MERRY CHRISTMAS to my lovely reviewers – brionyjae, milady dragon, NikkieSheepie, Chaos 'shade' Shadow, cjh4ever, Marian Locksley and L.A.H.H. – along with all my other readers.

I seem to have a mixed audience as regards attitudes to rats. Some of you don't mind them, some of you have a view very similar to Jack's. I don't mind, so long as you keep reading.

Curiosity Killed the Rat

"Biscuit." Owen suggested.

"No." Gwen said scornfully, taking a bite out of the one she was eating. Leaving aside her study of the artefact they'd picked up yesterday, Tosh watched a crumb make its way down into Gwen's pocket.

"Rat-that-really-ought-to-go-on-a-diet?"

"Owen, why can't you make sensible suggestions?"

"'Biscuit' was sensible."

"I want her to have a proper name."

"Some parents call their kids names like that." Owen said in an offended voice. "How about 'Gwen'? Ianto thought it was you."

"Don't you think that would be rather confusing?" Tosh pointed out. "We could call it something similar like Gwyneth or Guinevere, but they all sound quite silly for a small rat…"

"Mini-Gwen" Owen suggested unhelpfully. "Gwenlet. Pseudo-Gwen…"

"Minnie." Ianto stated. "Short for Mini-Gwen, or for a more sensible name if you prefer. She's quite small for a rat anyway."

"Minnie." Gwen repeated. "I like that." She turned to the rat in her pocket. "So how do you like being called Minnie, then?"

Owen buried his face in his hands.

Someone soon found the newly-christened Minnie a cage, but before long it was seldom in use. Instead the rat was more commonly to be found on either Gwen or Tosh's shoulder, exploring a desk or curled up in a pocket. They even got to the point where Ianto would bring it a biscuit crumb at the same time as everyone else got their rations. He would have taken her with him on his rounds too, but Jack would never approve. That was one good thing about having a rat occasionally investigating the inside of your ear or having to be pulled away from a particularly intriguing document, they all discovered: Jack was far less likely to come and peer over your shoulder to see how you were getting on.

They found two ex-rats which Myfanwy had clearly had as snacks (and Ianto wasn't surprised when you considered all the chocolate biscuits that were inside them). The evidence of loose rats continued to appear though, so Ianto set traps – humane ones, at Gwen's request. She and Owen had reached a tacit agreement that he could do whatever he liked with any new rats he bought so long as he didn't harm any of the escapees.

Everyone was quite excited when they found another rat because it meant that they no longer had to take turns using them as a Jack-deterrent quite so much. Everyone apart from Jack himself that is – they didn't tell him at the time, just waited for him to find out.

"Where's the rat?" Jack had developed a habit of asking this question every time he entered the main section of the Hub. Owen classified this as 'neurotic' behaviour.

Tosh pointed mutely at her desk. Unnamed the rat was slightly larger that Minnie and slightly less friendly. She (they had both proved to be shes, to Ianto's relief – there were only so many rats he could stand) had entered a hate-hate relationship with Owen, who still bore rat-teeth-marks on his fingers, but she didn't mind Tosh much. It was quite possible that she held a special place in Tosh, Gwen and Ianto's hearts for the mere fact that she had bitten Owen. The Owen incident was also the reason why she remained unnamed – Ianto was petitioning for her to be called Owena, on account of certain 'similarities' (namely grumpiness, a tendency to bully others and a lack of qualms about biting people), while Owen… Well, Owen's current suggestion was 'Rat Jam'.

Jack squinted at the rat without getting too close. "I thought it was a different colour from that."

"Ah. That's because there's two."

Jack looked around hurriedly. "Why did no-one tell me there were two? How many more have you got?"

"Just two. Ianto thinks all the loose ones are gone."

"Good." Jack was becoming increasingly resigned to having rodents loose in his Hub. At least his team were keeping true to their word and not bringing the wretched creatures near him. "Where's the other one?"

Gwen looked up. "I've got her."

"No you haven't." Said Owen helpfully in a loosely-disguised attempt to cause trouble. "I can't see her anywhere. No funny lumps or tails sticking out anywhere." He watched Jack flinch slightly out of the corner of his eye.

Gwen lightly indicated where Minnie was currently curled up.

"What? You keep her in there?"

"She likes it there."

"Well, yeah, but…" Owen turned to Tosh. "Do you let them do that too?"

Tosh blushed slightly. "Sometimes. It's rather hard to stop them."

"Where-" Jack began, before his question was answered for him as a set of whiskers appeared sticking out from the neckline of Gwen's t-shirt. "Ah."

Owen was grinning now. "Have you told Rhys that yet? That his affections are being stolen by a rat?"

"They're not being stolen."

"Gwen's got a big heart, Owen." Jack announced. "Even big enough for rats." He added, with a hint of admiration.

"Even Owen-sized ones." Ianto added, not quite enough under his breath.

"Better a rat than a… than a Welsh rat." Owen retorted.

Gwen covered Minnie's ears.

"That's racism, Owen. And speciesism." Tosh pointed out.

"Is it? I thought it was just speciesism." Owen was quite proud of that quip. It earned him a special glare from Gwen as she placed an inquisitive rat down on Tosh's desk.

"You know, Owen, sometimes I really think you are a rat. Only that saying that would be mean to rats."

"And sometimes, Gwen, I think you're a right pain in the arse."

"Well-"

"I hate to break up the argument" Ianto interrupted in a slightly worried tone of voice "but should we really be letting them that close to…"

Gwen and Owen took one glance at the rift-gift-of-unidentifiable-purpose about to be thoroughly investigated and simultaneously dived for the rats.

There was a flash of black light and an implosion of silence.

There – a cliff-hanger for Christmas. Just what you wanted. It shouldn't be too hard to guess what happens, though. I think. Oh, send me your suggestions and then you'll see if you're right.