A/N: The next chapter...
Never believe a word I said, because this is no longer a two shot.. I was typing and typing, then I decided to split this chapter up. After that I decided to do the same to the next chapter, so who knows how long this story will become..
XX
Three weeks later they both took a weekend off and headed towards St. Catherines. Everything was a little much for them, especially Andy, right now. They needed to spent some time away from work and Toronto.
So Sam called his sister and asked if it would be okay if he and Andy would spent a long weekend there. Sarah didn't even have to think about it and told Sam she would make the guestroom ready. She couldn't wait to see them.
On the way there they made small talk about how well Andy's dad had been doing, work and their friends. As soon as Sam put the truck in park, Abigail came running towards her uncle. The girl was four year old now and was always happy when her aunt and uncle visited.
''Aunt Andy!'' Abigail yelled. ''I want to play with you!''
''Hello Abby, nice to see you too,'' Sam joked. ''I can see you really missed me.'' Sam picked up Abigail and tickled her sides. The little girl shrieked and tried to get away from her uncle, but he was of course much stronger than she was.
Andy watched with a small smile and took of her sunglasses. ''Come on Abby,'' Andy said. ''Let's go inside.''
When they walked up to the house, Sarah appeared in the doorway. ''Abigail, I told you not to leave the house without telling me,'' she said with an angry tone.
Sam walked up to his sister and gave her a one armed hug. ''Relax Sarah, she was just excited to see us. She's fine.''
Sarah sighed and rolled her eyes. She watched as her sister in law walked towards her hand in hand with her niece. Andy was smiling and Sam noticed she finally looked a little relaxed again.
''Hey Andy,'' Sarah greeted her sister in law. She gave her a hug. ''You look great.''
''Thanks,'' Andy replied. ''So do you.''
''I have a new dress,'' Abigail proudly said as she twirled around. ''Mommy picked it out, but I got to pick the color so I picked pink.''
''It's very pretty,'' Andy complimented. ''You and your mom did a good job with that one.''
''Will you come and play with me?'' Abigail begged again. ''I got a new game for my birthday, but mommy is always too busy to play and Joshua says it's a game for babies.'' Abigail pouted and crossed her arms together.
''Uncle Sam and I will be here for a while sweetie,'' Andy explained. ''We're first going to have a cup of coffee with your mom and dad and then I'll come and play with you later, okay?''
''Okay,'' Abigail said slightly disappointed.
Andy noticed the disappointed and crouched down in front of her niece. ''How about this, after we drink coffee, you pick what we will do.''
Abigail's face immediately lit up and she nodded. ''Okay,'' she said with a big smile. As she ran inside to immediately look for something.
''Be warned,'' Sarah said. ''I think she already has your entire weekend planned.''
Sam smiled and took Andy's hand in his. ''Well, we'll see how things go.''
''Oh, I meant Andy,'' Sarah said to Sam. ''She actually didn't even mentioned you once.''
''Nice Sarah,'' Sam growled.
They had their coffee and while Sam took his nine year old nephew to the park to play some basketball, Andy stayed behind to spent some time with Abby. First they played a board game, after that Abigail set up a tea party and later they played together with play dough.
At six they all met at the house again. Sarah had dinner ready and everybody sat down around the table. ''This is delicious Sarah,'' Andy said when she took another bite.
''It's nothing special,'' Sarah replied.
''Well, if the only thing you can cook comes from a box, than this is pretty special,'' Sam teased.
''Hey,'' Andy warned. ''I have gotten better. You even said that the lasagna I made last time wasn't that bad.''
''If you take it wasn't that bad as a compliment.. I rest my case,'' Sam smiled and winked at Andy. ''I offered to give you a few classes, but you're stubborn.''
''You are so annoying when you're trying to teach,'' Andy said. ''It's seriously a wonder that I became so good at my job with you as my training officer.''
''Hey,'' Sam warned. ''I was a good training officer. I taught you everything you know.''
