Author's Note: Thanks to the reviewers of the last chapter: 1xadzy3dgftw1xLSNx3dg1xMGG; canny-bairn; hxchick; CrimStudent47; Zolidify; youdude; SparkleInTheSun; stefi; and Love-B .xo. Reviews make my day, so I really do appreciate it.
Special thanks to littlegreenbottle and brynnifer! Shout-out to SignedSealedWritten who FORCED me to post this chapter today.
To anyone who skipped the last chapter: Good. It was a very tough chapter. The only thing you need to know is that the team got a call from JJ while she had been abducted and it was AWFUL. But, the team feels guilty because they feel like they failed JJ.
"So JJ's with Hotch?" Derek asked, crossing his legs on Emily's coffee table as he relaxed leisurely on her couch.
Emily nodded, biting her lip as she paced nervously, wondering if JJ was okay. Even if she was furious, she couldn't help but fight not to think about JJ though worry seemed to consume her.
Did Hotch know that JJ didn't like crowded spaces?
She thought she had told him that.
Did Hotch know coffee counter-acted with JJ's meds?
Not that JJ had been taking the meds, she corrected herself automatically, but…
Did Hotch remember to make sure JJ had her jacket—it made her feel—
"Em?" Derek asked with concern, only then alerting her that she hadn't responded to him in several minutes. "Em, she's going to be fine."
"I—" Emily sighed as she shoved Morgan's feet off her table before flumping down into the empty couch next to him. "I dropped her off, Derek. I just dropped her off and left!"
"Em, you need a break."
"I shouldn't have taken it out on her." Emily shook her head. "I just—what if she hasn't eaten? She might not tell Hotch—"
"Emily—"
"No, I know she feels safe with Hotch, but I also know she won't say anything if she's hurt. Derek, what if she's hurt?" Emily's eyes widened as she thought over the prospect.
"Emily!" Derek censured firmly. "You've got to stop worrying. She's going to be fine."
"Derek, you don't understand." Emily shook her head as she picked up the glass of wine Derek had poured for her. "I—JJ needs constant attention. I have to watch her all the time."
"Wh—"
"If I turn my back for a second, she's in danger. Derek—"
"Emily," Derek interrupted, concerned at the exhaustion the worried rant seemed to unmask, "Did something else happen?" He asked, well remembering the incident right after JJ's rescue with a gun.
He should have gone to Hotch then.
Sometimes, he couldn't sleep with the knowledge that he had buried something important.
But he could usually keep the worry at bay with the knowledge that JJ hadn't done anything else.
Now he wasn't so sure that was true.
When Emily simply sipped her glass of wine, Derek pressed further. "Em?"
"Of course something else happened!" Emily rolled her eyes. Normally, the overstressed, tired woman would have fought to keep everything a secret.
After all, that's what she'd been doing for months.
But right now, Emily Prentiss was out of control.
And the secrets spilled from her involuntarily.
"Aside from the fact she's been hiding her medicine?" Emily rolled her eyes and sighed in utter exhaustion. "Let's see, there was the time she walked into traffic," She ticked the incidents off on her finger like a grocery list, "the time she stepped over the railing, the time she stole all the shoelaces—"
"She did?" Derek interrupted in a horrified whisper, his stomach sinking with the realization that this all was too much for Emily to handle.
And by staying silent, he was allowing two women to suffer in silence.
"That's not to mention the time she found all the knives. I mean, I thought she was doing better—I even let her skip a couple of appointments, but she lied to me."
"Em—" Derek interrupted, pulling the tired woman into his arms, "I'm here." He promised. "I'm here as long as you need me."
He frowned as the promise thumped in his heart. Because Derek would be there, even if Emily didn't think she needed him.
And though she might kill him when she found out, Derek knew one thing for certain.
He had to tell Hotch.
Hotch ignored the questioning look the blonde gave him as he pulled up to the country library and pulled his car to a stop. Wordlessly, he turned off the car and hopped out, waiting patiently at the front of the car for JJ to join him.
After only a second, JJ gently closed the door and followed Hotch into the library.
Guiding the younger woman toward the collection of magazines and periodicals, he gestured to the wall of information dedicated solely to the search for JJ. A small banner that had been there for less time than Hotch would like was draped above the collection, its words offering hope to those who may have utilized the space before. Welcome Home Agent Jareau.
He watched out of the corner of his eye as JJ slowly gazed at the racks of magazines stacked neatly on the wall surrounding a picture of her giving a press conference. JJ stopped in her tracks, dazed as her own face stared back at her from the covers of various magazines.
"Dave—" Hotch explained, "He paid for all of this. He—" The words choked on themselves in Hotch's throat, "He didn't want people to forget."
JJ looked at him in confusion, as if awed that her disappearance could have been such a national spectacle.
"I used to come here a lot." Hotch admitted, sitting down into a plush chair, leaving the long comfortable couch open for JJ to sit comfortably. "I thought maybe, maybe if I read everything I could get my hands on, I could find something we missed."
JJ slowly approached the racks that lined the wall as if captivated by the sheer volume of information. Picking up several stacks, she nestled onto the couch across from Hotch, slowly opening the first one.
Hotch picked up a book and pretended to read while JJ studied the information contained in the publications.
He couldn't let her near the case file, so this was the next best thing.
Did she know how hard they looked for her?
Did she know that they never stopped?
Regardless, he hoped this would do some good—let her see the other side of the investigation.
Maybe it would let her feel like an agent again.
The pages turned slowly, and sometimes JJ would linger as her eyes caught a picture of her former self giving a press conference or comforting a family in a picture captured by a voyeuristic reporter. Other times, JJ would flip easily through pages, as if discarding information she didn't deem important.
However, Hotch's interest piqued as JJ brushed away a stray tear that had trailed down her cheeks. Glancing over at the page, he furrowed his brow—this wasn't even a page about her abduction. He quickly dismissed that thought though because he recognized the case the article was based on.
Zoey Nielsen.
He wasn't directly involved, but everybody was aware of the little girl who had been found on the side of a Georgia highway—though this article seemed only to be focused on her disappearance and must have been written in the issue before her rescue was confirmed on the national stage.
JJ was probably just concerned about a little girl who was likely abducted by unsavory captors similar to JJs.
He'd have to remember to follow up with that story and tell it to JJ, maybe that would help her.
He hoped it had a happy ending.
"You looked for me?" JJ asked meekly, though it startled him because of the stark contrast to the last hours of silence.
"I never stopped looking for you JJ." He vowed, though her attention seemed captured by the magazine in front of her.
"How long—How long was I gone?" She asked, tracing the outline of the magazine.
"Three years." Hotch admitted.
JJ nodded slowly, absorbing the information. Honestly, she barely remembered the time before her captivity—she knew it existed, and the memories were there in faint wisps—but everything before she was taken seemed so surreal. "It felt like longer." She admitted after a moment.
Hotch gulped down the well of emotion that rose within him at the thought of what horrors JJ had to endure. Suddenly, he was struck with a flash of insight. They—all of them—had been treating JJ like a child, like she didn't understand the horrors that were contained in this world.
But truthfully, she probably understood better than any of the rest of them.
"Why didn't you find me?" JJ asked her voice barely above a whisper as she slowly stood and stalked out of the library.
Hotch closed his eyes, consumed with guilt at the simple question. "I don't know." He admitted before closing the book and following after her.
He would never forgive himself.
Because though he had tried, he hadn't found her.