Emily bit her thumb nail down to the knuckle as she sat on the edge of her bed and waited for Jasyn to knock. She was sure he would knock after that outburst in the Bayou, perhaps to say sorry, perhaps to explain? Whatever it was Emily was prepared to forgive him, had forgiven him in fact. All Emily knew was that she had never felt more for any other man in her entire life, his pain reached out to her in a way nothing else could but there was something else also. For so long Jasyn had been living with anger, hate, pain, fear and guilt, all terminally destructive emotions. For so long he had been hated and blamed for things that no one save himself knew the real truth of. It had gone on so long that Jasyn had built around himself a coat of ice and steel and over time it had seeped inside him and made him internally cold. It made him believe that he deserved the hatred and blame they heaped on to him, but he was not innately cruel or callous or cold. In fact at odd moments there was such a goodness in him and a tenderness that Emily could barely keep herself from weeping for him. She felt so protective over him, even though she shouted at him a lot and told him he was a lousy teacher, in her mind only she was allowed to do it. Because, and Emily blushed as she thought it, to Emily's mind she seemed as special to him as he was to her.

"Oh dear," she whispered, bringing her head up from her thumb and looking across to the mirror on the dressing table. "I love him."

She did love him. Emily had never reached such a momentous conclusion in such a small amount of time, it took her over a year to finally mean it when she said that she loved Edward. But here and now where magic and mayhem abound, where she had to contend with threats of the human and Katagaria variety, where she was surrounded by gorgeous men without the pissy attitude. Emily knew that she was hopelessly in love with Jasyn, the one man she couldn't have, with a moan of despair she flung herself back on the bed. She may well be in love with him but Emily was quite sure he would not be able to accept her love, in fact he'd probably just give her the same old explanation.

Arcadians and Katagaria don't mix, she hated it when he said things like that, she could honestly just kill him. Though she could hardly blame him for her falling in love with him, Emily couldn't really think of any woman she had heard of that fell in love with a man that had tried to kill her. Perhaps she was suffering from some weird Stockholm syndrome, Emily laughed feebly and sat up brushing her hair from her face.

Surely he felt something for her though? All those times when he'd been as tender and as sweet to her as if he'd been her lover. When she had been injured flying and he'd sat with her through the night, the way he had stroked her hair back. Granted he had, as was usual for Jasyn, said the wrong thing and got her mad at him but what was love without a little loathing thrown in? He talked to her and told her things and shared with her the trust that he had never gifted to anybody else. And what about the situation with the flower? Emily was sure that a man who didn't have such strong feelings would not have been so jealous of Sergio. And then there was just the general way he stared at her across a room or when their eyes caught and locked across the dinner table. Would he really reject her now, after all that they had shared?

"I have to tell him," Emily whispered gently to herself, Emily stood up shakily, she would tell him. A feeling of determination stole over her lightening her spirit, in fact there was something dangerously exciting about going to tell Jasyn she loved him, rather like going into battle. Emily was about to leave the room when she thought better of it and decided on what was to be the first element of her plan of seduction.

She went to her closet and changed her dark t-shirt for a tight, white sweater that dipped at the cleavage and sat just on her waist line, so it showed a strip of her tummy. Emily then went about applying her make-up with care and stroking the brush through her hair so many times it shone when she finally stopped. She pulled back and surveyed herself in the mirror, unable to repress a smile of satisfaction.

"Killer," she said proudly and headed for Jasyn's room.

Jasyn sat on the edge of his mattress with his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands, he was forcing his mind to go blank, trying to give himself some peace from his chaotic thoughts. But they pushed persistently at the walls of his skull and Emily's sweet, bewildered face kept swimming into view. Why did he need her so much? Why was it she that brought him comfort out of all the other females he'd met over the centuries? For weeks Jasyn had pondered these questions to himself and he thought he knew the answers now, in fact he was certain enough of the answers that he knew he could never lay with Emily. Ever. No matter how much he might -

Jasyn tried to force that safe, blissful blankness into his mind so he wouldn't have to think about how much Emily meant to him. He didn't want to think the three words that could cause such damage.

Abruptly Jasyn whipped his head up and narrowed his eyes on the door, he heard light, hurried footsteps climbing the stairs to his attic room. Jasyn transformed and took to the rafters, quickly masking his scent and cloaking his presence, his bright eyes watched Emily step into the room, she looked around and whispered his name.

