Author's Note: Special thanks to the reviewers of last chapter: Lilly145; crazyobsession101; and SparkleInTheSun; youdude; canny-brian; and Love-B .xo. Reviews genuinely make my day, so thanks for that.
Also, special thanks to brynnifer and littlegreenbottle for beta'ing this all. Thanks guys! FYI, this chapter is probably one of my favorite chapters in this story. I actually decided to move it up in the story just so I could get to this already because I love the rare/small insight into JJ's internal thought process. Up until this point, I've kind of seen her as simply surviving, not really having any sort of internal dialogue. If you haven't guessed, JJ's suffering from slight Stockholm Syndrome along with being absolutely terrified of Manuel, so that's an interesting balance. Anyway, I will stop rambling and let you get on with the story.
"Alright, is there anything you need before you go to bed?" Emily asked warily, leaning against the doorframe three nights later.
JJ bit her lip, checking to make sure she had her new ipod and shook her head. She hadn't needed anything for a long time. Ignoring the throbbing pain in her hip that had been bothering her all day, she shook her head almost imperceptibly.
She saw Emily furrow her brow in disappointment, and felt a pang of longing to communicate with her friend. Emily nodded, checked to make sure the small night light was working, and stopped just before closing the door, "Remember JJ, I'm just down the hall if you need me." She smiled as she said the familiar parting line.
JJ nodded, momentarily panicked at the thought of being alone. She felt a surge of loneliness as Emily shut the door—reminded once again of the chasm that separated her from her friends.
She was trying—but she wasn't sure they could ever understand.
She wasn't sure she even understood herself.
And she couldn't help but feel like her very presence around her friends painted a target squarely on their backs.
If anything happened to them, it would be her fault. Because she knew that Manuel couldn't do anything to protect them now.
And she hadn't been trying to get away. When Manuel found her, he would punish her.
And he would do it by hurting the people she cared about.
Taking in a deep breath, she reminded herself for the millionth time that this was different. This wasn't Manuel's basement. Nor was it one of Manuel's friends' bases of operations.
This was Emily's condo.
She was safe here.
Turning off the lights, she quickly jumped onto the bed and pulled the covers up close to her face. Placing the buds in her ears and turning on her ipod, she felt her breathing increase rapidly as the smell of rain wafted to her nostrils.
Panic struck her as she smelled the distinct aroma of the atmosphere changing to prepare for rain. Her hands began to sweat, and she bit her lip nervously as a memory pulled at her mind.
Her head throbbed painfully as she jostled in what she assumed was the trunk of a car. "Emily?" She called out blankly, trying to decipher the blurry images that were only barely coming into focus. The car screeched suddenly to a stop and her body slammed up against the back seat before ricocheting back to the trunk door.
The trunk opened, and several men she had never seen before loomed over her. "Where's my friend?" She asked, angrily pulling at her arms only to discover they were tightly bound behind her back.
She was shocked when a fist she hadn't seen coming connected with her jaw. "You talk when we tell you to talk, comprende?"
She tried to kick one of the men as he lifted her out of the trunk, only to be dropped forcibly on hard packed dirt. "Puta, you will learn quickly." The large man chuckled before grabbing her cuffed hands and dragging her along the dirt.
"Let me go!" She cried, thrashing as violently as she could, all the while feeling rocks, dirt, and plants scraping along her legs and back. A sudden kick to her stomach knocked the wind right out of her. Gasping for breath, she couldn't do anything when the handcuffs were released, only to have her arms refastened to some object above her head as she lay on the ground. She felt a rib crack as another swift kick impacted her stomach.
"Now, Puta, I will tell you how this is going to be." The man who had dragged her informed in a thick Spanish accent while she struggled to breathe, "This—" He gestured to the dark, empty expanse around himself, "is your life now. You belong to Manuel."
"Go to hell—" She spat, pulling hard on the chains that effectively immobilized her arms. Screaming as loud as she could for help, she hoped that someone would hear her—her team had to be looking for her.
