sourly. He contemplated confronting her about it, but he already knew what she would say. It would be an entirely pointless argument.

The bed looked comfortable and entirely too tempting. Cloud knew he should probably explain the real mission to his men, or try and figure out the complicated political situation he had just been dumped into.

On the other hand he was tired and upset. If he went to find people, he would almost certain run into Yuffie and he simply wasn't in the mood to talk to her. Maybe tomorrow he'd be feeling more rational…

He fell onto his bed with a muffled groan.

'I should probably put some more comfortable clothes on,' was his last thought before he fell asleep.

Cloud was standing in a cave, looking towards the outside. He saw a wave of white, blown by fierce winds over bare rock. The blizzard raged on as he watched.

"You know, seeing this, I understand why you like Winter so much," Zack commented from further down the cave. "I never liked snow at all, until I met you."

"I'm glad I gave you something," Cloud said jokingly.

"You gave me so much Cloud. More then you know."

The cave seemed to disappear, or maybe it had never been there at all. The blizzard tore at his skin, the wind so fiercely cold it burnt him. He closed his eyes and let himself be buried by the raging storm.

Cloud, 16

It was strange to wake up, when you expected to be dead. The realisation that he was alive was so confusing he couldn't even take pleasure in it. He lay with his eyes closed, wondering where he had ended up.

He was lying on a soft surface. The pain in his chest had reduced to a dull ache. He felt a little bit groggy, but otherwise well. He could hear voices in the distance, but he couldn't make out the words.

"I'm alive," Cloud said slowly. He opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was the back of the couch he was lying on. Cloud bit his lip. He was pretty sure that kidnappers wouldn't take him to rest on a couch.

He rolled over to see Ludwich was watching over him, looking relieved.

"Don't worry, everything's alright now," he said. "I was so frightened, until the Lieutenant showed up. Then boom! It was all over."

"Where is he now? Is he okay?" Cloud asked. Every word was difficult for him to say. It wasn't that he was in pain, he just felt generally exhausted. It was hard for him to breathe, let alone talk.

"He's a bit battered, but otherwise fine. I think he's in a bit of trouble, actually. He called out an emergency helicopter without authorisation. The General, ah, didn't look to happy about it."

"Why didn't we take the truck?" It would have been faster then waiting for a helicopter, surely?

"The guys who attacked up slashed the tires and they killed the truck driver. He didn't even have anything to do with them, he was just there and they killed him ."

"Wait…where are we now?" Cloud asked.

"The entrance to the General's office," Ludwich said reverently. "The Lieutenant wanted to take you to the hospital, but General Sephiroth said it wouldn't be necessary."

"Alright, then." Cloud gently sat up. Ludwich looked at him anxiously.

"You shouldn't do that. I was told you had to stay lying down."

"I'm feeling fine," Cloud insisted.

"I don't know…"

Cloud wanted to get up and find Zack but he had a feeling that would be pushing things a bit too far. He sat up and stared at the door to Sephiroth's office, waiting impatiently for the meeting to be over.

Finally the door opened and the two SOLDIERs immerged. Cloud kept his eyes firmly fixed on his friend. Until he had seen Zack walk through the door he hadn't been able to really convince himself that he would ever see him again.

"You're supposed to be lying down," Zack scolded as Sephiroth watched.

"I'm feeling fine, really…" Cloud repeated.

"Private Strife has a point. His physical injury was treated very effectively, both by yourself and by me. While he may be suffering from a few lingering effects, it's unlikely he'll take any significant damage from sitting up."

Cloud watched incredulously as Zack looked up at Sephiroth with puppy eyes.

"You can't go around aiding and abetting his stubbornness. Otherwise I'll never get him to relax and recover." Ludwich watched the exchange, looking as taken back as Cloud felt.

"Oh, right, you're free to go," Zack said when he noticed the private staring at him. "Thanks for helping out." Ludwich saluted and then backed out of the room.

"You're entirely too informal with your subordinates," the General noted. "I don't know how you manage to keep them in line."

