Author's note: inspiration hit when I was bored in English class so here goes nothing…
The hardest part of moving forward is all the time we stand alone.
It was still pouring when I got back to the cemetery. I sat in front of her grave and pursed my lips.
"Jules, they don't get it!"
I coughed into my sleeve. Maybe I was getting sick from spending time in the rain. I didn't care.
"They don't get that I'm not gonna try to kill myself. I didn't even try last week. I was thinking last week. Now I'm thinking so I wished they'd just leave me alone,"
My phone buzzed and I opened it. It was a text from my mom. Great.
Elijah Goldsworthy. I called Clare's house and you weren't there. You haven't been there at all. Where are you, Eli? You need to come home. Clare's over here and we're all worried about you.
I sighed. I probably should tell them. Let them know I wasn't dead.
As I was typing my reply, it hit me. Why should I? If I told them where I was, they wouldn't let me have my time alone with Julia.
I shut my phone and put it into my drenched pocket.
"If they really care, they'll come looking. They wouldn't think to look here. Hopefully," I tacked on the end. Clare didn't know me well enough to know this is where I would go and I don't know if my parents would think of it.
My phone buzzed again. Goddamn, don't even wait five minutes why don't ya?
Eli, where are you? I'm worried. Please call me and let me know you're okay. I love you. -Clare.
Clare deserved a reply, at least. I didn't have to say where, but at least they would know I wasn't dead.
I love you, too, and I'm sorry. But I just want to be alone right now. Please.
I stared at my phone, waiting for the reply.
But it's not safe for you to be alone. Where are you?
I'm in a good place. Just let me be. I'll be home soon, I promise. Tell my parents I'm okay. I love you.
I closed my phone and swore I wouldn't open it again until I was ready to leave.
It buzzed and it buzzed and it got colder and colder, but I still sat against Julia's headstone, talking about everything I loved about her and all the memories that I would never forget.
"Jules, do you remember that first night you stayed at my house? I do. I can never forget it. It was so…magical. You were so perfect. You are so perfect. Every kiss, every touch. It just sent me over the edge. God, I miss you so much. I'll never have that with Clare. I may have a future with her and I may love her, but what we had…Nothing can compare,"
The wind blew hard, making the rain drops hit my face painfully. I brushed my bangs out of my eyes. It was getting dark, but I didn't care.
My phone constantly buzzed in my pocket, but I still didn't care. This was my time with Julia and nobody was taking it away from me.
"Remember when I taught you how to drive in Morty? You sucked so bad. It was funny. Even though, you didn't get your license, it was still funny. You're the only one that I will ever let drive Morty. After all, you got him for me. I'll never be able to thank you or your uncle enough for giving me a hearse for my sixteenth birthday. I miss that. Just the random gifts we would give each other,"
I laughed, like I was actually having a conversation with someone and continued. "Remember that time we made love in Morty?" I smiled, thinking of it. "It was your idea and then you blame me afterwards. What was I suppost to do when you threw yourself at me? No one in their right mind would say no,"
"Eli!" I heard someone yelled.
My eyes widened and I stared at the headstone. "Julia?" I asked out loud. My voice came out in no more than a whisper.
Was Julia really talking to me. Oh no. Not here, not another episode. Pleas no.
"Eli, where are you?"
I stood up, looking around the dark cemetery. "I'm here!" I called. "Julia, I'm here! At your grave!"
I heard footsteps and looked around fast. What was going on? My mind was spinning, the rain was pouring down like a bucket, my heart was beating fast and my phone was still going off. I felt dizzy all of a sudden and the rain began to melt until I was underwater.
It was still dark in the graveyard and I looked around, wondering what was going on. I felt my knees sink to the ground and my breathing slow. What in the hell?
"Eli, we're coming!"
We? Who was with Julia? What was happening. I leaned against her headstone, looking around to see if the blackness moved. I felt sleepy. So tired. I let my eyes drift close. The cold rain was numbing me. I smiled a little and curled up close to her headstone.
