A/N: I have a twitter account now, if you guys are interested about my updates (or not!).

/ScienceGeek91

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight characters.

Bella

I felt like I was in a dream-like frenzy, in some place beyond the world I was familiar with. The concert I had left a couple of hours ago, my workplace, my home and the people in it – everything seemed to belong to another planet. The current circumstances I was in – the one where only Edward and his pain existed – seemed isolated from the hustle-bustle of human lives. Sitting on the floor of Edward's apartment in the dark, while listening to his heart-wrenching, unbelievable past, I realized what a fool I was. There he was, all hurt and battered in pain, while I was yearning for him? That was absurd. I had felt heartbroken at his rejection the other night, but what he was going through was a hundred times worse.

At one point, when he was talking about the most agonizing part of the story, I noticed his eyes welling in a little. Without being able to control myself, I flung myself at him, wrapping him in my arms. I was fully aware of the fact that this action was not for my sake – it was to comfort him. I felt him relax just a little and he pressed his cheek on my hair.

Life was so damn unfair.

I had imagined so many different scenarios like that one, me in his arms. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought that it would turn out this way.

Also, I couldn't quite make out the reason for him telling me, of all people, about his past. However, then I comprehended that it was his way of explaining his behaviour the other night.

After listening to the entire story, my teeth felt clamped together. No words could escape my mouth, but that was probably because I didn't know what to say in the first place. I felt his eyes on my face, contemplating my expression. His eyes probed my face, searching for some reaction.

"Bella," he breathed, after politely disentangling himself from my embrace and letting his head fall backwards and rest against the wall, "Say something. The silence is killing me." He sounded so wary.

I cleared my throat. "Edward, I-I don't know what to say, except that what you went through was horrible. I really wish it wasn't you. I wish you were……happy," I finished lamely.

He let out a dark chuckle. "I've had my fair share of happiness, I guess. It was much more than any man could have ever hoped for. However, it seemed like my share ran its course and then left me eternally doomed with an empty life. Sometimes, it feels like, fate is making me pay for what I had done. I think, death would have been a less painful punishment for me," he finished with another humourless laugh.

"You can't blame yourself for - ," I began.

"Stop!" he said a little sternly. He sat up straighter, pulled his legs up and rested his elbows on his knees. Covering his face with both his hands, he said, "I am just so tired of hearing the same thing from everyone else. First it was my mother, then Alice, and now you too!"

Hesitantly, I raised my hands and placed them on his shoulder. He didn't flinch or even removed his hands from his face. Heaving a sigh, I pried his fingers loose and pulled his hands away from his face. Reluctantly, he looked up to meet my eyes.

"Bella, why exactly are you here?" he asked, seeming genuinely curious.

Jeez, let me think, I wondered. It's because I couldn't bear to see the pain in your eyes; because I hadn't stopped thinking about you since the first time I saw you. You occupy each and every corner of my mind. And tonight, I felt my heart bleeding as I learned about your past, because I came to know how much pain you really were in. That's right; your pain bothers me, immensely.

It was because of one simple reason: I was hopelessly, irretrievably and madly in love with you.

I never thought I'd see the day when I sounded like that chick who keeps writing country songs about ex-boyfriends.

Of course, I couldn't say any of those things out loud. When I was about to form a coherent reply, it seemed like my answering time was up. Either that, or Edward had no actual desire to know the answer to his question.

He started getting up, interrupting me when I was about to answer. That movement brought me back to reality. I hadn't noticed this before, but the video seemed to have ended and the room was flooded with light from the blue screen that had appeared. I got on my feet as well.

"It is getting really late, Bella. I should drive you home," he said, grabbing his jacket.

Translation: You have invaded my privacy enough already. I don't want you hanging out here anymore.

"No, Edward. Don't bother. I can get home by a cab…" I said.

"That's out of the question. You are late because of me. The least I could do is take you home safely."

I felt sudden anger towards him. I was a grown-up, fully able to take care of myself. He didn't need to chaperon me.

I raised my chin in the air. "That won't be necessary. But thanks for the offer, though." I put one foot forward, preparing to exit. With a jolt of surprise, I heard him let out a chortle. I turned backwards and noted on his face a small smile.

