On Edge

Cloud, 22

"Wake up!" Yuffie yelled in his ear. It was probably one of the worst ways to wake up, Cloud decided. He groaned and slowly rolled out of bed.

"What is it, Yuffie?" he asked when he felt capable of speaking.

"The big ceremony thing, remember?" she replied. "You kind of have to be there, or you'll offend the three most powerful families in Wutai. You really don't want to do that."

For a moment an image of a Wutai agent popped into his mind, his eyes blazing with hatred.

"Yeah, I believe you," said Cloud. "Alright, where do I need to be and when?"

"At the foot of the mountains, in half an hour."

Cloud sighed and got himself ready. Why did Yuffie have to be co-ordinating this mission? Even her new-found sense of responsibility didn't counter-act her inherently disorganised nature.

"Is there anything I need to know about the families before I meet them?" asked Cloud as he scrambled to get ready.

"Oh, heaps probably. I don't really have time to tell you though, so you'll have to figure this out on the fly. It's alright, just be you and everything will work out fine."

Cloud resisted the growing impulse to strangle her. Why was she doing this to him now?

"It's really fine," Yuffie repeated. "It's only about six or so people, nothing major. You're lucky, dad was going to have the whole village up there. I said that might freak you out a bit."

"Thank you, Yuffie," said Cloud in a tone halfway between sarcastic and serious.

She smiled at him and began ordering around the troops she was taking out for the day. Cloud felt sorry for them. He wouldn't be half surprised if Yuffie got them all lost.

Cloud walked up the mountain path, deciding he wasn't going to rush too much. If he was late, he was late. It wasn't his fault that the princess of Wutai was a ditz.

The Wutai dignitaries were all waiting for him. There were two older couples, both of whom scrutinised Cloud carefully as he walked up the path. Standing a part from them was a man, probably a few years older then Cloud. His expression was dark, as if something was weighing on his mind. Cloud knew the feeling well.

"Ah, Cloud!" Godo called warmly, as if they were the best of friends. "This is Mr. and Mrs. Nakamura, the Yamada's and finally Fyodr Syratov." Cloud cautiously nodded to all the people he was introduced to.

The dignitaries seemed uninterested in talking to him during the long climb. He was surprised the older members managed to make it up the mountain. Cloud was glad that he'd managed to defeat most of the creatures in the area. He was pretty sure that even a relatively small monster could have picked off most of them with ease.

Cloud didn't really understand the point of this visit. If they wanted to know whether the mountains were cleared, it would have been more practical to send their own warriors, rather then visit it themselves. Everyone seemed determined to inspect the mountain, even the reclusive Syratov.

They had visited the statues in turn, performing small rituals at each one. Cloud watched, wondering what was going on. Mostly, the small party spoke their native tongue, leaving him feeling uncomfortable and uneducated.

They returned finally around lunch time, only to have Godo invite them all to a formal lunch. The Wutai leader led them to the dinning room inside his castle. They sat down, with Cloud sitting on his right and Syratov on his left.

Now the other two families were glaring at Cloud. Syratov gave him a grim smile which carried more malice then friendliness. He wondered if he should say something to ease the tension, but decided against it.

The first course was served. It was simple dish, mostly made of rice. Clearly, even the royal family was feeling the pinch of the tough times.

"Do you know the WRO's intentions for our nation?" Mrs. Yamada asked Cloud.

"Not really," he replied. "I suppose it's the same as their overall goals. To restore life to the planet and the people."

"A worthy goal," Mr. Nakamura said. "I wonder if it's possible, though. If people can live in harmony with the planet."

"We'll just have to learn how to, I guess." Cloud hoped it was possible. The planet had a temper and a whole lot of power at its disposal. He had seen what it could do first hand.

"I suppose the WRO is doing this out of the goodness of their hearts," said Syratov sarcastically.

"They're investing in the future," said Cloud, while thinking, 'How would I know what their true motives are?'

"What are they expecting to get out of Wutai?" asked Mr. Yamada.

"They won't what Shinra never had, I suppose. Total domination of the world," said Mrs. Yamada.

