Chapter 18

"So are you?"

"I've thought about it."

"Yes?"

"Grandfather has a point. I have to give...my father a chance."

"Hn."

"He is still my father. I have to know him more to accept who he is. So I've decided...I'm coming with him."

Kahoko inhaled the crisp air that somehow grazed her throat. She lifted her hands and cover her face as she crouched to sit behind the door; back leaning at the said threshold for support. She should be happy, right? She should be glad that one of the important persons of her life was trying to move on and start anew. But what she was feeling was contrary to what she supposed to feel. Sadness, loneliness, isolation. She felt very alone and abandoned, as though the things about her past were repeating itself.

Her parents sudden death flashed in her mind, reopening the healed wound inside of her. The time when her grandmother left her added to her agony, and the newest predicament only worsened it. In the end,no matter what kind of incident, scene or situation provided to her, it would always bring forth an outcome that them—those people in her life—leaving her behind.

She should be more acquainted to this feeling as she underwent on it before, not just once, however as time goes, it seemed like it only deepened the preexisting wound leaving it unhealed and fresh for more ache.

Kahoko fought the undeniable sob that threatening to come out. It hurts but she tolerated the feeling.

"Oh, that's nice."

"Was it? Do you want me to leave that much?"

"What are you saying? Not that I'm happy that you're leaving, but I'm happy that you're seeing a new light with your father. Just don't waste the chance given to you."

"I know, I won't."

"So, when are going to leave?"

"Next week..."

Next week? It seemed too sudden, too fast, would seven days—or lesser—be enough to create good memories with the guy she learned to care so much she feared letting go. But who was she to be selfish. He had suffered enough heartaches like she had felt, why would she delay the happiness bestowed to him simply because of her own selfish need. She can't, she couldn't just do something like that.

Why was she bothering herself with the remaining time they have for each other. It wouldn't make any difference now, would it? after all the guy would leave and there was no certainty if he would still return. Why would she give him something to ponder about when he got there. Starting anew, yes. He should start anew and forgot about the selfish woman who only think about herself. Kahoko shook her head. It's the only thing I can do...

~NeKo Meow~

"Have you seen Kahoko?" Len asked Manami when he chanced her closing the door of his grandfather's office. The girl smiled and pointed at the terrace. Len nodded his head and ambled toward the said place, stopping abruptly when the girl he was looking for wasn't in the terrace. His forehead furrowed and turned around. Where is she?

Kahoko looked as the lad distanced from where she was, biting her lower lip to prevent its trembling. What could she do? She couldn't just leave the house like what she did before. Mr. Shouzaburou's health was still unstable and another mayhem in the house might endanger his life. The least he needed was another heart attack.

She could manage this little game until his departure. She would.

"Kahoko?"

Kahoko jerked back, almost hitting the vase beside her. She was in the terrace when she overheard Len and Manami talking. She didn't have any choice, the clock was ticking and the lad was near, she had to scoop an ample amount of the curtain and hid herself in its thickness. If the lad moved any further he could have noticed the peculiar bulge of the curtain at the other side of the terrace door. Kahoko audibly sighed in relief when he stopped and opted to look elsewhere. In her state right now, she wasn't prepared yet to see him. "Manami, you scared me."

"Len...was looking for you."

"Uh...ah."

"Did you he see you?"

"N-no...I went back to my room...he might already have gone downstairs when I returned."

"Clutching that curtain all along?" Manami raised her eyebrow and said pointedly.

"No... I'm...it was...I was straightening it. It was pushed too far at the side." Kahoko feigned a smile.

"Really?"

"I swear!"

Manami shook her head in disbelief and sighed. "You know you're not a good liar, Kahoko. I know you're hiding something. Tell me, I'm your friend, right?"

"Mana..." Kahoko sighed. It seemed like she couldn't hide it anymore, she had to say it one of these days. "I'm confused."

"Confused?"

Kahoko moved away from the curtain and confided her deepest ache, mentally wishing that at least the burden in her heart would assuage a bit.

~NeKo Meow~

"I've heard from your grandfather that you decided to go with your father." Hiroto opened the topic, his voice strained but he tried to keep a smile on his lips. Kanon held her husband's hand, squeezing it a bit as if for support.

There was a series of gasp from the other occupants in the dining. Kazuki, who had the loudest reaction looked at Len with a pout. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"I know this time will come but..." Ryotaro paused and looked at the lad he treated as his own brother—not that he would announce it to everyone—but he had to admit, he was a brother to him and he would definitely miss him. "...it was a surprise."