Sarah watched the two bicker with an amused grin on her face. She knew that both of them didn't mean a word of what they were saying. She gave her husband Ryan a wink and ruffled Abigail's hair. ''Well Andy, remind me to give you a tip or two before you leave. I can't have my future nieces and nephews eating food from a box.''
The smile on Andy's face immediately disappeared and she looked down at her plate. She started to frantically cut her meat. Everybody but the kids felt the mood change around the table, but nobody made any comments.
Sam kept a good eye on Andy. After a minute a stranger wouldn't notice that anything was wrong, but he knew her and he saw that Sarah's comment got to her.
By the time it was time for dessert, the mood was a little bit better again. Joshua's stories about school and Abigail's cute comments turned the mood around for the better.
Abigail made Andy promise that she would help her get ready for bed and read her a story. Since they ate so late and stayed at the table after finishing dinner, it was bedtime as soon as Sarah started to clean up. Andy left upstairs with Abigail while Ryan helped his son with some homework.
Sam cleared the table and helped Sarah rinsing the plates. ''Is everything okay?'' Sarah asked as soon as they were alone. ''Andy seemed a little out of it. Did we do something wrong?''
Sam shook his head. ''No, it's not you,'' he promised. ''We're just going through some things right now.''
''Everything okay?'' Sarah asked concerned. ''You guys seem so happy.''
''We are,'' Sam promised. ''At least, there's nothing wrong between the two of us.''
''Then what?'' Sarah asked. She didn't want to be nosy, but this was her little brother. If there was something wrong, she wanted to know if there was something she could do.
Sam put down his towel and shook his head. ''We can't have kids,'' he explained. ''We were trying for a while and decided to check if everything was okay, because she didn't get pregnant.''
''Oh Sam, I'm so sorry.'' Sarah put a comforting hand on her brothers back and shook her head. ''I had no idea.''
''We didn't tell anybody,'' Sam explained. ''But I guess people will start to wonder. We've been married for a while now, so the next step people expect will be kids.''
''How long have you been trying?'' Sarah asked. ''You never know, sometimes it just takes some time.''
''We saw a specialist,'' Sam answered. ''Two actually. We had been trying for about a year and a half. She had a positive test once, but that turned out to be false.''
''I'm so sorry,'' Sarah said again. ''Oh god,'' she said suddenly. ''That comment about her feeding my nephews and nieces food from a box. That was so inappropriate.''
Sam rested his back against the counter and picked up the towel again. ''You didn't know. You couldn't have known.''
''Still, I get why she was so quiet all of the sudden.'' Sarah shook her head and looked at her brother. ''Did they say that there was a 0% chance of getting pregnant?'' Sarah asked.
''Doctor said the only way she would be able to get pregnant was trough a miracle.''
''Did you talk about other options?'' Sarah didn't want to interfere, but she also wanted to help as best as she could. If she could that was. She never heard Sam talk so openly about something so private. That told her that he needed to get it off his chest.
''It's a bit too soon for that,'' Sam explained. ''She brought home some flyers about surrogates or adoption, but everything is so fresh right now.'' Sam didn't want to admit it, but it felt good to talk to someone about this. It was killing him that he couldn't help Andy. It was killing him that there wasn't anything that he could do.
Sarah was silent for a while. There was nothing she could say that would fix this. ''I'm sorry,'' she said again. ''I know how much Andy wanted to have kids. And you too, since you're with her.''
''We just need to readjust our plans a little,'' Sam said more to himself than to Sarah. ''We will be fine. It's just hard now and it probably will be for a while.'' Sam shook his head and threw his towel on the counter again. ''I'm going to see how she is doing, okay?''
'Of course,'' Sarah answered.
Sam slowly walked upstairs and towards Abigail's bedroom. He smiled when he saw Abigail in her bed, under the covers. Andy was lying on top of the covers, next to the little girl. She was holding a book and was reading to her niece.