"What's so funny?" I asked, attempting to control the fast pace of my heartbeats as he flashed the full force of his scorching eyes on me. His previous gloomy mood was still there, but there was also a hint of humour touching his beautiful face.

"Nothing," he said, shaking his head. "This is a request, Bella. Heaven knows I have enough guilt to live with already. If something bad happens to you too because I let you go all by yourself…" he didn't finish, the previous aching look eclipsing the momentary trace of wit he bore on his face.

"Okay, you've made your point," I grumbled.

A ghost of his crooked smile appeared at the corner of his lips.

While I stood at the doorstep and he turned off the television, something came to my mind.

"Edward, can I ask you something?" I said, half-expecting he'd refuse.

He turned to face me and nodded.

"Is that why you have stopped playing the violin?" I asked, looking down at my feet.

I could tell he had frozen. I forced myself to look up and was astounded to see him smiling again.

"Bella, I just told you the most depressing part of my life, and that's all you can ask me about?" He smiled wider.

"What else do you want me to ask? Did you expect some other reaction?" I asked morbidly.

"Well, I was thinking more along the lines of running away from me, thinking I am some kind of a demon or something equivalent to that," he replied, his light-heartedness gone.

I had no reply to that so I turned away from him and went down the stairs.

I waited while he took his car out from the parking lot, a silver Volvo S60. He stopped the car right in front of me and I got in.

We both remained silent as he drove towards my house. It was pretty dark and quite late as well and I was actually grateful that he had offered me the ride. The past couple of hours had put things in a different perspective. Before, in my head, we were the central characters of my story. Now that I'd come to know the truth about his past, I understood that there was no 'we' in the first place. Edward was still clearly very much in love with his wife. I was nothing but a mute spectator in his story.

That was when something else hit me. This was a different car than the one he had mentioned while talking about the…incident. I marvelled at the thought – I had a strange mind indeed. That was so not the appropriate moment to differentiate between cars.

"Bella, just spit it out, whatever it is that's bothering you," Edward said looking straight ahead, startling me.

I looked at him inquiringly and he swiftly glanced my way once. "Your fingers are gripping the seat so hard," he muttered.

I released my fingers and placed them on my lap. While keeping my gaze down at my hands, I said, "This car, it's not the same one you used to drive….before."

I could tell Edward had been holding his breath. When I finished my question, he let out a deep sigh. He quietly said, "You never cease to amaze me." I was not sure if that was meant as a compliment. "Yes, this is another car. I couldn't sit behind the wheels for two years and it took me another six months to finally start driving again, without freaking out. I discarded the Vanquish as soon as I was released from the hospital. It was damaged beyond repair, anyway. Just like me." The last part was not meant for me to hear, I figured.

"So, is that all you were curious about, whether I still played the violin or drove a different car?" he asked, still avoiding my eyes. "I am still actually waiting for you to come to your senses and hand me to the cops," he sniggered mirthlessly, again.

"Stop it!" I muttered, quietly, but a little bit harshly. He misunderstood me and hit the brakes. The car came to a screeching halt.

"Not the car," I threw my hands up in the air in frustration. "I meant, stop degrading yourself that way," I said, suddenly feeling angry again.

He hadn't restarted the engine. I felt him looking at me so without having another choice, I turned towards him.

"You don't understand, do you? What I had done is unacceptable. No matter what anyone else says to change my mind, as long as I'll live, I'll never be able to forgive myself," he said, determinedly.

I closed my eyes. "You see, Edward, that is what I am trying to tell you. You couldn't have changed what fate had already decided. That was bound to happen, if not by you, then by someone else. We are nothing but mere humans. We have no power to alter anything that happens on this planet." I opened my eyes after I'd finished talking.

"Quite a philosopher you are," he remarked, a hint of a smile in his tone. I couldn't help but smile back. Slowly, just like the other day, his smile started to vanish. He stopped blinking his eyes and continued to stare at me. All of a sudden, he removed his gaze from my face and started the car again.

He remained silent throughout the rest of the drive. When he paused in front of my house, I remained seated. I was in no hurry. It seemed like he wasn't either. He sat there, still resting his hands on the steering wheel.