"Where are you?" she muttered to herself when she saw that he wasn't around, Jasyn prayed that she thought he was still in the Bayou and go back to her own room. She didn't, instead Jasyn watched as she crept over to his bed, she sat on it and traced her hand over his pillow. She looked as if she had something desperate on her mind, her face set and determined yet when she touched her fingertips to the cotton pillow case it softened in such a way as to set Jasyn's heart pounding. Her sweet body was in cased inside a white cashmere sweater that Jasyn wanted to peel from her breasts rather then rip. In fact in his dreams he was never rough with her when they came together for the first time, he would treat her with kindness and care, making sure her pleasure was tenfold what it had been with any other man. Jasyn dug his claws into the wood and made himself stay where he was, had he been in his human form he would have been sweating and aching to go to her. His hawk form gave him some measure of comfort from such distress but not a lot, he still longed to feel her against him.

Finally Emily got up with a sigh, she strolled over to his window and leant her forehead against the pane. Jasyn watched her petite form from the back as she touched the glass, her breath steaming it up.

"Jasyn," she whispered his name, "where are you?"

After a few long, agonising moments she left the window and left the room, Jasyn flashed into his human form. He hated this, she had come here to make love to him, he just knew it. How could something that he wanted to badly cause him so much worry? Had she found him in his human form nothing would have saved her from him taking his passion out on her body, he would have made love to her like there would be no tomorrow for the both of them. And then where would they both be? If, by the Gods great mercy, they were not mated Jasyn would still have to contend with the fact that sex would cause his scent to linger on her far longer then just casual physical interation. She would be constantly targeted by his enemies were they to discover the extent of his feeling for her, and the lengths he would go to protect her only proved her to be the weakness he knew her to be for him.

Besides … Jasyn knew that sex - no, making love with Emily would be to his detriment, his fatal flaw in his long laboured plans of self-preservation and survival. For it would mark him as surely as anything could mark and scar a person, and he knew he would never be able to rid her from his soul.

Jasyn paced his room fervently, his footsteps making the floor boards creak beneath him, he worked on turning his lust to rage. Dwelling hard on all the things he hated about Arcadians, about life and about himself, he worked himself into a fitful temper which he needed for what he was to do next. Jasyn flashed himself into the downstairs of the house and made his way into the bar area, he passed Remi at the door without acknowledging him, which wasn't something unusual. Jasyn kept his head up and his eyes straight ahead, he did not look from left to right, he didn't have to. His entire being was tuned into Emily and he knew that she was in the far right of the room, unconsciously being admired by everyone. She had been walking towards the pool tables with Aimee but had turned at just the right moment to see him walking into the bar. Jasyn didn't need to turn his head to see her smile light up her face, or the curious wrinkling of her brow when her eyes followed him across the floor as he accosted one of the first women he saw. She wasn't beautiful exactly, her teeth were bucked and her skin a little oily but she was slim, big breasted and short with long blonde hair that fell past her shoulders. However Jasyn wasn't looking for someone he liked or wanted. He spoke a few short, lewd suggestions in her ear and watched her smile smugly to her friends, who were gawping at Jasyn, then led her to the sound proofed room out back.

Jasyn left the door unlocked and turned to the woman, backing her up against the wall, the woman looked up at him lasciviously, breathless with anticipation. Jasyn didn't let his revulsion show on his face or the fact that his heart was weeping blood red tears. He just forced the woman's mind to go blank and pulled her top down revealing her bra. Locking his jaw so he did not moan in pain Jasyn undid his flies and waited, leaning against the woman's perspiring shoulder to make it look authentic. Jasyn had never planned to have sex with the woman he picked out for this set up, but even if he had he couldn't. Jasyn felt like he was already mated and had been rendered impotent by the Fates curse, his mind and heart had no interest in sex with anyone that wasn't a sarcastic little red-head, and his body followed suit. His heart pounded out a rhythm in his temples as he waited for tearful gasp that came two seconds later, Jasyn closed his tight before turning with a cold expression and letting go of the woman's mind. Emily was standing at the door, she bit her bottom lip to stop it trembling but the blatant tears making tracks down her cheeks gave away her pain. She let out a sob and her eyes implored Jasyn for some sort of explanation.

"Hey lady, do you mind?" the woman behind Jasyn asked belligerently, Jasyn did up his flies leisurely before casting a indifferent look over his shoulder at her.

"Thanks for the helping hand," he said with a smirk and swaggered to the door, the woman looked indignant, clearly thinking that she had been used.

"What about me!" she demanded and Jasyn let out a malicious laugh.

"I said thank you, didn't I?"

