A/N: Thanks so much for the support on this story. To think this started off as a one shot..
This was a hard chapter to write. I hope I did an okay job with this one, because it's such a delicate subject.
When they reached the NICU Sam nervously looked around for a sign of his son. The nurse gave him an encouraging smile and nodded towards a sink. ''We need you to scrub first,'' she told him. ''It's very important to not bring any infections or bacteria's with you.''
Sam quickly did as he was told. When he was done the nurse made him register his name. ''Everybody that goes in and out needs to register, just so we can keep an eye on who's been with our babies. Parents are welcome at all times. Grandparents too. We have limited visiting ours for others though.''
into
The nurse led Sam a room filled with incubators. He followed her without question while his heartbeat sped up. ''For now it's just your son and one other family. So you'll have a lot of privacy.''
Sam nodded and looked towards the end of the room. He saw that there was an incubator with a baby in it. He assumed it was his son, because there were people sitting with the other filled incubator.
When they reached his son, Sam couldn't breathe for a second. He placed his hand on the incubator and looked at the small body inside of it. The baby was hooked on a lot of machines and he had tubes everywhere. Still he was the most beautiful creature that Sam had ever laid eyes on.
''He's stable,'' the nurse said. ''We're keeping a close eye on all of his vitals, but so far we're very satisfied with them.''
Sam looked at all the numbers on the screen and was glad that he recognised a few things. ''How long will he be here?'' he asked.
''I really can't give you an answer to that,'' the nurse informed him. ''It all depends on how he's going to develop. He still has a long road ahead of him, but we'll help you every step of the way. If you have any questions you can always come and find us.''
''But he's going to be okay?'' Sam asked again. ''What are his chances?''
The nurse smiled sadly and looked at the baby. ''I can't make any promises. He's stable now and we're doing everything we can to keep it that way.''
''My wife?'' Sam asked. ''She's still in surgery. Do you know anything about her?''
''I only work in the NICU unit, but I'll call the OR and I'll tell them to let me know when there's any new information on your wife.''
Sam looked back at his son. He really felt like he was being split in two. Part of him needed to be there for Andy. In the waiting room to see if there was any new information on her. Another part of him needed to be with his son. He wanted to remember every detail about him.
''Did you pick out a name yet?''
Sam swallowed and shook his head. ''We were still looking,'' he said. ''Didn't settle on anything yet.'' He couldn't make decisions like this without Andy. He closed his eyes for a few seconds and then looked at the nurse again. ''Do I need to decide now?''
''No,'' she quickly said. ''We'll go with baby Swarek for now. I know it's all a lot to take in.''
She picked up a chair and put it next to the incubator. ''You can sit with him. You're also allowed to touch him if you want to. It's best not to stroke him, just keep a steady hand on either his belly, legs or head.''
Sam sat down and took a deep breath. He slowly reached out and put his hand through the incubator. He settled one hand on the baby's belly and carefully placed one hand on his head. ''Like this?''
''Just like that.'' The nurse pressed a few buttons on the machines and smiled. ''Babies like to be touched. Skin to skin contact is really good for them. If everything goes well you might be able to hold him tomorrow.''
''Doesn't he need to stay in here?'' Sam wondered.
''Not all the time. He's in here because he can't maintain his own body temperature. Skin on skin contact can have the same effect as the incubator. It's better even, because it helps parents and babies to form a bond. Hearing their parents heartbeat and voices relaxes them. You can talk to him now too.''
The nurse watched father and son for a moment and then spoke up again. ''Do you have any more questions for now?''
Even though his head was swimming with questions, Sam just shook his head. ''I'll go call the OR if there's any news on your wife. If you have any questions you can always ask for me, my name is Amanda. I'll be taking care of your son tonight.''
Sam quickly thanked her and then returned his attention to his son. ''Hey buddy,'' he whispered. ''Probably not the way you wanted to start of your life, huh?'' Sam swallowed and shook his head. He had trouble to keep the tears at bay. He never was the emotional type, but becoming a father for the first time while wondering if his wife would make it was a lot to take in.
Seeing the little man that he and Andy created together was overwhelming too. He never fantasised much about how the first moments with his son would be, but this was definitely not it. ''Your mom is a fighter,'' he promised. ''She'll do everything she can to be with you as soon as possible. She'll be the best mom in the world, okay?''
When a machine started to beep two minutes later Sam quickly pulled his hands back. He stood up and quickly looked around him.
Amanda came rushing in and looked at the machines that were next to the incubator. ''What's wrong?'' Sam asked, his voice panicked.
''His oxygen level is a little lower than we like,'' Amanda said calmly. She pressed a few more buttons and the beeping stopped. ''There,'' she said with a smile. ''He just needs a little more help for now.''
''What does that mean?'' Sam asked, still scared.
