Parting
Cloud, 22
When he first opened his eyes in the morning, he was honestly confused when he saw the room he was in wasn't Zack's apartment. It took him a few heartbreaking moments to realise exactly where he was and what was happening.
He rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. At least he knew what was happening now, more or less. So Aeris had found a way for his soul to visit the life stream at night, safely? It was like they were in a 'safe zone' of the lifestream, free from the interference of the other souls which also existed there.
Cloud knew from personal experience just how damaging time spent in the mako environment could be. He didn't know if it was the same for the dead, but for the living creatures which encountered pure mako it would corrupt their bodies and scramble their identities, until they lost all sense of self...
He shuddered. He had to remind himself that Aeris supposedly caused all this and she was not the sort of person that would risk him getting hurt or psychologically damaged. However these memories were being shown to him, it was clear that he was not in immediate danger of losing all sense of self.
'I could lose my mind, though,' Cloud thought drolly. 'Trying to live two lives." He shook his head. That wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was when he was conscious in the lifestream, because then Zack was so close. It should have been a blessing to have that opportunity, but the closeness only highlighted the distance between them. They would never be together again, they had lost that chance one and a half years ago.
He got up and went downstairs. Tifa and the kids were sitting down eating breakfast, but Barrett was nowhere to be seen.
'Either he's left really early, or he's hung over and doesn't want to get up,' Cloud thought. 'I bet it's the latter.'
Marlene perked up instantly when she caught sight of Cloud.
"You need to get ready quickly, so we can make a garden," she scolded him.
"Alright, then." Cloud grabbed himself some breakfast and sat next to the kids.
"Where are you going to get flowers?" Tifa asked.
"Uh..." Cloud trailed off. He had never been into gardening and really knew nothing about plants (other than the fact that they didn't like being squished, which he had learnt courtesy of Aeris).
"Why don't you try the grocery store?" Tifa asked, finally taking pity on him. "I think people are starting to import flowers. If you can't get any, they will definitely have vegetables."
"I don't want to grow vegetables!" Marlene protested.
"At least they're more practical then flowers," Denzel responded irritably. He looked tired and grumpy, generally out of sorts. It was beginning to worry Cloud. What could possibly be wrong with the boy?
Tifa broke up the argument and told both of them to get ready. Cloud finished his breakfast and showered. The little girl was ready long before he was and she decided to skip around the front door while singing, 'I'm going to make a garden!' until Cloud came down and dragged her outside.
The walk to the shops was fortunately brief. Cloud might have enjoyed the young girl's presence in his house and felt attached to her, but she certainly was a handful to deal with when she became overly enthusiastic.
The small seed section at the back of the grocery store left her agog, staring at all the different pictures on the box.
"We need lots of pink ones," she instructed, picking them off the shelf. Cloud quickly looked at the instructions on the packets, determining which ones might actually stand a chance of growing.
"Do you think she'll see them?" Marlene asked as they put the seeds through the check out.
"I'm sure she will," he replied gently. The girl smiled, accepting the seeds gravely and holding them close to her body like a mother with a newborn child.
'There was something so innocent about her, it reminded Cloud of Aeris in a way. Regardless of the chaos of this world, they remained somehow able to smile, their faces untainted by bitterness or despair.
When they arrived home Cloud had to figure out how he was going to go about actually creating the flower bed. Luckily, they still had some of the tools left over from the rebuilding, which he was able to use to construct a small garden, complete with a little wooden 'fence' to keep people from stepping on the flowers.
He was just about to start putting in the seeds when Tifa emerged from the kitchen. She stared at the developing garden, holding a platter of sandwiches.
"You did all this in a morning?" Tifa asked incredulously.
"Yes," Cloud replied seriously. "Marlene was keen to get started."
Tifa sighed and smiled at the girl.
"I guess you'll need a break, then," she said. "You've got to be hungry, right?"
"Yup!" The sandwiches were passed around. Even Denzel came out of the house and ate lunch with them, out in the sunshine.