"Thank you, Bella," he finally said, breaking the silence and astounding me again. "For listening to my story and for not thinking I was some lunatic who belongs to a mental asylum, or worse, a murderer."

I sighed, defeated. He was one stubborn man. No matter how much I tried to talk some sense into him, he'll go back to blaming himself.

"You are welcome, but I would appreciate it further if this 'lunatic' stops holding himself responsible for everything," I replied, a little coldly. I didn't need to look at him to be able to tell that he was smiling again.

"Thank you, Edward, as well, for trusting me enough to talk about such a…difficult time of your life. And I also wanted to say," I looked down at my hands again, not sure exactly how to say it, "that I am truly very sorry, about everything. I wish there was some way…that I could…I mean, I wish there was something that could be done…..to…lessen your pain. And if this makes you feel any better, then you should know that my mum thinks that only those human beings are put into tests whom God loves more. That means you are special, Edward, special than the rest of us," I muttered, still looking down.

I felt my face being lifted upward by a cool finger. He brought my face in level with his and said, "Yes, it does make me feel better." His cool breath washed over my face, making me dizzy.

I turned my face the other way, hiding my smile, as soon as he dropped his finger from my chin. I opened the door and was about to get out of the car, when his voice interrupted me again.

"And Bella, I hope it doesn't sound inappropriate. You looked…. exquisite tonight." He turned his head to stare at the road before him when he uttered those words.

My hands froze on the door. I pushed the door open, nonetheless. Without looking at him, I muttered swiftly, "Goodnight, Edward."

Edward

I couldn't stop myself from thinking about Bella as I drove back to my apartment. Saying that her reaction was nothing like I had expected, would be an understatement. I was awed by the cool calm she kept, or the charade of it, whichever. Bella Swan was indeed a remarkable young woman, the kind of person I had rarely stumbled upon.

I was not blind. I knew the reason why I was being so honest with her. My feelings for Bella were….more intense than I had actually thought. Nevertheless, it doesn't change the situation. In the morning, when she wakes up and sees some sense, she'll stay out of my way, hopefully.

I parked my car into the garage and climbed the stairs. On reaching my loft, I went to my bedroom and took out a t-shirt and a pair of sweats. Without sparing a glance at the bed, I threw the clothes on it. Next, I took off my shoes and changed my clothes.

As I stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom, while brushing my teeth, I thought about what Bella had said. Was it likely that she was right? Was there some chance that I am not to blame after all? No, she was mistaken. I am the one to be held responsible for what had happened. Regardless of what she said, I am guilty of committing a gruesome crime.

As I kept thinking about that, I looked at my reflection on the mirror, not really seeing it. However, after staring at it for a long time, I realized that it was the first time I had really seen my face on the mirror in years. I idly wondered about what Bella actually saw in me that would make her locate my address and find me here. I looked so much different than I did four years ago. I was fleetingly shocked when I noticed the changes. My eyes had set deep into the sockets – they looked lifeless. My nose, that was broken during that accident, seemed crooked now, like the nose of a wicked witch. A small, almost undetectable scar ran along the contours of my lips. But, that scar wasn't the only one in my body, as I had told Bella. In spite of that, those scars were trivial compared to the massive gash on my broken heart.

After heaving a deep sigh, I washed my face and prepared to go to bed. Following the accident, I had sold our house in Queens, the one – I realized with another sigh - with a complete nursery and all, and rented this worn down apartment in Brooklyn. I had sold all my previous furniture as well – the mahogany dining table Angela adored, my enormous bookshelf, the large king-sized bed - everything that reminded me of her. Instead, I purchased the basic necessities of a household and cramped this place that was my home now.

Cautiously avoiding looking at the empty left-hand side of the bed, I laid down, knowing that like always, I would have to stay wide awake for a long time, just like it had been happening since the last few years. Moreover, when I did finally fall asleep, I would have to see the accident played out from my memory, again. The car speeding, the windshield breaking, Angela's screams and the sight of blood – each and every detail would be more profound than the previous night. A slight shudder went through my body as I turned on my side, clamped shut my eyes and praying for the millionth time for a deep, dreamless slumber.

