Confessions

Cloud, 22

From the moment he woke up, everything seemed to be moving too quickly. Nothing felt quite real, as if he was trapped in yet another dream, waiting to wake up. If only that were true, then maybe he could wake up in a time where Zack was still alive and well.

But wishes do not make reality. As he was flown towards his final destination he was forced to come to terms with this situation. He was going to meet Zack's parents and he would have to tell them everything.

The young pilot had remained mostly quiet during their trip. He had managed to get the helicopter out of base at an early hour and had flown quickly and well to their destination. Had Cloud been paying attention, he might have been impressed.

He was more anxious then he had been before any battle, even against Sephiroth. His heart beat madly in his chest as he gasped for breath. Looking at him, Addison decided that he must be about to face a deadly enemy.

The pilot decided to remain in the helicopter, leaving Cloud to go on alone. Each step he took through the humid jungle felt as if he was wading through mud. This place...It was so familiar. Part of him felt as if he'd come home...

But this wasn't his home. The scattered wooden houses which looked as if they belonged to the wilderness as much as the trees themselves could not have been more different to the squat, stone houses of his home town. The cheerful demeanour of the few people wandering around was completely different to the bitter indifference the harsh mountain life bred.

It was important for him to remember that, in order to keep a firm hold on his reality. Especially now, that he was going to face Zack's parents. He must remain in control, or he wouldn't be able to get through this.

Wandering through the village, he knew exactly what path to take to get to their house. The path he followed led further towards the back of the village, to what he imagined were the cheaper houses.

It was easy, almost too easy, for him to pick out their house. Even though he had only stayed there once, he was entirely confident that this was the house where Zack had grown up and where his parents still lived.

It looked as if it had been a happy place, once. It had been painted a cheery blue colour and various plants had once grown around it. Now the paint had faded and chipped and the garden had become a tangle of weeds.

His heart felt heavy in his chest as he knocked on the door. Fear had been replaced with sadness as he looked upon the broken house. There was silence for a few moments.

"Just a sec!" a woman yelled frantically, as he was about to leave.

Cloud waited as the door was opened. The woman waiting at the door looked so thin and frail Cloud wondered if she would snap in half. Her round face was lined with worry and her chestnut hair was fading to grey. It was her eyes, though, that truly grabbed Cloud's attention.

'Grey...just like his must have been before he joined SOLDIER.' They were filled with a desperate hope that broke his heart.

"Oh," she gasped. "I remember you. Is there something you needed?"

"You're Mrs. Fair, right?" he asked, though he was pretty sure he knew the answer.

"Yes, I am," she confirmed.

"I'm here to talk to you about your son," Cloud said. Her eyes widened to the point where Cloud was worried she would faint.

"Please, come in," she said shakily. "Coby - uh, my husband, is also inside. He should hear this too."

Cloud was taken inside. The furnishings were plain, but the walls were covered in pictures. Everywhere he looked, there were pictures of a very young looking Zack, usually with a wide smile on his face.

Cloud forced himself to look away from the photos. Mr. Fair was sitting down on the couch, his eyes grave. He had a slightly squarer jaw then his son but otherwise there was a strong family resemblance.

"Abigail, what's going on?" he asked, looking first at his wife and then at their unexpected guest.

"He has news about Zack. Finally, after so many years of waiting," she said. Coby looked again at Cloud and bowed his head.

"Abigail," he murmured. "You need to stay calm. I don't think...this is the news we've been waiting for."

She bit her lip, the excitement gone. She looked carefully at Cloud, seeing the pain and confusion in his eyes. She sank down onto the couch in despair.

"My baby...He can't be..."

"I'm sorry," said Cloud, choking on the lump in his throat.

Abigail began to cry. Her husband put his arms around her and let her sob on his shoulder. Cloud looked away, trying to give the couple the privacy they deserved. His eyes found a picture of baby-Zack being held lovingly by his mother, his father standing protectively behind the two of them.

'The perfect family,' Cloud thought.

