Thank you so much for your continued feedback! I keep saying this, but the fact that so many people like a story written by someone who isn't even a native speaker really means a lot. Sometimes I have a little trouble with grammar, so if you see any mistakes just say so. I can only learn from them, right?
XX
After Andy's confession they walked downstairs towards the living room. Andy still hadn't really gotten a reaction out of Sam. He just sat down on the couch and stared.
He didn't say anything. Didn't show any sign of emotion. Just stared.
''Sam?'' Andy asked nervously. To be honest she liked it better when he was yelling at her. At least that showed that he was hearing her and taking her in.
''I don't really know what to say,'' Sam answered. ''I should probably feel something, right?''
''Whatever you do or don't feel, that's okay.'' Andy put a comforting hand on Sam's back and slowly rubbed up and down. ''Are you okay?'' she asked. ''Is there anything I can do?''
Sam shook his head and faced Andy. ''She's been out of my life longer than she was in it. I know it probably makes me a horrible person or something, but I honestly don't think this will affect me much.''
Andy nodded, but didn't truly believe him. She knew it hurt her when her mother showed up after nearly fifteen years of absence. Of course Andy was very different than Sam. She wore her heart on her sleeve. Sam kept things boiled up, but he also was a lot stronger than she was.
''I mean it,'' Sam said. ''It's sad that this is how things went, but it's the truth. I didn't look back when she was alive; it would be hypocritical to start with that now. I don't believe that William is too shaken up about it too, because their marriage was practically over back when I was around.''
''There's more,'' Andy softly said. She ran her hand through Sam's hair and kissed his shoulder. ''God I hate telling you all of this, but you have to know.'' She took a deep breath and looked Sam in the eye. ''William said he has a terminal illness. He said he has cancer.''
Sam's head snapped up. He looked at Andy and his eyes grew bigger. ''He told you that?'' When Andy nodded he looked back at the ground. ''Do you believe him?''
''I don't know,'' Andy truthfully answered. ''He was getting mad at me because I confronted him with some stuff you told me. So Dov stepped in and told him to leave. Then all of the sudden he started to announce that he was dying.''
''So it could be just emotional blackmail,'' Sam reasoned.
''Could be the truth too.'' Andy smiled sadly and shrugged. ''I don't know what to believe. Everything you've told me about him makes me believe that he's lying. But I can't think of any reason for why he would want to make amends now. After all these years. Unless maybe he really knows that this is his last chance.''
Sam ran his hand across his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. ''It doesn't really matter,'' he told her. ''It doesn't change anything. Just the fact that Epstein has to remove him proves that he hasn't changed much.''
''Dov was overreacting a little bit,'' Andy quickly said. ''There really wasn't any threat or something. He just didn't want to take any chances.''
Silence filled the room as Sam processed all the new information that he had gotten. Andy kept looking at him, searching for signs of his emotional state. He showed nothing though.
After a while Sam turned to face Andy again. He cupped her cheek in his hand and softly pressed their lips together. ''I still believe that what you did was stupid, okay?'' he asked much calmer than he had reacted upstairs.
''I know,'' Andy answered. ''I thought I was doing the right thing for you.''
''I know you did,'' Sam agreed. ''And I'm glad that you took Dov with you. And I'm really glad that he was sensible enough to step in before things got out of hand. Just promise me you won't do anything like this again? I get why you did it, I do. I just don't want you to ever do it again. Then I'd rather talk to him myself.''
A sad smile formed on Andy's lips. She knew that Sam would move heaven and earth for her. He would do just about anything to keep her safe, especially now that she was carrying their child. ''I don't want you to have to talk to him. I just thought that maybe he would leave if I would hear him out.''
''Guess we'll find out soon enough,'' Sam said. He laid back against the couch and took Andy with him. When her head was on his chest he started to trace patterns on the skin that was exposed now that her shirt had crept up a little.
Both were lost in their own world. Both were working through their own thoughts.