''It just means we'll give him more oxygen. It's really not a reason to start worrying.'' Amanda looked at Sam. ''It's nothing you did. You can touch him like I said, you can talk to him. That helps him, believe me.''
After a second of doubt Sam sat down again. ''I called the OR, there wasn't any news on your wife yet. They'll call me as soon as there is. Is there anyone I can get for you now?''
''A few of our friends are outside,'' Sam said. ''Are they allowed to come in here?''
''We have very strict visiting hours,'' Amanda answered with an apologetic smile. ''Grandparents are allowed right now, but friends will have to wait for a while. We only allow two other visitors a day besides parents and grandparents.''
''My sister?'' Sam asked. ''Can she come for a minute?''
Amanda looked around and sighed. ''I can allow that for tonight,'' she said. ''But only because we don't have that many patients and because I can understand that you need your family right now.''
''I understand,'' Sam answered. Of course he got that they didn't want the room to be overcrowded.
''What's her name?''
''Sarah,'' Sam answered. ''But my wife's father probably wants to come too. Tommy McNally.''
''They're not allowed to come in at the same time, I'm sorry. We really need to limit visitors for our patients sakes. I'll send them in one at the time.''
''Thank you.''
XX
An hour later Tommy had met his grandson and Sarah had met her nephew. Both had cried when they saw the tiny newest Swarek boy.
Sarah had given her phone to Sam. His battery had died and Sarah knew that Andy would want to see pictures. She had checked with the nurses and they told her the phone was allowed as long as it was on airplane modus. She promised him that she would bring a good camera the next day.
''He's beautiful,'' Sarah had said with teary eyes.
Sam had kissed the top of her head while agreeing with her.
Sadly visitors weren't allowed for longer than thirty minutes. As much as Sam could use some friends, he understood that everything was for his sons sake. Coming into the world this way was excitement enough for one day.
When Amanda came towards him again Sam's head snapped up. ''I just got a phone call from your wife's doctor. They are almost done and he'll come and find you in the waiting room in a little while.''
Sam looked at his son with doubt in his eyes.
''I understand that it's hard to leave him behind,'' Amanda softly said. ''But we're keeping a close eye on him and your wife is going to want to see you too when she wakes up.''
''Will she be allowed to see him?''Sam asked.
''I don't know the condition of your wife. It all depends on how she's doing. If I have to guess now than I think it won't be today.'' Amanda waited for a moment and then placed a hand on Sam's shoulder. ''Leaving now doesn't make you a bad father,'' she told him. ''It's hard, but you won't be able to be here 24/7. I promise you that we're keeping a close eye on him and we'll come and find you the second something changes.''
Sam nodded and reluctantly stood up. With one look back to his son he left the place that would be home for him for a while.
When he reached the waiting room he was not surprised to see that most of their friends were still there. Oliver was the first one that stood up and hugged his friend. ''Congratulations brother,'' he said. ''Welcome to fatherhood.''
Traci was next in line. She had rushed back to the hospital when someone called her with the news that the baby was born. It was obvious that she had been crying.
When everyone had carefully congratulated Sam, he cleared his throat. ''He's stable,'' he informed everybody. ''Already has a little dark hair and I think he has Andy's nose. I still haven't heard about her, but the doctor should be here in a few.''
Oliver told Sam to sit down and placed a hand on his shoulder. ''How are you doing?'' he asked.
Sam shook his head and looked at his best friend. ''I don't know,'' he admitted. ''An alarm went off when I was sitting with him. I thought my heart was going to stop.'' He ran a hand across his face. ''I don't know how to do this,'' he admitted.
''If there are two people in the world who can handle this, then it's you and Andy,'' Oliver promised.
''I don't even know how she's doing right now,'' Sam angrily said. ''What if she won't make it?''
''Don't even go there,'' Oliver warned. ''You know just as well as I do that she's one of the strong ones. She'll pull through this and I know that the next few weeks will be long and extremely difficult, but you'll get your family home. You have to.''
Sam put his head in his hands and took a few deep breaths. When he looked up he saw a doctor walking in. ''Mr. Swarek?''
Sam immediately stood up and walked towards the doctor. ''That's me. How's my wife?''
By now the doctor knew better than to suggest that Sam and he talked in private, so he filled them in right away. ''We operated on her for quite some time,'' the doctor told him. ''Our first priority was to do the c-section so that we could focus on your wife and son separately. That all went very well and then we focused on her lungs. One of her lungs collapsed and we had to place a drain. We'll monitor her very closely to see if another surgery is needed.''
''That's a possibility?'' Sam asked.
''Unfortunately yes. If everything goes well she won't need it though. Then we can remove the drain without surgery and she'll be able to rehabilitate. Because she was stable enough we also looked at her leg. She fractured her kneecap and my colleague was able to repair the damage there. When she's strong enough she's going to need physical therapy.''
