"You don't have to go, you know?"

Emily paused in the process of folding her expensive linen trousers that she hadn't even worn at all on this trip and looked up at Aimee. The bearswan was sitting on the edge of Emily's temporary bed with one leg folded under her, leaning her weight on to one hand. Emily gave her a one sided smile and shook her head.

"Yes, I do," she muttered back firmly and placed the trousers carefully in her case, Emily closed the empty wardrobe door and set about retrieving her toiletries that had been scattered over her temporary room.

"How're you getting back?" Aimee asked with concern, in her pretty eyes Emily saw Aimee's worry for her and loved her for it but also despised the pity that was there also. After last night Emily had flatly refused to allow herself the luxury of emotion, she had plenty of time to sulk and brood when she returned to New York. As for now the thought of anyone pitying her because she was pining for that … bastard! It made Emily want to cause severe damage to whatever she was holding.

"I'm flashing back," Emily told her briskly, clipping shut her pretty vanity case, "I might as well put to use some of the things I've learnt here."

"You know, if you're still unsure of how to maintain control of your magic, Dev and I will teach you. I mean, we both taught Wren when he came here and he wasn't as accommodating as you are."

Emily smiled gratefully at the girl whom she thought of with an elder sisterly affection even though Aimee outnumbered her by a century or so. Perhaps it was because the girl still had the faith and hope of a child, perhaps because she knew very little about life and the world even though she was smack dab in the middle of it, or so was the impression Emily got.

"I'll be fine," Emily assured her gently, "don't ever worry about a girl who survived being a ward of the state. Believe me, if being in foster care didn't teach me how to make it on my own, nothing will."

Aimee gave her a half hearted smile and nodded, not meeting her eyes, Emily felt her heart, bruised and battered as it was, go out to her.

"Aimee what's wrong?"

Aimee raised her eyes and they were damp and sorrowful, she gulped a few times before she could speak.

"It's Fang -"

A knock came to the door and Emily called for them to wait a moment to give Aimee ample opportunity to dry her tears, because ten to one it was going to be one of her brothers at the door.

Emily opened it and there stood Serre and Alain, both grouchy and bed ruffled, Emily frowned in confusion.

"Your dry cleaning, madam," Serre said holding up a plastic bag with her clothes inside, Emily frowned even further.

"We went and got it for you," Alain explained.

"You didn't need to do that," Emily said shocked, she quickly took the bag from them and laid it on the bed; she turned back to the door.

"You honestly didn't need to go to the trouble," she said, feeling ashamed that they thought she was so broken up that she couldn't go and get her own laundry. This was practically the truth, since she had been planning to forget about anything she'd left outside her room so she could flash back to New York without seeing anyone.

"It wasn't a problem, Emily," Alain said kindly and Serre nodded his head next to him, "we really just wanted a chance to say goodbye before you got out of here."

Emily felt a lump gather painfully in her throat, oh dear, she thought, the waterworks were going to start producing!

"Believe it or not, your brand of sarcasm was rather refreshing," Alain said with a laugh in his voice and Emily chuckled a little sadly before she moved forward to hug them both hard.

"I wouldn't leave without saying goodbye to you two," Emily said in their ears, they pulled back and Emily felt ashamed of herself, thinking she could skulk off without so much as a goodbye when so many people here had been so kind and welcoming.

"Well, we'd understand if you did," Serre assured her considerately; they both gave her another hug, separately this time and left her. Aimee followed them quickly, Emily got the feeling she was having a hard time expressing what was troubling her about Fang.

When she'd finally packed her things and then double checked everything, Emily walked to her door, she leant with one hand lightly on the jamb before yanking the thing open and walking with a high head down to the bar.

Emily thanked God that Jasyn did not work as bouncer during the day when she passed through the door from the Peltier house to the bar. Emily hugged Colt tight, then Remi and Lucille who were also there. Sergio teasingly slapped her ass when she hugged him, Dev kissed her on the cheek, Sera had tears in her eyes and Kyle gave her one of her own famous painless punches on the arm.

