I'm back yo.

Ah I couldn't take it!

Since I stated that this was a different story and I already have a few chapters done, I decided to wait but uh, I lost the battle with myself.

Thanks to all my supporters and such.

Now, continuing on with the story!

(sorry for the mistakes)

It's just what I predicted.

Gilbert…that bastard…

He told my secret. I was spacing out all my classes. All I could think about was Gilbert. I was thinking of all the ways he told people. Did he tell them directly? Did he text them? But that didn't matter. I was shaking while I wrote. Multiple times, I felt like crying.

Brriiiiinggg!

That was the lunch bell. How many hours past? How many minutes, seconds? I wanted to leave. I had to leave. I didn't know what would happen if I faced Gilbert. Voices echoed in the classroom.

"Don't forget about the homework!" our History teacher yelled. How did I get to history class? I was just in Mathematics. Everyone stood up and packed their things.

I could sneak out now. I knew it was bad but the fear of what was to come later on was too much to sit around and find out.

The hallway was crowded with students. Quickly, I went to the stairwell and rushed to the first floor. I snuck out by the back doors and made my way across the courtyard.

The only thing on my mind was:

Run.

I had to run. I couldn't even remember what happened in this courtyard. I needed to get home. I didn't care who saw me. Well, I did, since I would have gotten in trouble, but I was too terrified to see anyone.

I didn't know who else Gilbert told. I wanted to know. It must've been only that guy who tripped me, but maybe Gilbert would tell everyone. I ran out of the front entrance and took a sharp left, almost tripping. There were people walking and they must be suspicious, seeing a student skipping school in the middle of the day.

Now I had to run faster.

I slid down the door, covering my face with my hands. Both my parents wouldn't be home till dinner time, maybe around six o'clock. I wanted to die.

What should I do?

In a squatting position, I rocked back and forth.

What should I do?

My breathing quickened and next thing I knew, my shoulders were shaking. Hot, fat tears slid between my fingers. I clenched my teeth, anger increasing by the second. I tried not to cry out loud and the results was quick gasps.

"Damn it…" I choked.

I had the urge to hurt something, see that cry in pain instead of me. I clasped my fingers against my palm, digging my nails into my skin.

"DAMN IT…!" I yelled through tears.

I pounded the door, my hand in a fist. I switched to breathing through my nose, taking deep breaths. I never knew I had this angry side of me. I've never been this frustrated and it made my temples throb.

I placed my chin on my knee and looked up. In front of me was the kitchen. The curtains dance between the breezes, light casting a green shimmer. It was peaceful looking, and my breathing slowly turned back to normal.

But Gilbert was still on my mind. I slowly got up and jogged up the stairs. Slammed my door, I stripped my clothes and gently threw my glasses on the bed. While whipping my eyes, I stepped into the shower. I want to forget everything.

Ever since I confessed to Alfred, I felt shallow, and at fault. I turned the knob to my selected temperature and pulled. The water was too hot but I left it at that.

My skin tingled as the droplets stabbed me with heat. I tried really hard not to look down. Now I loathed being gay, being a homosexual. Girls have it so easy. They're more attractive. They could showcase themselves as whores and sluts and men would still be at their feet. If only I had longer hair, if I had a chest…

I wanted a relationship. I want a kiss, a kiss sweeter than Gilber's. I want to hold hands and go on a date. But in reality, I can't. I pounded the tile walls.

And l never will…!

Why…

Why couldn't I've been born normally? Born to like girls. Born to hide porn magazines. I burst in tears again. I close my eyes and look up. The droplets sting my eyes, but at the same time it feels good.

"Matthew did you do your homework?" Father asked, opening the door.

"Yeah I did." I replied. Since my last class was History, I didn't know what other homework I had.

"How was work?" I asked. Father works at an elementary school.

"Damn brats ruined my shirt…" He said angrily, but followed with a chuckle. He turned around and showed that his white shirt had blue and green hand prints.

I let out a little laugh. "Anyways, it's time for dinner." He left the door open. I trailed downstairs and saw mother placing the pots on the dinner table.

"You could've helped me." She said scolding me. I shrugged and let out a big smile. I leaned in and kissed her cheek, then quickly pulled my chair and sat down.

Dad came, wearing a different shirt. "Thanks for the food!" Dad and I said, simultaneously. My stomach grumbled as I chomped at my spoon. After showering, crying made me really tired.

Somehow, I felt bad being around them. They don't know that their only son is a homosexual, or that he has done very perverted things.

"Nnhh...there you go..."

I can't eat anymore. Thinking of him lost my appetite.

"Now you know I made food for a reason! Eat up, it's your favorite." My mother told me. I looked at her.

"Sorry…" I mumbled. I saw my mother give a worried look. I took a big scoop of rice and forced myself to chew it.

"I think Mattie is depressed." I heard Mother's voice say.

"And why would he be?" Father asked, over the sound of running water.