"No," said Cloud firmly. "They're just looking to get the economy back on its feet…"

"Oh, of course," said Mr. Nakamura, sounding completely unconvinced.

"Please, please, you're stressing our guest with all this questioning. You must understand, Cloud is truly doing this out of a desire to see the planet restored. After all, he did stop the meteor."

'I'm right here,' thought Cloud.

"I believe in the future the WRO is offering," Cloud said out loud. "They truly want to restore the planet."

Conversation stopped as more food was handed out. The two elderly couples were beginning to look more relaxed, as if their suspicions had been disproven. Syratov, on the other hand, was glaring at the blonde, his eyes black with hatred.

The questions began for real once the main course was finished. He was bombarded with questions about projects he had been involved in, research that he knew of and the reconstruction of Edge. Cloud answered all the questions he could, making sure to respect company protocol. He didn't want Reeve freaking out because he had 'leaked' information to Wutai.

He left the lunch feel as exhausted as if he had fought a whole horde of monsters. Godo seemed to think that the meeting had been a success, but Cloud wasn't so sure.

The 'lunch' had actually ended up lasting through most of the afternoon. Cloud had arrived just after Yuffie's group had returned, looking muddy and exhausted but otherwise no worse for wear.

Cloud had questioned her thoroughly on the next day's activities, refusing to be caught out again. As it turned out, they would be day tripping to the other side of Wutai – the continent, not the city – to visit the southern most villages. Once again, it would be an early start.

That night everyone was in bed early. His troops had learnt the hard way that staying up late before missions was not a good idea. Most of them looked half asleep when Cloud had seen them.

As for himself, Cloud wasn't too eager to sleep. He was sick of reliving his most painful moments. He had had enough sorrow in his life. Why was Zack bothering to show these memories to him? They were more confusing then enlightening.

Reliving his attraction to his best friend was strange, to say the least. Cloud wasn't quite sure what he felt for his friend now. After all, he was supposed to be a relationship with Tifa. Surely whatever he had felt, belonged in his past.

Only now, when he thought back to memories of his friend, he felt the same reactions as he had as a sixteen year old boy. Whether that was because the memories were fresh in his mind, or because of a deeper attraction, he honestly wasn't sure….

He was standing in a forest, the trees towering over his head. He remembered this place. It was right in front of the city of ancients. Only, he didn't have the artefact had allowed him to travel safely. He could wander through here all he wanted and he was never going to get anywhere.

"Or you stay with me for a bit," Zack suggested calmly. Cloud felt Zack's hand gently touch his shoulder. It felt like there was electricity running through his fingers. Cloud sighed.

"Everything's so confusing. I don't know what to think, anymore."

"I guess you can't see the forests for the trees, am I right?"

"Very funny."

"Just take things one step at a time, Chocobo."

The trees in front of him seemed to fade away. There was nothing except for darkness and Zack's hand on his shoulder, but he wasn't afraid. The one thing he knew about Zack was that he could be trusted, even in the darkest of times…

Cloud, 16

Cloud woke up in the library chair, his discarded book on the floor. He looked around quickly to see if any one had noticed his impromptu nap, but it seemed he was alone, for the moment. It was New Years Eve, Cloud reminded himself. Most people probably had better things to do then sit in the library, reading a book.

Speaking of which…He looked up at the clock. It was already 8pm at night, he realised in horror. He was supposed to have been down at the training grounds at three. He had just decided to take a break after his shift and now he was going to be in even more trouble.

The dawn shifts had left him exhausted and unable to catch up with the others in his group. They went from 3am to 10 in the morning, which meant that Cloud ended up getting nearly no sleep. He would have just slept during the day, but his sergeant insisted on putting them all through gruelling practices in the afternoon, which he was supposed to attend.

Supposed to being the operative word, he thought drearily. He had only completed three of his shifts and he was already unable to keep u. He wished Griffin was struggling, but somehow he managed to arrive on time to everything and perform well in their practices.

Cloud shivered as he got to his feet. Just the thought of the other boy made him feel uncomfortable. As it turned out, their sergeant had paired them together for all their shifts. He had probably thought it would reduce their antagonism. He couldn't have been more wrong.

