OMG 82 reviews! 85 alerts! I can't believe the positive response! I seriously spent this morning reading over the reviews to cheer myself up! I don't know about Rachel's self-esteem but mine is definitely improving! Anyways just wanted to address a few things.

- Mixed response to Rachel being a Cheerio. I hope it's not a cliche. I hope I got across that she accepts because she has promised herself to try new things rather than just revenge. She's at a bit of a crossroads so she decides to just go for it.

- As for Sue accepting Rachel's demands I think she just wants to rub the fact she stole Rachel in Will's face.

-As for Santana. Her explaining Finn's reaction could be seen as nice but also shows how much she manipulated thing. Plus she hints she was upset that Finn didn't love her in that way which Rachel is so angry and sees through it all.

Here we go...

He's kissing me and it's so good. His hands are running through my hair like he's desperate to cling on to me, to us. My whole body is enveloped around his, my hands firmly grip his waist. I'm not letting him go. Not yet.

I don't know how we got here. Again. Is it healthy? No it's not. Does it make me feel better? Yes. I know one of us needs to stop it eventually, just not yet.

I can't believe he even thinks that I felt anything for Puck. That kissing Puck was anything close to what I feel when I'm kissing him. With Puck it's passionate, it's angry but mainly it's just me pretending, forcing something that was never really there. With him, it's everything. Colours blending before my eyes, not quite knowing where I end and he begins. It's love.

Well it used to be at least.

No I'm not dreaming. No I am not reminiscing whilst listening to the world's greatest Broadway classics. Finn and I are making out on his bed. Right now! And for someone who scorned my joining the squad he doesn't seem to have a problem with my uniform, I think, as he gently plays with the hem of my extremely short skirt.

I need to stop it, right now. I need to talk to him. Except, for once, I really don't want to say anything. I just want to keep kissing him.

How did I get here? How did we get here? It started 53 minutes ago, when I left Cheerio practice…

He was waiting for me. Again. I figured that he hadn't disappeared after all, just waited for me to run back into practice and then turned around. I started to say something, anything, because I was desperate for him not to walk away again. To leave me, again.

But then he kissed me. And we said nothing, nothing at all.

We walked silently and quickly to his car and then, after the short drive, took the stairs two at a time to his bedroom. And then, in a familiar pattern, we fell onto the bed.

This time I kissed him. He kissed me back. So here we are. Kissing. Except we've still said nothing.

His kisses become angrier, fiercer, like he's trying to prove something to me, to us, to Puck?

Then he says my name, quietly at first. "Oh Rach." It should make me feel better, but all I can think of suddenly is "Sure she's super hot." It keeps echoing around my head until all of a sudden it explodes. All I can hear is him saying it over and over again. All I can see is him turning his body, to look at her, to appreciate her. It hurts, it hurts so much, it makes my body ache all over. He thinks she is super hot. He never said I was super hot. He never even said I was hot. Pretty. Lovely. Awesome. Amazing. But never hot.

That alone is enough to make me stop him. I gently pull my lips away but he just smashes his more forcefully against mine. I literally heave my body away from his and sit up. He looks confused, which makes it worse, because he always looks utterly adorable when he's confused.

"I can't do this," I say quietly.

"Is it because of him?" he asks bitterly. "Are you thinking of him?"

I can't believe Finn sometimes. Am I seriously conversing with the same man who danced giddily down the aisle with me at his mother's wedding? The same man who smiled lovingly at me as his mother passed her bouquet across? The same man who had tears in his eyes as he heard Burt's speech and then grinned as we both looked at each other as if to say, that's us, it's us next?

And now he thinks I'm, what? In love with Puck? Seriously.

"Of course it's not him! It's her," I yell, angry now, because why is he always the victim? Can't I be it, just once? Then I scold myself because I know I did a really, really bad thing. I just wish he'd listen to why I did it.

"It was never about her," he yells back.

"It was never about him!" I reply, why he doesn't get it?

"Then what was it about? Am I not enough for you?" he retaliates, the pain etched on his forehead. "Do you seriously think that little of me that you'd go and make out with him? Why him?" he spits.

"Did it hurt less when I was making out with Jesse?" I ask, "when you though I'd slept with Jesse?" I shudder. I can't believe I almost slept with Jesse. I know what you're thinking. That technically I also nearly slept with Puck. And I now sometimes I can be incredibly stupid, incredibly niave and make huge mistakes, but believe me when I say I'm not that stupid. It was never going to turn into that.

"Yes" he replies simply. At least he's honest.

"Then don't you get it! This is about him after all. However, Finn, it's about the fact that a year ago, he hurt you, they both hurt you. So badly. And you never spoke about it, you never addressed it you just fell in love with me instead. Now a year on you're turning it into Quick part 2 and it isn't! You're making it about me liking him, when really it's just about you hating him.This just isn't the same."

"I don't see why not. The guy cheats on me with both girls that I love." He's shaking now. Shaking with anger. It racks his body.

"Oh please Finn! Whatever went down with Puck and Quinn was different. When we were very briefly together I saw it. He was in love with her. And she, she must of felt something for him too. But with me? Puck was just there. I needed somebody, anybody to make me feel like I was hot. Somebody to turn their head when I turned down the corridor." It makes me feel sad, really sad, because it's true. I care about myself so little that I made out with a guy in an attempt to validate my appearance. It's not right.

"What's that supposed to mean? You know I think your hot!" He exhales and rubs his hands through his hair, letting out a sigh of frustration.

"I saw you. Watching her. Completely taken in by her. Sure you didn't do anything but in a way it's even worse than sleeping with her because this time you had me but still, however briefly, you wanted her in a way I never wanted Puck."

"I love you." He says simply, as if he almost believes it's that easy. "I just want all of this to go away, you kissing Puck, me lying, I just want it all to go away and for it to just me and you singing together again, loving each other again." He leans in closer to kiss me again, to make it go away. Except, it won't really, will it?

I heave myself off the bed. "Sometimes love isn't that simple" I reply quietly, gathering my things. "Sometimes it isn't enough just to want something."

And with that, this time, it's me that walks away.

Ooh! I hope I tricked a few of you in the first few sentences and made you think she was kissing Puck!That was my intention! Still super angsty and it will be this way until I watch the next ep I think. Sorry if anything seems out of OOC, part of me is just writing what I would say to Finn. Anyways, please continue to read and review. Loving your support so so much!