Author's note: wow so giant cliff hanger then I don't update for a whole day. Gosh, I'm a loser :P lol. But I wasn't home. I just walked through the door. Anyway. I have like NO reviews on this story and that makes me sad ): thanks for those that have reviewed. OH and Swanstream I have braces, too. They are not fun. But in the end they'll be worth it. (or at least that's what I keep telling myself)

Always the wrong place at the wrong time

Darkness.

Pitch black.

Aching.

Where was Julia? Why couldn't I see her anymore? The last thing I remember was seeing her face frown at me and hearing her say my name. After that, it was just blackness for a very long time.

I didn't scare easily, but this blackness was terrifying. I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't see anything. I couldn't hear anything. Just darkness. I felt like I wanted to cry.

I was alone. Just me in my emptiness.

So this was what dying was like?

What a pisser. I thought I'd at least get to see Julia. Hold her hand as we went to Heaven or Hell. Tell her how much I've missed her and how much I love her.

But she wasn't anywhere to found. I wished I could hear her. Or at least see her. At lease see anything.

Julia? I asked I my mind. She could read my thoughts earlier. Why not now? What had changed?

Julia! I tried again, but nothing. None of the blackness faded. I didn't know what was going on, what I had done, what anyone had done, where I was, what was happening. I was petrified.

After a while of seeing the blackness, it started to fade. It wasn't so overpowering now and I could hear. I could hear the most annoying beeping noise in the world. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep after fucking beep. It was aggravating.

Next I heard breathing. Broken whispered of promises and love. My name. Julia? Was she coming to take me. Yes.

"Eli, I love you,"

I love you, too, Jules. Take me,

"Eli, no, it's not Julia,"

What? Who else? Satan? Jesus? As if.

The next thing that happened was I could feel and immediately wanted to go back to the numbness. My arm was on fire. I felt like someone was taking a flamethrower to my arm. Stop! Whoever it was, if it wasn't Julia, they were burning me. Please stop! My arm kept throbbing and burning. It hurt. I could feel something cool touch it, but it didn't stop the burning.

Next, I could feel something wet falling from my eyes. Tears? Was I crying? I was dead. Dead people don't cry.

Finally, my mind came back to me and I opened my sore eyes.

Clare. I stared into her deep blue eyes, tears streaking down her face. She was holding my wrists in her hands. I looked around, shocked. The annoying beeping was a heart monitor. I had tubes and wires all over me.

A hospital? Why was I here? What happened?

Clare stared back into my eyes, waiting for me to say something. But I didn't have my voice back yet. I felt more wetness on my cheeks and reached up to touch my face. When my fingers away and saw the tears, I looked at them confused. Why was I crying?

"Eli?" Clare asked, tentatively.

I looked back into her eyes, raising my eyebrows as if to answer yes?

"Can you speak?"

I opened my mouth and tried to force a sound out. I felt like a little kid that was just learning how to talk. I said her name slowly. "Cl-are?"

She smiled slightly. "Eli,"

"Wh-at hap-pened?" I asked, still slowly and quietly.

"You don't remember?"

I shook my head.

"I left my hoodie in your room. When I came back to get it, I heard you talking. You kept saying 'Julia' or 'Jules' so I walked into the bathroom and found you sitting on the floor in a pool of your own blood. But you kept pressing the blade harder and harder to your wrist even when I tried to talk to you. You kept saying 'Julia.' You thought I was Julia,"

I blinked a few times, taking it in.

"You had to have a blood transfusion. You lost a lot of blood. You just started waking up and talking now, but it was still about Julia.

"I-m sor-ry,"

She took my hand. "It's okay, Eli. I know how hard this is for you, but you have to promise to never leave me again. I was so scared when I found you, Eli. I know you're sad, but you cant do this,"

"I-m sor-ry,"

"It's okay. Just please, promise me that?"

"I pro-mise,"

She smiled. I loved Clare. I really did. She made me feel better. Sometimes- when we weren't cleaning out my room or talking about Julia- she eased the guilt. But I could never forget Julia. My Julia. Forever mine, I'm forever hers. I could see Clare and I with a future, but nothing could compare to my life with Julia. I tried. I tried so hard to be fully with Clare, but I always felt that part of me was still with Julia.

I missed her so much.

"I love you," I said. The first words I spoke fully.

"Are you talking to me or Julia?" she snapped.

I flinched and the pain in my wrist flared. Julia? Was she the pain in my wrist? The burn? Always there to remind me what I did? No, that's crazy. I shook me head and looked back at Clare. "You,"

"Eli, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it like that. I just…I never know, now that you talk to her,"

"I don't talk to her," I said, finally getting my voice back. "I just thought I was talking in my mind when I was trying to kill myself,"

"Were you trying to kill yourself, Eli? Truly trying to die?"

I swallowed and ignored the flaming pain in my wrist. "I didn't know I was. All I know…is that the deeper I cut, the more I could see Julia. But I didn't realized what I was doing until I woke up here,"

Clare nodded. "Your parents are worried, too,"

"They should be,"

"Do you think you'll be okay?"

I shrugged, and winced. Any movement of my wrist had the flames turned on. "I…don't know. I hope I can be. I hope you wont leave me. I need you to help me, Clare,"

"I'll be here, as long as you want me,"

"Forever,"

She smiled and leaned her head to me. "Let me know if this hurts,"

I closed my eyes and let her lips touch mine. It didn't hurt at all and I kissed her back.

She sat back down and smiled at me. "I'm glad you're okay,"

"Thank you for saving me,"

"I had to. I cant let you leave me,"

I smiled at her. "Never again. I promise,"

She nodded and I got lost in my thoughts. How could I promise her I wouldn't hurt myself, when I didn't even realize I had hurt myself? I sighed and looked around, trying to focus on anything other than my flaming wrist.

Author's note: so Eli lived. Obviously. I couldn't ever write a book where Eli died. I just don't have that in me. But I hope I did a pretty good job of the whole "dying" process. I mean I've never died, but that's what I think it would be like. Reviews? Please?