Title: Blue October, Volume One – Chapter Ten.
Author: Woodland Goddess.
Rated: M
Author's Note: This is another chapter where some of the content will be familiar to you. I've worked in the scene in the playground where the tree branch falls on Petunia in Deathly Hallows. I don't own any of that familiar stuff; don't sue!
Chapter Ten: Broken Circle
Close to the end of July, Lily's school year ended, leaving her with plenty of free time. This new situation both pleased and irritated Severus, who still had to study every day at the Pharmacy. While Lily was able to spend more time with him, it was time spent cooped up in the backroom, while the sun blistered down upon the building, virtually baking them. Even though he would encourage his friend to go out and enjoy the sunshine while she could, she would always refuse, saying it was not fair for him to suffer alone.
Staying inside did not seem to bother her as much as it did him. The fact that she could curl up with a good book made her feel much better about it, it appeared. The subtle sound of turning pages soothed Severus a great deal whenever an essay got the better of him and started to stress him and make him irritable. Whenever Severus took breaks from studying, Lily would set her book aside and they would pace around the backroom, chatting away about random things, with a few interruptions when Mr Evans or Mr Young would come through to collect some medicines.
In the afternoon, Lily and Severus would have lunch together in the backroom – typically sandwiches and flasks full of home-made soup, which Lily would bring from home – after promising not to make a mess, of course. Severus greatly enjoyed these occasions that they spent together; it made him feel like he was amounting to something, that she would willingly spend so much time with him. Of course, feelings aside, he knew he really was not amounting to very much at all.
A boy like him was not likely to amount to much. Sure, they could be clever and hard-working, but in a lot of cases it was one's connections that helped one get ahead. Severus did not have any connections; at least none that would help him find his lot in life at the moment. This fact, however, only spurred him on. One day, when he was at Hogwarts, he would be able to make the necessary connections. His mother had once told him that Horace Slughorn, the Potions Professor and Head of Slytherin House at Hogwarts, liked to give a good boost to worthy students, helping them make connections that would help them when they graduated.
Of course, the whole idea had a self-serving purpose behind it, but that was beside the point in Severus' opinion. The point was that Slughorn could provide Severus with a ticket to a good career and good connections, so long as he proved to be worthy. He vowed to himself that not only would he work harder than any other student in the school, he would make himself worthy enough to be picked by Slughorn, to win the opportunity of succeeding in life and becoming a notable person to more than just Lily, Mr Evans and his mother.
He would become a Potions Master, surpassing even his mother's skill in the subject and she had had great recommendations from Slughorn before meeting Tobias Snape had sent her future spiralling in a different direction. He promised himself that future. He would be respected, his talents sought out across Great Britain. Potions Masters were a dying breed, after all. Arsenius Jigger was the last man to be accepted into the Potioneers guild after an apprenticeship and that occurred several decades ago.
Jigger was still going strong, having recently published Magical Drafts and Potions for use by Hogwarts students who were entering Hogwarts for the first time. Jigger was a cut above the rest, according to Eileen and Severus would do well to make an impression upon him in the future. Severus would only accept being the apprentice of the best and if buttering Slughorn up would help achieve that, then Severus vowed to do his absolute best. There was no point in doing things by half-measures.
Realising that his thoughts were starting to distract him, Severus closed his eyes and set down his pen, which he had started favouring since they were more like quills than pencils were. He rubbed the back of his neck, sore now after so many hours bent over his work. It was nearing closing time now, thankfully and Mr Evans would be coming in to tell him he could finish up in next to no time. Severus was glad that he had only a few more sentences left to add to the essay Mr Evans had set him that morning.
Forcing himself to concentrate, Severus finished the essay and then slumped in his chair with relief. Lily grinned across the table at him, slipping her bookmark between the pages of the book she had been reading. "Fantastic," she said, seeing that he was finished. "Soon we'll be able to go out into that sunshine! The pair of us could do with a good dose of it, in my opinion." Just as she was talking the door to the backroom opened and Mr Evans poked his head around it. He smiled warmly at them.
"There's still five minutes until we close," he said, "but since you're finished the two of you can head away now if you like."
