Title: Blue October, Volume One – Chapter Thirty-One.

Author: Woodland Goddess.

Rated: M

Author's Note: Writing this chapter hurt... I hope you guys enjoy it despite the ache it caused me. Feel free to let me know what you think...

Chapter Thirty-One: The Madness Within

After Halloween Mr Evans began paying more and more attention to the news, green eyes narrowed shrewdly whenever he watched it on the television or read it in the paper. He started cutting out articles and gluing them in to notebooks, making notes in the margins in elegant script. It concerned Severus and Lily a great deal; if the notebook fell in to the wrong hands, Mr Evans could very well get carted off to a psychiatric facility for such notions about Magic and Wizards. The pair of them, with the help of Petunia – who would do anything to avoid a scandal – vowed to keep an eye out and intervene should the need arise.

Mr Evans had three notebooks filled with articles by the time early December rolled around. Some of them, luckily, proved to have nothing to do with the Wizarding World at all when the man eventually questioned Severus, shoving the articles under his nose for inspection, questions spewing out of him like vomit. The boy was just pleased to be the person Mr Evans went to about it; Severus enjoyed giving his input, discussing things with him in hushed tones in the backroom at the Pharmacy or at the kitchen table in the Evans' household.

Lily would often sit in on these discussions, popping sweets into her mouth at odd intervals. Despite not having trick-or-treated their way around the entirety of Cokeworth, they had amassed a large quantity of goodies. The stash was divided among the Evans family and Severus equally; Mr Evans was very strict on the matter. Lily had complained, once, about getting a sharp swat on the rump when she had been caught nicking a few extras. It had been a struggle to remain silent when she had said that; a swat on the rear was nothing – it could have been much worse and might have been had she been fathered by a different man.

The thought of Lily being the daughter of a man like Tobias was not one worth thinking about. Popping a sweet into his mouth, Severus followed Lily into the toy shop, just as he had the year before. Distracted by the hard-boiled buttery sweet bouncing around on his tongue, he allowed himself to admire the toys alongside his friend. He would never get the chance to own any of them, but being in Lily's company was almost enough to make that meaningless. The girl's easy excitement was like a fire, warming him with its proximity. They had admired half of the stock when Lily glanced sideways at him. "What do you want for Christmas, Sev?"

"My Hogwarts letter," Severus replied, fiddling with one of the wooden yoyos on display. He looked askance at Lily, who frowned thoughtfully at his answer. "Don't think too hard," he mocked, a teasing smirk tugging at his mouth, "you might hurt yourself." Lily swatted him, but the action seemed half-hearted, as though she were far too preoccupied with the thoughts running amuck in her mind. Severus sighed. Reaching out, he touched her arm gently, startling her out of her thoughts. Looking at her quite seriously, he spoke to her, his words hushed but sincere. "Lily, I don't need or want anything for Christmas, save your friendship. I already have that, so I'm good."

A soft laugh escaped the girl. Green eyes sparkled as a smile graced her mouth. "You're a smooth one, Severus." Lily linked her arm with his, her hand resting lightly on the curve of his elbow. Severus' cheeks flooded with warmth at the compliment, though he could not fathom how he deserved it. He had only spoken the truth, after all; it had not been a lie designed to make her feel better about herself. Eyebrows knitting together in a severe frown, he glanced down at Lily as she leaned her head against his shoulder for a moment. "You'll be very popular with the girls at Hogwarts, I bet."

Snorting in an odd mixture of disdain and amusement, Severus shook his head. "If you really believe that you're more of a fool than I previously believed you to be." Almost instinctually, the pair of them began walking together, heading for the door. "Lank hair, a large nose and an atrocious attitude are not attractive features in either World, Lily. You'd have more luck with the girls than I would," he teased. For that he got an elbow in to the ribs; Severus responded in kind, mindful not to hurt her too much as he did so.

"Maybe," conceded Lily, waving a dismissive hand, "but there's more to you than that. You're not just an arsehole. You're like a jawbreaker – you're hard on the outside, consisting of too many layers, but once you get past them you're soft and chewy and delicious." There was a smile in her tone, almost fond. Her hand tightened around Severus' elbow. "You're clever, too; that's always a point in a man's favour...or a boy's, as the case is. You're loyal – unfailingly so. You're protective. Those are all very good traits, Severus. Don't you worry; others will be able to see your worth, if you give them the chance."

Severus laughed, surprisingly bitter for his ten years of life. "They have to want the chance first, Lily. Not everyone is as strange and deluded as you are." He shook his head, ignoring the sharp look Lily sent him. "Let's not talk about this; it's an uninteresting and ridiculous subject for discussion. Frankly, I'm surprised it even caught your attention, you daft fool." Severus opened the door, gesturing for Lily to precede him; she did so, reclaiming his elbow once he had stepped out after her. "Besides, I don't see what all the fuss is about; Christmas is just another way for businesses to get more of your money. It's a waste of time and finances."

"I suppose you think the same of birthdays," Lily groused, clearly irritated with him.

"And Valentines," he replied, "and Halloween."

"You're no fun."