Sam kept thinking about what he lost; if he really lost something. He wasn't sure. In a way he had been an orphan for years now. Of course a part of him had hoped that one day maybe his parents would see the light. Thoughts like that hadn't occurred in years though. He was older and wiser now. He knew that they wouldn't change and that the damage was too big to actually forgive and forget.
Andy kept thinking about how this would affect Sam. She couldn't even imagine how she would've turned out if she would've had the childhood that he endured. She was so proud of the man that he had become despite of that.
The first time she met him she wasn't that impressed. Of course, back then she thought that he was a lowlife drugs dealer. The day after that she was nervous to be around him, but from that day she knew that she would never be safer with anybody else.
The lengths Sam went through to keep his loved ones safe were amazing. Andy didn't get how someone that had been disappointed so often by the people that are suppose to love you the most, could turn into such a great guy.
''Are you okay?'' Sam asked after a few minutes. He had been so distracted with his own thoughts that he didn't even think about how this affected Andy.
''As long as you are I am too,'' Andy confirmed. ''I just wish there was something I could do for you.''
''You probably don't see it, but you do a lot. And even if it makes me a horrible person.. Knowing that she died doesn't affect me that much. She hasn't been a part of my life for a long time.'' Sam kissed the top of Andy's head and swallowed. ''You really do more than you can imagine.''
''How?'' Andy wondered. ''I did the exact opposite from what you told me to do.''
Sam swallowed and looked at the ceiling. Years of marriage still didn't mean that he was an easy talker. At least not when it came down to feelings. ''Well, like I said, I get why you did that.''
Taking another deep breath Sam put his hand on Andy's stomach. He slowly rubbed his thumb over the place where their baby was. ''Before I met you I was sure about how my life would turn out. I would work the streets and disappear undercover every now and then. Sarah and the kids would be my family. And I thought I was okay with that. I really did.''
Sam's hand stilled when he felt their baby boy kick. ''I thought that it would be safer that way. Easier. I thought that it would be easier to not burden anybody with my flaws.''
''Sam,'' Andy interrupted him. ''We all have flaws, but you're talking about yourself like your impossible to be with.''
''Be honest,'' Sam dared. ''When we first got involved I couldn't even tell you how I felt about you. I couldn't be alone with you for too long because I was afraid that maybe it would slip out. Is that the kind of guy you wanted to build a future with? Have kids with? I don't want our son to wonder if I love him. I want him to know.''
''He'll know,'' Andy promised. ''If not by words, then by actions. You may have never said the words at first, but I felt it.'' Andy saw the serious look on Sam's face and decided to lighten the mood a little bit. ''And of course I knew that you would turn around one day. I'm so lovable like that.''
A surprised chuckle escaped Sam's mouth. He was thankful that she was always able to tell what he needed. He didn't want to have any more loaded conversations. He just wanted to be alone with his wife. ''That you are,'' he agreed.
The rest of the day they worked on the nursery a little. Deciding to make the most of Andy's unsuspected off day they went out and bought furniture for the nursery. They also bought a few other things that they would need when the newest Swarek addition would arrive.
Andy kept a close eye on Sam, but he did seem to be doing okay. She knew him well enough to know when he was faking; it didn't seem like he was.
Neither of them was in the mood to cook, so they went out to dinner together. They talked about unimportant stuff and just enjoyed their time together. When they got home they took Boo for a long walk. Not much was said, but both enjoyed the company that the other provided.
Later that night Andy was lying on the couch when Sam walked into the living room with drinks in his hand. He handed her a glass of juice and lifted her feet so he could sit down. ''Have you thought about names yet?'' Andy asked him.
Sam shrugged and started to massage her calf. ''I don't know. Thought about it, but I don't really have any ideas.''
''We should really start looking for a name,'' Andy mused. ''There are so many names out there. How do you know which one will fit?''
''Just one we both like?'' Sam guessed as he took a sip of his beer. ''It will be fine. Don't worry.''
''You always say don't worry,'' Andy argued. ''I do worry. I want our child to have a pretty name.''
''Okay, what do you think is a good name?'' Sam asked. ''Just give me a few and I'll tell you if I like them.''