"Please...How did it happen?" asked Abigail finally. "I need to know." Cloud turned around.

"When did you lose contact with him?" Cloud asked.

"Six and a half years ago," Mrs. Fair answered instantly. "He sent us a letter. I began to get worried after about three months. He always was sending us letters..." she trailed off, holding back more tears.

Cloud nodded solemnly.

"The reason he didn't send you letters was because he couldn't. He had been captured by a scientist who was officially working for Shinra. He considered himself the 'creator' of SOLDIERs and took special pride in Sephiroth, who was his 'special experiment'."

"It was this scientist who was partly responsible for Sephiroth's descent into madness. Shinra covered the incident up, but Sephiroth actually went insane six and a half years ago. If not for Zack, Sephiroth would have threatened us five years sooner."

"They fought?" Abigail asked. "Does that mean Sephiroth was able to track him down, then? Or did the scientist give Zack to that monster?"

"Neither," Cloud answered. "At the end of their battle, Zack was half dead...A, uh, friend of his found him and was able to eventually throw Sephiroth to his supposed death, but not without a price. The scientist discovered them, both on the verge of death, and took them into his custody."

He stayed silent for a moment, struggling to contain the rage and horror which warred within him whenever he thought about Hojo. The couple watched him with fearful eyes.

"For five years Hojo used them, trying to clone Sephiroth. He was unsuccessful. Zack proved to be resistant to his treatments and he was able to escape, taking his friend with him. Shinra, wanting to cover up their involvement with human experimentation, tried to track him down. Hunted and carrying his friend, who was nothing but a burden to him, he still managed to get all the way across this continent to the East."

"Wait, that was when we were contacted by that turk," Coby said angrily. "She must have known all along."

"Possibly," said Cloud. "All I know is that Zack was within sight of Midgar when Shinra found him for the last time. They cornered him with an entire army...He nearly managed to defeat them all, too, but in the end they overwhelmed him."

He could remember that day so well now. The scent of blood, the scattered corpses, Zack lying among them, Zack talking so slowly, saying words Cloud couldn't understand, Zack closing his eyes for the last time...A chill ran down his spine.

"But his friend lived," Cloud said finally. "He woke up and he was able to get to Midgar in safety. Zack died a hero's death, despite the wrongs that Shinra committed against him."

"How do you know all this?" Coby asked sharply. "Did you find this 'friend'?"

"I am that friend," Cloud corrected him. " I owe Zack more then I can possibly explain."

"But how?" asked Abigail. "If that was you, why didn't you tell us the first time?"

"I should have, but I didn't remember what happened," Cloud said. "When I woke up...I was a mess. The mako poisoning left me a half-person, with only a couple of memories."

"It's a shame," said Coby. "If he had another SOLDIER beside him, perhaps Shinra would have learnt their lesson." Cloud laughed bitterly.

"I wasn't SOLDIER. I thought I was. All I knew was that I was carrying a SOLDIERs sword, and wearing a SOLDIER's uniform, so I thought I had to have been one, but being a SOLDIER is about much more than equipment."

"He gave you his sword?" Abigail asked, sounding confused.

"It was meant to be like a legacy, something he could pass down to me," said Cloud. "But I took things too far. He asked me to live for him, but I tried to become him instead. Only I could have never been half the man your son was and I should have never tried!"

He was taken by surprise when Abigail stood up and hugged him.

"You did your best," she said. "And I'm grateful that you were there with him. At the end..." Her voice faltered as she choked back a sob.

"Thanks to you, we know the truth," said Coby in a shaky voice. "No more false hope, no more waiting for a miracle." Cloud didn't think this was necessarily a good thing, but he stayed quiet.

Abigail let him go.

"I want to show you something before you leave," she said. She disappeared for a moment, arriving later with a handful of paper. She handed him one of the papers. It was yellowed with age and worn thin. He took it, holding it delicately.

It was a letter from Zack, he realised in shock. His hands shook slightly as he read it.