"I never thought I'd be doing this with an Arcadian," Justin groused in her ear as she hugged him, she gave the back of his head a painless slap which he laughed at, then pulled back.

"Were I an advocator of violence I would say I'm for hire to kill the useless bastard," Justin said playfully and Emily knew who he meant, but everyone was refraining from mentioning said useless bastard's name.

"Don't tempt me," Emily warned with a mild chuckle she most certainly didn't feel. Justin moved aside and Papa bear came up to her, he kissed the back of her hand like the gentle-bear he was and wished her well, even Mama Lo gave her a hug and cupped her cheek as she told her to have courage in her new life.

"Come back and see us now and again," Lo encouraged, "we'll certainly miss you."

Margie came into view from behind Mama Lo and Emily went to her. For reasons neither of them could name, they had grown very close over the weeks that Emily had been at Sanctuary. If Emily wasn't with Jasyn then she was almost always with Margie, and each would surely feel the loss of the others company.

"Why are you so sad," Emily tried to be playful but Margie shrugged sombrely.

"Because I know you won't come back, will you?" Margie stated more then asked, Margie shook her head when Emily didn't answer her. "I know I'd be the same were it -"

She stopped abruptly when she realised that the bears were all within hearing distance and then changed her words.

"Were it someone I cared about …" she ended and Emily said nothing, knowing that she meant Carson. Emily put her arms around Margie's neck and hugged tightly, she didn't want to leave her friend but she had too.

"He doesn't deserve you," Emily whispered low in Margie's ear so no one could hear, Margie let out a laugh that had a slight edge of hysteria to it. Margie was the one to pull away and step back, she had her old smile back in place but tears marked her eyes. Emily looked at the crowd gathered for her, the human kitchen and bar staff amongst them; she offered them a wide grin.

"Well, I better flash my feathery ass out of here before I forget how to do it," she said and got a mild laugh from them; she turned and walked the route back to her room. Halfway there she stopped and turned around, heading for someone else she needed to see.

Emily tapped on the frame of the open door to the surgery, Carson, who was sitting behind his desk looking surly, looked up and his face was immediately surprised.

"Hi," Emily said quietly as she dithered by the door, Carson tucked his hair behind his ear and licked his lips obviously a mixture of excitement and agitation at seeing her.

"Hey," he said slowly, he eased up from the chair, "come in."

Emily came forward and stopped a few steps from his desk; they stared at each other across it.

"I wanted to come and see you but -" Carson faltered, so Emily carried on for him.

"You wondered whether I would want to see your face ever again?"

"Something like that," Carson muttered blushing and not meeting her eye, he fiddled with the pen he was holding before thrusting it away from him as if irritated by its presence.

"I'm sorry for how I behaved towards you," he said sincerely, "I'm just … I'm just so damn sorry."

Emily smiled at him and came forward to sit on his desk; Carson moved beside her and sat also, looking rather miserable.

"I never leave on a bad note, that's my motto. Well, I try not to anyway" Emily added and gave him a nudge and a wink.

"I hate that I don't have the words to tell you how bad I feel. Sorry is so inadequate -"

"No," Emily interrupted him, "no, Carson. Sorry is just right."

Emily took a deep breath and let it out shakily, "people continually underestimate the value of just a simple, heart felt sorry. They babble on with words of raw sentiment when a 'sorry', felt as truly as you feel it, can work wonders."

"You forgive me then?" Carson asked hopefully and Emily laughed.

"Whole heartedly."

"Thank you."

"How's Cub?" Emily asked curiously and Carson shrugged wearily.

"He's fine, I guess. But his parents were killed in the fight. Lucky for him his Uncle came to get him."

"That's wonderful," Emily said, feeling a real smile grace her face for the first time that day, she couldn't bear the thought of Cub growing up without someone there to love him.

"What about the tiger cubs that were born here?" Emily asked a little warily and thought she saw Carson's cheeks flush, as though he wanted to forget what had happened.

"Well, with no mother and father, we'll have to see if there are any in their remaining clan that will be willing to take on a litter."