"It's called being friendly," Zack returned. "You should try it some time."

"I suggest you take private Strife out of my office. I imagine he would feel more comfortable elsewhere."

The General retreated back into his office. Zack grinned wryly.

"I swear he acts like that on purpose, to maintain his image," Zack said. He leaned over to help Cloud stand up.

"I'd like to talk to you privately, if you don't mind?"

"I don't mind," Cloud replied, feeling nervous. Why would Zack ask to talk to him in private, given that they talked together all the time? Was he going to be punished or something?

"Why don't you come back to my apartment? It'll be more comfortable then my office and you'll be able to have a shower, eat and stuff."

"Sounds nice," Cloud said appreciatively.

Zack showed him to one of the nicer residential parts of Shinra. It was a fair way off from the main section of Shinra and by the time they arrived Cloud was feeling in need of a good rest.

Cloud's first impression of his apartment was that some kind of monster had recently ransacked it. He looked incredulously at the mess, wondering it the giant clothes pile in the middle of the room concealed a couch, or if it was just a really large pile of clothes.

"Yeah… I kinda forgot that it was this messy. I don't get visitors that often." It was the first time Zack had sounded even remotely bashful. Cloud couldn't stop himself from laughing at his expression.

"It's alright, I live in the dorms, remember? I'm used to mess."

"I suppose so. But I bet you liked to get cleaned up, right? I'll grab you some clothes."

Cloud looked on as Zack sorted through the clothes until he found some Shinra-issue pyjamas.

"They'll be a bit big on you, but they'll do for now," Zack said as he threw them at Cloud.

He caught them awkwardly and then Zack showed him where the bathroom was. While not as luxurious as the executive level housing, the bathroom was sizable and most importantly, private. The last time Cloud had had a private shower was when he was living at home.

"Have fun in there," Zack said. "I'm going to go grab us some dinner. Or what passes for dinner here, anyway." Cloud nodded and shut the door. He started the water running and marvelled at how quickly it warmed up.

'It's so nice of Zack to invite me here,' Cloud thought happily. He was surprised that Zack didn't get many visitors, but it also made him feel privileged. Of all Zack's friends, he was one of the few to actually see his apartment…

Cloud quickly towelled off and put on the clothes Zack had given him. Looking in the mirror, he realised they really did look ridiculous on him. Cloud shrugged. What did it matter?

He found Zack eating some kind of unidentifiable slop.

"What is that?" Cloud asked, staring at the grey ooze in fascinated horror.

"This is Shinra's cooking at its best. Brewed to perfection by its scientists, it's apparently filled with all kinds of SOLDIER enhancing nutrients."

"That looks disgusting," Cloud said honestly. Zack shrugged.

"It's only a little bit gross. Don't worry, I made you a sandwich. It's on the bench."

"Thanks."

Cloud retrieved his sandwich and sat on the couch besides Zack. He was starving, though that made sense as must have been a while since he'd last eaten.

Which reminded him…
"How long was I out?" Zack thought about it for a while.

"Around five hours, I guess. The emergency helicopter didn't arrive for about an hour and then I spent another good hour trying to find Sephiroth so he could heal you properly. That took another half an hour and then I must have spent around two hours in meetings, so..."

"That sound pretty intense," said Cloud thoughtfully. "Were they really mad at you?"

"A little bit," Zack admitted. "I kind of implied that my life was in danger…They weren't too happy to find out that wasn't the case."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you in trouble."

"It's hardly your fault. You think that I would just leave you bleed out, because Shinra thinks you're not important enough?"

"Was it that bad? I can't get it through my head. It almost feels like it happened to someone else." Zack looked at him seriously.

"That's why I wanted to talk to you. Sometimes, when people experience something like that, they repress the emotions. I've seen it happen before. It would be better if we talked about it, just to make sure you're really okay."

Cloud didn't really want to talk about. What was there to talk about, anyway? He'd gotten attacked and they'd lost. He'd rather Zack told him about what happened when he was unconscious.