Those words were frequently repeated in the days that followed. It was not unsurprising, but it stung regardless. Severus did his best to ignore it, however; it was hardly Lily's fault that she was unable to understand where he was coming from. Though she had had difficulty making friends in school due to Nancy and her gang being a form of people-repellent, the girl had always had Petunia. She had always had someone to run to when she was upset or needed a hug; that was a rare thing in Severus' household.

Neither he nor his mother was a tactile person; their embraces always came as a surprise to one or the other of them. But Lily was very tactile; she could hardly go a day without a hug or a hand around an elbow. Her consistent need for familiarity often irritated him, but he realised that it was also teaching him how to survive another person's touch without flinching. Not everyone was a Tobias and his body needed to learn that; Lily's touch was helping. For that, he would always be grateful.

After all, when he arrived at Hogwarts he would not last long if he was a flinching, anti-social git; it would be like painting a come get me sign on his own forehead. To survive, he would have to learn how to interact with his peers. He knew boys had a habit of punching each other's arms when they were happy or proud; it would not do if Severus' instincts sent him in to a panic-driven state in response. That was, of course, if he managed to make friends at school. He knew it was unlikely, but there was always that slim chance he would be successful.

Clever, beautiful, funny, kind and tactile, Lily would fit right in immediately but Severus would have to work quite hard to forge any friendships. His background alone would make people reluctant to reach out to him; his parents' marriage had been quite the scandal back in the day. It was sure to weigh heavily on the matriarchs and patriarchs that would be sending their offspring to school alongside Severus. It would be especially difficult in the snake pit; he knew that family history and social status were very important in Slytherin circles. But it was best not to dwell on that for now; he had plenty of time to worry about it.

The week before Christmas found Severus sprawled out on the floor of the Evans' living room with Lily at his side. The pair of them spent half their time squabbling over coloured pencils and which images to colour as part of their contest. The identical colouring books and pencils had been sent up from London by Mrs Hemmingway; she had granted them permission to open their gifts early, much to their delight. Mr Hemmingway had sent up a set of custom-made snow-globes; Severus' one had a red-haired girl in it, while Lily's had a dark-haired boy in it.

When she had first seen them Lily had squealed loudly and hugged Severus tightly; from her reaction one would think he had been the one to buy them. Lily had spent almost fifteen minutes gushing over their perfection before Severus had managed to convince her to open Mrs Hemmingway's gifts. Mr Evans was on the couch behind them, snipping out articles from that day's newspaper to put in his newest notebook. The scratch of a pen against paper could be heard in tandem with the scribble of pencils against a colouring book.

The sounds were soothing, hypnotic, filling Severus with a sense of peace. Petunia was curled up on the armchair nearby, applying nail polish to her fingernails. Mrs Evans was in the kitchen preparing supper, the scent of it wafting out in to the living room, making them all feel very hungry. Stomach grumbling, Severus glanced at Lily as she coloured-in the image of a lion in her book, reddish-brown being used for the mane. For some reason, she had opted to use dark colours for the eyes, so dark they were almost black.

"Why dark?" he asked curiously, leaning over her shoulder.

Lily tilted her head, her crimson hair framing her face prettily as she glanced at him in return. "Because it's you," she answered. A smile tugged at her mouth. "Lions don't have black hair naturally, but I didn't mind darkening the eyes to represent you."

"I'm not sure if I should be amused or offended," Severus said, the corner of his mouth quirking upwards in a smirk.

She swatted him. "How about complimented?"

Severus snorted. "Never." Lily swatted him again, but the grin on her face belied the action. Their colouring was disrupted when Mrs Evans poked her head around the jamb, informing them that supper was ready. "I should get going," he muttered, getting to his feet, gathering up his things, stuffing them into his satchel as usual.

"Don't be ridiculous," Mr Evans said, rising from the couch. "We'd be very happy to have you stay for dinner, Severus." A gentle hand rested briefly upon his shoulder, startling a smile out of him. "Come on, in to the kitchen with you." Mr Evans gave him a light push, encouraging him to do as he was told. Severus did so, the others following along after him. A cheerful atmosphere settled upon the kitchen as they took their places at the table – Petunia blew air on her nails to quicken the drying rate.

For supper Mrs Evans had prepared a pair of roast ducks, roast potatoes, mashed potatoes, an assortment of vegetables and a deep jug of gravy. The sight and scent of it made Severus salivate in anticipation. Mr Evans carved the ducks while his wife dished out the roast potatoes equally among the five of them. Licking his lips, Severus was unable to stop staring down at their crispy golden exterior, watching the steam rise from them in swirling patterns. He could not wait to eat them; Mrs Evans' roast potatoes were the best in the world.

"It smells delicious, Mrs Evans, and I'm sure it will taste even more superb," he said, raising his head to give the woman a smile of sincere appreciation. Brown eyes flicked in his direction. Cheeks dimpled as he was graced with a small smile in return. She thanked him for the compliment; he so rarely gave them out it was virtually a Christmas gift. When everyone had their fair share of the meal, they began dining. As they did so, Mr Evans made sincere inquiries about his children's day at school.

