Title: Blue October, Volume One – Chapter Twenty-Four.

Author: Woodland Goddess.

Rated: M

Author's Notes: Thanks for reading/reviewing and thanks to everyone who has put this fic on their alerts! I appreciate all of you!

Chapter Twenty-Four: Fault of the Mind

Weeks passed with hardly any major incident to note and soon the end of July came upon Cokeworth, the schools closing for the holidays to the delight of the children. However, that was not to say that Severus' existence was without tribulations during this stretch of time. Nancy Cook and her gang of ruffians had been plaguing him of late, always managing to catch him whenever he was alone. It was as though they had his schedule memorised. This was a disturbing thought – one that Severus did not enjoy thinking.

Gripping his satchel tightly, Severus left Lily's garden through the side gate. The Evans were having a late dinner that evening, which had allowed Severus and Lily to spend a bit more time together, since the evenings were quite lengthy at present. In the end, though, Severus had to leave. He would not stay beyond his welcome; it would only draw Petunia's ire and Mrs Evans' contempt and Severus wanted to avoid that as much as possible. Some days were more difficult than others, but at least he was trying; that was much more than he could say for Petunia and her mother.

Severus glanced back at the house briefly, feeling his heart clench at the sight of the Evans family settling down at the kitchen table. As Mr Evans lifted the carving knife, Severus turned away. Keeping his head bowed against the wind, his dark locks whipping this way and that, he began his routine walk home. If Severus could have his way, he would have apparated...but his mother had forbidden him from doing so. They could not risk breaching the Statute of Secrecy, after all. Nor did they want to draw Tobias' ire, for that matter.

Severus' lip curled in a sneer at the thought of his father – though Merlin knew the man did not deserve such a title. Tobias was not even half the man and father that Mr Evans was and that was when Severus was being exceptionally generous. Knowing they were dark and immoral thoughts, he could not help but wish Tobias would fall into the river on his way home, one night. Eileen might grieve for his passing, but she would be relieved, too. She deserved relief, much more than Severus wanted freedom.

A disgruntled sigh escaped him. It had become an unfortunate habit of late to wish for things that would never come to fruition. The one thing, that he knew he could wish for, was his rightful place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Tuition at that distinguished school of Magic was the only certainty in his life. The presence of Lily and Mr Evans in his life, while wonderful while it lasted, was not unconditional. One day, he or they would die, separating them forever...or they would have a falling out.

Good things had an expiry date that was always fast approaching, while bad things could get one through a period of nuclear fallout. I can't wait to board the Hogwarts Express, said a sullen voice at the back of Severus' mind. Immediately following the thought, however, came the unsettling image of the trolley lady coming around to his carriage and Severus, being unable to afford even the tiniest morsel, turning his face away, the flush of mortification staining his cheeks. It was an alarmingly accurate vision.

Eileen would not have finances enough to spare him a few sickles for the train. Severus had known this since he was small, but even now it elicited a pang of misery. Grumbling under his breath, he told himself to be grateful for what he had. At least you have a wand and will soon be educated; what more could you want? But he did want more; Severus could hardly help it when he was overwhelmed by envy, especially when he saw the many things that Lily took for granted, which he would never have in his possession.

Severus' fingernails bit into the strap of his satchel and he scowled down at the footpath ahead of him. A scowl was a frequent fixture on his face, something Tobias often commented on maliciously, but Severus was not going to walk around with a smile on his face if he was not happy. More often than not, his forced smiles seemed more like pained grimaces and he supposed, in reality, that was what they were. If anyone was going to fix a false smile on their face, it would be Eileen. Tobias abhorred it when she was sullen.

An image of Tobias on his knees, an inhuman scream ripping up from his throat as his spine arched to the breaking point, materialised, flashing across his mind like lightning. Severus shook his head sharply, squeezing his eyes shut as a wave of nausea and satisfaction washed over him simultaneously. It would not do to start thinking like that; he would only end up like Tobias, a man hated by his own family, considered a disgrace by the community that existed around him. Severus was not quite sure which was worse.

Lost in his thoughts, Severus was oblivious to his surroundings. Something heavy collided with Severus' shoulder, the force of the blow knocking him forward. He hit the ground hard, the impact pushing the wind out of his body. The satchel was half-wedged between his body and the ground beneath him and, for the briefest moment, he feared that the collision might have damaged his wand. Frantically, he shoved his hand into his satchel, his fingers searching for the familiar length of his wand.