Andy perked up and smiled. She stood up and walked towards the kitchen. A second later she returned with two notepads in her hand. ''Here,'' she said as she gave one to Sam. ''How about we both make a top three or a top five. Then we'll see if we have any similar names.''
Sam groaned and shook his head. ''Top 5?'' he wondered. He had trouble to even think of one name. ''How about just one name.''
''Just see how far you'll come,'' Andy said. ''We'll take ten minutes to think.''
Soon Andy was writing stuff down. Sam saw her writing something down every few minutes. After a while he knew she would have at least five names. He still had zero. He just wasn't that inspired.
When the ten minutes were up Andy looked at him with a hopeful look. ''How many have you got?'' she asked.
Sam turned around the paper and showed her that it was still blank. ''Sorry,'' he apologised. ''Just couldn't think of one right now. I'll think it over. I promise.''
Andy's smile fell. She nodded and looked at the paper in her hands. ''Okay. Sorry I pushed this on you.''
If there was one thing that Sam hated, then it was Andy feeling sorry for him. He quickly grabbed her by the elbow and pulled her towards him. ''Show me yours,'' he said.
''You don't have to right now,'' Andy quickly said. ''Like you said, we still have time. We can do this some other night. It's fine.''
''Andy, show me the list,'' Sam said calmly. ''I want to see what names you came up with.'' He grabbed the list out of her hand, threw an arm around her shoulder and started to look at the list of names that Andy had written down.
''Damian?'' Sam asked. ''A guy I brought in for murder was named Damian. He tried to shoot me.'' He inspected the list further. ''I don't like Gavin either.''
''Just throw the entire thing out?'' Andy guessed. ''You probably arrested a Logan too.''
''Not that I remember,'' Sam said. ''I actually like Logan. I like Landon too. Or Julian.'' Sam looked at the last name and laughed. ''We're not calling our son Oliver.''
''What?'' Andy asked. ''He's our friend and he has been rooting for us since day one. I think he would be very honored if we named our son after him.''
''I think nobody will ever hear the end of it if we name him after Oliver,'' Sam argued. ''He's already bragging about the fact that Frank and Noelle named Olivia after him.''
''Is that even true?'' Andy wondered. ''Noelle never said anything about that. I really think he just made that up. Maybe they just liked that name.''
''I don't even know,'' Sam sighed out.
''So?'' Andy asked. ''Landon, Julian and Logan can go on the maybe list?''
''Yes,'' Sam confirmed. ''I promise that I'll give it some more thought later on. Just haven't thought about it enough I think. We'll probably find a name that will just stick.''
''I hope so,'' Andy said. ''I didn't know picking out a name would be this hard. I mean there are so many names out there. A lot of weird ones too. Do you know that some people actually give their kids names like Google or Popeye. That's weird, right?''
Sam chuckled and nodded his head. ''Yeah McNally, that's weird. What is also weird is that you know stuff like that.''
''I'm on desk duty,'' Andy defended herself. ''I have a lot of time to Google stupid things.''
''Like who named their kid Google?''
''I typed 'weird baby names' into Google and then I got that article.'' Andy made herself a little bit more comfortable and sighed contently.
''Why would you Google weird baby names?'' Sam wondered.
''I was just thinking,'' Andy said. ''I thought I wanted a really original name. And most original names are a little bit weird, but the names I found were a bit too weird. Even for me. I mean, we are definitely not calling our son Hippo.''
A smile graced Sam's lips. ''We're definitely not,'' he agreed. ''All though Google is really beginning to sound good to me.''
Andy laughed and slapped Sam's chest softly. ''You're such a nerd.''
After that both stayed silent for a while. It was already pretty late and when Sam checked his watch he noticed that Andy was already slightly snoring. He gently shook her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. ''Andy?'' he asked. ''Let's go to bed sweetheart. It's pretty late.''
Together they switched off all the lights and headed upstairs. When they were in bed, Andy once again rested her head on Sam's chest. Over the years that had become her favorite position to sleep in.
She traced his abs with her finger and her thoughts went back to the day they had. She really didn't want to push Sam, but she needed to know that he was okay. That he was not silently suffering. ''Are you okay? '' she asked. ''Are you sure you don't want to talk or whatever?''