"We're very happy for you..."Azuma smiled, this time genuinely.

"Len-nii will leave?" Keiichi muttered looking at his mother for assurance. Kanon smiled at him and brushed his hair.

"When?" Kazuki, again, asked.

Len glanced at his direction and regarded him. "Next week..."

Kazuki gasped again, dropping his spoon on his plate as he blurted another question. "Really?"

"Now, now..." Hiroto decided that there was enough tension happening in the house that adding for more was in their last list. "I'm sorry for bringing this up all of the sudden. But it's Len decision and we have to respect it. He has a lot of things to keep up with his father. Now, now, we shouldn't be selfish."

Kahoko froze from her position, glancing warily at Len. The said guy looked back, supposedly giving her a nod when she averted her eyes and continued eating her dinner. Yes, she shouldn't be selfish.

They calmly talked about the issue and clearing other information about the lad's departure. They decided to have a party before he leave and make their remaining time together to the fullest. Bit by bit, happiness hovered about the tension and overshadowed the sense of sadness. They all gave Len best wishes.

Before the dinner was finally over there were content and felicity glimmering in their smiles and eyes. Of course, the evident of the forthcoming longing remained but they knew he would be all right. Although, not all of them shared the same reaction about his departure, Kahoko kept her silent gloominess over the fact, and it didn't pass on Len's watchful eyes. He waited until all of them retired from the dining before he approached the girl.
"Kahoko..."

The girl flinched. "Oh... Len..."

"Are you all right?"

"Y-yeah. Ah...Len-san, if you don't mind, I have a lot of work to do..." Kahoko averted her eyes again and excused herself.

Len hissed. What was happening? They were having a good time last time talking about starting anew and moving on, and he certainly knew the smile and glimmer in her eyes were genuine and true. She couldn't just possibly exude such cheerfulness if it was all feigned. He knew she wasn't faking when she talked to him, although, yes, he quite noticed the sudden abrupt change in her mood when he confessed about his departure, but he thought it was just an initial reaction, surprise if he would put it into a word. It couldn't possibly it? She was the one who suggested such. Well, not exactly as it was but it was the closest Len could think.

Was it because of his departure? Len slapped his forehead, finding the right reason in the deep recesses of his brain. Then like a flash of the lightning, realization hit him, and like the sound of thunder, echoes deafened his mind. How could he be so stupid? Why was he asking stupid question about why and what when the answer was already in front of him even from the start.

She had lost so much. She never had something that she could keep for herself. She might be feeling lonely right now. Len hissed again, how insensitive of him. Saying something like that as if he was happy going away and leaving them all behind as if nothing happened.

She must be very sad but at the same time she would feel bad hindering his happiness if she say a word. Len sighed. I must tell her.

~NeKo Meow~

"Four days from now..." Kahoko sighed and searched the stars in the sky. "It seems like even the stars abandon me. Funny, I was thinking he'll stay until the seventh day but then... I was wrong, he'll leave much earlier." Kahoko closed her eyes tightly and chided herself. You shouldn't be selfish.

"Kahoko..."

Hearing her name from the guy she least expected to see, Kahoko's back turned rigid, she didn't turn around to face him.

Len started walking to her direction. "Is it because of my departure?"

"What are you talking about?" her voice sounded weak even to her ears.

"Tell me...why are you avoiding me?"
"I'm just busy, Len-san. You don't have to worry about me."

"Tell me..."
"This is unnecessary, Len-san, good night—" she was going to turn around and leave when he pulled her back and hold her within his arms.

"I'm just going to go somewhere but it doesn't mean you won't see me anymore, Kahoko."

Kahoko's eyes watered, her will weakening as she buried her face on his chest. "I'm confused. I should be happy right? I should be happy about you, right? But I can't somehow put myself in that state. I don't want to be selfish..."

"Tell me what you want me to do..." his hugged tightened.

"No..."

"Tell me."
"Len... I can't."

"Tell me..."

"I want you to stay..." she cried. "Stay here with me..."

Authoress' Note:

LAME~ I'm such a disappointment. Being away for a year and updating a lame chapter. I'm not sure if there are still people reading this, but I hope there is still. Bombard me with questions, this will end soon. [this is supposed to be the second to the last but considering how I digress to the main plan, I have to add one or so chapters more. ]

And pardon if you noticed major major changes in how they talk, they call each other and how they react. It has been years like what I said. I forgot everything. /dead/

By the way, if you'd notice many of stories were missing. I'll upload them in my wordpress account soon.