He strolled past Emily who was staring at him, apparently too appalled to speak, her silent tears flowing in rivers down her face and dripping from her chin and cheek. Jasyn felt his heart stutter painfully before passing her as casually as if she had caught him making a turkey sandwich in the kitchen.

"Jerk!" The woman sneered behind them and pulled her top back into place, she marched out fast and pushed Jasyn out of her way, he gave a laugh full of masculine arrogance and superiority just to cement the affect.

Jasyn strolled down the hall making his way back to the house, his pulse jumped with fear when he sensed Emily following quickly behind him, jogging to catch up. He dreaded what he would see when he turned to face her but he did turn, and her expression was more terrible and more heart-breaking then anything he could have imagined. Jasyn raised a coldly expectant eyebrow before speaking in a calm, controlled voice that oozed mild disdain.

"Yes?"

Emily gaped at him for all of two seconds, her mouth opening and closing as she tried to speak around the lump in her throat.

"What was that?" she choked out, her eyes questioning the identity of the person before her, the person she thought she loved. "Tell me, Jasyn, what did I just see?"

"Well, if you can't guess I think you're best left in the dark," he mocked scathingly and Emily actually pulled back, almost wincing in pain.

"How could you do that to me?" she asked, her voice, so choked by tears, could barely quiver above a whisper.

"Oh please, spare me the dramatics, little girl," Jasyn snapped and tried to turn away but she grabbed his arm and held him tightly using all her Were-Hunter strength.

"No, you can't mean this," she cried, "why did you do that? Why did you want me to see that? What are you trying to do?"

Emily screamed at him and Jasyn steeled himself against her, he locked himself in ice so he could look her dead set in the eyes and be as cruel as he knew how to be.

"Well, before you turned up I was trying to get her bra off -"

Emily slapped him sharply across the face and Jasyn, who felt that he fully deserved that small punishment and more besides, knew there was only one way to react to fool Emily into believing what she saw. Jasyn run her into the wall and held her by the throat, his hand almost trembled as he saw her heart shatter in her eyes, he almost pulled back and dragged her into his arms. His knees were bending, his body telling him to get on the floor and beg forgiveness but he did not.

"The thing I despise most about Arcadian women," he snarled in her ear and felt her flinch through his whole body, "they're so needy."

He emphasised the words so much that his lips brushed her cheek as he spoke so viciously to her, Emily trembled with grief. She wasn't even scared of him, she just felt like she was going to physically vomit as all she thought she knew crashed down around her.

"So clingy," he hissed, "so damned fragile."

Jasyn pulled back to see Emily shaking, his stomach roiled at what he was doing but he knew he had to, for her own sake.

"I'm tired of you," he whispered angrily in her ear, "now get the fuck away from me."

Emily yanked herself from his grasp and flew down the hallway, she didn't stop running until she was at her bedroom door and it was only when she was safely locked inside did she collapse into tears. She was in too much pain to think, she couldn't muster the thoughts to be confused, all she knew was that she felt like she was dying. Her body caught up with her soon enough and when the shaking eased her stomach rebelled against what her mind and eyes had shown her, the contents landed on Mama Lo's expensive carpet. Emily hurled until all she brought up was bile and it stung her throat, then she curled up into the corner behind the door and wept. Humiliation and shame the likes of which she had never known consumed her. The pain of Edward leaving her was nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to what was happening inside her at that moment.

Aimee had seen what Jasyn had done and as Emily had run after him and the woman when they disappeared, Aimee had tried to hold her back. Emily had known that the eyes of all the guys and Margie were on her as she flew to the door where she saw Jasyn leaning into the woman. He'd jerked back when he'd heard her, he'd looked at her as if he didn't know her. Had he really been playing her all this time? What for, a damned tape? She'd destroy the stupid thing herself if was worth so damned much!

Then the woman had shouted 'what about me?'

Emily felt the words vibrate through her and she needed to ask him the same question, what about me?

How could he abuse her trust and her friendship in such a way? Was it because she was Arcadian? It couldn't be. But then Jasyn hated Arcadians, even Emily had been surprised by how well he tolerated her presence around him. He had played her well and all for the tape which probably didn't have anything on it anyway, she never did check. Surely he wasn't so petty or so cruel as to do this all for a tape? Or was it worse then that, had he done it because she was Arcadian and he just simply hated her and he simply got off on the fact that he'd caused her so much pain? Emily moaned and rested her hot, sweaty forehead against the cool wall, she didn't know which was worse!

All those times he had pulled away as they'd kissed and told her that it wasn't allowed, it was just an excuse. He had been repulsed by her and simply acted like that to fool her in to thinking he cared. Everything had to be a lie, all that about his past and his friends, was that a lie too? Emily felt her eyes begin to stream again and she crawled to her bed and bit hard into the comforter so that the noise was muffled when she let out a scream of pain.