The men standing behind the large man hooted, only to be silenced when the large man turned and looked at them angrily. When he looked back at JJ, he smile lecherously, "Scream all you want, whore. In case you didn't notice, we're in the middle of nowhere. No one can hear you scream."
JJ yanked at her arms, desperate to break free as the man reached into his back pocket and pulled out a syringe. The men behind him quickly stepped up and held JJ's right arm steady while the first man plunged an unknown liquid into JJ's veins.
She could feel the burning liquid running through her body and her vision soon blurred. "That will be quite a trip." The man chuckled as his body morphed in JJ's mind to that of a cartoon-like figure. He turned and motioned to his companions who started moving towards the car.
"Where are you going?" JJ screamed, arching her back as she could swear she felt some unknown assailant creeping up her skin.
The first man chuckled, opening the door and sliding into the drivers' seat. "We'll be back in two days. Have fun, puta."
As the car drove off, JJ felt rain hit her face lightly. With each drop, the images in front of her mind shifted, becoming more and more devious.
One hope kept her anchored: The team would find her. She knew it.
She put her hands up against her temple, trying desperately to block out the images that she just couldn't stop. She slid off the bed, pulling the blanket and pillows with her as she huddled against the wall for protection. The scene shifted in her mind as she pulled the blankets tighter around her as distant thunder rumbled in her ears.
She had been sick for days—and for a moment she felt a thrill of relief that she just might die.
Because after nearly three months in this hell-hole, she was fairly certain that death was the only way she'd ever be able to escape—but that didn't mean she was ready to stop trying.
She could barely think coherently when a man with a hood over his head and his hands bound in front of him was pushed through the door leading to her basement prison. Shuddering violently, she forced herself to open her eyes and watch closely when she saw Manuel turn and close the door behind him.
Manuel stepped up to the other man and ripped the hood off the man's head. "You help her, and I will let you go." He said. For a minute, JJ felt a thrill of longing at hearing even the smallest phrase spoken in English, grateful—for once—that she could understand what was being said.
The man turned, and gasped. "That's the FBI Agent—the one that's missing" JJ could feel a smile grace her lips at the relieving thought that her team was still looking for her.
Manuel nodded, "and, like I said Dr. Robinson, if you help her, I will let you go."
She was only vaguely aware of Manuel cutting the other man's bonds and the other man looking over her quickly. "She's freezing." He stated, obviously pointing out the dirty t-shirt that barely covered her knees.
"I know that, idiot!" Manuel snapped, "I brought you here to tell me things I didn't know."
JJ felt the man, who she assumed was the doctor, pull open her mouth and hold down her tongue as she shivered uncontrollably. "I'm not going to hurt you." He assured kindly.
After feeling his hands prod various parts of her body—gratefully not in the way she had been woefully accustomed—she heard the doctor hiss angrily. "This woman is severely dehydrated and looks to be suffering from exposure."
JJ whimpered at the pain exuding from her body. Glancing over at Manuel, she felt a wave of relief that he didn't seem angry—yet. In fact, he seemed thoughtfully considering the doctor's advice.
"What do I do? I can't have my investment injured so quickly." Manuel asked.
JJ felt a swell of emotion rise as she realized that Manuel was going to make sure she got better, that some of this pain would have an ending.
"I need something to clean some of these injuries." Dr. Robinson knelt down and she winced as he prodded gently at the cut under her eye. Sensing Manuel's hesitation, the doctor turned sharply. "Look, she needs a blanket, something warm. Please!" The doctor pleaded. The doctor's voice dropped and JJ couldn't make out what he was saying. Something was said about not being outside and JJ shuddered as she recalled where she had slept the last few months.
The cold concrete beneath her was a welcome change to the hard dirt she usually spent her nights.
JJ suddenly felt warmth around her for the first time that she could remember as the kind man tucked the blanket around her. Allowing a small moan to escape her lips as the soft fabric brushed along the scab on her back, she found the doctor's eyes looking to her kindly, and felt his breath on her as he whispered, "When I get out of here, I'll come back for you. I promise."
She felt her heart surge with relief at the sincerity behind his words.
