It was almost two nearly sleepless days before the bulk of the Starfleet diplomatic corps arrived in the Trisepat core, during which time Julian and I had met more people than even his genetically enhanced memory could keep track of. It had been a whirlwind unlike anything I'd ever experienced. Even the merger negotiations between the Federation and the Alliance that Curzon had led had been so much more sedate – but then, both sides had been long familiar with each other, and there was no real novelty of meeting. Here, everything was new, everything was exotic, and that's no small praise coming from an eight-times joined Trill. There were so many new races, so much new technology, new foods, new drinks, new plants, new sights. Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined anything like this, nor do I think I would have been able to. Even when Benjamin and I had discovered the wormhole, I had not conceived of this possibility. I was certain there was something out there, but the sheer scale of the Trisepat and the variety of its members was dizzying. When I had a moment to think on it, it seemed like a dream, but then the demands would catch up with us again, and reality would reassert itself.
In all of the chaos and excitement, my favourite memory is of Julian, during a brief respite, when Legislator Weyoun had managed to get us a Trisepat hour to ourselves, in a small terrarium in a zoo in the capital. It was the middle of the night, neither of us were the least interested in sleeping, and the exotic plants and their heady smells would have been enough to entrance me, but the gardens were populated by small creatures, not unlike Earth butterflies, somewhat smaller, and bioluminescent. In the midst of this tiny oasis, one of them had landed on Julian's left hand. I watched him gaze at it, almost hypnotized, moving his hand slowly, the insect leaving faint blue streaks in the air, and it is a memory that Dax will retain for its entire life, passed on after Jadzia to all of my future hosts. It was such a rare moment of transcendence and tranquillity, in which Julian was focused solely on this one small thing, his whole genetically engineered brain absorbed by the experience. Most people want my most cherished memory to have something to do with the diplomacy, but I wasn't present for most of it. I am not Curzon, and it comforts me to know that, in the middle of all the exhilaration, I retained the most important thing to me.
When the diplomatic corps arrived, they were accompanied by the Quicksilver and Benjamin Sisko. We were both there to greet him, in the mess of Trisepat politicians, diplomats, dignitaries and security personnel. Benjamin had no mind for the politicians and diplomats; he was there for us, not for them. I could tell he was still processing the vast array of new people we'd encountered, but when he saw us, he focused solely on us, striding over with Michael Eddington in tow, at a respectful distance.
"Old man," he said, and I heard the relief in his voice. How hard, I thought, to have lost what he lost, to see all potential separations as the last and permanent. I embraced him warmly in return.
"It's good to see you, Benjamin," I said.
He grinned at me, assured, and shook Julian's hand.
"You're both all right?" he demanded, eyeing us each up and down, a frown on his face.
"Fine, Benjamin. They've more than taken good care of us."
"You can't seem to stay away from the excitement, eh?" he asked then, dark eyes twinkling, but before I could reply, I spotted a volley of Starfleet admirals and their staff bearing down on us. Julian had seen them, too, and he got that hard glint in his eye that he always had when faced with Starfleet brass. He smoothed it over almost immediately; I doubted Benjamin had seen it, but I had. He had too many sour memories of the trial that had almost gotten him expelled from Starfleet Academy when he was a cadet, shortly before I'd met him.
"Commander Dax, Doctor Bashir," the lead admiral greeted us. She was an older Vulcan woman, her black hair highlighted with grey, and her cool, calm eyes touched by faint wrinkles. I couldn't remember her name, but trust Julian to come up with it.
"Admiral Parven," he greeted.
"I am gratified to find you well," she said, which was as close to an exclamation of joy as I had ever heard from a Vulcan. "I must say, Starfleet owes you a great debt of thanks, but I suspect this will go unattended over the next several weeks."
"Establishing ties between the Federation and the Trisepat should come first," I agreed.
Parven inclined her head.
"I respect your knowledge of diplomatic proceedings, Commander. I am inclined to ask for your assistance during the negotiations."
I hesitated a moment, then shook my head.
"Thank you, sir, but I feel I should decline. I am not Curzon Dax, although I hold his memories, and I am a science officer, no longer a diplomat. There are more than enough qualified people here to negotiate with the Trisepat."
"But none of them is responsible for initiating contact," Parven replied with equanimity.
"No, sir," I agreed, smiling slightly. "But I have done my job as a scientist in the discovery. I would gracefully bow out now."