"Well, when I checked up on him, he looked sad. And after I left, I heard him throwing up. He was crying." She said, worried. Mother heard that? I stood by the stairs, listening closely.

"Huh…" Father rumbled. He turned off the water.

"Should we go and…talk to him?" Mother said, with worry in her voice.

Father was silent for a moment.

"I don't know." He replied. "What if he isn't down in the dumps? He might think we're annoying him." I heard plates clacking together.

"But we should at least ask him…." Mother said, concerned. Guilt crawled into me. They suspected I was sad? I swallowed hard.

"Okay, we will."

They did talk to me. As I was eating the breakfast Father made, they both sat down with me.

"Honey…we have a question to ask you…"

I made sure I took the long way to school. I was fine until my parents spoke to me. Their conversation made me think about Gilbert once again.

"We were both wondering….if you're alright…." Mother trailed off. I gulped down the pancakes.

"Yeah, I'm fine…"

I looked at Father who was coming to sit down too.

"It's just that," he started, "your Mother heard you throw up. Are you sick Matthew?" He asked.

I checked the time. I only had twenty minutes left till homeroom bell. The route takes about thirty if I walk slowly.

Mother glanced at Father then looked back at me.

"My stomach felt bad at the time." I explained. I guess they're not going to bring up about me crying.

"Sweetie, if you have any problems, you know you can talk to us…"

Now I had ten minutes left. I hurried my pace. I thought about skipping again, but the teachers might call my house. I took a deep breath. I could see the entrance of the school just a few blocks away. I'm getting more worried by the second.

"I'm fine Mom." I tried not to smile. Smiling would only prove more that I'm lying.

"Come on! We gotta hurry!" a group of girls giggled.

I'm late.

As I sighed with relief, I rushed up the stairs. The hallways were completely empty. I kind of felt bad to be late. Never once in my life I was late on purpose. I stood by my homeroom door. Taking a deep breath, I twist the handle and walked in.

"Now who could tell-" our Mathematics teacher stopped in mid-sentence. She was siting on top of her desk, with a text book in her hand.

"I was beginning to think you would be absent, Matthew." She said. All heads turned towards me. I struggle with the urge to turn my eyes.

"Sorry, I-" I was going to explained, but she interrupted me.

"Last time you were only a few minutes late than I was." She looked at the clock. "This time…you're at least twenty minutes late." She pointed finger at my desk and I stride to my seat.

"Now as I was saying…"

"Fag…" a voice whispered.

A menacing chuckle followed after. I froze. My heart thumped loudly. "Anytime now Matthew." Our teacher's voice broke my trance and I rushed to my seat. My face flushed and heat travel through my body. What I dreaded, was now certain. I swallowed hard.

Don't cry, don't cry! I repeated in my head.

"Now turn to page…"

I automatically opened my Math textbook. I glanced at Gilbert, expecting to see his wicked smile. Instead, I caught Albert's eyes. I haven't seen him in a while.

Or thought about him.

I would think he would quickly turn his head, but he didn't. My heart pounded like a sledge hammer. I felt my ears tuning with the rapid, shrilling beats.

I must've realized I was staring and turn my head because I was now looking at Gilbert. He at first didn't notice me, but now his daunting smirk was planted on his face. I let out a little gasp. Quickly, I fixed my gaze at my desk. I fidgeted with my fingers. This is his entire fault. I wanted to run away again. I knew running away would make me look like a coward, but I didn't want to what would've happened to me.

I'll probably know today…

My chest started feeling tight. I pinched my skin, trying to distract myself with pain.

"Hey, Matthew…" I heard a girl's voice.

"Psst! Mat!" The voice hissed.

I looked at the person who was calling me. She tossed a folded paper on my desk. Before I could ask any questions, she turned to her normal position and continued writing.

Just like always. No one notices me unless they need me or give me something.

A note…is it from Gilbert? Does he want me to "service" him again? I crumpled the paper and stuffed it in my pocket. I don't want to do those things again.

Service…

His revolting moans replayed in my head. I copied what our teacher was writing on the board. I need to concentrate.

The gasps were deafening.

I was surrounded.

I failed to escape.

The boys would push me back, taunting me.

Everyone was talking at once.

But the crowd asks or thought the same question…

Really?

They whispered and were pointing.

I didn't want to see, but it was hard not to.

Why can't I be invisible when I need it the most?

"I need to talk to you…"

This voice, I recognized it. Grabbing my things, I pushed this body aside. I wanted to be nowhere near this person. I shoved the other people nearby. Once again, my heart thumped briskly.

Why does Alfred want to talk to me? He should be the one avoiding me.

"Matthew wait!" I heard him yell.

He grabbed my arm. I turned and look at him.

"Yo Alfred…you coming?" One of his friends asks. He looked at me, and then back at him. Alfred loosened his grip, then let go.

"Yeah, just a sec." He answered. His friend nodded and shoved a boy passing by, laughing and putting his arm around the boy.