Severus listened intently as she complained about Nancy and the others, as she made pitying comments about Peter, who was still friendless – much to Severus' intense satisfaction. Petunia, too, seemed pleased by this news, judging by the way she attempted to hide her grin behind forkfuls of mashed potato. At least they had that in common; neither of them wanted Peter to be successful after everything he had done to Lily. They shared a discreet glance across the table, exchanged brief understanding smiles.

After dinner Severus played a gruelling game of Scrabble with Lily and Mr Evans while Petunia helped her mother with the dishes. The three of them were determined to win, but in the end it was Mr Evans who came out victorious, a triumphant grin on his face as Lily wailed in dismay, burying her face in her arms as she half-sprawled across the table. Severus shook his head in amusement and offered his hand in congratulations; the man shook it firmly, a hint of respect gleaming in his green eyes.

When he said it was time to be getting home, Mr Evans cheerfully offered to give him a lift. "Very well; thank you, Harry." They shared a smile as Lily's father led him out to the car, guiding him through the encroaching darkness. The journey to Spinner's End was short but comfortable, the silence broken by general conversation. Upon arrival Mr Evans walked him to his door, knocking upon the smooth wooden surface. It was Tobias who yanked the door open, looming in the doorway, silhouetted by the light at his back.

Though drenched in shadow, the ugly sneer on his face was plain as he eyed Mr Evans. Severus stood nervously at his side; the last time the two had met there had been a violent altercation. Mr Evans stared him down, green eyes hard and unyielding, his jaw tight with tension. A hand rested firmly on Severus' shoulder, the touch protective; a warning. After a long and tense moment Tobias withdrew, but his dark gaze never left the man's face. Muttering a brisk goodbye, Severus quickly slipped past Tobias and hurried upstairs, his head hanging in an effort to make himself seem smaller, invisible even.

He was in his room when he heard the front door close with a quiet, menacing snap. His eyes squeezed shut in dismay as the sound of boots upon the staircase reached his ears. Hand twitching with the urge to grab his wand, Severus deposited his satchel on the bed. He determinedly avoided turning around when he heard the door creak on its hinges. "You think you're so smart, don't you, boy? You think you're better than me."

The sneered response came instantly, before his mind could tell him to shut up. "It wouldn't be hard; you're a no account, good for nothing alcoholic unable to land himself a real job, unable to be a real man. How embarrassing it must be for you, knowing your wife is the breadwinner." Though he had been prepared for the ensuing violence, the grasp Tobias had on his hair still earned a gasp of intense pain as the man wrenched his head back.

"Listen to me, you little upstart," Tobias growled, the tone low and dangerous. His breath, stinking of beer, washed over Severus' face. Forcing his rising bile back down his throat, he stared up in to his father's eyes, so much like his own. "You don't get to judge; all you are is a sponge. You float around this house, soaking up expenses, while giving nothing in return. But one of these days I'm going to squeeze that sponge, Severus," the man spat, the spittle splattering across Severus' cheek. "I'll make you pay and you'll wish with your every breath that you had never been born."

Dark eyes hardened immeasurably, a hint of steel flashing in their obsidian depths of rage. "You think I don't already? You think I don't wish that you'd fallen into a river and drowned before you ever disgraced my Mum by marrying her? You're an utter fool if you think I don't wish it!"

Tobias' face flushed with fury. In an instant the man was pushing him, hard, causing him to stumble and trip over his own feet. His side hit the floor, eliciting a pained grunt. A boot-clad foot collided with his abdomen and Severus' body curled up in immediate, instinctive reaction. The beating was fast and hard, disrupted only by a flare of accidental Magic as Severus sought to defend himself with the only means at his disposal. A spell struck Tobias with all the force of an expert punch, knocking him backwards.

It seemed utterly anti-climactic when Tobias' head impacted with the wall, the man's body falling in a bedraggled heap as it did so. Climbing to his feet, one arm wrapped protectively around his torso as if it were trying to keep his innards inside, Severus retrieved his wand from his satchel. He held the wand in a tight grip, his arm trembling minutely as he aimed it at Tobias' unconscious figure. He could do it; it could all be finished now. No spell was necessary to destroy a man – the only thing required was intent, pure and unbridled.

It was there, that hatred, that deep-seated need for revenge; all he had to do was access it. Severus could do it, but more than that...he wanted to. The trembling ceased as every ounce of hatred flooded through him in a tumultuous surge, filling every fibre of his being. The end of his wand flared to life, emerald green and vibrant, just waiting for the silent command for its release. The light reminded him of Lily's eyes, of Mr Evans' eyes. A choked noise forced its way passed a suddenly constricted throat, his wand slipping from his grasp in an instant.

Severus staggered backwards as his wand clattered to the floor, skittering across the surface; the green light faded away, vanishing without a trace. Something wet slid down his cheek, catching him off guard even as he struggled to catch his breath. Raising his hand, he rubbed a lone finger across his cheek. The evidence of his tears was unmistakable...

To Be Continued.

Aw, Sev, you are already on the path towards your destiny. *heartbreak*