Parven inclined her head to me again.
"As you wish," she said, then turned her level, dark-eyed gaze to Julian. "Doctor?"
"To be frank, Admiral, I am much more interested in learning than negotiating."
"Very well, then," Parven said, and I was more than a little surprised when none of the other admirals behind her pressed the point, because there had been some displeased expressions when Julian and I had answered, and some muttering to one another or to aids. When Parven bid us good-bye and turned to leave, heading for the press of Starfleet and Trisepat personnel, I fully expected at least one of the other admirals to approach us. A few of them shot us meaningful looks, and one of them frowned pointedly at us, but they all followed Parven, with varying degrees of reluctance.
Once they were out of earshot, Benjamin gave a low whistle, then a chuckle. Julian raised an eyebrow at our CO.
"All right, I'll bite," I said. "Who is she?"
"Admiral Vantek's right hand," Benjamin replied, referring to the chief of the Starfleet diplomatic corps, who was of course present, but already immersed in discussions. We had not even caught a glimpse of the Andorian woman when the fleet had arrived. "Give her five years, and she'll be running the corps. Vantek's set to retire soon, and this will be the last and biggest accomplishment of her career."
Julian echoed Benjamin's whistle from a moment ago.
"What a way to retire," he said, gazing into the throng of people.
"Or to start a career," Benjamin said, giving me a pointed look.
"Not interested," I replied easily and truthfully. I was more than a little interested in the Trisepat itself, but the scientist in me hungered for knowledge rather than debates. Let the accord be hammered out by others; Dax had already done enough of that for many life times. There was so much here to know, technology, natural history, astronomy, everything my heart could desire. And I had no doubt that I'd be given my choice of assignments to study Trisepat science if I wanted. Nor would Julian be denied any access to medical investigations, at least not by Starfleet. I suspected our new-found neighbours would not be adverse to it, either.
"You two look as if you haven't slept in awhile," Benjamin commented. "And there's a ship full of people waiting to see you again."
The thought of our friends from Terok Nor who had crewed the Quicksilver turned my thoughts away from the press of people around us. I smiled at Julian, who looked a little relieved at the thought of getting some peace and quiet, and fell in step with Benjamin, heading for the ship.
The negotiations would go on for several months, because something of that magnitude could not be accomplished in a short time, although we were by no means required, or encouraged, to stay beyond the initial celebrations. After nine days, the Federation diplomats had to settle down the nitty gritty of real negotiation, and not just fanfare and public displays of cooperation. For all that camaraderie looked certain, real work had to be done.
But before that, the Trisepat showed the Federation that it knew how to receive new guests in style. There was no hint here of the Trisepat's reaction to the Dominion that we had learned of on our voyage to the core. Like us, they seemed capable of both great acts of friendship, and great acts of self-preservation. When I thought about it, the idea of decimating two entire populations was unnerving, but then I compared our reaction to the Borg, and what we would do to such a danger as the Dominion had clearly posed, especially if our space was routinely violated and our attempts at diplomacy undercut. Perhaps we would not have responded with so much ferocity, but it is impossible to say. It had not been us.
Despite Parven's predictions, we were the guests of honour at more than one celebration, and Starfleet admirals fell all over themselves to lavish praise on us. I had the same wry thoughts as Julian: we were only doing routine work in the Gamma Quadrant, and had the misfortune to be captured, and then the good chance to be rescued by the Trisepat, who were already looking for their own captured spies. It was not as if we had intended this, but then, no one could have intended this without first knowing of the Trisepat's existence. By the time the accolades were through, at least for the moment, I was happy with the idea of heading home, and of the prospect of learning more about our new allies in time. We would have enough of it – I was certain that we wouldn't learn everything the Trisepat had to share in my lifetime. Nor they from us, either.
The rewards weren't spare, though. I was promoted to full Commander, and Julian to Lieutenant Commander, at the first opportunity. The honour should have fallen to some Starfleet Admiral, but Admiral Parven, with resources the depths of which I could barely fathom, arranged it so that Benjamin was the one issuing our promotions. He did so in front of an immense gathering of most of the Federation and Starfleet personnel, and no small number of Trisepat dignitaries, either. This included a smiling Legislator Weyoun, and Ava, who watched the proceedings with an air of anthropological interest. I suspect that a great number of the Trisepat people weren't really bothered by our promotions, but were there to say they'd been there, and had seen the two Federation people who had first made contact be honoured by their own government.