Alfred opens his mouth, but closes it. It looks like he was waiting for the hallways to clear. A few giggles slowly faded and then silence. Alfred looked around again. Not satisfied at where we were, he grabbed my hand and walked.

His hand is touching my hand. Alfred is holding my hand. My body began to warm. His heat traveled to my hands. I would've been delighted and embarrassed with this sudden action, but now I don't know what to feel.

"A-Alfred?" I stuttered. He didn't acknowledge me speaking and continued walking. He peaked into each classroom, looking for the best room to talk in private, I believed. Shaking his head, he walked farther and pushed open the stairwell doors.

I yanked my hand.

"Um…" Scratching his head, he turned to face me.

"I, uh, won't force you or anything…." He said quickly.

"B-but um…." He trailed off. Should I follow him? I made a confused face. Taking a deep breath I nodded.

He let out a relief sigh and grabbed my hand again.

"I…I can walk by myself…." I said, blushing. He blushed too and continued walking. Following behind him, I thought of why he would talk to me, but more importantly, what does he want to talk to me about? He clearly had a nervous and worried expression on his face.

Finally satisfied where we were, an empty classroom, he tapped his foot nervously as I stood before him. Alfred was indeed nervous. He first opens his mouth, but then closed it. After a few moments of silence, I decided to speak first.

"I'm really sorry that I, uh…" He turned to me, a relief look on his face.

"That I confessed to you. I already knew you were straight but what I did just…happened."

I felt so relieved saying what's been in my mind for the past few months. I wanted to clear things with him. But then, looking back at him, I regretted babbling that out. He must feel more uncomfortable. Before, his worries were just homework, his personal life, and girls. But now he's been also weighing with me…and oh, I must weigh a ton.

"I don't…I don't have the same feeling for you…" Alfred started.

"And I'm sorry I didn't answer quickly, but I was confused and afraid. I'm also sorry that I sent Gilbert, instead of talking to your face to face." Rushing his words, he looked down, tapping his foot.

So Alfred did go to Gilbert.

"But uh, that's not what I wanted to talk to you about." He looked at me.

"I've been noticing...something...between you and Gilbert." He said in a straight face.

I took in several deep breaths. But it did not help, as my heart quickened its beats. My face reddens in nervousness. He stood in silence, not pressuring me with raised eyebrows or hand gestures to continue. What should I tell him?

A lie of course…

"N-n-nothing is going on…" I muttered hoarsely.

Now a confused look was on Alfred's face. I cleared my throat.

"There's nothing between Gilbert and I."

My palms and back began to moisten. I can't let Alfred find out. He stood up and walked towards me. Panicking on what he was planning to do, I moved backwards.

"A-Alfred…?" I said his name in questioning.

A few steps back and my palms felt a small bookshelf. I looked to the side; the door is only several steps away. I could escape. But before I could decide what to do, Alfred grabbed both of my arms.

"Tell me! Tell me what Gilbert did!" He yelled, but not really in anger.

"He, he didn't-"

"Don't give me lies! I've seen the looks he gives you…Tell me, I want to help you." Alfred said the last words softly.

"Help? You think I need help because I'm gay?" I said quickly in anger. I knew I was turning this into the wrong way, but I couldn't back out of my words now.

"No, I didn't mean-" He stopped in mid-sentence. He looked away, confused and was probably thinking.

I broke away from his clutch. "Sorry, but I need to go…" I announced.

Alfred, he must never know. I don't want him "investigating" anymore. It would only bring more stress to him. Plus, he will be more disgusted in me. I clenched my teeth. I still haven't forgotten that day in the courtyard.

And I'll never will.

"Break it up, break it up!" an adult's voice yelled. They wouldn't be able to reach me. The crowd is too large.

"Who knew we had a fag in our school…" one of the boys said.

"I know…" a voice followed.

"Don't you feel disgusted now?"

"Can't believe he gave you a blow job Gil…"

Gilbert's voice came from a far left. "He's actually pretty good." He said, shrugging.

People who heard cooed in disgust.

"Stop it…!" I cried. I wiped my tears but it wouldn't stop.

"Doesn't that make you gay?" a random person yelled out.

Gilbert looked around for the person. Failed to find him/her he answered, "A blow job is a blow job, no matter who does it."

A friend jabbed his arm and laughed. "Matthew must have had the time of his life!"

Gilbert laughed with him. "He was moaning like a girl."

"Maybe he should give me a blow job…" a boy said, biting his lip and looking me up and down. Then smirking with his friends.

I pushed through the crowd. I felt a hand pull me back. Struggling, I yanked the hand.

"Damn, he got away!" I heard Gilbert yell.

I heard the adults calling my name, but I ran.

The laughter and looks remained in my mind.

GAH! I'm sorry Canada fans!

I'm a Canada fan also so please don't hurt me!

*hides in corner while trying to defend herself with a butter knife*

Also, I'm making another story.

So any followers of mine (I hope I have some), be ready for it!

YAAY!