Mr Evans was about to pull his head back when Lily spoke up, causing the man to flick his gaze in her direction. "Dad, can you take my book home? I don't want to be lugging it around outside today." Mr Evans nodded and told her to leave it on the desk; he would pick it up after. When Lily had done so, she and Severus left the Pharmacy. They never noticed that Petunia was holding a sweeping brush not too far away from them – they were far too absorbed in the fact that they could now play together.
Lily and Severus walked half the distance to the playground, before Lily said loudly, "last one there is a rotten egg!" and took off with a burst of laughter. Her hair fanned out behind her, a crimson banner in the wind, stray tendrils flying haphazardly in the breeze. The sight of it took Severus breath away, mesmerising him, causing him to stumble even as he raced after her. He did not look half as majestic and graceful as she did, but that was to be expected. A boy like Severus could never compare to such a beautiful flower like Lily.
He did catch up to her, however. They ran at full speed, arms swinging wildly at their sides, hands curled into fists. The sun bore down on them, flushing them with further warmth even as their bodies filled with the heat of exertion. Severus' cheeks were stained with a red blush, as were Lily's. His face contorting into a strange expression, Severus pushed himself to a higher speed, getting ahead of Lily by four steps. He would not have been able to run so fast had he never met Mr Evans, who gave him a good lunch every day.
Severus felt quite accomplished for having passed Lily out, but soon she came level with him again, a determined expression on her face. Her emerald eyes were burning with an inner fire that was glorious. Severus struggled to speed up, to pass her out again. His heart pounded against his ribs, his blood thumping in his ears. Breathing was becoming difficult, but thankfully they were almost at the kissing gate. He managed to slip in before her by a hair's breadth and proceeded to fall over, colliding roughly with the hard ground.
Severus bit back the cry of pain that threatened to escape him; he did not want to show any weaknesses in front of Lily. He had to be a boy of good calibre. However, while stopping himself from voicing his pain he bit his tongue by accident, the coppery tang of blood filling his mouth. Behind him, Lily jerked to a halt. "Sev," she cried shrilly, concern plainly evident. "Are you alright?!" She dropped to her knees, reaching out for him but Severus forced himself up at a speed that left him reeling.
He elbowed her accidently during his hasty scramble, causing her to pull away, rubbing her shoulder even as a wounded expression crossed her face. Severus' stomach plummeted through the ground. It was quite clear that Lily thought he had hit her on purpose. He opened his mouth to apologise and to explain, but she tore her gaze away, glaring off to the side. "It doesn't matter," she said, obviously unwilling to listen to him. Severus recoiled, quite stung by her reluctance. She was his first friend; why would he hurt her on purpose?
As soon as they were back on their feet, the pair of them traipsed over to the swings. Severus sat down in silence, gripping the chains as he stared down at the ground before him. He knew he was not the most pleasant person – he was easily irritated, was inclined to snap if embarrassed in the slightest and was not the most talkative of companions, often leaving Lily feeling awkward. He tried not to be so unpleasant, he really did, but sometimes it got the better of him regardless of his efforts.
Beside him, Lily began pushing her swing without once speaking to him. Severus tried to get into the mood to swing, but found it was impossible. Pushing off the swing, Severus strode away, head bowed. He climbed through the fence and sat in the shade of a tree, arms wrapped around his legs as he hugged his knees to his chest. He was so compact that one would miss him completely, unless one was looking for him. Lily did just that, having followed him across the playground. She looked down at him, neither angry nor concerned, but rather puzzled.
She sat down not too far away from him, mirroring his position, but without a tree to support her back. "I'm sorry for elbowing you," Severus said quietly, though he had not done so on purpose. Lily shrugged, her crimson hair tumbling from her shoulder, and offered him the tiniest smile. She patted the ground beside her in invitation. Feeling his soul lighten immeasurably just from that gesture, Severus made his way over to her, settling beside her with a swell of contentment in his heart.
Lily laid back, cushioned by the grass and Severus followed suit, looking up at the tree branches that mingled together above them. Neither of them said anything for some time, but his heart leapt into his throat when Lily reached out and took his hand in hers. "Tell me some more about the Wizarding World," she said, turning her head in his direction. She gazed at him, her green eyes sparkling in that special way that caused his lungs to seize up. She gave him an encouraging smile.