Sam's hand stilled on her back. ''I'm okay,'' he promised. ''I should probably go see Sarah tomorrow. Tell her. She has a right to know, right?'' Sam wondered.
''Yeah, of course,'' Andy agreed. ''You should tell her. And it's probably better to tell her in person. I mean, I don't know how she will take it of course.''
''I don't know either. She broke off all contact with them when she was eighteen.''
''That must have been hard,'' Andy mused out loud. She couldn't imagine cutting off all contact with her father. Of course, her father had always loved her and cared for her. Even during the days where his drinking had been at its worst.
''Staying was harder,'' Sam said. ''I'm fine,'' he continued after a while. Her death doesn't change my life much. Haven't heard from her in so many years that I mostly blocked her out of my memory.''
''Do you want me to go with you to Sarah's? Or do you rather want to go alone?''
''I don't know,'' Sam answered. ''You have to work, right?''
''If you want me to come I'll make it work,'' Andy argued. ''Frank will understand and it's not like I'm being super useful to him anyway.''
A small smile formed on Sam's lips. He pressed his lips to the top of Andy's head . ''Desk duty is important too.'' He swallowed and thought about it for a second. ''Maybe I should do this alone?'' he asked. ''Unless you want to come?''
Andy shook her head and moved up a little so she could look Sam in the eye. ''Whatever you want. I mean it. If you want me to come then I'll come. But if you'd rather do this alone than I get that too. Just tell me what you need and we'll make it work.''
Sam nodded. ''I should just go alone. I'll drive up early.''
''Okay,'' Andy said. ''We should probably try to get some sleep. If we both have to get up that early.'' She leaned to her side to switch of the lamp beside their bed. ''Sleep well. I love you.''
''You too,'' Sam agreed.
XX
He didn't get much sleep that night. He tried to think of a way to break the news to Sarah, but options just didn't come. Part of him thought that Sarah wouldn't be too affected by the news either, but he wasn't sure.
Sarah had always been a little bit more unstable than he was. Not that she was weak. She was one of the strongest people he knew. Especially since she had Joshua and Abigail. Of course since she was a mother her worries went up, but her kids made her stronger than ever.
Sam looked at woman lying next to him. He could only imagine how motherhood would affect her. She would be an amazing mom. He knew that for sure. Since her pregnancy became a little bit more 'real' to him he began to have faith that he would do okay too.
He knew that with her help he would be able to be a good dad. He already knew what not to do, so that was a positive note.
When the alarm clock went off he quickly pressed the off button and kissed Andy. ''Get up Andy,'' he said. ''You have to work.''
''No,'' Andy groaned. ''I want to sleep some more. I'm tired.''
Sam smiled and got out of bed. "Fine, then I'll make my world famous breakfast for just me then.''
One of Andy's eyes opened. ''You never play fair,'' she said. ''But fine, I'm up.''
Together they had a pretty good morning ritual, so within thirty minutes they were both dressed and seated at the counter eating their breakfast. Boo had been walked, so their household was running smoothly.
''Are you nervous about telling Sarah?'' Andy asked.
''Not really,'' Sam said. ''I mean, I don't really know how to break it to her, but I'll figure it out when I see her. Everything will be okay.''
''It will,'' Andy agreed. ''I'll cook tonight, okay?''
''Sure,'' Sam answered. He knew she was just trying to do something and even though he was really fine he wanted to give her what she needed.
After they finished breakfast both headed towards their own car. Sam had agreed to take Boo with him. Sarah's kids loved him so it would be a nice surprise for them when they came home from school. Boo was good with them too. As distrustful as he was towards adult, he was a happy dog when he was around kids.
When they were outside Andy gave Sam a quick peck on the lips. ''Be safe, okay? Call me if you need anything.''
''I will. I'm okay.'' Sam kissed Andy one more time and then walked towards his truck with Boo right behind him. ''Don't worry too much, will you?'' he yelled after Andy. ''I'll probably be home before you.''
