Title: Eternal Contemplations
Author: fading_tales
Pairing: Damon/Blair (Vampire Diaries/Gossip Girl cross-over)
Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Diaries, Gossip Girl or any of their characters.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Timing means nothing and everything when you have an eternity to live.
Chapter Twenty-three
Nate offers her tea as they sit in the Archibald's drawing room making idle chitchat. It's not the usual earl grey or chamomile, he tells her. It's some sort of new exotic herbal type his mother had discovered from a rare specialties merchant in Bulgaria. It's supposed to have healing properties and grant you protection. At least that's what the guy told his mom anyways. He has been forced to drink it by the gallons because she had bought it in bulk. Blair merely smiles and marvels at his ability to make mundane conversation in light of everything.
She appreciates everything Nate has done for her since she got discharged, but she still can't forget what Katherine told her while she was trying to knock her teeth out. She's not sure how long compulsions last, especially once the vampire who cast it is dead, but the doubt is there. Every time he smiles at her is a constant reminder that none of it is real. She can't tell where reality begins and the effects of Katherine's compulsion ends anymore.
She brings the cup to her lips and takes a sip. Instantly a familiar taste invades her taste buds and she slams the cup down on the table with shaky hands. The cup had hit the table hard and shatters.
"Blair! Are you okay?"
She cuts her hands on the broken pieces and he rushes to wrap her hands with his handkerchief to staunch the bleeding.
"Are you alright?" he asks worriedly.
"Fine, I'm fine," she answers distractedly.
"I'll go get Roberta to come clean this up."
He gets up to leave, but she tugs on his shirttail.
"Wait! Nate, what's this tea called?"
"What?" he asks her, confused by the urgency in her voice.
"The tea. What's it called?"
"I… I don't know. What does it matter? It's just some new fad my mother is indulging in. Supposedly it's trendy for Upper East Side housewives to drink exotic teas now."
"Nate! Come on! Recall! She must have told you," Blair presses.
Nate's eyebrows furrow together in concentration. "It's… something with a V… Ver something or other."
"Vervain?" Blair supplies.
"Yeah. That's it."
It had only taken that small sip for her to realize what it was, but she hadn't been sure.
"How long have you been drinking this?"
"I don't know… awhile. I told you, my mom bought it in bulk," Nate laughs.
"Have you… been drinking before you came to see me in Mystic Falls?"
Once again, Nate's face turns into a frown in his efforts to concentrate. "Yeah… I think so. My mom got it back in October. When I first came back after the whole… you know… thing…" Nate's voice trails off at the touchy subject of the blotched confession of his affair with Serena.
"October…" she repeats.
If he's been drinking vervain regularly since October, then by the time he met with Katherine, her compulsions shouldn't have worked on him. That means everything he's said, everything he's done since then, it was real. He wants her. He really asked her to marry him because he meant it. Not because he was manipulated. Not because he was compelled. But because he wants to. She really could have that fairytale happy ending if she wanted. Somehow it's a thought that scares her more than delights her. Her mind is racing and if she wasn't already sitting on the ground she thinks her knees would've buckled under.
Nate notices the anguished look on her face and kneels down besides her, taking her hands into his.
"Blair… I know… I know that you don't love me."
She looks up at him, her eyes wide in shock. "No. I do," she reassures him. "I care about you, Nate."
He smiles back at her sadly. "Yeah… but you don't love me like you use to. Not like the way I love you now. It took almost losing you to realize that."
Blair has nothing to say to that because it's the truth. She doesn't love Nate. Not like before. But maybe… maybe she could again.
"But you know what? I don't care. I'm going to be here for you, Blair. Like how I should've been before. I'm going to be the guy that you always wanted me to be, the guy I should've been. The one who should've known to cherish you when he had you."
Nate gets up suddenly.
"I'm going to make you fall back in love with me," he announces. "No matter what it takes."
He looks so very sure of himself.
"Nate…" she starts, but he shakes his head at her.
"No. I'm going to make you fall back in love with me. I know you still… you still miss him." It seems like it's hard for the young Archibald to say his name. Damon has been in her mind constantly lately and it seems like everyone is tiptoeing around the subject. "But he's gone now. You have to move on."
Move on. She told herself many times that she would, but it's easier said than done when everyday when she wakes up and feels her heart beating in her chest she is reminded that it's not really hers at all.
She doesn't answer him for a long time and so he just sighs. "Are your hands are still bleeding? I'll go get you a band-aid."
Blair remains on the floor staring at how her blood has tainted Nate's expensive silk handkerchief red. She wishes she wasn't so breakable.