"Can I have a look at the seeds?" Tifa asked. Cloud nodded and past them over. Tifa scanned through them quickly, a nostalgic look in her eyes.
"I never thought about putting a garden in," Tifa mused. "Somehow, it never seemed like we had enough time."
"It's a way to show we're settled," Cloud agreed. "And that things are going to be different this time."
It was a tribute, too, but neither of them had to say it. He knew that Aeris would appreciate their efforts. He could imagine her watching them from the lifestream, a smile on her face.
Cloud read the instructions on the back carefully. He even got a tape measure to make sure he was following the directions exactly. Tifa laughed at him and bent down to help, while Marlene 'supervised'.
"Do you think they'll grow?" asked Cloud, inspecting their handy work.
"With all the hard work you put into them, I'm sure they'll turn out fine," Tifa replied. Her smile was genuine and the tension which had built up between them finally seemed to slacken a little.
"Of course they'll grow! They're going to be the prettiest flowers ever!" Marlene added enthusiastically.
They walked back inside to where Barrett and Denzel were waiting for them. The older man picked up his adoptive daughter and gave her a big hug.
"I have to leave again," he told her. "But I'm nearly finished, I promise. We've nearly found everything we need."
"...Okay. When you're gone, I'll look after the flowers real good, so you can see them when you get back."
"Of course you will," Barrett responded gruffly. "I bet they'll be beautiful."
Cloud watched them both, feeling oddly detached from the moment.
"See you," Barrett said. "You take good care of Marlene and Spike, 'kay?" Cloud ducked his head as Tifa laughed and assured him she would.
"You had a good time, right?" Tifa asked.
"Uh...yeah," said Cloud. "But I don't think I'm very good at gardening." Tifa rolled her eyes.
"That's not the point."
No, of course that wasn't the point. The point was that they'd spent time together and that Marlene was happy. He understood and he was happy that they were happy. As for himself...he couldn't quite forget what was missing. No, who was missing.
He forced a smile.
"I hope you had a good time, too," Cloud said.
"Yup," she replied. "But I need to get back to work. I'll cook us a quick dinner, but then I've got to open the bar."
"Can I help?" Marlene asked.
"Sure," Tifa replied, though Cloud was sure that the young girl would be less of a help and more of a hindrance.
'Tifa looks much happier,' Cloud thought. 'Is that because of me? Do I really have so much power over her?' It was a disturbing thought. He had never really thought about how she felt about him. He'd only really realised that she'd had feelings for him at all after Meteor. In his head, he'd always been the one desperate to impress her, not the other way round.
'I went to Shinra to impress Tifa and ended up finding Zack. How ironic. But I don't regret that at all. If I had my time again...What would I do?' Cloud shook his head. That wasn't going to happen anytime soon, so why think about it?
Dinner was served and unlike normal Tifa ate with them. She sent the two kids up to bed but asked Cloud to stay with her for a while.
"I just wanted to talk for a moment," she said apologetically, knowing Cloud's hatred of loud places.
"That's fine."
She opened up the bar and served the first early customers before returning to Cloud.
"I just wanted to say, that I think I was wrong about what I said before," she said when she returned. "I really appreciate that you're making the effort for us."
"You don' t have to thank me," said Cloud awkwardly.
Tifa blushed slightly.
"I didn't want you to think I'd given up on you, that's all," she said. "I was very emotional, but I wasn't thinking straight. Regardless of that, I'll always feel the same way about you."
"I understand, but I think we should take things slowly. For both our sakes."
Tifa looked disappointed, but still she managed a smile.
"Alright then," she said. "If that's really what you want."
"Yeah." He looked away. Tifa gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before hurrying off to serve more customers.
Cloud went upstairs, helped put the kids to bed and then finally went to his room. The discussion he had with Tifa had made him nervous. He had come so close to explaining the truth, but in the end he'd hesitated.
He cursed and decided to get ready for bed. He wasn't sure he would ever be ready to return the feelings Tifa held for him, but standing around thinking about it wasn't necessarily going to clear things up. He just hoped that Zack could understand...