How are things going? Better then here, I imagine. I really haven't got much to do, given as Shinra won't be sending me on missions for a little while...But at least that's given me time to spend with my friends and Aeris.

Speaking of, I made a new friend. He's quiet and shy but really determined, too. He's still in the infantry, but that makes sense 'cause he's pretty young. He looks really delicate but he's surprisingly good out on the field. He wants to be SOLDIER, too and I'm pretty sure he'll make it. Especially as I'm going to be helping him along the way.

Anyway, it'll be a while until I'm able to get back home again. I've been missing your food like crazy though, not to mention the weather here is awful...It's SO cold, I hate it...

Cloud looked up.

"That was you he was talking about, right?" she asked. Cloud nodded.

"Yeah," said Cloud stiffly.

"Please, keep them," Abigail said, pushing the letters towards him.

"I couldn't," said Cloud.

"Abi, honey, are you sure?" asked Coby.

Abigail looked at both of them firmly.

"I want to," she said. "I've read over them so many times...They're not going to bring him back, though. They just hurt me, but maybe you can learn something from them."

"Thank you," said Cloud reverently.

"It is those who worked for Shinra who should be sorry, those people who knew about these atrocities and did nothing," said Coby bitterly.

"I-I should go," said Cloud. "If you want to contact me, just ring the WRO headquaters. They will give you my details."

"I'll walk you out," said Abigail. Her husband gave her a sharp look.

"Sure," said Cloud.

They walked along the quiet forest path. Even the village seemed darker and more sombre, as if it was mourning for its lost son too. The sky was on the verge of rain, leaving the tree-covered village shrouded in darkness.

"I wanted to ask you something," said Abigail. "I know my husband wouldn't approve, so I had to wait until he wasn't listening."

"Uh.." Cloud had a feeling he knew where this was going.

"The way you talk about Zack...I couldn't help but wonder if you had feelings for him?"

"Yeah," said Cloud eventually. "But it doesn't really matter, now, does it?"

"I just wanted to know," said Abigail. "I thought it might be nicer for him, somehow. Were you seeing each other?"

"...Yes."

"Oh...Then he died to protect the one he loved."

"I suppose," said Cloud, still unable to look at her. If he had to see her eyes one more time, he would probably lose it.

"I want to thank you," she continued. "I know that you made him very happy. A mother can tell these things, you know."

This comment was innocent, but for some reason it made him cry.

"I hope so," Cloud said through his tears. Cloud looked up. Mrs. Fair was crying too, but she was smiling at him at the same time.

"Please take care," she said. "I wouldn't want anything to happen to you. I think that would upset him."

"I will," said Cloud. "Make sure you take care of yourselves, too."

Abigail walked away but Cloud remained. He leaned by a tree and cried until there were no more tears to cry. The tears had left him feeling empty. He took a final look at the village.

"You were wrong," he said out loud. "They never gave up hope. I don't think they could, until they knew for sure." Then he turned away for good. He was pretty sure he would never go back.

When Addison saw him approach he did a double take.

"Did something happen?" he asked. Cloud shook his head.

"I had to tell a couple their son had died in the line of duty," Cloud said flatly.

"Oh," said the young pilot, looking ashamed. "Did you know him personally?"

"He was my friend."

Addison turned away awkwardly and started the helicopter. Cloud climbed in, looking anywhere but at the village he was leaving behind. They sat in silence. Every so often Cloud would flick through the letters he had been given, but he would always stop when he realised what he was doing.

"We're going straight to Edge," Addison announced eventually. "It's so early, we don't need to make a stop. With the time difference, we should make it just before dark."

"Okay."

'Should I go home, then?' Cloud mused. 'Would Tifa even let me in? She can't really stop me...I am on the contract, so technically I partly-own her bar.' Cloud sighed. It wouldn't be that easy. She had been very upset when he left. He doubted that she'd cooled down in the two days he'd been gone. She hadn't even sent him a message.

The flight seemed to go on forever. It seemed like an eternity passed before they touched down at the WRO headquarters. Addison said a cheery fair-well.