"What do you want me to say?" asked Cloud.
"Why don't you tell me what happened, while I was gone? I heard the details from the other guys, but to be honest, I'd rather hear it from you, anyway."

Cloud thought for a while and then began recounting his story.

"We were keeping watch. I felt as if someone was out there, but looking out I couldn't see anywhere to hide. The next thing I know, someone was coming straight towards me. So I aimed straight ahead and I…I…"

The memory of that moment replayed through his head. All the emotions hit him again as he remembered what he had done.

"I shot him," Cloud whispered. "He went down...I thought I would have missed, for sure. But I didn't and he died. I didn't follow it up, though. I was too busy watching the person I shot, wondering if he'd get up again."

He felt Zack's hands on his arms, holding him steady.

"Then what happened?" he asked gently. Cloud took a shuddering breath.

"I was captured by one of the other agents. The others had been subdued by the final agent."

"What did they want with you?"

"They wanted to capture us, at first. Then one of them got mad. He was the brother of t-the guy I...Anyway, he wanted to kill me. He made me kneel down and he held his sword above me. I thought I was going to die."

Cloud looked down at his hands, which were shaking.

"I know," Zack said. "Really, it's going to be okay now." Zack pulled him into a gentle embrace as Cloud began to sob.

"T-this is embarrassing," Cloud said after a while. "I bet SOLDIERs don't break down like this."

"Killing people and risking your life is never easy. Even the people who don't show it at first begin to show it later. Trust me, it isn't pretty."

When he talked like that Zack sounded so much older then his nineteen years. It was cruel that Shinra had taken an idealistic boy and turned part of him into a bitter, experienced man for their own use. Cloud was just glad that, for the most part, he managed to stay free of Shinra's influence. He didn't know what he'd do without Zack.

'Being held in his arms is nice,' Cloud thought. 'I feel like I could be safe here forever.' Cloud shivered as Zack began to run his fingers through his wet hair.

"You should have never been in this situation. If I'd just been a bit more careful...If I'd just gotten back a bit sooner…"

"But you saved my life," Cloud said confusedly. "If not for you, we'd all be dead or captive by now."

"It was close," Zack said. "I was so damned tired, defeating that stupid monster. I was scared that the materia wouldn't work, that I wouldn't get to you in time. And when I did you were lying there, covered in blood…I thought it was all over."

Cloud looked up into Zack's eyes. Mako-green mingled with blue and grey. The result was chaotic, but also captivating. Cloud couldn't look away.

"I'm alive," he said. "Because of you."

"I couldn't see another friend die. I've seen too many of them die." They were so close now that Cloud could feel Zack's breath on his face, smell the exotic scent of mako on his skin. He wondered what it would be like to taste it on his tongue…

He wanted Zack. There was no denying it now. He could not stop his own reactions to Zack's presence and he couldn't pretend they were something else. These feelings were real.

Did Zack feel this way, too? Was there more behind this gesture then simple friendship? Maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't be so bad to act on these feelings. If Zack felt the same, then maybe he didn't have to worry about what the rest of the world would think…

'What am I thinking?' Cloud thought to himself in horror. 'Of course he doesn't. He's normal. He even has a girlfriend. Zack's just being a good friend. I'm the one who's ruining everything.' Cloud scrambled to his feet.

"Thank you for your help," he said. "But I really need to be going."

"You could stay here for tonight, if you'd prefer." Cloud shook his head. That was definitely out of the question. If he acted on these confused feelings, if Zack ever found out…He couldn't face it.

"I really have to go now."

"Oh, alright. If you're sure you're okay." Zack looked so worried, it made Cloud feel guilty. He should explain why it was better if he just left, but he couldn't bear to face that tonight.

"I'm fine."

Cloud turned and left the apartment. He snuck into the dorms, grateful that everyone was already asleep. He fell into his bed, pulling the covers over his head to muffle his sobs.

'Why did this have to happen?" he thought bitterly to himself. "Why couldn't I just be happy with his friendship?"

Author's Note : Things are going to get very angst-y for a while, but I promise that there will be happiness and good times eventually :)