He was standing in the snow, on top of the Shinra building. He looked down to the ground below him, illuminated by the mako-lights. From so far up, it almost looked beautiful, especially in the snow.
"I feel like this is the end," Cloud said sadly, looking out at the city. A hand grabbed his wrist firmly.
"Yeah," Zack replied. "After this, you'll have your memories."
"So there would be no reason for me to come back here," Cloud said bitterly.
"I guess not," Zack replied. "You can just go on living your life, now."
"I love you," Cloud said suddenly. "I'm sorry I forgot."
"I love you too," Zack replied easily. "And I'm sorry I can't be there with you."
"You...that's not your fault," Cloud pointed out. "That's just fate."
"Doesn't stop me from being sorry, isn't that right, Cloud?"
"I guess not," Cloud admitted. "But I was still too weak..."
"Exactly."
"How is it that this all feels so real?" Cloud asked.
"To be honest, I have no idea," Zack replied sheepishly. "Whenever I'm with you, I feel like myself, not just a part of the lifestream...It's weird."
They stayed silent for a moment, both dreading the inevitable separation.
"Cloud, close your eyes for a second." Cloud obeyed, feeling a brief sense of vertigo until Zack held onto him. The brunette spun him around until they were face to face.
"Take care of yourself,' Zack whispered, kissing him lightly. It was barely a peck, so soft that Cloud wondered if he really felt it at all.
All of the sudden, Zack's hold on him loosened and he stumbled backwards. There was a brief jolting sensation as his foot lost contact with the concrete and then he was falling. He opened his eyes and looked at the ledge but there was no one there.
'Maybe he was never there at all,' Cloud thought as he fell. 'Maybe I really am just going insane.'
He continued to fall, but he didn't land, he just kept on falling, until he wasn't sure which way he was falling, or if he was moving at all.
Cloud, 16
Cloud woke up after yet another exhausting day. A state of emergency had been declared by Shinra, meaning that all military personnel - up to and including SOLDIERs - were being worked overtime. The Genesis clones were causing serious damage to every single part of the world, meaning even Shinra's large army were having problems dealing with the threat.
Cloud had been stuck at Midgar, fighting off the threat in and around Shinra, while Zack had been sent off to who-knows-where. He'd just come back today, but now Cloud was supposed to be going on a mission with the General to one of the outlying reactors. He didn't know whether Zack would be coming too, but he figured the odds of Shinra sending out their two best SOLDIERs was low, to say the least.
'Well, I won't know until I get there,' Cloud thought. He got ready carefully, wanting to appear neat before the General. Not only was the man his hero, but the more he got to know him, the more Cloud respected him on a personal basis.
When the infantry man walked in, Sephiroth was already deep on conversation with a masked SOLDIER. Cloud waited on the threshold of the room, unsure as to whether he would be welcome.
"So, he's gone to visit the girl, then?" Sephiroth asked, sounding oddly amused.
"Yes, sir," the SOLDIER replied. "After all, he could be gone for ages. It's only fair enough that he'd want to visit her now, before he leaves." Cloud recognised his voice. It was Kunsel, one of Zack's friends.
"He visits her a lot," the General mused.
"Yeah, well, they're pretty close," said Kunsel, his voice suggestive.
Cloud sighed softly to himself. He was pretty sure who they were talking about and, while he was happy that Zack was coming on the mission, he was not so delighted by what Kunsel was insinuating.
While he knew rumours about Aeris and Zack were still floating around Shinra, he trusted the SOLDIER when he said they were just good friends. Sometimes, though, Cloud wished he'd put an end to the speculation.
Another infantryman approached the door.
"I can't believe we're being sent out with Sephiroth," he whispered. "This must be pretty serious."
"I guess so," Cloud replied. He couldn't imagine that he'd be first choice for any difficult mission, but then again he would probably just be watching the two big, bad SOLDIERs doing their job while he stood on the side-lines.
"Are you going to come inside?" the General asked, turning towards the door.
"Yes, sir," both the infantrymen called. They walked inside and saluted.