"I hope to work with you again, sir," he said as Cloud worked away.

"I'm sure you will," Cloud assured him tiredly.

He walked away, towards Seventh Heaven. At the end of the day he didn't have anywhere else to go. He walked through the door, only to be roughly grabbed by an enraged Barret.

"You've got some nerve, Spike. Showing up here after you made my Tifa cry!"

"Let me go," Cloud snapped angrily. He had never liked being held, something which had only intensified after his five years in captivity. Barret pushed him away so that his head hit the wall. Cloud winced in pain.

"This is my house, too," Cloud pointed out, struggling to keep himself from lashing out. He didn't want to hurt Barret too badly, but it had been a hard day and he was already close to losing it.

"You'd better bloody well apologise," Barret stated.

"I already have," Cloud said. "I'm back, aren't I? I wasn't even gone that long."

"Yeah, well...You need to get your f-ing priorities straight."

"You're one to talk," Cloud said angrily, pushing past him and walking up the stairs.

He noticed that Tifa had moved her stuff out of his room. Was she really serious about this? He didn't want their relationship to degrade like this, but he wasn't sure how to fix it.

'And doesn't she have a point? I can't give her the dedication she so obviously wants.'

But...she had always been there. After Sephiroth had been defeated, when everything still looked hopeless, she had been there. She had seen him at his worst and accepted him completely. She had stayed by his side when he was sick with mako poisoning - the second time, that was.

'It should be so easy to love her,' Cloud thought. 'It was, once, back when we were teenagers. But I've changed since then. We both have.' He sighed. He was hungry, but he didn't want to face Tifa in the kitchen. She must still be angry at him.

He sighed and got ready for bed. He looked down at the letters he had been given. A part of him wanted to read them all, but there was something he had to do first.

He lay still in bed and waited for sleep to take him at last. He would deal with everything else in the morning.

Cloud was sitting in a tree-house. It was a childish construct, having only three proper 'walls' and a very shody looking roof. He appeared to be in someone's backyard, but it was dark, so he couldn't so whose it was.

'If this was real, I bet this would crumble under my weight,' Cloud thought. 'Though given the violent nature of these dreams, I wouldn't be surprised if that happened anyway.'

"I thought these dreams were all places I had been," Cloud said aloud to whoever was listening.

"Not necessarily," Zack replied from behind him. "I was thinking about home still, I guess."

"I can understand that," Cloud said. "You were watching, weren't you?"

"Of course," Zack replied. "I knew you would like my folks. And now they know the truth. So I guess I can 'rest in peace' and all that."

Cloud laughed dryly.

"I can't imagine that," he said. "You, resting in peace?"

"Well...I'm too busy stalking you and all...But I do appreciate it, none the less." Cloud shook his head.

"I'm glad. There's just something I wanted to ask."

"Then ask away."

"Would you mind if I read those letters? I know your mum gave them to me and all, but I don't know, it feels like an invasion of privacy."

"You can read them, if you want. They're not very interesting, anyway," said Zack.

"Thank you," said Cloud.

"I'm the one who should be grateful, doofus."

He looked out at the night sky. The darkness seemed to engulf him, until everything had faded away and there was just him, travelling to an unknown destination.

Cloud, 16

Cloud woke up on the day of the parade feeling glad it was his last day at Junon. Zack turning up had briefly bettered the situation, although since that first night things had been a little more awkward than usual.

In the end, it didn't really matter because Zack had been busy chasing down some terrorist cell most of the time. He hadn't seen the SOLDIER for a good four days now.

'How typical,' Cloud thought bitterly as he got up. He had very little time to get ready. If he ended up being late to the parade he knew he'd catch it. Even Zack's read-made excuses wouldn't be enough to get him out of that kind of trouble.

Luckily he was able to make it in plenty of time. He kept his eye out for Zack, but wasn't able to see him anywhere. That was hardly surprising, though. They would have the SOLDIERs way out the front.