Bella

I couldn't sleep at all that night. That was very surprising because on most nights, I slept like a baby. But that night, I tossed and turned, threw the covers on top of me and then pulled it back again. I still did not fall asleep. All I could hear was Edward's voice resonating in my ears. I tried covering my ears with my pillow, but there was no avail. Once, a few hours before sunrise, my eyes rested for a while. Nevertheless, I woke up as soon as it was bright enough outside.

I got up from bed, washed my face and brushed my teeth thoroughly. I picked my clothes out very carefully. I chose a sea-green silk top with skinny jeans. After putting my black ballet flats on, I decided to tie my hair in a ponytail. Like always, I couldn't bother with make-up, so while checking my breath I heard a knock on my bedroom door.

"Bella, there's someone here who wants to see you," mum called from the other side of the door.

I had no idea who would want to see me on a Sunday. Nonetheless, I grabbed my bag and headed downstairs. Needless to say, I was extremely surprised to see Alice in our kitchen, sitting at the table, while my mother poured her coffee.

"Bella, you didn't tell us that you were expecting a friend," my mum gushed, clearly happy to see I'd made a friend at work.

"Actually, I didn't know," I mumbled, still confused.

Alice got up from the table with a hostile expression, that confounded me further. She walked over to me and muttered under her breath, "Can I talk to you?"

I nodded, dazed.

I was heading out anyway, so I thought it would be better if we talked outside. As soon as I'd shut the door behind me, she snapped at me.

"Where are you going, all dressed up like that, that too on a Sunday morning?" she asked, narrowing her eyes.

"Alice, I-I…" I trailed off, not sure how to tell her the truth.

"No, Bella. I want the explanation you promised last night. Do you think I don't know what's going on in your mind? Well, you are mistaken. I am fully aware of your intentions. Like loads of other women, you couldn't stop falling for Edward. I have seen girls drooling over him since the ninth grade, and I have shooed away anyone who seemed inappropriate." Ouch. "But let me tell you, I won't let you get close to him. He has already been through so much. You….Bella, I had never expected this from you. I thought you were different." She looked mad.

My breath clogged my throat. I tried to pretend that all those words didn't hurt. I had no idea what to explain. If I told her how I felt about her friend, would she believe me?

"Women go after him just because of his looks and money. No one has the slightest clue as to what kind of person he is, on the inside. But you…of all people…..I still can't believe it!" she shook her head, incredulously.

"That's enough!" I shrieked. Alice looked a little taken aback at my exclamation. "You think that's what I am after? His money? His looks?" I was almost on the verge of tears.

"That might not be the case, but you don't know his history…" she began.

"As a matter of fact, I do know about that," I interrupted her. The effect was just as I had expected. Shock and disbelief washed over her face.

I told her everything that had happened at Edward's place. She listened to me, quietly, looking more astounded by the second.

"Wait, he told you all that?" she asked, doubtfully.

I nodded.

"So why do you care so much about all of this that you had to go see him at his apartment?" she pressed on.

I didn't reply, but looked down at my feet as I felt a blush creep upon my cheeks.

"Oh, come on! Please, for heaven's sake, don't tell me you are in love with Edward," she cried, frustrated, making a sound of disgust at the back of her throat. "What is this, a bad soap opera?"

"Believe me or not, I had the exact same reaction when I found out," I said, still looking down, feeling my cheeks getting redder.

"Have you told him yet?" she asked, looking sceptical. Her expression looked like she questioned my sanity.

"No! Are you crazy? Have you seen the state he's in?" Now it was my turn to look shocked.

Alice narrowed her eyes again, this time snapping her eyebrows together. She looked thoughtful. "Well, that's strange. From what I knew, women preferred to throw themselves at his feet, professing their love," she said with air quotes, looking repulsed at the thought.

I couldn't hold my curiosity any longer. "You keep saying 'women'. How many have you come across until now, who had approached Edward?" I asked

Alice bit her lip, looking tentative. "Do you really want to know?" she asked.

I gulped. "No, I guess not."