Only when he was assured of its safety did Severus allow himself to draw in a wheezy breath, his chest rattling painfully from the fall. He climbed to his feet slowly, his shoulder and chest aching terribly, throbbing with yellow splashes of pain in his mind. Severus spotted the cause for his fall with ease; a solitary rock had skittered off to the side, but was too close to him to be a coincidence. His hands curling into fists, Severus turned around, not surprised to see Nancy and her gang, rocks in hand.

Magic ran through Severus' veins, singing to him, begging to be released upon the people who had hurt him. He ignored the urge, however, choosing instead to sneer derisively at his enemies. He chose the higher road, turning his back on them. Gripping his satchel, he walked away, determined to avoid falling to their level. It proved to be an unwise decision, for he had taken only five steps before another rock struck him from behind. Severus braced himself against the shock, refusing to be thrown forward by the collision this time.

Another and another hit Severus and his tender skin, stretched thinly over his bones, flared with agony. He knew that he would be mottled with black, blue and purple bruises by the next day, but at least the cause would not be his father this time. That was a small consolation prize. Severus kept walking, his jaw clenched in an effort to voice no incantations. Three more rocks collided with the sore and aching skin of his back. "What's the matter, Snape?" Peter jeered. "Are you too scared to fight back?"

Severus' eye twitched and he whirled around, lips pulled back in a soundless snarl, much like that of a feral dog. "Don't call me a coward," he ground out, his jaw aching from the pressure. Severus' dark eyes burned with hatred and the promise of bodily harm.

"Why not?" asked Nancy, her tone defiant. Severus could not tell whether she was brave...or merely stupid. "It's what you are, isn't it? A cowardly little snake!" At her side, Peter's eyes sparked with that knowing light, one that hinted at knowledge beyond Severus and Lily's position as Witches and Wizards. Anger, hot and volatile, bubbled up within Severus at the sight of it. He bent down and picked up the rocks they had thrown at him. In rapid succession, he fired them back at the pack of bullies.

The rocks hit their intended targets with alarming accuracy, which frightened his attackers. A shiver of delight ran through him when their cries of pain reached his ears. A satisfied smirk tugged at the corner of Severus' mouth, brightening his face in spite of the situation. "There's more where that came from, if you don't back off," he warned. Severus had tried to walk away from the confrontation, but he would not abide unnecessary slights to his character. Now, there was only one thing left to do; deter them from attacking him again.

"More of what? You're fresh out of rocks," snarled a brawny boy at the back of the group. Based on appearances, he was at least three years older than the others. Severus wondered whether he was related to Nancy in some way; the resemblance was uncanny.

Severus' eyes narrowed. "I don't need a rock to hurt you," he sneered. "I could take all of you down with my eyes closed and my hands tied behind my back!" The group laughed raucously – except Peter, of course. They seemed to have forgotten the times Severus had knocked them on their arses without even touching them. The brawny boy pushed his way out to the front, standing in front of Nancy. He looked menacing, but Severus was not the least bit afraid of him. After living with an abusive father for six years, a stupid boy trying to be a big man was easy to handle.

A disbelieving laugh burst out of the boy and he took a step forward. As quick as lightning Severus thrust his hand into his satchel and whipped out his wand. In that moment he did not care about the Statute of Secrecy; all that mattered was being able to defend himself. "Flipendo," Severus spat, the word falling from his tongue with practiced ease as his wrist expertly moved through the wand movements. A burst of blue light erupted from the end of Severus' wand, flashing through the air and colliding with the boy's chest.

The jinx sent the boy flying through the air, a cry of fear echoing through the street. Severus did not hang around; gripping his wand tightly, he fled. Behind him, he could hear the others being sent sprawling as the boy landed on them. He squeezed his eyes shut and forced himself to listen only to the sounds of his own footsteps, of his breathing, of the blood pounding in his ears. As he ran, Severus slipped his wand into his satchel to keep it out of sight. The street was such a public location that Severus feared the Ministry would dispatch a team of Obliviators; he did not want to incriminate himself.

When Severus had adequately distanced himself from the scene, he slowed down to a more casual pace. He eased his heart rate and breathing slowly, until he looked as though he had never been running. It was fortunate that he did so, for a moment later three men burst out of an alleyway, dressed as though they were on their way to a funeral. Severus paused, eyeing them curiously for a moment before continuing on. They hurried past him, one of them fingering their wand in their pocket as they did so.

An amused smirk tugged at the corner of Severus' mouth. That explained why the Muggle children seemed to have no recollection of Severus' using Magic on them; their memories were being constantly tampered with by the Ministry of Magic. Had it been Severus, he would rather them take an Unbreakable Vow, instead of taking such soft measures against them. There was nothing quite like fear to make a person comply with one's edicts; Severus knew that from experience.