''When do you think that will be?'' Tommy quickly asked. He knew his daughter well enough to know that she would want to be able to walk.
''I can't tell you that,'' the doctor answered. ''We'll have to wait. She won't be allowed to stand on her leg for at least six weeks, but with the right amount of physical therapy she should be able to make a full recovery.''
Sam didn't get why they didn't just open with that last sentence. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and thanked the doctor.
''Just remember that she basically had three surgeries in one day,'' the doctor explained. ''She'll won't be back to her old self immediately.'' The doctor left and told Sam that he would be allowed to see Andy soon.
Once again a nurse came to get Sam, this time to go see Andy.
When he entered her room she was still asleep. ''How long before she wakes up?'' Sam asked.
''Probably within an hour,'' the nurse answered. ''Please call us when she wakes up.''
Sam sat down next to Andy's bed and took her hand in his. ''You're a mom,'' he said with a sad smile on his face. ''He's so small, but so beautiful.''
''Ten fingers, ten toes. He's perfect. He looks like you.'' Sam lifted Andy's hand and pressed his lips to it. ''You have to wake up sweetheart. I know that you think that I'm capable of doing this alone, but I'm not. I need you next to me. We both need you.''
Sam kept looking for signs that Andy was about to wake up. When her eyes fluttered thirty minutes later he stood up and brushed her hair from her face. A smile took over his face when she tiredly looked at him.
''Hey,'' Sam said after he pressed a kiss to her forehead. ''How are you feeling?''
Andy closed her eyes and opened them again a second later. ''Groggy,'' she answered. She turned her head and looked confused. ''Where am I? What happened?''
Before Sam could answer her hand went to her stomach. Panic filled her and tears ran down her face immediately. ''No, no, no, no,'' she said. ''No,'' she yelled one more time.
Sam had to physically restrain her from getting out of bed. He grabbed both of her hands and used his upper body to keep her on the bed. ''Sweetheart, he's okay,'' he promised. ''You had an accident, but he's okay. Listen to me, okay? He's in the NICU and he's doing good now. He's healthy.''
Andy kept shaking and sobbing. Sam quickly put his hand on her face and forced her to look at him. ''He's okay,'' he repeated. ''I saw him, I touched him.''
When she got her breathing under control again Andy sobbed one more time. ''He's okay?'' she asked.
''He's perfect,'' Sam said one more time. ''He's going to be here for a while, but he's doing good. Now you need to calm down because you need to get better too. He needs you, you got that?''
Andy nodded and tried to sit up again. ''I want to see him.''
Sam's heart broke when he saw the determination in her eyes. ''Sweetheart, you can't like this. You need to get a little stronger first.''
''He's my son,'' Andy cried. ''I want to see him.''
Sam wrapped his arms around her and kissed her hair. ''I know,'' he said. He let her cry in his arms as he reached for the button to call the nurse. When she came in a minute later Andy was still crying.
''Mrs. Swarek,'' the nurse interrupted them. ''We need to do a few test.''
Andy sniffed and looked at the nurse with sad eyes. ''Can I please go see my son?'' she asked. ''Just for a moment. I just need to see him.''
''I understand,'' the nurse gently said. ''But what your son needs most right now, is for his mom to get healthy. So the best thing you can do right now is lay down and try to calm down. I understand that this is really difficult for you, but it's honestly the best thing you can do for him now.''
''I'm his mom,'' Andy sadly said, her voice breaking again. ''He needs me to be there for him. He's all alone. He's probably scared.''
''I promise you that they are keeping a very close eye on him. He's not alone and you'll be allowed to see him as soon as it's safe for both you and him.''
Sam stood there helplessly as Andy was bargaining. It broke his heart to see her like this. She had never looked more broken and more vulnerable.
''Sweetheart,'' he tried again. ''Please just listen to the nurse, okay? I promise you that he's in the best possible hands and we'll go see him as soon as you can.''
''I can go see him now,'' Andy tried one more time. ''I'm fine.''
''You just had a big surgery,'' Sam argued. ''You need to let them do their tests and you need to rest.''
Andy shook her head and let out a heartbreaking sob. ''I need my baby. Please, I just need my baby.''
The nurse looked at Andy and placed a hand on her shoulder. ''We're going to give you something that will help you relax for a moment, okay?'' she asked.
The nurse looked at Sam and when he gave her a small nod of approval she left for a second. Sam sat down on the bed again trying to calm Andy, but nothing was helping. When the nurse came back and put something in her IV, Andy slowly calmed down.
When she was asleep again Sam looked at the nurse. ''Is this normal?'' he asked. ''Didn't she hurt herself with this?''