"I'd better get going, sir," Kunsel said to Sephiroth. "Good luck with your mission."
"We're just waiting on Lieutenant Fair, then," Sephiroth said, a hint of irony in his voice. Cloud shook his head slightly. He contemplated warning the SOLDIER, but decided not to. Probably, any well meaning message he sent would be promptly ignored.
It was a good twenty minutes before he finally appeared, looking a little sheepish.
"You're here, then," said Sephiroth dryly.
"Yeah...So, where are we going, anyway?"
"Nibelheim," Sephiroth replied. Cloud nearly cried out in surprise. He had never imagined in his wildest dreams that he would be called out on a mission to his hometown.
Zack walked over to him.
"Together again, huh?" he said gently. Cloud smiled nervously.
"I guess so," he replied, but he was distracted by thoughts of homecoming.
The trip to Junon seemed to stretch on forever. Zack tried to make conversation, talking non-stop through the truck ride, but Cloud was too preoccupied to respond. He sat by the window, taking his helmet off so the cool breeze could dispel some of the discomfort he normally felt while travelling.
When they arrived they were expected to get on the boat which was waiting for them in the harbour. Shinra had delayed the boat especially for them. The apparent hurry was beginning to make Cloud nervous. Was the situation really that dire?
Night had fallen by the time they departed the shore. It was a calm, clear night and the stars were just visible through the layer of haze. The moon shone brightly, illuminating a silver path through the black waves.
The others elected to retire to their bunks, but Cloud remained by on the deck, looking out at the ocean. He was too wound up to sleep and even if he was feeling tired, he knew from personal experience that the rocking motion of the boat was far more noxious below decks, where he couldn't see the water.
Standing alone in the dark reminded him of another night, two years ago and of a promise whispered in the darkness, witnessed by the stars. He could not honour that promise yet, he knew, and the knowledge shamed him. To walk into Nibelheim, surrounded by heroes, would be mortifying.
If only he'd been given a little more time. With the way he was progressing, he might, just maybe, have been able to make it into SOLDIER. While it wouldn't be as good as returning a hero, it might have been enough, at least for now.
He sighed. Regardless of his position, it would be obvious that he was nothing compared to Sephiroth or Zack. A liability, or dead weight at the very best. He didn't even understand why he'd been ordered to come.
"You know, it's nearly eleven o'clock," Zack called out, startling from his reflections. "You should probably get some sleep, or else risk the disapproval of the great General himself." The last was said in a vaguely sarcastic tone, but Cloud nodded anyway.
"I'll come in soon," he said.
"You look worried. Isn't going home a good thing?" Zack asked. Cloud shrugged.
"Yeah, I guess. I just thought it would different."
"Nothing seems to be going the way it should anymore." Cloud looked up at the older boy, frowning slightly.
"Is something the matter?" he asked, but he already knew the answer.
"I don't know. I just wish things would turn out simple, for once. Everything's so complicated, these days." Cloud remained silent, waiting for Zack to get to the point.
"These clones don't make any sense. Theoretically, none of them should exist, because the originals are dead..."
'The originals? So he's not just talking about Genesis?'
"I thought the theory was that Genesis was still alive," Cloud pointed out. "It makes more sense that way."
"It does," Zack agreed. "But it makes everything harder, too."
Cloud didn't understand. He wished the SOLDIER would start making sense.
"Because it means you still have to deal with Genesis?" he asked.
"Yeah. And it means I have to wonder about Angeal, too. I saw one of his clones today. Looked more like a monster then anything, but it protected Aeris and I...Just like he would have..."
"Oh," the younger boy said simply. "But..." He trailed off, not wanting to say the harsh words which instantly came to mind.
"Yeah, I get it," Zack said, also skirting around the bitter truth. "Still, sometimes I feel like he's still out there, watching over me."
"You think?" Cloud asked. He was a little sceptical, but he hadn't been the one to see the elite SOLDIER die, or to see the clone. It was not his call to make.
"Maybe," Zack replied. "Well, anyway, Aeris seems pretty found of the clone. She thinks it's sweet."