"Surely there must be?" Emily said shocked and outraged that no one was stepping forward to guard the cubs.

"You'd be surprised," Carson commented lightly but Emily sensed he shared her outrage.

They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes when Carson spoke abruptly, catching Emily off guard.

"He's a complete skank rat bastard!"

"But I loved him," Emily closed her eyes and bit her tongue when she felt the words leave her mouth, she sighed. She looked over at Carson whose hard face looked like it was angrily fighting to keep stoic, she gave a one shouldered shrug and sighed again.

"Loved?" Carson asked flatly and Emily refused to speak, "not love?"

"Does it matter?" she snapped with her face in her hands.

"Did you really care for him?" Carson asked incredulously.

"Would I be this chewed up about the whole situation if I hadn't?" Emily fired back and Carson was silent, Emily stood up and rubbed a tired hand over her face.

"I better go."

"Wait!"

Emily turned at the door and Carson came striding towards her with fire in his eyes, he took her firmly by the shoulders and laid his lips upon hers. His lips were incredibly soft and warm, he didn't use his tongue and there was the faint hint of stubble that would give her a rash.

Jasyn doesn't kiss like this, she thought.

Emily mentally cursed herself as she pulled away and shook her head, she felt Carson's hand on her face and closed her eyes tight because she was almost about to pretend he was someone else. And that so wasn't fair.

Emily opened her eyes and looked up at the kind doctor, even after their falling out she still respected him, for he was kind and lovely and beautiful. But he wasn't what she wanted.

"I'm sorry, Carson," Emily said quickly, tears threatening the stability of her voice, "but I can't. You have no idea how much I wish I could right now, but I can't. I would be using you and that's so wrong because you are such a good male."

Carson let his hand fall from her face with a sound of regret and nodded, he backed away, Emily wanted to say something on Margie's behalf but she knew her friend would not appreciate Carson having any inkling about her secret. So Emily nodded her goodbye to Carson and went back to her room, she straightened the bed linen, opened the window to air it for the next visitor and she left the key to the room on the dressing table. Emily took one last look around before concentrating on her apartment in New York, a huge part of her hoped that she wouldn't be able to do it. Then she would have to take the train and the long time and physical distance it put between her and New Orleans would stop her coming back. To be able to flash in and of places whenever the whim took her was dangerous, because she would then have to rely on will power to keep her away. Emily flashed herself home, she opened her eyes and she could see the streets of New York outside her window and she began to weep, part happiness and part sorrow. Emily dropped her bags and rushed to the phone, she picked up the receiver and began to punch in the numbers, barely able to see through her tears or breathe through her sobs.

"Hello?" Aaron answered the phone, he heard her sobs and was instantly alert, "Emily? Where are you? What's wrong?"

"Please come over," she begged and let out a chorus of heart broken sobs, "I just really need to see you."

Emily heard Jay in the background, it sounded like he had rushed in from another room, evidently Aaron had put her on loudspeaker.

"Emily, what's the matter, babe?" That was Jay.

"It feels really, really bad," she squeaked and wept her part of her story down the phone to them, they cut her off and told her they were coming over immediately.

Emily heard her friends on the landing before she opened the door, she peeped through the spy hole and saw Jay flustering up the stairs in a stylish trilby hat and a brown poncho, Aaron pulled up behind him dressed a little more sedately.

"What are you doing here?" Aaron's voice asked in surprise, behind them was Paul, "she phone you too?"

"No," Paul said nonplussed, "I just saw her lights on as I was passing and decided to come up. She called you?"

"Yes, in a terrible state," Jay said, holding his chin, something he always did when worried.

"And she called you two?" Paul said with the mildest indignation in his voice, Emily opened the door as he spoke again.

"Why wasn't I invited?"

"Because you're not gay," Jay snapped as he rushed into Emily's arms, flinging his handbag at Paul as he went. Paul caught it in his stomach with an 'Oof' and continued to look a little confused, Aaron took pity on him.

"We'll explain in a minute."

