So there we were. Me and Velma against the world. A dust of sand blew into the air, along with the sound of heavy metal playing. Velma was wearing a dark pair of shades, she had a spare set for me- but my head was too big. It was like fitting a fat man in a pair of skinny jeans.

Velma: Do you HAVE to narrate everything?

Yeah, duh. The viewers won't know where we are if I don't.

Velma: Uh… what is that ringing? Wait, how did you get a phone call, you have no hands or pockets to answer a mobile with.

It's hand held Velma. DUH.

Velma: Oh yeah.

Oooo it's Axel!

Velma: Who's Axel?

A heart stealing spiky haired smart ass.

Velma: What?

You know, Kingdom hearts character - he's my favourite.

Velma: You do remember this IS a Scooby Doo fan fiction.

Heeeello?

Axel: Hey, giant how's it hangin'?

Oh the usual, people trying to kill me, how are you?

Axel: Dead.

Aw, man. But at least you have Roxas there. Right?

Axel: Yeah… I suppose - Oh yeah, there's something reeeally important I need to tell you.

There was static across the phone as he said the "reeeally important" thing.

Axel: -got it memorised?

No, there was static- say it again.

Axel: Okay-

Velma began singing the theme tune of Pokemon-

Velma: Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all- It's you and me… I know it's my destiny! Pokemon!Axel: -got it memorised?

No- VELMA SHUT UP!

Velma: Sorry.

Axel, say it again.

Axel: This is the final time -

The mystery machine went through a tunnel as he tried to tell me again.

Axel: -got it memorised?

No-

Axel: Ooo, Roxas has sea salt ice creams! Bye, heady!

What? No! DON'T GO! SALT IS BAD FOR YOU! AND WHY THE HELL ARE YOU EATING SALT ICECREAMS?

Then he hung up.

Velma: Oh dear. He hung up - ha.

Shut up, Velma, have you got someone to talk to? Like a boyfriend- oh yeaaah you don't. HA!

Then Velma pushed on the brakes and kicked me out.

Velma: This is the last time I'm ever gonna help you!

Then she drove off.

I then decided to hitch hike a car, then I immediately realised I had no thumbs. Because… you know, you need to stick a thumb out to hitch hike… which I don't have. To my surprise a car stopped, except I wasn't very happy to see the boy who unrolled the window.

Harry Potter: You're not happy to see me?

No. No I'm not.

Harry: But I'm Harry Potter. You're a big fan of me.

Yes I can see that… I think I'll wait for another car… perhaps with a psychopath driver…

Harry: Hold on, why are you acting like I did something wrong?

Hmm… lets see… you hurt Draco in the bathroom in Half blood prince… aaaand YOU KILLED VOLDEMORT! He was one smoking hot piece of ass and you freakin' killed him! AND you never appreciated poor Snape when he was alive! So those are two smoking' hot characters you killed.

Harry: I didn't actually kill Snape-

Well, theoretically you did!

Harry: You are really disturbed.

Drive on. I refuse to share a car with you.

After a mumble, Harry rolled up his window and drove on. After an hour another car stopped. I crossed my fingers that it was a character I liked and it was….

Jack Sparrow: Hello darling head.

Jack? But you're a pirate! This is… are you drunk?

Jack Sparrow: No…I'm sober.

Cool! Lemme in.

I head butted the door a few times with no success of opening it. Jack leaned over and turned the handle to help me out. I squeezed in my large head and sat down. There were two other guys eating fish and chips at the back.

Professor Layton: Evening, madam.

Luke: 'ello!

Professor! Luke! Oh I love you two!

Luke: Well, that's not creepy at all.

Layton: A gentleman doesn't mutter, Luke.

And a gentleman opens a door for a lady- which neither of you did.

Layton: My apologies, madam.

Also a gentleman would allow a lady to take his seat.

Layton: Well, there's-

AND a gentleman would allow the lady to take his food.

Layton: But I haven't eaten since-

NOM NOM NOM.

Layton: 'Nom' isn't a word.

Neither is selimenical.

Luke: What?

Exactly.

I felt the hatred radiate on me from the two cockney puzzle lovers. I felt like an egg slowly sizzling in a pan. I began to think I should've jumped into Harry's car… there was more space… and less hate.

Well. This was fun, Jack, stop here.

Jack Sparrow: I'm afraid not.

Suddenly Jack PULLED his face off, revealing red her and a pretty face.

Luke: Chimney sweeps!

Layton: Cocks wallop!

Clive's Nipples!

Then Luke and Layton looked at my disgustedly, and stepped silently out the car. I turned to Sparrow again.

OH MY GOSH. YOU'RE A WOMAN!

Daphne: No it's me. Daphne.

Oh yeah… So you're gonna try and kill me again?

Daphne: Yep.

SEE YOU NEXT TIME ON COAST TO COAST.