Natalie picked at her cuticles obsessively, feeling her stomach drop more and more as the seconds ticked by. She chanced yet another glance out the window, and there it was: the mail truck, stopping in front of her house, the man leaning out and stuffing the mailbox. He hadn't even closed the little door before she was out of the house, shoeless, running down the driveway. It has to be here, she told herself, for every day for the past two weeks she had gone through the mailbox, only to find disappointment.
Any day now, she would be receiving her results from Yale- albeit the second time she had applied. Getting out of the house without going through senior year hadn't exactly worked out (she tried to push the memory of her piano recital out of her mind, shuddering), but Yale was still her top choice. The second time she'd applied- well, hopefully it worked out better. Though she'd heard from everywhere else, she felt like Yale was the only school that mattered. It had represented her ticket out for so long that she couldn't imagine going anywhere else. It was freedom, it was the place where she could be noticed and be valued. At least in her mind.
Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she reached into the mailbox and pulled out a stack of letters and magazines and- was it? Yes, it was! She opened her eyes and saw a thick envelope addressed to none other than Natalie Goodman.
She hadn't even opened it, but judging by the size of the envelope... well, she couldn't help jumping up and down a little. But she couldn't open it just yet. She ran inside with her hands shaking as she picked up her cell phone and went through her contacts.
"Hello?"
"It's here," she said, without any other kind of greeting.
"I'm coming over," Henry said, and she could head the jingle of keys. "Wait till I get there."
"Hurry up!" She hung up, throwing her phone on the couch and plopping herself onto it, the large envelope staring at her.
What if it wasn't an acceptance? Maybe they were wait-listing her... or worse, she didn't get in...
Her mind toiled away like this until there was a knock at the door. As fast as she could, she opened the door, dragged Henry inside, and then practically hauled him up the stairs into her room. They sat next to each other on the floor with their backs against her bed as she stared at the envelope.
"I can't open it," she said.
"Yes, you can! It's a big envelope, Nat- I'm sure you got in."
"Don't say that- what if I didn't? Won't you feel bad when I get rejected?"
"Natalie- you won't. But this isn't the only place for you, just in case- there's tons of other school's who'll take you. Tons of schools who have taken you already. I mean, you're going to be valedictorian and everything," he said, trying to be comforting. She just shook her head.
"None of it really mattered before- being turned down or any of it. But this is it. My one real chance to go to Yale. I'm savoring the last moments before I know." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, before picking up the heavy envelope. "Ok. I'm ready."
She carefully tore along the seal, her stomach aching horribly. As soon as she opened the envelope, she looked inside, spying some brightly-colored brochures and papers, along with an official-looking letter. Sliding it out of the envelope, her eyes scanning frantically over the page, not reading anything in order, but jumping about, looking for the key words.
"Henry..." she said, not sure she could believe it.
"Yes?" he asked, smiling. He had already read the first sentence of the letter over her shoulder.
"I got in! I'm in!" she squealed, a most un-Natalie-ish thing to do, before getting up and jumping up and down. "Sorry- I can't help it!"
"I'm so happy for you, Natalie," he said, getting up and joining in a little bit, before feeling awkward and stopping.
"Henry!" she said, throwing her arms around him, her smile threatening to fly right off her face. "I love you," she said, meaning it. She seldom said it, but as she did, she felt something taint her happiness.
She couldn't tell anyone she felt this way, but it was true: if she hadn't gotten into Yale, there would be nothing keeping her from being with Henry. She had no preference between any of the other schools- truly, Yale was the only place for her. Henry was going to major in Music Education- what grade he wanted to teach, he wasn't sure yet, but he wanted to teach. He'd applied to a few schools, all seeming too far from Yale. He had wanted to apply to Boston University, but she didn't know if he ever did- all she'd heard about was his acceptances and rejections from various schools that were hundreds of miles away.
"What is it?" he asked, but of course she couldn't say. Henry could never into Yale, she knew; but more than that, she'd never wanted to be the girl who made her decisions based on what her boyfriend was doing. Needing someone, loving someone and admitting it- well all that was still too difficult to even imagine. Harder was that someone wanted to love and be there for her.
"Nothing." She averted her eyes. Henry took her chin in his hands and turned her face towards his.
"Are you happy?" he asked, and she nodded. truly, she was; she felt like all of her insides were inflated with Helium- as scientifically impractical and impossible as that was, it was the best way to describe how wonderful she was at that moment. Except for that one thing. But they would make it through, right? He had promised to stay with her.
"Yes, I am."
"Then why do you look sad? What's bothering you?" he asked. God dammit. How did he know?
"What about... us?" she asked quietly.
Henry just sat down on the floor. "I dunno, Nat. We'll find a way to stay together. But for right now, we're together, right? Isn't that all that matters?" He looked pensive for a moment, as though he was teetering on the edge of saying something, and then didn't.
"Sure."
"What's up?" she asked when Henry knocked on the door a month later. His smile was too excited, too engaged- he obviously had something to tell her. "Dad- we'll be upstairs!" she called, not waiting for her dad to see who was at the door.
As soon as they were safe in the privacy of her room, she turned to him. "Ok- what is it?"
"Nat- I've got amazing news. It's brilliant." He even clapped his hands.
"Henry... what's up with you?"
"Ok, so you know how we were worried before, abut you going to Yale and how I only got into schools on the West Coast and Midwest and all?"
She nodded. "Yeah?"
"Well- you know how I was going to apply to Boston University?"
"Uh-huh..."
"Well, I did, and I didn't hear anything for the longest time. Seriously, I thought I was going to die. I didn't tell you I applied because I didn't want to go there unless you were going to Yale-"
"Henry- you shouldn't go somewhere because of where I'm going, don't be stupid-"
He put a finger to her lips. "That doesn't matter- because I got in. And you got into Yale. Nat- listen! We'll only be only a few miles apart. We can see each other whenever we want-"
"Henry," she said, making him be quiet. "Henry..." How could she say this without sounding too mean? "I want to be with you- I do. But you shouldn't do something so completely dumb as going somewhere because I'm going. Like, have you even looked at the school? Do you know anything about it?"
"Natalie," he said, slightly mocking. "Natalie... Believe it or not, I was looking at this place before I even spoke to you. OK, so back then I was a bit more of a..."
"Slacker?" she finished, smirking.
"I was going to say 'lost soul' but if you're going to be insulting, then fine... Anyway, once I figured out what I wanted to do, I started looking at a couple schools. Don't worry Nat- I've thought this through."
She just stared at him for a long time, studying his face. Was he serious, or was he doing something impulsive and romantic, some stupid Henry thing that he'd be better off staying out of...?
"Natalie, aren't you happy?" His eyes were hurt- he had been so excited.
She looked down. The selfish side of her was ecstatic- it was the solution to their problems. And after all, he did say he had wanted to go there- so what was the problem?
"Henry- I am happy. But will you promise me something?"
He nodded.
"Let me go with you in a week or two, before you accept- let's go look at the school again, ok? So you're sure?"
"Why? I am sure, Natalie."
"Just- for me. Ok? I don't want you to throw your life away for me, like my dad did with my mom. Does that make sense?"
Sighing, he nodded. "Ok. One more try- but honestly Nat- I like the school. I want to go there."
"Just one more look, Henry."
"Fine- one more."
She nodded. Maybe- hopefully- he wouldn't change his opinion. But she didn't want him to make the wrong decision on her account, either. If she didn't want to end up like her mom, she was going to make sure as hell Henry didn't end up like her dad.