The older boy had only increased his teasing. The worst was when he would touch him, stroking up his leg or grabbing him from behind, saying that he thought that Cloud was 'asking for it'.

Cloud wanted to tell someone, but he wasn't sure who. His sergeant almost certainly wouldn't believe him and he didn't know any of the higher ups well enough to know if they would be sympathetic. Worse, if he reported Griffin's behaviour, the older boy might find a way to twist the story so that Cloud seemed to be in the wrong.

It looked like he was going to be in enough trouble without Griffin's help anyway. He really should try and find the sergeant and explain, but that night he couldn't be bothered.

He didn't really know where to go. He had just slept, so he wasn't feeling tired. He should have tried to eat, but the thought made him feel ill. What he really wanted was to be outside, to escape the confines of Shinra.

Instead of going out into the city, he decided to go up onto the roof. He had been up there a couple of times before, mostly for guard duty. It was relatively peaceful and he was unlikely to be found by his sergeant up there.

As he walked outside he saw the snow flakes gently falling to the ground. He couldn't believe his eyes. Everyone always said that it never snowed here. He held his hands out and watched as the fluffy snow collected in his palm.

Cloud crept towards the edge of the roof, watching as the snow began to pile on the streets. Already, it was being dirtied by the grime. Nothing ever stayed pure in this city, he supposed.

The vertigo he felt staring at the ground reminded him of the fall from the mountainous path behind his village. For a moment, it had felt like flying. Then there had been a moment of intense pain, followed by oblivion.

If he fell here, he wouldn't wake up safely afterwards. From this height, he would almost certainly die, maybe even before he hit the ground.

'Why not?' a bitter voice said inside his head. 'What's left? I'm never going to be SOLDIER, I'll probably never get to go home, at least not for very long. Even if I did, I'd go back a failure. I don't even have any friends anymore.'

Cloud buried his head in his hands. Everything seemed so impossible. He couldn't even imagine getting through this week, let alone the rest of his life. How was he supposed to survive this?

It would only take a moment. One moment and all the pain would be gone forever. He wouldn't have to worry about being a failure ever again. No one would ever need to know his secret. He would be safe.

'Would anybody care? If I died?' His mother would, obviously and Tifa might. Then again, he wasn't going to see them much anyway. And as for Zack, hadn't he already decided that it was better off if they weren't friends? Maybe it would be better for all of them if he just disappeared.

He stood at the edge, looking over at the ground. He remained poised for a long time, one step away from oblivion. He stood on the divide between life and death. Just one step….

He closed his eyes and began to lean forward.

"I thought you wanted to be SOLDIER." A hand grasped his wrist firmly, pulling him back away from the edge. "I'm sorry, but I'm not letting you give up that easily."

"I'm never going to be SOLDIER," Cloud said bitterly. "Nothing's ever going to change."

Cloud was pulled until he was standing face to face with his captor/rescuer. Zack was looking at him intently, his mouth pressed into a thin line.

"You think death is the answer?" Zack looked angrier then Cloud had ever seen him before.

"I don't know," Cloud replied. "But I don't know how I'm supposed to go on living!"

"I can help you. All you have to do is let me." Cloud looked away. He could feel tears burning at the back of his eyes.
"It's not that easy."

"Why not? Please, I really don't understand." Cloud looked up at his best friend, at the person he had come to love more then anybody else in the world. He was in pain, Cloud realised, because he didn't know the truth.

"Could we talk somewhere else?" Cloud asked. "Somewhere more private?" If he was going to admit this, he didn't want other people listening in and judging him. "Fine," Zack said."You're freezing to half to death, anyway." Zack pulled him along quickly, walking him back to his apartment. Cloud couldn't have resisted even if he wanted to.

The apartment was still lit up when they arrived. Even the TV had been switched on, though Zack had quickly turned it off. Clearly, he had run out of his apartment. How had he known what Cloud was contemplating?

"This is a private as we're going to get," he had said. "So, talk. Why can't I help you?"

The time had come. Cloud ducked his head. If he had to look at Zack, he would almost certainly lose his nerve.

