Natalie dropped her back pack onto the floor and kicked off her shoes. She poured herself a bowl of potato chips and brought them to the kitchen table with her, retrieving her math book from her backpack. She took her cell phone out, too, and set it down right next to her, hoping for a distraction from the homework.
Ten minutes later, a distraction came in the form of the house phone ringing. Hopping up, eager to stop calculating interest rates, she picked up their ancient-non-caller-ID phone.
"Hello?"
"Natalie?"
She froze.
"Natalie? Are you there?"
A moment passed before she could answer. "Yeah. I'm here mom."
"Hi, sweetheart."
Her mother quieted, obviously not knowing what to say when Natalie didn't respond.
Well, what did you think, mom? You left us last Saturday and didn't even bother to say goodbye to me. Do you honestly think that on Tuesday I'd already be over it? That maybe we'd finally get along?
When her mother said nothing, Natalie responded, more as a reflex than anything else. "Hey."
"How are you?"
"Fine," Natalie said curtly, leaning against the wall and feeling awkward.
"That's good."
Silence.
"Look, mom, what do you want?"
"Honey, I just want to talk to you-"
"About what, mom? About how you left without saying goodbye? How do you think it feels to come home and find out that you're mother is gone? You think I wanted that to happen? You think it's just all ok, because you needed to leave? Couldn't you have thought about me for once? Hell- not even like three hours earlier, you said that I needed to start thinking of my own happiness. Well, thanks a lot, mom, because you really kick started that one. I need to start thinking of my own happiness, right? Because you are doing everything you can to make sure it doesn't happen! Well, I think that this might have been the craziest thing you've done yet. Do you really believe that you're going to get better without dad? He's the only person that keeps you glued together, mom. Without him, you'd be dead by now," she spat out coldly. "God," she said, letting out a dry laugh. "Where are you anyway? What are you even doing? Will you come back? Will I ever see you again?"
Natalie waited after she let out the last of her angry words. They'd been stewing through her mind all weekend, and all day at school for the past two days. Once they were out, though, she didn't feel so good.
Her mother didn't respond. Natalie could hear her breathing on the other end, and her heart picked up speed. Did she say too much? She was so angry, and finally talking to her mother seemed to be working. She felt a little bit better. And as much as she hated to admit it, she didn't want this to be the last time she spoke to her mother. Hopefully she's not angry enough to hang up, Natalie thought.
Finally, Diana began to speak again. Her voice was soft, not angry.
"I'm staying with your grandparents. My parents."
Duh, Natalie thought. Like Dad's parents ever want to see you again. They think the worst thing Dad ever did was marry you.
"And, Natalie, I needed to do this. I know you're angry with me-"
"No shit!"
"And you have every right to be. If I were you, I don't think I could stand to be having this conversation. But please at least try to understand that I love you, and I love your father still. But a break for our family was the best thing for me, so I cold escape the memories. Maybe the best thing for you, too."
"A... break? As in..."
"As in I'm still your mother. I just don't live with you any more. But Natalie, I want to see you. Talk to you. I want to be a part of your life."
"Like you were for the past sixteen years?" Natalie snorted.
"Natalie.... I don't know if you can hear this now, but... I love you Natalie. And I always will."
"Ok," she said dryly, not quite sarcastically, but not accepting either.
The conversation came to a halt. Natalie didn't know whether to end it or not- they'd hit all the important points. She knew where her mother was, at least. Did she want to hang up?
There was a bit of fear that spasmed in her chest. True, her mother had said that she would talk to her again, but who could guarantee that? What if her mother just sort of fell off the map? Would this be the last time she talked to her?
"So how are you, Natalie? How have you been?"
Since when do you give a shit what's going on in my life? she wanted to ask, but instead just said, "Fine."
"How was..." she knew her mom was wracking her brain to find something she remembered about Natalie's life. After a few seconds of silence, Natalie cringed. "That dance! How was your dance?"
"It's was good, mom-"
"Really? That's nice. I'm glad you had fun."
"Right."
"What did you do?"
"We danced," she replied sharply. "Ok, listen, mom. Are you going to call again?"
"Yes."
"You promise?" Natalie asked, trying not to let her worry bleed into her voice.
"Yes, Natalie. I promise. And..."
"Yes?"
"Tell your father I called. Tell him where I am, ok? But... ask him not to come see me."
So now I have to do her bidding for her? "Why should I?"