Someone cared.
Someone would help her.
Maybe this would all be over soon.
Turning to Manuel, he spoke up firmly, "She needs to get out of these clothes—something clean and warm would help her heal."
"She's fine." Manuel huffed. "I don't buy clothes for my dog, why does she need anything better?"
"Because she's a human being!" The doctor retorted incredulously, "These clothes are filthy! Who knows what bacteria and grime is festering in the cloth that will infect any of these cuts? She needs something clean and warm. She needs to sleep on a mattress."
"That's not going to happen." Manuel spat in disagreement. "You can take the clothes off her, that's all." He ground out.
The doctor sighed, relenting. Pulling the blanket away for only a second, he grimaced as he ripped the torn, dirty rags from JJ's body. "I'm not going to hurt you." The kind doctor promised again, and dropped his voice to a low whisper, "I promise. I'll come back for you."
With his back turned, he didn't see Manuel's face harden with rage.
But JJ did.
She opened her mouth to alert her savior to the danger he was facing, but no sound came out. She heard the gun click and felt a sickening tug at her heart as the loud bang reverberated through the basement.
The doctor fell in a heap next to her, blood oozing out of the hole in his forehead.
All because he wanted to help her.
She visibly shook her head, reminding herself that Manuel was the one who was manipulating the entire situation. She was so sick she could barely move, though she tried to roll away gently from the innocent man's body.
Manuel shook his head sadly and stooped down next to her, tugging her back towards the growing puddle of blood. "You need to see the consequences of your actions. I didn't want to have to do that, Alejandra." He lifted up her head and offered her a cup of water that she hadn't realized he was holding. "But you made me do that. If you hadn't gotten sick, he would have never needed to come here."
JJ bit her lip, trying to keep the tears from springing to her eyes. She knew Manuel couldn't possibly be right. He was the one keeping her here, he was the one pulling the trigger, and he was the one who brought the doctor here.
Despite the guilt she felt—it wasn't her fault.
At least, that's what she would keep reminding herself.
"If he hadn't wanted to help you, I might have let him go." Manuel added.
JJ pulled the blanket up closer to her chin, grimacing as his words struck her resolve.
Was it her fault that the doctor wanted to help her?
Manuel did tell him that Manuel would let him go.
Maybe if she hadn't been so sick, maybe the kind man would still be alive.
But it was Manuel that pulled the trigger, she reminded herself.
It wasn't her fault.
Was it?
Seeing JJ's inner turmoil, Manuel turned to leave, ignoring the dead man on the floor just inches away from JJ's shivering naked body, "Get some rest, Alejandra."
Looking over at the dead man, JJ's resolve quickly broke. If he hadn't wanted to save her, he would have lived.
Maybe it was really her fault.
She glanced at the door and bit her lip nervously, knowing that Emily was only feet away. A flash of lightning brought a flood of memories—these, just glimpses of some of the horrible situations she couldn't forget.
—A little girl running away, disappearing from view through the small hole in the large fence as JJ was tackled from behind—her hip separating painfully from its socket as she hit the ground.—
—Her body aching as a man stepped off her, screaming for this torment to stop-only for another man to straddle her hips, lean down lecherously, and whisper softly "This is going to be fun"—
-Manuel handing her the hot iron and commanding her to place the tip against the soft skin of her back. She weighed her options reluctantly, knowing that if she didn't do it herself life would be much harder. Placing the tip against her skin, she screamed as the white hot searing pain consumed her. Manuel smiled and took the stick from her when he was satisfied, "Now, Alejandra, you have my mark."—
—A kick to her already delicate ribs made her roll quickly and vomit the small amount of liquid and food that somehow managed to still be in her stomach despite days without food. "It is pronounced, hacer" The man insisted in quick Spanish, dropping the 'h' sound, "not Hacer" he emphasized the H gutturally, "Hacerlo bien, puta."—
Another flash of lightning pulled her from her thoughts and sent her tripping down the hall. Hesitating at the door for only a second, a loud clap of thunder sent her barreling through Emily's door.