Getting himself under control, Severus spoke to her quietly. This time he told her about the Ministry of Magic, Wizarding Britain's government. He spoke of the many departments – which he recalled from conversations with his mother – and told her of funny stories about various Ministerial Employees. He thought it was a rather boring topic, but Lily was riveted. She adored hearing about the world that she really belonged to and Severus felt he had done a great deed by introducing it to her early.
She seemed to be quite in love with the idea of living a secret life, entrenched in Magic. Severus was not surprised. On the outside, the Magical World looked almost picture-perfect, but while he loved it as part of himself Severus knew the Wizarding World was not perfect in the least. It had many flaws, among which was its negative view of Muggle-Borns. He knew that not all Muggle-Borns were a waste of space or a bother, but that some would be; however, the same could be said for some Purebloods.
His mother did not speak too fondly of the Parkinsons. From what Severus could deduce from Eileen's rants when she came home from work, the Parkinsons did not treat his mother too kindly, despite the fact that she had come from a lineage as pristine as the name Malfoy. Sometime during Severus' recounting of all things to do with the Ministry they had sat up, turned and sat cross-legged facing each other. Severus took off his coat, the heat growing quite uncomfortable.
He rubbed the sweat from his neck and brushed a stray lock of hair out of his eyes. "The Ministry can punish you if you Magic outside school. You get letters –" Severus would have said more on the subject, but the expression on Lily's face turned rather frantic.
"But I have done Magic outside school!" The tone was panicked, the pitch sky-rocketing with every word that escaped her mouth. One hand reached up to grab a fistful of her hair, while the other arm wrapped around her middle. She hunched over, looking as though she would be sick with terror at any moment.
"We're alright," Severus quickly assured her, reaching forward to touch her knee in a gesture of comfort. She grabbed his hand in hers, squeezing tightly. She stared at his face, into his eyes, clearly desperate to know that she would not be in trouble. "We haven't got wands yet. They you let you off when you're a kid and you can't help it." He winked at her, then, knowing very well that Lily had an enormous amount of control over her gifts. "But once you're eleven," he went on, nodding knowingly, "and they start training you, then you've got to be very careful!"
There was a small silence, but the conversation continued rather quickly as she asked him questions about whether Hogwarts was really real and if having Muggle parents made any difference. "How are things at your house?" Lily asked suddenly, changing the subject altogether, catching him off-guard.
The tiniest frowns knitted his brows together. "Fine," he replied. Of course, by fine he meant normal for the Snape household. Tobias still gave his mother a beating almost every second day, some times more severely than others, depending on how much she back-talked to him. The most severe beatings usually followed the use or mention of Magic. Severus knew that his mother resented Tobias fiercely for his behaviour towards her and Severus, as well as his attitude towards Magic...but she loved him just as fiercely.
If staying with a man like Tobias is what love could lead to, Severus found himself almost detesting the very concept. It was abhorrent to him, the idea that one could be wounded so deeply by someone one love's so fiercely. He hoped he would never love anyone the way his mother loved Tobias; he knew it would only lead to torment, perhaps both physically and emotionally, though they were not mutually inclusive. Severus was so focused on his inner musings that he almost missed Lily's next question. "They're not arguing anymore?"
Severus choked back a scornful laugh. "Oh, yes, they're arguing," he said, picking up a handful of stray leaves. Subconsciously, he began tearing them apart. He hoped she would not ask anything too personal. He did not want to lie outright to her, but he felt secure in manipulating the truth. It would be best if she never learned of the antics Tobias got up to; she was exactly the kind of person who would try to step in, despite her lack of height or brawn. Severus shuddered to think of the harm that might come to her if she ever learned the real truth.
"Doesn't your Dad like Magic?" Her tone hinted at surprise and Severus understood why. What kind of person would dislike magic? A number of the world's problems could be solved with magic – starvation, for example. No, one could not create food from thin air, but if one had the ingredients handy one could whip up something with a flick of a wrist and then magically multiply it to feed hundreds and thousands of people the world over. For Wizards, it was a simple problem with a simple solution.
"He doesn't like anything, much," said Severus, his tone tinged with an inherent bitterness that he tried to suppress. Including me, he thought.