She finally pulls herself up and goes to the bathroom to wash off her bloody hands. There's no point in moping about, staining the Archibalds' carpet. She turns on the tap and let the water run, lost in her thoughts and the implications of Nate's non-compelled behavior. Finally the water is no longer pink and she raises her hand up towards her face to examine the damage. Except there is none.
None at all.
Her skin is smooth and clean, albeit pruney from the length of time she held it under water, but abrasion free. She's quietly freaking out until loud knocking from behind her startles her from her panicked state.
"Blair? Are you okay in there?" Nate calls from the other side of the door.
"I'm f-fine!" She answers unconvincingly.
"I have the bandages," he tells her from the other side of the door.
"I'm fine. The bleeding has already stopped." Understatement of the year.
"Are you sure? You sound funny."
"I said I was fine," she snaps.
Nate's not convinced. "I'm coming in."
"Wait! No-"
The doorknob was turning and before she knew it she had ripped the door right off of its hinges in her attempt to keep it closed. Nate stands on the other side, mouth agape.
"Oh my god," she whispers as she releases her death grip on the door, letting the hulking thing go crashing to the ground.
xxx
For a moment they both avoid looking at each other, concentrating instead on the wreck of the doorway.
"A-are you a vampire now?"
She looks up at him startled.
"H-How?"
"Damon. His heart… the spells needed human blood. I wanted to save you. I… I know. I know everything."
"You know?"
"He's a vampire. Bonnie's a witch," Nate goes about rattling off all of the secrets she's be desperately trying to keep from him in a nearly hysterical manner. "We were trying to save you. I promised him not to tell you. He's going to kill me."
Nate starts pacing the length of the room, his hand running nervously through his hair.
"He's going to kill you," she repeats.
"Yes! And knowing him he's going to make it slow! I wasn't supposed to let you know! But look at you! You just pulled the door off its hinges. That wasn't supposed to happen. Damon didn't tell me that that was going to happen."
"Damon's alive," she doesn't say it like a question.
Nate stops in his tracks, realizing how he truly messed up.
"You can't go after him, B."
"You lied to me."
"To protect you!"
It's her turn to pace this time, her head spinning. Not more than ten minutes ago she just discovered that she suddenly gained super human strength and healing powers and the reason for it was because her human ex-boyfriend had teamed up with her presumably dead vampire boyfriend to lie to her all in the name of her protection.
"I can't believe this."
"Blair, it was to protect you. I'm sorry, but I had to."
"Don't even start with me!"
Why is it that Nate always sounds like a broken record on an endless loop of apologies and excuses? She ungenerously recalls of the other Archibald apologies and hates him for always making her out to be a helpless victim. Suddenly an unpleasant thought flashes and she comes to a screeching halt in her pacing, whirling violently towards Nate.
"The vervain," she bites out.
"W-what about it?"
"Did you know about it?"
"I don't know what you mean," Nate answers feebly.
"You should know by now, Nate, that you're not a very good liar."
"Blair-"
"Don't you 'Blair' me with your kicked puppy looking eyes and bambi pout!" She punctuates her venom by stabbing him in the chest with her finger. "That might work on college sorority girls and waitressing bimbos, but you have another thing coming if you think you can pull that one on me!"
Nate looks truly terrified and if she wasn't so furious she'd feel sorry for him.
"The vervain, Nate," she repeats. "Did you know about it?"
A myriad of emotions chases themselves across Nathanial's face. This was it. Whatever he says now would change everything thing between once and for all. There would be nothing to fix after this. Blair is glaring up at him and he quickly averts his eyes to the ground.
"Ye-"
Before he could even finish confirming Blair slaps him hard across the face. His left cheek stings and he can already feel the skin turning hot and red, but he doesn't dare raise a hand to touch it. Not when Blair was crumbling right in front of him.
"They told me about vervain. Gave me some to take it as a precaution."
"So that whole story about your mom and that Bulgarian dealer. Just something you came up to do what exactly? What were you trying to achieve?" Her voice is a snarl, gravely and raspy from unshed tears. She swallows and looks up towards the chandelier light hoping that it would help. She's sick of wasting tears on Nate Archibald.
"I wanted you to love me again."
"W-what?"
"I told you. No matter what it takes, I'd make you fall back in love with me."
"And that's suppose to be your excuse for trying to manipulate my feelings?" she shoots back.
"I had to. You were never going to forget about him. How was I supposed to compete with a dead guy?"
He looks down at her all melancholic and lovely and just so sincerely sorry that she could almost forgive him. Almost. She knows the effects of vervain. It grants the user immunity to compulsion, but as she recalled Nate never touched his tea.