Severus frowned, then, at the dark quality his thoughts had taken in recent days. Dark thoughts were not uncommon for Severus, but it was rare that it took the form of others' pain and suffering. The fact that it was happening more often of late was cause for alarm. In regards to his thoughts about Tobias, it was completely understandable, though still disturbing. He did not want to become a man whose thoughts were of endless pain; Severus hoped that one day he would be above such things.

He wondered whether he should speak to his mother about it; she might, after all, have a Potion that might calm down his thoughts. Severus hurried home, covering the remaining distance in good time. Tobias had not yet returned home, but Eileen was waiting for him at the front door, a crumpled letter in her hand – yet another advisory note from the Ministry. Severus' breath left him in a long sigh. He ducked his head, avoiding the disapproving gaze of steel that his mother directed at him.

Eileen stepped back from the doorway as Severus approached, allowing him to slip inside before she shut the door. "Severus, I am very disappointed in you," the woman chided, her dark eyes losing their steely quality. "You used a Knockback Jinx on a defenceless Muggle! Haven't I taught you better than that?" The words were soft, but Severus flinched away from them regardless, squeezing his eyes shut against the disappointment made plain in his mother's every word, gesture and expression.

"They were throwing rocks at me," he offered as a defence, though he knew it would not lessen his mother's feelings. Being bullied was a reason for his actions, but it was not to be used as an excuse. Everyone had choices to make; Severus knew that. Eileen sighed morosely and Severus instantly regretted telling her. She had her own burdens to bear; she did not need to be weighed down by Severus', too. When Eileen tugged him forward, her hand slipping into Severus' mop of limp hair, he startled.

The embrace was unexpected, but not unwanted. Severus enjoyed the warmth of his mother's arms for as long as possible, before withdrawing, daring to look up at Eileen's face. There was still an air of disappointment, but washing over it was a mixture of affection, exasperation and sorrow. "What am I going to do with you? Honestly!" Shaking her head, Eileen disappeared into the kitchen. Severus followed after her, no longer worried that he would be punished too severely for his misdemeanour.

The Witch incinerated the advisory note, leaving no trace of it for Tobias to see. She, then, produced a phial filled with a thick substance. Severus knew it was for bruises – she had applied it to his flesh too many times in the past for him to recognise it. Eileen helped Severus pull his shirt off and had him sit at the table. With gentle fingers she rubbed the cold ointment into his tenderised flesh, offering soothing words whenever Severus flinched or yelped in pain at her touch. Though the agony was great, he refused to cry.

He would not show weakness; he had done so on far too many occasions in his short life already. Once Eileen was finished with the application of the ointment, she helped Severus pull the shirt back on. Together, the two of them brewed a Potion to pass the time and then got a start on dinner. A soft smile graced Severus' face as he helped his mother; he enjoyed working with her, but he was even more pleased to help lighten the burdens that rested upon her shoulders. She was the main provider of income and food for their household, through her ability with Potions, and on top of that she had to raise a ten year old troublesome boy and take care of the house.

It was a lot for one person to handle alone. Severus would do what he could to help her. The assistance he gave had a great effect upon his mother; her shoulders lifted, the lines on her face evened out. It was gratifying to see and filled Severus with a bubble of happiness. "In the future," Severus said as he dropped diced vegetables and potatoes into a large pot, "I'll be old enough to sell Potions, too. I'll help with the shopping and buy you nice things!" His tone was a mixture of excitement and seriousness.

Eileen glanced sideways at him as she chopped some fresh herbs. There was something he could not quite decipher in her dark eyes. "Save the nice things for yourself," she said quietly. "You'll need them for when you're ready to find a house of your own and a lovely girl to settle down with. Or a boy, if that's what you'd prefer." A sad smile tugged at the corners of Eileen's mouth, though Severus could not fathom why. She reached out and ruffled his hair in the affectionate manner that Mr Evans usually bestowed upon him.

Severus hugged her, then, startling her as she had startled him earlier. "I love you, Mum," he admitted quietly, squeezing his eyes shut as he buried his face in the fabric of her frock. Eileen's hand twitched against the back of his head, before beginning to card through his raven locks. Her touch alone was enough to reassure him of her affections; he did not need her to confirm it aloud. He had never needed her to do so, though it often left him feeling warm inside when she did. After a long moment, Severus pulled away, cheeks filled with the heat of embarrassment.

"Go upstairs and have a lie down," Eileen encouraged. "I'll look after the dinner." Severus hesitated a while, but eventually complied, disappearing upstairs in silence. He took a short nap, curled up around his pillow as if it were a person. There, under the scratchy warmth of his blanket, Severus passed the time away, dozing until Eileen called him down for dinner...

To Be Continued.

Aw, Sev *hearts*