Soon after that, something warm, but still wet, was around me.
"Eli," someone said in my face, their warm breath heated my face.
When I opened my eyes, I was staring right into blue oceans. "Clare?"
"You're okay," she sighed.
"What's going on?"
"You fell asleep here. C'mon, let's get you to your car and take you home,"
Home? Where I was constantly watched? Why would I wanna go back there? "No," I said and clutched Julia's tombstone.
"Eli, we have to go. You're gonna get sick,"
"I don't wanna go," I cried.
Clare wrapped her arms around me and the blanket she put around me and pulled me close. "Eli, it's okay. You can come back tomorrow,"
"No. Clare, I cant. Please let me stay?"
"It's almost midnight,"
"I don't care. I need more time with Julia. I cant leave yet,"
"Eli, please," she whispered.
I clutched her closer to me and began to sob. "Clare, I feel so alone. So empty and scared. All the time. I miss her, Blue Eyes. I miss her so much. I love you and I never want you to leave me, but oh god, I miss her,"
She patted my back. "I know, I know. And that's okay. You can miss her. She meant a lot to you,"
"I just want her back!" I wailed.
"She cant come back,"
My eyes drifted shut again and my cries fell silent. She helped me lift myself up and we walked to the car.
My mother caught me in a vice grip, holding me too tight against her. "Elijah, baby, I was so worried. I told you, you cannot be alone. What if something would have happened?"
"No one would have hurt me,"
"That's not what I meant,"
"Mom, I'm not a physco. I'm not gonna kill myself!"
"Baby boy, how can we be sure?"
"Because I'm your son! You should trust me,"
"Trust you?" she shot back. "You told me you were at Clare's house when you were here. If it weren't for Adam you would have frozen to death tonight,"
"I would have come home,"
She held me tighter. "I need you, Eli. You cant just disappear like that,"
"Sorry," I grumbled.
She didn't get it. Neither did Clare. I need to be alone to deal. And I'm not gonna kill myself. If I really wanted to kill myself, I would have done it the second Julia's brother called me to tell me she died. Not two years later.
"C'mon, let's get you home,"
When I got home that night, the first thing I did was take a hot shower. My parents looked at me like I had tried to die again, when really I just stayed out later than I thought it was and fell asleep in the rain. No doubt I would be sick, but it's not like I jumped off a bridge. I wished they would stop watching me like I was gonna snap.
I laid down on the couch, while my dad sat in his recliner and watched me like a hawk.
"Dad, do you really expect me to get to sleep with your eagle eyes on me?"
"You can try,"
"At least, look somewhere else. I mean, I'm not just gonna whip out a blade and start cutting with you two feet away,"
He grumbled and turned his attention towards the TV. I closed my eyes and tried to get to sleep.
"You know, Eli, it will get better,"
I sighed. "Yeah. You and mom have told me that for two years and it's only gotten worse,"
"Clare seems to help. You cant see the difference, but we can,"
"I know she does. She makes me feel better. But I still miss her,"
"You always will. She'll always be a part of you. But you are happier now,"
"I guess." I shrugged and turned around, to face the back of the couch.
"Eli, I know you weren't trying to kill yourself. I know what it's like to be caught up in the moment and not be thinking,"
"I bet you do," I said, sarcastically.
"How do you think you were born?"
"Ugh!" I groaned. "Can I sleep here? Seriously? And not dream about you and mom creating me?"
He laughed and I heard him move from the recliner. I turned my head and looked up to see him standing. "It'll get better. I promise,"
My dad walked up the stairs and I heard him shut the bedroom door. I smiled. At least my dad trusted me. With the TV off, and no one's eyes on me, I feel asleep very quickly.
Author's note: I kinda like this one. don't worry, in the next chapter we're going back to cleaning the room. I just needed a few fillers. Thanks for you support now go make my day…