Diana sighed. "Well, I can't make you do anything, can I? But I just don't think it's the best thing for us now. I don't think all three of us should get together anytime soon. I'm just not ready."
Like you ever knew what the best thing for us was, she thought bitterly. "Whatever. I'll tell him, ok?"
"Thank you, sweetheart."
"So..."
"I'm glad you're doing well," Diana continued, and Natalie heard her transparent attempt at adding time to their conversation.
At least she's trying, she thought, for once a bit pleased. "Yeah. I have a ton of homework tonight, though..."
"Oh, well, I should let you go then," she said, her voice dipping lower at the end. Natalie tried to harden her heart against it, but her mother's disappointment at the conclusion of their conversation actually made her feel some sympathy. Her mother didn't have many people to talk to. She was probably lonely.
No, no, she thought to herself, but before she knew it, the guilt was pulling on her.
"Well, I can talk for a few more minutes," Natalie said, regretting the words as they came out of her mouth. Why should she talk to her? Shouldn't she never speak to this woman again?
"Oh!" she heard her mothers voice exclaim, brightening up significantly. "I don't want to keep you from anything..."
"No, it's ok. I don't have anything else to do tonight," she said. How could she deny her mother after she sounded, for once, so happy? But what could she talk about? What did she even want to talk about? Thinking about piano just made her sick. She still wasn't able to get any real practicing in, after what she referred to as 'the jazz incident.' So piano was not a topic. And she wasn't exactly going to talk about her recent experiment with, er, exciting nightlife. So... "You want to hear about the dance?" she asked, hoping this would carry on their conversation a little longer.
"Yes," Diana said, sounding both genuine and interested. "Yes, I would."
That night over dinner, Natalie put down her fork and looked at her dad.
"Um, mom called today," she said, hoping to sound casual.
Her dad looked up in shock, his fork still halfway to his mouth. "What? When?"
"Right after school," Natalie explained. "She's staying with her parents, and she wants you to know that she's ok. But that she doesn't want you to come see her yet."
Dan looked down. "Did she tell you why?"
"She said she wasn't ready to see either of us yet," Natalie said, shrugging her shoulders. "She sounded ok though. She actually listened when I talked to her."
"What did you say?" Dan asked warily.
"Nothing too bad. Once we started talking I, er... lightened up a little. We actually had a conversation. She asked about my life and stuff. I told her all about the dance."
"Well, she cares about you, Nat," he said, as though this was evident.
"Yeah, well, it wasn't always obvious," Natalie mumbled, picking up her fork and continuing to eat.
When she finished, she got up from the table and put her plate in the dishwasher. She was almost out the room when her father said something to her.
"So, she sounded good?" he asked, sounding both sad and like he was trying to hide his curiosity.
Natalie took a step forward and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Yeah. She sounded good."
"Did you talk to her for a long time?" he asked, again with the hidden curiosity.
"Well, like twenty minutes," Natalie answered.
Dan nodded. After a moment, he said, "You know, you never told me about the dance."
At once she recognized that he was feeling left out. So. She finally has a good conversation with her mother and begins developing a relationship with her, and there you go- now the other parent wants in. Well, maybe this splitting up thing was for the best.
"Er, well..." she began, sort of cringing. She repeated what she told her mother about the dance.
As she talked to her dad, and remembered her conversation with her mom, she thought about how her parents were separated now. There were plenty of parents who didn't live together. Henry's parents were divorced. It wasn't the most normal thing around, but if this separation made it easier for her mom, then she could tolerate it. And maybe, if there were more days like this, she could start feeling sort of normal. Or at least not seriously abnormal.
Hell, anything was an improvement.
I hope you guys liked it!
And I really hope I didn't make Natalie too friendly towards her mom... but I don't believe that she never spoke to her after she left until she went to college or something. In the musical, at the end, Natalie tells Henry that she's heard from her mother, so she obviously has talked to her and stuff. And seriously, her whole issue is about being loved, so when someone tries to love her, I can see her sort of opening up.
ANYWAY. Rant over. Lemme know how you liked it- please please please. I am desperate for some reviews because it's amazing to see the little alert email saying I have one.
PLEASE WRITE ONE! A nice long one. I don't care if it's mean.
And yes, I sound like I'm begging.
Please...
And this should have been at the beginning, but whatever: I don't own N2N, or Henry would be my husband by now, even though I'm 16. K. Byebye.