''She was separated from her baby,'' the nurse explained. ''Any good mother would give you the exact same reaction. She just had surgery, she's in pain, hormones are going through her body and she doesn't know what happened. All of that together is causing her to react like this.''
''What should I do when she wakes up next time?'' Sam wondered.
''She's probably going to be a lot more calm. Just tell her that her son is okay. See if you can get some pictures for her, that will maybe help her to take it all in.''
Sam nodded and looked at Andy again. He whipped away the tears that were still on her face. ''When will she be able to go see him?''
''Normally we don't allow patients to get out of bed for the first time without a physical therapist. Especially now that since she's not allowed to put any weight on her leg.'' The nurse looked at Sam and then looked back on Andy. ''We can't bring her into the NICU with a bed. If she's strong enough we'll see if we can take her in a wheelchair. I'll have to discuss it with her doctor first. It has to be safe for your son too.''
''Of course,'' Sam said. ''Whatever is best for them.''
XX
Three hours later Sam was sitting by Andy's bedside again. He had sat with their son for a few hours and then headed back to Andy's room. He was exhausted, but wouldn't allow himself to give into it. He needed to be there for Andy and his son right now, he could sleep later.
Chris had taken Sarah's phone home and had come back with a few printed pictures of baby Swarek. Traci had hung up the pictures in Andy's room and everybody had bought cards and balloons saying: 'It's a boy'.
The day had been a rollercoaster and even though everybody was worried and exhausted, a baby had been born and that was a reason to celebrate.
Slowly Andy's eyes opened again. Her eyes found Sam's and he squeezed her hand. ''Good morning,'' he said.
Andy smiled sadly and took a moment to remember everything that had happened. ''Am I still not allowed to see him?'' she asked softly.
Sam leaned a little closer to her and ran his hand through her hair. ''The nurse said maybe later today. First the doctor needs to see you, but look.'' Sam pointed at the pictures that were on the walls and on Andy's bed. ''That's our son.''
Tears filled Andy's eyes again as she tried to sit up. Sam could see that she was in pain, so he supported her as well as she could. ''He must be so scared,'' Andy whispered. ''He's not even a day old and he's all alone.''
Sam pressed a kiss to her cheek and shook his head. ''Your dad is sitting with him now.'' He took one of the pictures of the end of the bed and gave it to Andy.
''He should be with me,'' Andy said as she ran her finger over the picture. ''I'm so sorry.'' She bowed her head and all Sam could do was wrap her up in his arms again.
''It's not your fault,'' he soothed her. ''It's not your fault.''
''It was way too soon for him to be born,'' Andy sadly said. She had a tight grip on Sam and cried on his shoulder. ''He should have been with me for at least eight weeks.''
''I know,'' Sam said. ''I know, but now he's in good hands now too. We're going to do this together. Every step of the way.''
''You have to go see him,'' Andy said as she laid back down. ''I promise that I'll stay here. I'll do as they say. Just go be with him. He needs you.''
Sam wanted to argue that she needed him too, but when he saw the look of determination in her eyes he knew that there was no point to argue. He quickly kissed her lips and when he looked back he saw her clutching the picture like a lifeline.
When Sam reached the NICU again he told Tommy to go home and get some sleep. Tiredly he sat down next to his son. ''Your mommy can't wait to meet you. She's fighting really hard to come and see you as soon as she can, okay?''
An hour later Amanda did her last rounds. ''You should get out of here,'' she told him.
''I can't.''
''Look, I'm not going to lie to you,'' Amanda said. ''The next few weeks will be difficult. The first weeks are always hard for a new parent. But to have your son here and your wife upstairs must be a hundred times harder. And the only way to get through that is if you think of yourself too.''
''I won't be able to sleep,'' Sam argued.
''Lay down,'' Amanda shot back. ''You'll rest too and I think you'll fall asleep soon enough.'' When Sam didn't respond she placed a hand on his shoulder. ''We have a family room. You don't even have to leave the hospital. You can be close to your family.''
''I told my wife I would stay with him.''
''I'm sure your wife knows you need to rest too,'' Amanda tried. ''But she's a new mom and especially in her condition it's hard to think clearly.''
''What if something happens?''
''My shift ends in half an hour, but I'll tell my colleagues where you are. If something happens they'll wake you.''
Sam thought about it for a moment and decided that she was right. He had been up for over 24 hours and it had been the hardest hours of his life. With a quick nod he agreed.
''You say your goodbyes and come and find me,'' Amanda said. ''I'll show you the room.''
Sam looked at his son and smiled. ''I'll be back as soon as I can. You just do your best to grow strong, okay? I love you buddy.''
XX
A/N: What a day for Sam, right?
But everybody's okay.
Please review.
Next up: Will Andy be allowed to see her baby? And what happens if Sam sees William at the hospital?