And so there she lay, crushed, humiliated and feeling like her very soul had been violated. For you see, that's just how deeply she had loved and that's just how deeply she felt the loss.

Jasyn let Emily run out of sight before closing his eyes and leaning back against the wall, he let his head fall back until the crown of his skull touched the brick wall where he repeatedly slammed against it. It was either that or run after her and Jasyn hadn't just put them both through the wringer to go and tell her it had all been a ploy to get her to hate him. He locked his jaw tightly to stop the trembling of his lower lip, he shut his eyes tighter to prevent any tears escaping. The only sign of movement came from the flaring of his nostrils as he heaved one agonising breath after another in and out. How he wished he could command his breath to stop moving in and out of him and his heart to stop beating and his blood to stop flowing. Jasyn had had physical wounds that didn't hurt as much as knowing you had just hurt the person you loved. Why was it so easy for him to think it now? To acknowledge that he loved her with all of his blackened heart? Dying a physical death would be so much less painful then having to stay alive and feel his soul die, Jasyn slammed himself back against the wall harder then ever and he was sure he heard a crack in his skull. He begged to black out and be swept into oblivion because his mind kept repeating the way she had stared at him as if she didn't know him anymore. The way her very tears seemed to be tiny segments of her immense sorrow as they fell from her eyes and splashed to the floor. Jasyn needed to open his mouth to breath because he was finding it difficult to gain enough air through his nose. Jasyn opened his mouth and felt the rasping sob as he sucked in breath and heard it rush out of him. Jasyn opened his watery eyes and Colt swam into view, disgusted that the sentinel was catching him at his utmost weakest, Jasyn stiffened his spine and held himself erect, glaring evilly at the bear.

"What the fuck do you want?" Jasyn snarled, sporting for a fight, even if it meant that he was kicked out of Sanctuary - he just needed something for the pain.

"I don't know why you did it, but surely there must have been a better way then that," Colt said shakily and Jasyn was shocked at the amount of emotion that the sentinel possessed in his face as he said it, and also how sincere it was.

"She needs to go," Jasyn said uncaring, "it's time for her to go."

"Then why couldn't you let her go as she came, Jasyn!" Colt barked angrily, under that anger was deep sorrow, "whole and free!"

Well, didn't that just add a extra layer of stinging salt to his gaping wounds. Jasyn felt like his heart was being flayed, he gritted his teeth so he could lie even though it tasted like sulphur in his mouth and throat.

"What does it matter to me whether some Arcadian bitch has hurt feelings or not?" he demanded viciously and Colt snapped his head back, a look of severe disappointment and disgust on his face.

"Go check the leaks you got going on, slayer!" Colt hissed and Jasyn froze, he whipped his hand up and wiped his face taking tears on the cuff of his shirt.

"So much for thinking you'd changed," Colt said and walked away before Jasyn could think of a retort.

"Its for the best," he whispered and walked back into the house the long way, through the bar where everyone could see that he didn't care.

Jasyn settled up in the uncomfortable rafters in his hawk form, his room being so near the attic was drafty and sometimes cold but the physical discomfort made Jasyn feel as if he were doing penance for his sins. Jasyn scanned his room, there were no personal items, no clothes or C.D's, there was nothing of him here. The lonely yet contradictory comforting thought came to Jasyn that the only thing that he would take with him from earth when he left it would be his tattered soul and his love for Emily, which would only grow stronger. Even while her hatred of him grew, and perhaps one day they would meet and she would attack him, as Arcadians were programmed to do, but he would still love her. Jasyn froze when he heard feet approaching his door, dread filled him when Emily's scent drifted under the door to him. There was a firm knock on the wood, Jasyn did not make a sound, the knock came again. He heard a sigh from behind the door and then she spoke, her sweet, melodic voice flowed through to Jasyn and pierced his heart as surely as it had been a sword.

"I know you're in there," Emily's tired tones reached out to him, "Jasyn, I know you're there."

He gave no answer and it abruptly went silent, so silent Jasyn couldn't hear her breathing, he wondered whether she had flashed herself away from the door.

"What I want to know is," Emily voice sounded unexpectedly, this time straining with tears, "why is it Remi can love his Arcadian step-son, but you can't find it in your heart to love me."

He heard her spin on her heel and walk away, she hurried down those stairs, perhaps with her hand to her mouth to muffle the sounds of her crying which Jasyn heard all the same.