Disclaimer: I own nothing

Pairing: France x Kagome

Complete Crack!

Everything is Sexier When it's French

Because it really is

London, Great Britain

Now France always made sure he visited England every few weeks.

(If only to piss off the grumpy old Brit).

"Just fuck off, you wine-guzzling frog!" England snarled, looking very irritated as he sipped his morning tea, "Why do you always insist on bothering me? Why don't you go visit Matthew or something of the sort?"

"Matthieu is the next on my stop," France purred, watching England with half-lidded eyes, "So, what shall we do in the mean time, mon petite lapin?"

Arthur simply snorted, rolling his green eyes as he gestured to the small television on the counter, "Just watch the telly while I go cook up breakfast." He grumbled, knowing he would never get rid of France.

"I cannot wait." France said sarcastically, shuddering internally as he thought of England's slop that he tried to call food. The French country sighed, lazily flicking on the TV with the remote.

He sulked, watching boring old British shows as England burnt whatever he was cooking (because he could definitely smell it).

Surprisingly, it was a commercial that caught his complete attention.

Everything is Sexier When it's French!

France blinked, perking up in interest when a rather attractive woman appeared in the tourism advertisement. She was an Asian, though surprisingly she had blue eyes.

'Perhaps half European? Most likely half French.' Francis decided, as it was the only explanation for the girl to be so beautiful.

"We all know it's true! C'mon, here is some simple visual evidence!"

France didn't tear his eyes away as the girl appeared in a maid uniform, though he crinkled his nose when he noticed the maid dress was that of the British variety.

That meant it completely and totally unsexy.

"When comparing any other, the French maid uniform takes it all!"

And France perked up again when the girl appeared in another maid uniform, only this time it happened to be a French maid dress. He licked his lips, eyeing the girl's rather attractive body that was defined by the tight sexy and lacy dress.

The girl smirked, as if knowing every male would be glued to the commercial, "While kissing may be exciting–" France sat a little forward, watching eagerly as a male (who looked very similar to the appealing girl, he may have even been a relative) appeared. The girl and the boy gave each other a little peck on each other's lips. Both humans then glanced at the camera, "But, we all know it's really French kissing that gets us all heated up!"

France's eyes lit up as the two began to kiss, this time with the tongue. They made sure that it was very visual and he didn't even wonder why this ad was appearing so early in the morning.

After a few moments, the girl finally pushed away the male out of sight. She looked a little heated and breathless, "Everything is sexier when it's French!" She said again and France found himself nodding approvingly.

"Hell ~ even French Toast is sexier than regular boring old toast!" The woman lifted a plate of maple syrup slathered bread ("the syrup is only the finest and straight from Québec!") and began to seductively lick off the sweet liquid.

"So, what are you waiting for? Come to France!"

And with that, the commercial ended.

'I must meet her!' France quickly decided, already unable to get the pretty girl out of his mind. He completely ignored England, who came in with a bowl of burnt... something.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" England demanded after a moment of silence. The Brit was rather unnerved as France paid him no attention, wondering if he was planning a sneak attack or something.

France didn't even hear him.

~00~

Tokyo, Japan

Kagome warily eyed the door as she ate, paranoid that the Russian would break in at any time. She had just barely managed escape Russia and he had promised he get her back because apparently she was destined to 'Become-One-With-Russia.'

'I didn't take him to be a pervert,' Kagome sighed, almost jumping when a knock sounded on the other side of the door, 'I hope it's not Russia again.'

"Who's that? Your Russian boyfriend?" Souta teased, though he shuddered when Kagome gave him a death glare.

"If it is – then I'll kill you!" Kagome grumbled, reluctantly getting up to open the door.

What she didn't expect was for a rose to be shoved in her face when she did so.

"Mademoiselle ~ I must thank you for your special advertisement for our country!" A tall blond European winked at her, not even giving her a chance to respond, "Tourism is up three percent after your beautiful convincing!"

The miko simply stood there, her blue eyes wide and her mouth gaped open as the foreigner babbled in French-accented English, "W-what...?"

"The French blood in you must be magnifique as you are more beautiful in person!" The male – whom Kagome now realised just had to be a country because of his aura – kissed her hand elegantly, giving her a half-lidded look.

The miko finally found her voice after the male invited himself in, forwardly groping her chest as if he had all right to do so, "Who the hell are you?" Kagome shrieked, growing red as she slapping his hand away from her breasts, "And what the hell are you talking about?"

France blinked, grabbing her hand and pulling her as if he owned the place, "It is this commercial, oui?" He gestured, turning on the TV and allowing her to watch the advertisement.

Kagome simply stood there once more, twitching randomly and allowing small noises of disbelief to escape her throat, 'Oh, Kami-sama – that's Shippou-chan, disguised as me!'

The miko growled, seeing one of his clones (who was copying an older Souta's image) kiss her heatedly, 'Not more incest!'

"Now, then, Kagome (she didn't ask how he knew her name) ~ I must thank you properly!" France said huskily, dipping down and intending on pressing his lips against hers as he eagerly groped her bottom.

She stiffened, ready to punch this weirdo's lights when someone beat her to it, "France ~ don't be stupid!" Russia appeared out of no where, easily pushing the blond European away from Kagome, "This girl is my bride!" He stated firmly, eyeing Kagome with those evil icy eyes.

And Kagome simply sighed, slumping down when France shivered, though bravely argued back against Russia's word.

'Not another damn country...!'