Cloud was a little surprised they were using SOLDIERs at all, considering all the grief Zack had said Shinra was giving them. He supposed that Shinra wouldn't care about their previous reservations if they thought they could get more publicity by using them. Shinra really were unscrupulous in their use of their own personnel.

Their group leader got them all into order. Cloud followed the directives exactly, personally thinking he could do these moves in his sleep. After practicing them for a whole month, they were permanently fixed in his brain. Trust Shinra to value parade moves over combat skills.

They began to move in a large procession. The music they had was really loud, he wouldn't be surprised if they could hear it all through the city. It annoyed him but he moved on, making sure to keep perfectly in time.

As he was walking he heard the two boys behind him begin to talk.

"Hey, apparently the General's here," one of them said. "I heard the Sergeant talking about it before we got ready."

"What, why would he be here? I thought he was busy."

"Dunno. Though rumour has it he's filling in for the Lieutenant."

Cloud struggled to remain silent. Filling in? Where was Zack? He seemed to have disappeared off the face of the planet...

'Don't be ridiculous,' he told himself. 'If Zack was seriously hurt we would be told...right?' Still the doubts wouldn't go away. By the time the parade had stopped Cloud was a nervous wreck. His worst fears were only confirmed when he saw Sephiroth at the podium, standing beside the President, with Zack nowhere in sight.

He listened to the pro-Shinra speeches without hearing them. All he could think of was the fact that Zack was supposed to be there and he wasn't. He couldn't bear the suspense. He wanted to leave the parade right then, but with so many people around him that wasn't possible.

As the parade finished he kept a close eye on Sephiroth. He knew that they would be transported back to base soon, but he should have a couple of hours. That would be enough to verify Zack's location.

When they were allowed to leave he followed Sephiroth, trailing the General until he finally caught up. Sephiroth turned around.

"What do you want, Strife?" he asked, sounding vaguely irritated. Cloud shuffled nervously.

"Please, sir, I was wondering where the Lieutenant is. He was supposed to be taking your place, but he wasn't there and..."

"I understand," said the General, cutting him off. "You are right to be concerned. Zackary was injured during a routine mission. He's been in hospital for three days."

"Three days?" Cloud repeated incredulously.

"He was in quite a bad condition when he arrived," Sephiroth explained calmly. "I believe he is somewhat better now."

"Is it possible for me to see him, sir?" Cloud asked timidly. He expected the General to turn him down.

"As you wish. I was going to see him now. You may accompany me, if you like." Cloud nodded eagerly and followed after Sephiroth as he began to walk to the hospital.

The staff were eager to please their famous guest. They were taken straight to Zack's ward, despite the fact that there was a sign clearly stating that it was a 'rest' period for all the patients.

'No wonder Zack wants to be a hero,' Cloud thought to himself. 'If they get treated like this all the time.'

Sephiroth gestured at Cloud to wait for a moment.

"I'd like to talk to him privately," he explained before walking into the ward. Cloud waited impatiently outside, wondering what they could possibly be talking about.

Finally the General reappeared and told him he could come in. Cloud walked in nervously. Zack was waiting for him on the hospital bed, looking a little paler then usual but otherwise fine. He was sitting up and already fidgeting.

"Hey there," said Zack. "You know, Sephiroth probably made this seem a bit worse than it actually was. Really, I could have been out yesterday. Doctors are so damn fussy when it comes to releasing patients." Zack gave him his best innocent look.

"He didn't say what happened," Cloud said pointedly.

"Alright then," said Zack. "Well, it's not really that big a deal."

"Then you wouldn't mind explaining," said Cloud, feeling annoyed. Did Zack really think he could be hospitalised for three days and Cloud wouldn't worry?

"He's just embarrassed, I believe," Sephiroth explained helpfully. "It's not often a First Class gets taken down be a civilian. I think he was hoping you wouldn't find out."

Cloud gave Zack an incredulous look.

"You really thought I wouldn't find out?" he asked. "I mean, how were you going to explain where you were for those three days?"

"I had an excuse all thought out and everything."

Cloud shook his head.