"That's nice," said Cloud neutrally. He knew it was irrational, but he didn't like it when Zack talked about her.
"You should really meet her sometime," Zack added, but Cloud shook his head.
"Wouldn't that be a little awkward?" If he felt uncomfortable with the fact that Zack had seen Aeris before they'd gotten together, surely the girl would resent Cloud for 'stealing' her boyfriend.
"Uh...she doesn't know about us," Zack said quietly.
"Oh." Of course she didn't.
"She might have told someone," Zack added. "And I didn't want to upset her..."
"It's fine," Cloud said with a shrug. He was used to these kind of compromises and while it wasn't exactly great, he could deal with it.
Zack looked up at the sky for a second and Cloud wondered if he was a little embarrassed.
'Or maybe he's thinking about Angeal?' Cloud wondered sadly.
"Check it out...You can make a chocobo out of the stars." Cloud blinked at looked at the older boy incredulously.
"Are you for real?" Cloud asked.
"Can't you see it?"
Cloud began to laugh, which only made Zack more defensive.
"I'll show you," he said, slowly pointing a random shape in the sky which, in Cloud's eyes, looked nothing like a chocobo.
"Do you see it now?"
"Not really," Cloud admitted.
"Ah, that's too bad," said Zack forlornly, but his smile belied the sadness in his voice. "Let's see what else I can find..."
Just like that, the aura of despair which seemed so cloying a moment ago had been dispelled. Hope began to blossom in his heart. No matter what difficulties they encountered, they would be together.
"I love you," Cloud whispered so softly it was nearly lost in the wind. Zack turned towards him, grinning widely.
"I love you too," Zack said. He was about to say something else, but The SOLDIER was interrupted by a gentle cough from behind.
Both boys turned around suddenly, face to face with their General. Cloud tensed, hardly able to breathe. They had as good as confessed to breaking several iron-clad restrictions.
"How long have you been out here?" Zack asked, looking torn between fear and defiance.
"For a while," Sephiroth replied vaguely. "For a First Class, your detection skills leave much to be desired."
Zack scowled slightly, standing so that he was between Cloud and Sephiroth.
"So? What happens now?" he asked. Cloud looked away in shame, disbelieving. Would it really be his hero who condemned him?
"You go back to bed. We disembark at 6:00 tomorrow, arrive at Nibelheim at approximately 16:00. We investigate the source of the disturbance, then hopefully we depart shortly afterwards," the General said blandly.
"And after that?" Zack asked warily.
"I'm unaware of any future missions, Zackary," Sephiroth replied. His voice was deadpan, but his eyes glinted with amusement at the predicament the two boys were in.
"Yeah, of course you wouldn't," Zack said, sounding a little confused.
Cloud let out the breath he'd been holding. He was quicker on the uptake then Zack, apparently, who was regarding Sephiroth seriously.
"We should get to bed, now," Cloud said gently, nudging the older boy slightly. Sephiroth nodded and left.
"That was lucky," Cloud whispered. "If he had been anyone else..." He didn't need to finish the sentence. They were both well aware of the consequences their illicit relationship would have for both of them.
"Yeah," said Zack. "It's nice to know that some people are on our side, right?" Cloud nodded, still a little shaken. He managed a small smile.
When they snuck into the room Sephiroth was already asleep, silver hair tangled haphazardly around his lithe figure. His face had relaxed, freed from the pressures which the world had placed on him. Cloud smiled at his hero.
"Thank you," he whispered softly, before climbing into his bunk.
Author's Note : Believe it or not, I'm actually not done yet, so if you've realised I haven't explained everything, please don't worry. Next chapter will be the big finale...I'm hoping what happens will be surprising, though if you want to guess by all means go ahead.
I'm sorry this is late. I wanted it out for new years, but events conspired against me...And now my teeth hurt, because I've gone and gotten a cavity, plus my wisdom teeth are coming through
:( But I will finish this story, hopefully soon. Thank you again to everyone reading, reviewing and favoriting. I really appreciate the feedback and I hope everyone is still enjoying this.