And all three ushered Emily inside, the only family she had gathering around to nurse her through her grief.

Jasyn knew the exact moment that Emily left Sanctuary completely, he just knew. The ties he felt that bound his heart to hers were stretching but could not break; the things were friggin' indestructible, which made the situation a whole lot harder. By early evening, when Emily had been back in New York for at least seven hours, Jasyn felt his stomach give a particularly vicious rumble. Jasyn had been determinedly avoiding dealing with physically caring for his body all day, he hadn't eaten, he hadn't slept, he refused the comfort of the downy pillows and instead chose the drafty, creaking rafters. But him staying in his room mopping after a woman was not the image he wanted to project, if he had gone out of his way to make the one he loved hate him, he was damn sure going to keep up the act for everyone else. Even though it was killing him.

Jasyn flashed himself down into the bottom of the house and went to the kitchen; he was working tonight and needed to feed quickly before showering and parking his ass between doors. He loped into the kitchen and saw that the Howlers were in there, as was Remi and Lucille; they all turned to look at him as he walked in and the quiet amassed into silence which to Jasyn was the consistency of concrete. Colt stood from the table, his mouth was bulging with whatever he'd just taken a bite of, he threw down the piece of bread upon the table and walked out without a word, though it was evident in everything he did that his reason for leaving was Jasyn. Angel looked awkwardly down at his clasped hands and studied them intently; Tripper and Slash also could not meet his eyes. Damien, who was as quiet as Jasyn was mean, looked up and stared curiously at Jasyn who stopped at the fridge. The back of his neck tingled with their stares and he pulled out a turkey leg, a left over from the night before, he sniffed it suspiciously before biting into it. He turned and saw that Damien was still looking at him, he chewed slowly, his eyes boring into the young Were.

"Something on your mind?" Jasyn said dangerously and Damien gave a quick laugh that said he wasn't worried about what Jasyn might do to him; he jumped down from the counter he was sitting on and swaggered out.

Lucille, who had always been sociable and kind to him even when he had given her very little reason too, looked away from him and picked up Manuel. Remi leant down and kissed the baby atop his head before Lucille walked out, as if in slow motion Jasyn watched the brief exchange between the baby and his Papa. Remi's lips touched the wealth of black hair and his big hand settled on the baby's back, Manuel reached a hand up and it's grasping, fat fingers just missed his father's golden locks. Emily's words sounded in his mind and it was all he could hear, why did Remi love his step-son so?

Jasyn threw the half eaten turkey leg in the bin and left the kitchen, he took his space at the door, he was completely uninterested in bathing or brushing his teeth or making himself presentable in anyway. The door to the bar opened and Jasyn moved his legs out the way to make room for Justin to pass by him, Jasyn had always got along well with Justin, as well as someone like him could. He'd always had respect for the surly panther who had survived a tough Arcadian prison. Justin didn't nod to him as he normally did, nor did he try to hide the dislike he was feeling at the moment. Jasyn narrowed his eyes on the panther as he stalked by but Justin gave no acknowledgement to Jasyn's presence. And so the night went on, almost everyone that passed by him gave him a dirty look or just refused to meet his eye. The human woman who helped in Carson's surgery was the easiest to detect anger from, every time she walked by him it magnified to such a point Jasyn knew it was only his fearsome reputation that kept her mouth shut. Even the human bar and kitchen staff paid more attention to him then normal, they whispered behind their hands and stared at him when they thought he couldn't see. Not everyone was silenced by Jasyn's reputation, as the night drew in and it reached around nine o clock, Aubert Peltier made his way back into the house to look for Nicolette. He let the door to the bar close behind him and stared at Jasyn's side profile; Jasyn felt his jaw crack as he ground his teeth in frustration.

"You're not my type," Jasyn sneered before turning his eyes slowly on the bear, Aubert shook his head at Jasyn, evidently annoyed with him.

"I'll never understand you, hawk," Aubert said quietly and Jasyn laughed mockingly, Aubert kept a steady eye on him which was making Jasyn's skin itch. "She was a good girl; you should have let her be."