Sam kept watching her until the story ended. When Andy said 'the end', Sam walked into the room. ''Ready to sleep Abby?'' he asked.
''No,'' Abigail answered immediately. ''I'm not tired, at all. I want to come downstairs and play.''
''We'll still be here tomorrow sweetie,'' Andy explained. ''We will play again tomorrow, now you need to sleep.''
''I didn't kiss mommy or daddy goodnight yet,'' Abby whined.
Sam leaned down and kissed Abigail on her forehead. ''We'll send them up to come and give you a kiss,'' he promised. ''I'll leave the light on. Sleep tight Abigail.''
Abigail pouted, but made peace with the fact that it was her bedtime. ''Okay. I love you uncle Sam, love you aunt Andy.''
''Love you too sweetie,'' Andy smiled and took Sam's hand.
When they were in the hallway Sam pulled Andy a little closer and pressed a kiss to her temple. ''You're really good with her,'' he said. ''She doesn't even notice me anymore.''
''You're her favorite uncle,'' Andy promised.
''I'm her only uncle,'' Sam shot back. He looked at his wife and squeezed her hand. ''You doing okay?'' he asked. He knew it was her idea to visit Sarah, but right now he wondered if he should have taken her somewhere they would have been alone.
''I'm good,'' she promised.
The months went on and on and by the time that fall set in, both of them were ready to talk about what to do next.
After dinner Andy sat down on the couch next to Sam. She faced him and ran her hand across his arm. ''So,'' she said.
''So,'' Sam repeated. ''How do you want to do this?''
''I don't know,'' Andy let out a nervous laugh and shrugged. ''I guess we look at what we can do and what the pros and cons are.''
''Okay.'' Sam turned a little so he was completely facing Andy. ''How do you feel about adoption?''
Andy shook her head and shrugged. ''I'm not completely sure.'' She took a breath and looked at Sam. ''I'm not against it, but it's complicated and expensive. You?''
''I feel the same,'' Sam said. ''I know we can love a child even if it's not biologically ours, so that doesn't matter to me.''
''No, me either,'' Andy agreed. ''In a way it's a beautiful thought that you have a child that doesn't have someone to take care of them.''
''With adoption I do have one demand,'' Sam seriously said. When he knew he had Andy's full attention he continued. ''If we adopt, I want to have contact with the mother and father if he's in the picture. A lot of legal adoptions happen under pressure.''
''I know.'' In their line of work they saw a lot of awful things and Andy knew that Sam had worked on a few adoption cases before she joined 15th. ''There's also the option of a surrogate,'' Andy said. ''The baby would be ours biologically. And if I can't donate an egg at least it would be yours.''
''Like I said, that doesn't matter to me,'' Sam said. He wasn't sure he completely meant that, but he didn't want Andy to feel bad.
''A surrogate is a big risk.'' Andy had done a lot of reading over the previous months and she knew that it didn't always end well. ''She could change her mind and then..''
''Yeah.'' Sam knew exactly what she meant. ''That's a really big risk. Adoption can be cancelled last minute too,'' he reasoned. ''Or we could look into foster care.''
''That's really different,'' Andy reasoned. ''That means saying goodbye to the kids you've been taking care of for so long.''
''There are a lot of kids that could use a little stability and good role models,'' Sam said.
''I know. I just don't know if that's what I want.'' Andy fidgeted with her fingers and looked at Sam. ''I'm sorry,'' she said.
''No,'' Sam immediately protested. ''Don't say you're sorry. We're just talking about this to see what we want. You gotta tell me how you feel, because this is a life changing decision.''
''I just wished it was a little easier,'' Andy said as she looked at her hands. ''A little less complicated.'' After a moment of silence Andy looked up at Sam again. ''Or we could do nothing,'' she softly said.
''You mean...?'' Sam didn't really know what to think of this change of attitude from Andy's side.
''I mean that this is all so complicated and so frustrating,'' Andy let out. ''Maybe we should just count our blessings. Maybe look if foster care is something we would be able to do. I don't know, maybe I can do it.''