"If you know about vervain then you know that what you're probably feeling right now isn't real. You were compelled by Katherine and Damon, pathologically insane as he is, probably re-compelled you after she died on some sort of crazy notion of protecting me or something. The feelings you have towards me, they're not real," she reasons.
"They're real, Blair."
She shakes her head. "Of course you'd think so. That's why it's compulsion," she answers calmly as if explaining something to a child.
"It's real!" He slams his fist against the wall so suddenly she jumps. "I'll prove it to you!"
He grabs the teapot of vervain and goes about draining its contents. When he finishes he tosses the expensive china to the floor with a crash.
"It's real."
His eyes are pleading her to believe him, but right now she doesn't know what to think.
"I love you."
He presses his forehead against hers, his hand caressing her cheek. She shuts her eyes and for a moment she could pretend that they were the same two fifteen year olds who fell in love in the schoolyard again.
"Please believe me."
She opens her eyes, the memories fading away, and draws back away from him.
"I…I have to go," she mumbles.
He looks heartbroken and she can't bear to look him in the eyes anymore.
"Where are you going?" he asks resignedly.
"I don't know. I just need some time to… to think. I'll be back in time for your grandfather's party tomorrow night," she answers tiredly as she pulls on her jacket.
She turns to him one last time and tries a smile, but it doesn't reach her eyes and makes a beeline for the door. The door shut behind her with a click and Nate stands alone in the silence of the grand Archibald drawing room not knowing what just happened.
xxx
Living in Mystic Falls has prepared Stefan Salvatore for many things. His century and a half life span has taught him to always expect the unexpected. That being said, when he opened his door and found Blair Waldorf on the other side of it he couldn't quite hide his surprise.
"Blair."
It's been awhile since she's last seen the younger Salvatore brother.
"Stefan. Can I come in?"
"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in the hospital?"
"I'm fine. I'm doing very well actually as you can see. Was discharged nearly a month ago. How are you?"
"I'm… fine… thanks," Stefan answers awkwardly.
"Now that we've got the pleasantries out of the way, can I come in?"
"Y-yeah… sure."
Stefan steps aside and lets her in. He offers her coffee, but she declines it. She'd rather not be drinking anything right now.
"How are you doing?" he asks politely.
"Good. Thanks."
They sit in awkwardness as Blair looks about the mansion. Nothing seems to have changed. The house seems as untouched by the hands of time. She imagines it is about exactly the same as it was in the eighteen hundreds.
"What are you doing here, Blair?"
"What happened to the bodies? Katherine… she killed-" Blair pauses to swallow the lump in her throat. She still wakes up in the morning expecting her friend to come in with the morning paper and tea. Just last week she accidently called one of the new maids Dorota. "She killed a good friend of mine."
"Don't worry, Elena and I took care of it. We gave her a proper burial."
Blair nods solemnly. "Thank you."
"It was nothing."
They sit in silence for awhile after until Stefan finally speaks up.
"What are you doing here, Blair?" he asks again.
"Has Damon contacted you?"
"I don't understand."
"Damon. You know, your brother? Handsome psychopath with a penchant for leather jackets?"
"Blair… you know like I do that he's gone."
"Don't lie to me, Stefan. You and I both know that he's not. I know all about his little deception, so you don't have to cover his ass for him anymore."
"I'm not. He's gone, Blair. You just have to accept it."
"I don't believe you, but fine. You can go on with the charades, pretending he's dead."
"I'm not pretending anything," Stefan starts, but Blair cuts him off.
"We can go on all night about this, but that's not why I'm here. There's something I have to show you."
She asks for a knife and Stefan begrudgingly obliges her.
"What's this about, Blair?"
"Just watch."
She winces as she draws a long, deep cut right down the middle of her palm. Immediately Stefan is by her side snatching her hand.
"What do you think you're doing?"
Stefan decides that it wasn't Blair's heart they should've been worried about, it was her head. The trauma from Katherine's attack must have turned the poor girl mad.
"Just wait," Blair orders.
Together they watch as the skin on Blair's hand slowly knits back together until there's no longer a wound.
"It's healing faster now. It took a while longer before."
Stefan releases his iron grip and falls back into the couch behind him, stunned.
"And that's not the only thing I can do."
"H-how?"
"I don't know. That's why I'm here. What's going on with me, Stefan?"
Stefan rubs his face with his hands. "It must have been the spell."
"What spell?"
"The one that Bonnie casted on you and Damon so that he could give you his heart."
Blair swallows nervously at the mention of the D word, but brushes it aside.
"But I'm an Immune. No magic is supposed to work on me."
"Maybe because the spell is on Damon's heart, so your Immunity doesn't work since it's not technically on you."