Andy nodded and waited until Sam drove off. Then she got in her car and headed towards the division.
XX
When Andy's shift was finally over she immediately checked her cell phone. All she had missed was one text message from Sam telling her not to worry.
Of course, she was Andy so she did worry. She pressed the first speed dial as soon as she saw the text message.
''Hey,'' Sam answered his phone. ''How are you?''
''I'm good,'' Andy promised. ''How are you. Where are you?''
''I'm good,'' Sam answered. ''I'm at home actually.''
''Seriously?'' Andy asked. ''Are you back already?''
''Sarah and I decided to go to her grave. With the information you gave me it was pretty easy to track it down. And it was in Toronto so now we're at home.''
''How was it?'' Andy had her cell phone tugged between her ear and shoulder as she undid her belt. She unbuttoned her blouse and looked through her locker to search for her own clothes.
She could hear Sam sigh. ''It was.. Well it wasn't fun, but we talked and I think things are fine like this. Sarah's doing good and that was my biggest concern so things are good.''
''That's good. Will you take her back home or will she eat along?'' Andy asked. ''I'm going to get some groceries now.''
''Don't,'' Sam warned. ''I left Boo in St. Catherine's. Ryan will drive to the city with him, Joshua and Abigail. And Joshua made me promise that we would eat pizza.''
''They're all coming here?'' Andy was a bit surprised about that. Normally they would always visit St. Catherine's. The whole family meeting in Toronto had only happened once before.
''I told Sarah that I would drive her back, but she didn't want me to make the trip twice. Besides, it's Saturday tomorrow so the kids will have the day off. Doesn't matter if they're in bed a little later.''
''Okay,'' Andy said. ''We do need some other things though so I'll make a quick stop at the grocery store. I'll be home within thirty minutes.''
''Okay, be safe.''
XX
That night they all sat together and had a good time. They didn't talk too much about William's appearance and the news that their mother died. Nobody wanted the kids to ask any questions. They were too young to be confronted with the cold reality their mother went through.
When Joshua and Abigail were playing in the backyard with Boo the subject did come up. Sarah agreed with Sam that all though it was sad, it didn't affect them much.
Both had said goodbye to the past long before. Both of them had better things in their lives which made them even more sure that they had done the right thing by leaving that life behind.
When it was time for Sarah and her family to return home, Joshua and Abigail took their time saying goodbye to Boo. After a while everybody was in the car that headed back towards St. Catherine's.
Andy walked inside with Boo right behind her. She smiled at the dog and crouched down to pet his head. ''You sure had a lot of attention today, huh?''
''Sarah told me they might be getting a dog too. Now that they've seen how the kids respond to one they're a little bit more confident that they won't be bored of him within two minutes.
''He's a pretty good dog,'' Andy commented as she stood up again. She grabbed her back and winced a little. ''Okay, not able to do that anymore,'' she said.
''Are you okay?'' Sam asked with a concerned tone. ''Are you in pain?''
Andy smiled and shook her head. ''Don't worry,'' she told him. ''I just have to get used to the fact that my body won't allow me to overdo it anymore.''
''You should really take a step back,'' Sam argued. ''It's really not healthy for you to be nearly seven months pregnant and still work this hard. Just the other day you were in the gym for almost an hour.''
''I was in there with Traci, so that meant I was mostly just talking,'' Andy argued. ''And besides, I know my own body. I know when things become too much. You worry way too much.''
''You're one to talk,'' Sam shot back.
A smile appeared on Andy's lips as she walked towards Sam. ''You know me too well. Everything went okay today?''
Sam nodded. ''I just told her what I know and then we decided to visit her grave. It's not like we could find any answers there, but I don't know. Felt like some sort of closure.''
''That's good,'' Andy responded.
''I just don't want to talk about it anymore, okay? Let's just watch some movie you like tonight and lets go to bed early.''
''That's an idea I can get behind.''
XX
A/N: One of the longest chapters so far, but I never know where to break it off.
If you have an opinion about the names, let me know! If you have any other ideas, let me know too!
Next up: Sam gets the biggest scare of his life when Oliver calls him with news about Andy.