"Severus?" The sound of his name on Lily's lips pulled him out of his bitter thoughts. A little smile tugged at the corner of his mouth even as his stomach flip-flopped. He liked the way she said his name. There was warmth, true affection in it and he appreciated it beyond any means of description. He looked up at her with a raised brow. "Tell me about the Dementors again." Her voice acquired a dreamy tone, but there was nothing dreamy about the subject she wanted to hear about.
"What do you want to know about them for?" he asked, quite bewildered. He could not fathom why anyone would want to speak of such creatures. Sometimes, he dreamed about them, especially on foggy nights, which can at times indicate that Dementors are breeding in the area. His dreams were more like nightmares, where the Dementors floated into their house and sucked their souls out while they were fast asleep, vulnerable to attacks. Severus focused his attention on the conversation at hand when she began speaking again.
Lily nibbled her bottom lip, worried. "If I use Magic outside school –"
Severus almost laughed, but he did not want to offend her. "They wouldn't give you to the Dementors for that! Dementors are for people who do really bad stuff. They guard the Wizard Prison, Azkaban. You're not going to end up in Azkaban, you're too –" Lovely, he nearly said. Thankfully he had caught himself in time. He did not want her to think that he fancied her! It would put a horrible spanner in their relationship and that would not do at all. But she really was lovely. Sweet and kind and warm; she was everything he was not.
His cheeks flushed red and he tore up some more leaves. Suddenly there came a soft rustling from behind him. His spine went rigid as his face contorted with alarm. He was afraid that round boy, Peter, and his friends – Severus thought of the word with derision – might have found them and had come to teach the freaks a few lessons...like how to not be a freak, as unoriginal as it was. It was, however, quite a different sight that met him when he stood up and whirled around. Petunia, who had evidently been eavesdropping, had lost her footing while hiding behind her tree and was now quite plainly visible.
Anger flared, red and hot, within Severus. She had nastily accused him of spying on her and Lily several weeks ago and she had the audacity to do exactly that! "Tuney!" Lily exclaimed, obviously surprised. She was also quite welcoming, ready to beckon her over. Severus reacted on impulse.
"Who's spying now?" he yelled, a sneer evident in his voice. "What do you want?!"
"What's that you're wearing, anyway?" Petunia demanded in a harsh tone, ignoring his questions as she pointed almost violently towards his torso. "Your Mum's blouse?" Rage filled Severus, even as he wrapped his arms around his middle as if to protect the clothes he wore. It was not his fault that his family could not afford the latest fashions like Petunia's could. A tingle ran through him, from the roots of his hair to the tips of his toes and above Petunia's head a large branch broke away from the tree, tumbling down through the air.
Lily cried out in dismay mere moments before the missile slammed into Petunia's shoulder, almost sending her flying. She staggered, struggling to regain her balance. It had clearly hurt something fierce, judging by the tears that were now falling freely down her face, reddening her eyes and cheeks, contorting her mouth. Severus blanched, taking a step backwards, anger rushing away, only to be replaced by terror. He knew he was to blame and Lily was bound to end their friendship because of this. The incident had been a result of accidental Magic – his Magic!
"Tuney," Lily called, reaching out for her sister, but Petunia was already fleeing the scene, one arm limp at her side. The blonde girl ran as fast as her long, skinny legs could carry her, skirts flaring around her. Suddenly, Lily was rounding on Severus, Petunia almost forgotten. Lily's eyes were alive with righteous anger and her hands were curled into fists at her sides. "Did you make that happen?"
"No!" Not on purpose at least, he thought but did not say – he did not want Lily thinking he was not as magically strong as her. He was both defiant and scared, wanting her to believe him, yet knowing she would not. The branch had been too sturdy to be an act of nature and Lily had most certainly not caused the incident.
"You did," she said, tone wounded. "You did! You hurt her!"
"No, I didn't!" Lily was not convinced and he knew she was right not to be, even though it felt like a slap in the face that she did not see it for what it was; an accident. For such a clever girl, she was quick to jump to conclusions. Giving Severus a burning look, she stormed away, leaving Severus to stare after her, tormented by misery...
To Be Continued.
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