"Fine, I'll tell you," said Zack. "We finally found the terrorists and I was supposed to go in and disable them. It should have been easy, but their leader threatened to blow up the main base. Turned out he was bluffing, but the distraction was enough so that they could hit knock me out."

"How did you get out, then?" Cloud pressed. This made Sephiroth chuckle.

"The turks had to come to his rescue. It's a poor day for SOLDIER when their elite need Turk assistance. If not for them, he probably would have died."

Cloud's eyes widened.

"Died?" he asked slowly.

"I would not," Zack protested. "Now you're just being melodramatic."

"I'm being truthful," Sephiroth said. "Unlike some people."

Zack glared at the General before turning back to Cloud.

"These things happen," he said. "It's not exactly the first time I've ended up in hospital."

"Yeah, but..."

"It seems you're perfectly fine now, anyway," Sephiroth announced, cutting the infantry man off. "You'll be needed back at headquarters as soon as the doctor releases you. I'll be waiting for you in the helicopter." He turned and walked out of the ward.

"See you then," Zack called out to the General's retreating back.

Cloud wanted to voice his concerns, to press for details and to demand that Zack be more careful in the future, but he didn't. Zack was SOLDIER. He was going to be injured and he was going to risk dying. That was just how things were.

He settled for a curt, "Tell me where you are, next time."

"Sure thing." They looked at each other for a moment, words left unsaid hanging in the air between them.

"You'll have to go soon, right?" Zack asked, abruptly changing the topic. Cloud nodded.

"The truck leaves in about an hour," he said.

"Hmm...I bet I'll still manage to get back before you. That means I'll fulfil my promise after all."

Cloud looked at him blankly.

"Remember? I promised I'd be waiting for you at the door."

"Seeing as you've been here for a week, I don't think it's exactly relevant," Cloud said.

"Sure it is. A promise is a promise. Besides, you're the one who said I couldn't keep it. So I proved your wrong."

"Good for you," said Cloud sourly, still in a bad mood. "What do you want, a cookie?"

"Nope," said Zack slowly, smiling slightly. "I want you to go out on a date with me."

"That's not possible. At least, not where anyone could recognise us," Cloud pointed out.

"Well, fine. You can still come and grab lunch with me," said Zack, sounding a little put out. "That's good enough, right?" There was something in his tone which made Cloud think he was talking about more than a date.

He didn't have to think about the answer.

"Yeah," he replied. "Spending time with you when you're not trying to kill me is always good."

"When have I ever tried to kill you?" Zack asked indignantly.

"During those torture sessions you call training," Cloud said, smiling slightly.

"You know, I'm pretty sure you enjoy them, seeing as you're always coming back for more," Zack pointed out.

"Well, people say you have to a be a little insane to join SOLDIER," Cloud said.

"I've never heard anyone say that," Zack said.

"They wouldn't say it to your face, obviously."

"Yeah, I guess not," Zack said, sighing dramatically.

They exchanged a look and began to laugh. The tension which had built up between them eased. Just then, one of the doctors walked in.

"I should go," said Cloud, avoiding the curious gaze of the doctor.

"Yeah, alright. Take care."

Cloud turned away to go. If he didn't hurry up, he was going to catch it later. He had a feeling that the two days travel from Junon to Midgar was going to drag terribly... Especially when he knew Zack would be back and waiting for him.

'As long as he's not called out for a mission...or somehow injured on the way home,' Cloud thought wryly. 'Maybe things could just work out, for once.'

Author's Note : I read another story recently where Cloud goes to visit Zack's parents, Fondness by skibaloveskink. I was actually mid-way through writing this chapter at the time...I hope it doesn't seem like I stole the idea or anything. At least I know I'm not the only one disturbed by how long the poor couple had to wait for news of their son :(

I'm currently halfway through Crisis Core. I think I love it even more the second time through :) I was very happy when Zack offered to take Cloud out for lunch, even if it seems like they never got the chance. That whole scene was so cute...If only Hojo and Jenova had left them alone -sighs-.