There were other accolades as well, toasts, speeches, greetings from notables such as the President of the Federation and the heads of Starfleet Command, as well. I drew on Curzon's experience to stay collected and pleasant throughout, and I think Julian drew from me. Legislator Weyoun was more than happy to spend his time with us, and I judged that this was not just for political gain, but that he sincerely appreciated our company. In a sea of so many new aliens, most of them strangers, I was thankful to have a high-placed companion whom I could consider a true friend. His own Companion, Navord, was helpful in deciphering cultural nuances that would have gone unnoticed by either of us, and in fielding inquires to meet us. I hoped Weyoun never underappreciated her; in the short time I'd known her, I could see how immensely valuable she would be to him, aside from interpreting telepathic communication to which he was deaf.
Finally, after a week and a half of having been instant political celebrities, Julian and I, and the rest of the Quicksilver crew, were cleared to return home. We would be travelling by subspace tunnel, accompanied by a Trisepat diplomatic ship, to the wormhole. I suspected there were Trisepat citizens on Terok Nor already, and that Quark was already scheming to concoct questionable business ventures with them. I mentioned this to Julian late one night, our first night of travel on the ship, and the first we had had together without a press of interested people wanting to meet us, in nearly two weeks. He chuckled when I said this and I could feel the rumble of laughter in his chest, against which I was resting my cheek.
"You're probably right," he admitted. "But at least it will distract him for awhile from chasing after you."
I raised my head to look at him; in our tiny quarters, the lights were off, but the glow from the replicator and the muted emergency lights that marked the door let me see the outline of his face. I grinned and kissed him; Quark's attentions were flattering, but that was all.
"Can I ask you something?" Julian said after we'd pulled apart. I nodded, knowing he could see me. "They offered you a command."
It wasn't a question, but I'd been expecting it.
"I'm happy where I am, Jules," I replied, kissing him again lightly. "I don't want a command of my own; I want to be a scientist. And right now, the most exciting place to be for a scientist is Terok Nor. We're at the mouth of the wormhole, Jules. We're the closest contact in the Alpha Quadrant to the Trisepat."
He nodded, letting a strand of my hair slip of his fingers.
"What else, Zia?" he asked. I raised an eyebrow in the darkness, but I wasn't all that surprised he'd caught on to the fact that there was more.
"I don't think I'd be good at it," I replied.
Julian sat up quickly in surprise, propping himself on one forearm, looking through the near darkness at me.
"What are you talking about?" he asked. "You'd be perfect. If it's the specific ship you're worried about, Starfleet would give you anything you wanted right now."
I looked back at him, at the shadows and lines created by his face in the darkness.
"It's not the Shenzai that bothers me," I said. "It's not the command they offered me. And I'm not worried about the duties, Jules. I could do them; you're right. At least, up to a point."
"What do you mean?" he asked.
I gave him a smile and he touched my cheek lightly.
"Jules, I saw what happened to Benjamin when he lost Jennifer at Wolf 359. I can't imagine being faced with anything like that. I know a lot of Starfleet officers have to choose, and choose to be alone, or confront giving up their partners to distance to keep them safe. I could handle command, until the point where I had to choose between it and you. Because I know the choice I'd make. It's the choice I'd always make, and I can't change that, not for the best command Starfleet could offer. I don't want to."
He stared at me through the darkness. Julian would be forever barred from command, as a consequence of his genetic engineering. A Starfleet tribunal had decided years ago to deny him the possibility, based on the actions of Khan Singh, for fear that if given power, Julian would abuse it. I knew that wasn't the case, and so did he, but he had no desire to be in command, only to be a doctor.
"Did you think otherwise?" I asked.
"I'm not sure," he replied honestly. I smiled again, and leaned down to kiss him. "Jules, my life is full enough of new things. The wormhole, the Trisepat, all of it. It's more than I imagined when I started at the Academy, when I got to Terok Nor. I love it, and I wouldn't change it. But I'd never want to do it alone. Let there be one thing that is constant in my life. I don't want to lose that."
He was quiet for a moment longer, then relaxed a little, weaving a hand into my hair against the back of my head.
"I think," he said, pausing to kiss me again, "That I can live with that."