"But, Edward had always been quite….what's the right word…yes, 'sensible' about that. Unlike other good-looking men, he never took advantage of women. He only ever dated a handful of women, the ones that really caught his attention. That was before he met Angela. After that…he only had his eyes for her." she paused. "Bella, you should have seen them together," she said, with dreamy eyes. I didn't know if she was talking about it to discourage my feelings for Edward, but I listened anyway. "They were the like the perfect couple. Can you imagine those words coming out of my mouth? Yes, those two made me change my mind too. They were like two pieces of puzzle, two opposite forces that worked together, all the time." She heaved a deep sigh. "Everything changed after that accident. The old Edward was gone. The one that was funny, optimistic and full of so much life. Instead, it was replaced with a person who was just…..lifeless." She sniffed once, her eyes looking somewhere distant.

My heart felt heavy after hearing about Edward's heartache from someone else. I breathed in a fresh lungful of air, hoping to calm my nerves. I hadn't realized until that moment that my eyes prickled with sudden tears.

Alice noted my expression and forced a smile. "I apologize, Bella, sincerely. It's just that I had seen such instances before, so I judged you and your behaviour on that basis. That was inexcusable. I really am sorry," she muttered, looking embarrassed.

"It's not a problem. I understand. No harm done, right?" I myself cracked a grin.

She nodded. "Bella, now, I am not going to ask you where you are going. But, whatever you do, regarding Edward, keep in mind everything I had told you today. I don't want to see him being hurt…" she pleaded.

"Wouldn't dream of it," I promised, surprised at how much I really meant it.

Edward

I woke with a start when I heard the doorbell ring. Strange, it seemed like I had dozed off as soon as my head had touched the pillow. On top of that, I don't remember having nightmares either; just a deep, undisturbed sleep. It was bizarre because I haven't slept that well in….years. Every morning, I would wake up with a scream, the bed sheets all tangled around my legs, my shirt wet with sweat. None of these happened today. This morning, I felt, rested. Calm.

The doorbell rang again. I wondered who it could be on a Sunday morning. I didn't have many visitors over to my place. So I walked over to the door, uncertainly. Needless to say I was surprised to see Bella standing outside the door, with two huge paper bags in her arms, that were overflowing with…..things. Bella stood there, looking bright, sunny and practically…… glowing, while I looked like a mess.

"Bella? What are you doing here?" I asked.

"You see, I am a terrible cook," she began.

I raised an eyebrow, wondering where she was going with this.

"So, I thought it would be too much of a torture for you if you had to start a day by tasting something I made," she paused to laugh at her little joke. "Which is why, I brought you breakfast…." She trailed off, unsure if that was the right thing to do or not.

"But, why?" I asked, still confused.

"Oh, Edward," she sighed, and started pushing her way through me to enter the apartment. I quickly stepped aside to let her in. "My mum says breakfast is the most important meal of the day and since I figured guys don't prefer elaborate cooking so you must be having a crappy breakfast," she kept rambling on, walking through the doors and into my living room, seeming at ease, like she actually owned the place herself. "That's why I thought you should have breakfast, with me," she stated the reason, pointing her thumb at herself, like it should have been obvious all along.

I stood there, speechless for a while. She turned to face me, still holding the paper bags in her arms. I swiftly went ahead and took them from her. After I had placed them on the dining table in the kitchen adjoining the living room, I felt her standing next to me.

"Um, that was very nice of you to think that way, but I can cook pretty well for myself," I muttered, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed to reveal that tiny detail.

"Oh, I know that look. Most men count making coffee and frying eggs to be equivalent to real food," she laughed, again. "But, let me tell you. Food is a type of an art that should be treated well and appreciated. It's not something that keeps you alive. You live for it," she explained, her eyes looking dreamy.

Wow. I had never heard a woman be that much enthusiastic about food. It was actually kind of….adorable.

"Err, okay. But I really need to clean up first. Make yourself at home and I'll be back in a minute," I said with a smile.

Her eyes went out of focus. She swallowed once and nodded, walking backward.

I chuckled at her odd behaviour and walked back to my bedroom.

A/N: Did anyone catch the reference to Taylor Swift? Don't get me wrong, I love her music. I was listening to one of her songs when I had this crazy idea to include that part…lol!

Review please?