"This is insane."
She begins pacing about the length of the room.
"No kidding."
This was just perfect. Damon is gone and now Stefan has to deal with his demanding Immune girlfriend with newly acquired vampire heart and healing abilities.
Blair abruptly turns on him, her hands and her hips and says in a commanding tone of voice, "Do something."
"W-what do you want me to do?" Stefan stammers.
"Fix it! You're a centuries old vampire, you must know something!"
She returns to pacing only to whirl on him once again a second later.
"Does this mean I'm a vampire, too, now?"
"I don't know," Stefan replies lamely.
"Well then what am I?"
"I don't know."
She sighs exasperatedly. "Really, Stefan. What do you know? I came here for answers!" she declares indignantly. "I'm kind of freaking out here and Waldorfs don't freak out! We keep calm and carry on!"
"Look, the spell was a long shot and what with your Immunity… It's kind of out of my expertise. We should go see Bonnie."
"You read my mind. She should've been who I went to see in the first place," Blair jibes.
Stefan just sighs resignedly and together they gather their coats and make their way to the young witch's house.
xxx
The night of the party is upon them and still no sign of Blair. Nate paces about the hotel lobby with his phone in his hand waiting for her call. As if she read his mind she does. He picks up on the first ring.
"Where have you been, Blair?"
"I'm sorry for leaving so suddenly the other day. There was something important I had to do."
"It's alright. Where are you?"
He doesn't know it, but she's in the room right next to his watching him as he paces about nervously, just out of sight.
She shakes her head even though she knows he can't see her. "It doesn't matter."
"Blair… About… about everything," Nate starts, but she doesn't let him finish.
"No, I get it. You guys were just trying to protect me. But it's okay, because you don't need to. I can protect myself."
"Are you going to go after him now? It's always has been him, hasn't it? You never really could have let him go."
"No, Nate. This is about me. There are… things about me that you don't know about. Things I don't know about myself. And I need to figure it all out."
"Then let me help you. I can be there for you. Whatever you need."
Blair shakes her head even though she knows Nate can't see her. "You can't. You can't get involved in this. It's not your world."
"It's not yours either!" he argues.
"But it is, Nate. It is. I always thought that I stumbled into this whole mess purely by accident. You can try and blame it on Damon if you want, but it wasn't his fault. I was a part of all this since the beginning. It was just that I didn't know it at the time. And now that I know, I can't absolve my responsibility. I need to find out what I am. It's as much for myself as well as for everyone else around me. Otherwise I would put everyone I love in danger. I would put you in danger. And I can't do that."
Silence grows between them. Nate has done the best he could, but he always knew that he wouldn't keep her.
"I… I really did love you. We were something, you and me. Back then…we were something weren't we?"
"Yeah. We were something," she agrees.
"But we're not anymore."
"No… we're not." There's a hint of regret and nostalgia in her voice.
Once again, he goes silent on the other line and she almost wishes he would scream and shout instead.
"You're not coming back are you?" His voice sounds resigned.
"It won't be forever. I'll be back someday."
"I… I wish you happiness, Blair. I realize now that you weren't going to get that with me. So wherever you are, wherever you're going… I hope you're happy. And… you don't have to worry. I'll keep your secret. Not as if anybody would believe me anyways, but I told you that I would protect you and I guess this is the best way how."
She smiles softly. "Thank you, Nate." She means what she says with all of her heart. "We can't be lovers, but we're friends aren't we?"
"Always have, always will." Despite what she thought he does pay attention occasionally. "Take care of yourself, Blair."
"You too. Goodbye, Nate."
The phone clicks and all that's left for Nate to hear is the dial tone. He stares at his silent phone for a second before turning away and returning to the party. Blair watches him shake hands with one of his grandfather's colleagues. He has the bright signature Archibald winning smile on and he seems to stand a little taller than she remembered. So very different from the distracted privileged boy she used to know. She leaves knowing that he'd do fine without her.
xxx
She's bidding farewell to the life she has known so well and looks towards her new one. She'll look back to this day and realize that this was the moment when everything changes. Just as everything she thinks she knows about herself is ending, it's the beginning of finding a whole new self. A whole new Blair to meet and discover. She's both nervous and anxious, but she welcomes the change.
A/N: Epilogue pending! I'm sad this story is coming to an end, but I'm happy with it. For those of you seeking more Damon/Blair crossovers, I do have another fic planned. You can check out a teaser video I made here: www[dot]youtube[dot]com/watch?v=9D1gbOTEyQU. I'm very excited for it and hope you guys are too! =) There might also be a sequel that I have ideas for, but nothing concrete. Thank you once again for reading and all of your support!