"I didn't ask her to get all clingy with me!" Jasyn snapped immediately, his eyes flaring, he stared at the bear's throat, wanting to rip it open.

"No," Aubert snapped quickly, "you didn't lead her on at all, did you? Not an Arcadian."

Aubert shook his head sadly, "why must you destroy everything you touch?"

Jasyn looked stricken and watched, his mouth gaping wordlessly as Aubert passed by him, the bear was careful not to touch him as though Jasyn carried something he did not want. Jasyn suddenly felt like his chest was being constricted and he walked rapidly to the stairs clutching at his chest, Dev was coming down them and eyed Jasyn warily.

"I'm taking the night off!" Jasyn barked before racing past him, leaving the bear stunned and gaping. Jasyn tore up flight after flight until he was at his room, he opened the door and threw himself inside gasping for air, he ripped buttons from his shirt as he tried to loosen the collar. Jasyn stayed on his hands and knees with his forehead almost touching the floor, his whole body shook as he was racked with heaving coughs. His heart, that had been pounding like a drum, had stopped rising and was currently just pounding so hard that Jasyn wondered worriedly whether he was going into cardiac arrest or some such thing. He convulsed a little and flashed into his bird form, his heart rate and breathing still erratic, sweat seeping from his pores. In a panic he flew around his room, shrieking as he dodged between the rafters, he went faster and faster, swerving between the cobwebs and dust. His vision blurred and he hit a wooden beam head on, it knocked him to the floor where he laid quietly. Relieved when his heart began to slow the world did not seem as though it were caving in on itself. Jasyn hadn't realised just how well liked Emily had been, even the Katagaria here had taken to her in the end. Jasyn closed his eyes and forced his mind to go blank, he wanted to emptiness, solitude - what he needed was a totally different thing.

Sometime later there was a firm knock on his door, Jasyn flashed into his human form, clothed himself and clawed himself up off the floor using his bedposts. He staggered to the door and opened it, Carson was on the other side looking grim, Jasyn nearly groaned but instead faced the young hawk with a haughty sneer.

"What do you want?" Jasyn snarled and Carson rolled his eyes.

"Believe me I have no pleasure in being here," Carson sneered back and waited expectantly, Jasyn hadn't a clue what he wanted.

"You want to come in here," Jasyn stated, unable to comprehend how the bird thought he would ever get asked in.

"Not really but it's what I'm here for," Carson stepped forward and Jasyn filled the gap in the door with his body.

"That wasn't an invite, asshole!" Jasyn growled and Carson cursed suddenly, he pinned Jasyn with a glare.

"You think I want to be here with you?" he demanded and Jasyn didn't answer, he simply glowered menacingly. "Well, I don't! I'm here because Dev said you had come flying up the stairs with a face the colour of stale milk."

"He was seeing things," Jasyn remarked indifferently and Carson shrugged.

"You know, I hope there is something wrong with you and since you've refused treatment you can continue to rot up here. I'm surprised it's taken you so long … you're half dead anyway!"

Jasyn lifted the bird off his feet by the lapels of his doctors coat and was getting ready to murder him, Sanctuary laws be damned.

"I'm glad Emily left you!" Carson snapped, the fear that was in his eyes apparently wasn't enough to curb his tongue or the rage in his heart. "You'd have probably hurt her worse if she'd stayed because you're a heartless piece of shit!"

Jasyn's hands unclasped from Carson's coat and the bird fell with a squawking noise; he collapsed on the floor and stared up at Jasyn. The sense that he shouldn't have pushed to hard suddenly crept into his mind and Carson looked scared.

"Don't talk about what you don't know!" Jasyn growled, pointing a threatening finger in his face, Carson looked petulant but couldn't resist opening his mouth one more time.

"All I know is that she cared about you! You knew it and you punished her for it! What kind of being is that that would do such a thing to woman as good and pure and lovely as Emily?"