''Are you sure?'' Sam asked.
''No,'' Andy said. ''I just don't know what I want. I know that I want you to be able to be a dad. I want you to be happy.''
''I am happy with you,'' Sam promised. ''We have to do something we both want. Something we are both comfortable with. Like I said before, whatever decision we make will affect us for the rest of our lives.''
Andy nodded and scooted a little closer to Sam. She rested her back against his chest and laid her head on his shoulder. ''What do you want?'' she asked. ''If you could make the decision, what would you want to do?''
''It doesn't work like that Andy,'' Sam argued. ''We need to decide this together.''
''I just want to know what you want,'' Andy said again. ''I'm not saying that whatever you want will be our final decision, but what would your choice be?''
''I guess adoption,'' Sam answered. ''Or surrogacy if it's someone we completely trust.''
''I don't think I can handle a surrogate,'' Andy admitted. ''I'm sorry. It's just.. To have another woman that feels our baby inside of her when I can't.. And even if you trust someone completely, that's not a guarantee.''
''So adoption?'' Sam asked. ''Adoption or do nothing.''
''I guess,'' Andy said. ''Maybe just think about this for a while?'' she asked. ''Things between us have been really good lately. Maybe being uncle Sam and aunt Andy will be enough for us.''
''You want to be a mom,'' Sam said while he ran his hands across Andy's arm. ''You've always wanted to be a mom.''
''We can't control everything that happens in life,'' Andy reasoned. ''But I don't want to do anything you don't want to do.''
''I think it would be good if we think things over for a while longer,'' Sam agreed.
''So we achieved nothing today,'' Andy chuckled. ''We're hopeless.''
''We ruled out surrogacy,'' Sam reasoned. ''That's a step. Unless you're not sure?''
''No,'' Andy agreed. ''If that's what you want, then maybe we should take some time to take it in consideration, but I think that it would kill me to see someone else carry our baby.''
''Then it's off the table.'' Sam played with Andy's hair and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. ''Love you,'' he muttered.
''Love you too,'' Andy replied. ''I seriously don't know what I would've done without you.''
More time past as Sam and Andy took some time to think about what they wanted. It was a big comfort that they were doing so good together.
As time passed, more of their friends found out that they couldn't have kids. Everybody felt bad for them, but knew that they were strong enough to pull through this hard time.
Sam and Andy had decided to look further into adoption. They had already been to a meeting where they had gotten information about the process of adoption. It was a lot of information, but they both felt good about it.
They made an appointment with a social worker that would see if they would qualify for adoption. As the date of the appointment approached, Andy started to have doubts. Sam noticed her apprehension and told her that it would be okay.
''Nothing is final yet,'' he tried. ''It's just an appointment to see if we will qualify and then we can go from there.''
''I know,'' Andy agreed. ''I'm being stupid, but I'm just nervous.''
''It's not stupid,'' Sam reasoned. ''It's a big deal, but we'll see how we feel about it and then we can always decide something else.'' Andy nodded and kissed Sam gently.
As Sam predicted, the appointment went perfectly. The social worker told them that they would get a positive evaluation and that they were one step closer to being parents. When she left Sam found Andy staring out of the window.
''Happy?'' Sam asked.
Andy turned around and nodded. She smiled at Sam and threw her arms around his neck. ''I know that this isn't how we pictured it when we got married, but the way she was talking about it.. I feel good about adoption right now. Really good actually, you?''
''Me too,'' Sam agreed. ''It will take a lot of patience, but it will make you a mother.''
''Any kid would be lucky to have you as a father,'' Andy said. She tugged at Sam's hand and pulled him towards the stairs. ''You're kind, loving, loyal, but right now,'' she said as she stopped walking. Andy smiled wickedly and put her hands on Sam's chest. ''Right now I just think you look incredibly hot,'' she whispered against his mouth.
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A/N: Please review!