"I can't ask you to help me, because I don't think you'd want to be around me if you knew the truth."

"What truth?" Zack had his arms crossed, as if he was trying to physically restraining himself from shaking the younger boy.

"I'm in love with you," Cloud confessed, all his anger and self recrimination evident in his voice. "I know it's inappropriate for me to feel this way and I know that you'll never feel the same, but I can't stop thinking about you and I don't think my feelings for you are ever going to change."

Cloud wanted to look away, not wanting to face the revulsion in Zack's eyes.

'No,' he told himself. 'This is what I deserve.' Zack looked stunned, maybe even horrified.

"So instead of telling me, you decided to end everything, forever?" Zack asked eventually.

"That's not it!" Cloud said. "It's not like I made a plan! I was just thinking and everything seemed to get worse and worse in my head until I couldn't stand it anymore!"

The two boys stood silent for a moment, both breathing heavily.

"I'm not dealing with this very well, am I?" Zack asked.

"It's alright," said Cloud morosely. "I understand."

"No, you don't," said Zack. "Alright, let me try this again." They stood in silence for a few moments as Zack tried to get his emotions back under control.

"For starts, you don't have to feel guilty. You haven't done anything wrong, or inappropriate. You haven't hurt anybody by feeling this way. So why should be made to feel ashamed?"

"I never thought about it like that," Cloud admitted. "But doesn't it bother you? Most of the people I know would freak out if another guy had feelings for them."

"That's another misconception I would like to clear up," Zack said gently.

"Misconception?" Cloud repeated.

"Yeah. You keep on saying that I don't want to be with you, but you've never actually asked me how I feel."

"But you have a girlfriend," Cloud protested bitterly. "And you've never given any indication that you wanted me as anything other then a friend. So it's obvious that there's never going to be anything between us." Why even bother asking, when he already knew the answer?

"As it turns out, I told Aeris I couldn't see her anymore. I didn't think it would be fair to her to continue the relationship."

"Why would you do that?" asked Cloud.

"You're impossible," Zack said. "Here, let me show you." Zack moved closer, so that there was no space between them at all. Cloud felt a shiver run down his back as Zack kissed him for the first time.

That one moment seemed both impossibly long and entirely too brief. Cloud staggered back, barely able to believe what had just happened. How was it possible for his life to take such a massive turn in a matter of minutes?

The tears which he had so stubbornly stopped himself from crying finally fell down his cheeks. Zack wiped them away with his fingers.

"I'm sorry," Cloud said. "I'm not sad, honestly I'm not. I just don't know how to feel yet."

There were still questions that he wanted to ask, things he should have explained, but everything was so overwhelming, it was hard to know where to begin.

"You should sleep," said Zack. "I guarantee, things will look better in the morning." The thought of a proper nights rest was tantalising, but Zack's comment reminded him that he was still had another three dawn shifts to go.

He looked around for the time, surprised that it was already 12:08, the beginning of a new year.

"I can't sleep," said Cloud, beginning to panic. "I have to be at my shift. Besides which, I can't get into the dorms now, they'd be locked."

"You're working a dawn shift, right? They don't start until three, so you can sleep here for a while and I'll make sure to wake you up when it's time to go." Cloud was dubious, but Zack sounded so sure of himself, it was hard to refuse.

"Okay," said Cloud cautiously. "I guess a little nap wouldn't hurt…" He sat down on the couch and began pulling his shoes off.

"I'll grab you a blanket." Cloud nodded tiredly and flopped onto the couch. It was small, but more comfortable then his ordinary bed.

There was a soft 'click' noise as Zack turned the lights off. Then Cloud felt a soft blanket being draped over him. Cloud snuggled into it gratefully, already half-asleep.

"It's all going to be okay," whispered Zack. "You'll see."

Author's Note : I must admit, I re-wrote the confrontation/end scene about four different times. I hope it works alright. If you don't like it, or you don't think it's realistic ect it would be nice if you could maybe give me some constructive criticism. I find it hard to be objective when it comes to my own writing.

Also, I might be late updating, because things are a little hectic right now...Soon I will have a lot more free time, ergo I will hopefully be updating more often.