What kind of being indeed? Jasyn thought before the world grew to close and he began to gasp for breath, he leant against the jamb and slid down it. Carson snapped into action, playing the good doctor as he quietly ordered Jasyn to breathe deeply and slowly, he dragged Jasyn back into his room and tried to help him up. Jasyn kicked him away and pulled himself up to his feet, even though it felt like his lungs were trying to breathe air made of barbed wire.

"I think you may have experienced the Were-Hunter version of a severe panic attack," Carson informed him, all professionalism and gloss now. Jasyn threw him a filthy look which Carson did not see on account of him fiddling with a stethoscope, Jasyn eyed the thing as Carson came towards him.

"Try it and you die!" he growled and Carson paused then lowered the instrument, he shrugged then turned to put it back in his little doctor bag.

"I would recommend rest, tranquillity, no heavy lifting, no stress or excessive movement for a while perhaps … but that all seems rather futile when talking to you."

Jasyn was happy with the doctor's accurate assessment of his character and just inclined his head once.

"Whatever you were thinking of before the panic attacks began," Carson said without meeting Jasyn's eye, they both knew the cause of them, "just … don't think about them anymore."

Jasyn wanted to say that it was easy for Carson to say but refrained, he let out an inaudible sigh as Carson packed up and headed for the door. Jasyn saw in his peripheral vision that Carson was standing still with his hand upon the door handle.

"Didn't you feel anything towards her at all?" Carson asked in a low voice, he was still facing the door when Jasyn looked up at him. Jasyn wanted to say something mean and nasty but instead he remained silent, Carson obviously thought he was getting no answer and ripped the door open violently and slamming it shut behind him with equal fervour.

"It's for the best," Jasyn whispered but his voice sounded hollow to his own ears. How could this be for the best? Feeling like his heart was tearing in two, panic attacks, wanting to kill Carson, more panic attacks, wanting to kill Carson again. Jasyn had never thought about his life before or its direction or how it would end, now he simply hated it. He wanted more then he knew the Fates were willing to allow him and it made him truly want to rage until he had destroyed everything in his presence, including himself.

Three Days Later

Jasyn was standing by his window when Dev knocked and without waiting for an answer came in, Jasyn turned about to hand Dev his ass on a plate for barging in his room, but he smelt the sickening smell of panic beneath the scent of bear.

"What's happened?" Jasyn said immediately, his thoughts turned to Emily and wondered if she'd been hurt and the bears had come to tell him.

"Sanctuary's license has been revoked," Dev said starkly and Jasyn felt shock the likes of which he hadn't felt in years grip him. It was actually quite a nice change to feel shock after days of being a dark place where he was both numb and in pain.

"How?"

"Never mind," Dev said though a muscle in his jaw twitched which meant he was pissed, "the only thing you need to know is that since we now no longer hold a licence for a Limani, you guys aren't protected. And the other great thing is that we are now under attack so you better move your ass, hawk."

"I'm staying," Jasyn said firmly and turned back to the window, he felt Dev's shock reverberate around the room and said nothing.

"Why?" Dev asked.

"I'll be down in a minute."

There was a heartbeat or two of silence, "thank you, Jasyn."

Dev left the room and Jasyn let his head fall against the pane, perhaps he might be killed in this, Jasyn thought hopefully. He thought of Emily and wondered what she would say or think or feel if she heard the news of his death. Probably rejoice, Jasyn thought, he let out a long shaky breath and it fogged up the window. Jasyn blinked in surprise when he saw his own name written there, he leaned in closer to inspect it and exhaled over the glass to bring up the invisible writing with his breath. Jasyn blinked rapidly when he saw his own name beside a small message that Emily must have written the night she had come to his room and waited for him, she had stood where he was and written on the glass with her back to Jasyn.

Luv. U. 4ever.

Jasyn made a circle around the image in the fug he'd created on the glass; it took all his will power to keep his eyes dry. With a heaving breath he stepped away from the window and wrapped his arms around himself as he made his way to the door. Once there he turned and saw that the message had already faded, but Jasyn knew it was there and her invisible message was now imprinted in his mind and heart. Opening the door Jasyn put on his game face to go downstairs and kick some ass.